Rainbow baby miscarriage living child mentioned

cdale86 · October 2014

**Siggy Warning** *Living child mentioned*

I haven't posted here in a while. I had an emergent c-section after PPROM at 32 weeks with my twins. We were told to wait 9 months before TTC. My cycle returned then and we immediately started TTC - 8 months ago. It took us 2 years and IVF to have our twins so despite trying, we didn't really expect to get pregnant. We had to wait until DD weaned until we could do a FET and planned to start the process in the next few weeks. Anyways, we found out we were pregnant a little over a week ago. I had to test before I had an x-ray. Now we have found out that my hcg levels are decreasing. I just feel so overwhelmed. It was hard to adjust to the fact that we spontaneously got pregnant because I was prepared for the FET. It was hard to accept. The drs and nurses kept telling us "congratulations" and I just kept saying "it's still very early." I think I just know that when it comes to getting pregnant and actual pregnancies, things don't go well for us. I was also dealing with the emotions behind being pregnant with a new baby, and not Bennett. Dealing with feeling like we were moving forward and scared we were leaving him behind. I don't think I was prepared for all the emotions. The night before I was told I would miscarry, I was super emotional about Bennett and felt transported back to the day he died. Everything felt so fresh. And then I'm told we will lose this baby. It's just so different. Yes, I'm sad because it's a loss and I allowed myself to kinda get excited. But it's nothing like losing my son. I think the miscarriage has only re-energized my grief over losing Bennett. And I still haven't started bleeding or feeling pain. So I'm still in limbo here. Sorry for the ramble. I'm just all over the place and feeling so angry that infertility and loss just won't leave us alone.

lexusolsen · October 2014

I am so sorry. One loss is hard enough, I can only imagine the pain of having another so soon.

bunnybun4 · October 2014

girl I hear ya.

I had two miscarriages after my late loss...the first mc totally ripped my heart completely out once again. It felt like all of the wounds that had closed up after losing Bunny were just completely ripped open again. I was heartbroken..I literally remember tearing up all day/everyday...I was just so sad.

I think the idea/thought of a rainbow is so exciting and hopeful...plus after a late loss you feel like you are getting some sort of redemption and that now it is your time for something good to happen...then boom it ends in heartache again.

I'm so sorry you are dealing with this...but just know you aren't alone. big ((hugs))

stefuge · October 2014

I am so sorry. I keep writing different things and deleting and nothing expresses what I really want to say. I'm just so sorry, and of course you're feeling a mix of emotions, that is completely understandable, and I wish I could give you a real hug.

Carolee · October 2014

I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.

jbranden12 · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you allowed yourself to get a little bit excited, it is nearly impossible not to, and it is more sad if you can't experience even a little bit of hope because every one of our babies is worth joy.

Mel&John2013 · October 2014

*****siggy warning.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, what a sh*tty situation to have to confront while already grieving. I'n sending hugs your way, but wish there was more I could do.

msunshine123 · October 2014

I am so sorry for your loss. It's so unfair and I can only imagine the pain. So many hugs to you during this time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.