I haven't posted here in a while. I had an emergent c-section after PPROM at 32 weeks with my twins. We were told to wait 9 months before TTC. My cycle returned then and we immediately started TTC - 8 months ago. It took us 2 years and IVF to have our twins so despite trying, we didn't really expect to get pregnant. We had to wait until DD weaned until we could do a FET and planned to start the process in the next few weeks. Anyways, we found out we were pregnant a little over a week ago. I had to test before I had an x-ray. Now we have found out that my hcg levels are decreasing. I just feel so overwhelmed. It was hard to adjust to the fact that we spontaneously got pregnant because I was prepared for the FET. It was hard to accept. The drs and nurses kept telling us "congratulations" and I just kept saying "it's still very early." I think I just know that when it comes to getting pregnant and actual pregnancies, things don't go well for us. I was also dealing with the emotions behind being pregnant with a new baby, and not Bennett. Dealing with feeling like we were moving forward and scared we were leaving him behind. I don't think I was prepared for all the emotions. The night before I was told I would miscarry, I was super emotional about Bennett and felt transported back to the day he died. Everything felt so fresh. And then I'm told we will lose this baby. It's just so different. Yes, I'm sad because it's a loss and I allowed myself to kinda get excited. But it's nothing like losing my son. I think the miscarriage has only re-energized my grief over losing Bennett. And I still haven't started bleeding or feeling pain. So I'm still in limbo here. Sorry for the ramble. I'm just all over the place and feeling so angry that infertility and loss just won't leave us alone.
2 year TTC journey with successful IVF in Nov 2012- B/G Twins!
Baby Boy diagnosed with omphalocele and diaphragmatic hernia
Born at 32 weeks due to PROM. Emergency c-section due to prolapsed cord.
Said Goodbye to our sweet Bennett after 5 short hours.
I had two miscarriages after my late loss...the first mc totally ripped my heart completely out once again. It felt like all of the wounds that had closed up after losing Bunny were just completely ripped open again. I was heartbroken..I literally remember tearing up all day/everyday...I was just so sad.
I think the idea/thought of a rainbow is so exciting and hopeful...plus after a late loss you feel like you are getting some sort of redemption and that now it is your time for something good to happen...then boom it ends in heartache again.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this...but just know you aren't alone. big ((hugs))
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
I am so sorry. I keep writing different things and deleting and nothing expresses what I really want to say. I'm just so sorry, and of course you're feeling a mix of emotions, that is completely understandable, and I wish I could give you a real hug.
Me: 32 DH: 33 High School Sweethearts Married 5/28/2005
DS1 born 6/5/10 at 40 weeks via emergency c-section due to fetal distress and IUGR caused by placental insufficiency
DS2 born still 8/28/13 at 32 weeks via emergency c-section due to a complete placental abruption - cause unknown
Baby #3 on the way, EDD 2/29/16. Originally twins, but we said goodbye to Baby B at 8 weeks.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thinking of you and your family.
Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms. BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d Too beautiful for this earth BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I am so sorry for your loss. Of course you allowed yourself to get a little bit excited, it is nearly impossible not to, and it is more sad if you can't experience even a little bit of hope because every one of our babies is worth joy.
I'm so sorry you're going through this, what a sh*tty situation to have to confront while already grieving. I'n sending hugs your way, but wish there was more I could do.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's so unfair and I can only imagine the pain. So many hugs to you during this time. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I'm so very sorry for your losses. Hugs and prayers being sent your way.
TTC since August 2013
BFP #1 1/15/14...MMC 2/24/14...D&C 3/3/14
BFP #2 5/11/14 ... severe pre-e placental abruption our angel born sleeping at 22 weeks
Re: Rainbow baby miscarriage *living child mentioned*
girl I hear ya.
I had two miscarriages after my late loss...the first mc totally ripped my heart completely out once again. It felt like all of the wounds that had closed up after losing Bunny were just completely ripped open again. I was heartbroken..I literally remember tearing up all day/everyday...I was just so sad.
I think the idea/thought of a rainbow is so exciting and hopeful...plus after a late loss you feel like you are getting some sort of redemption and that now it is your time for something good to happen...then boom it ends in heartache again.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this...but just know you aren't alone. big ((hugs))
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)