STMs - Older child and the new baby

JessAnnJ · October 2014

At DD2s pediatrician appointment yesterday she was giving us some tips on helping DD1 with the transition of no longer being an only child. We knew about letting her help with things, but another thing she mentioned was to help DD1 feel like it's good to be her. When she's doing things she enjoys we can point out how the baby can't do those things yet because she's not a big girl like DD1. She also mentioned that DD1 now hears that she has to wait a lot because we are doing things like feeding DD2 or changing her diaper and she suggested that we tell DD2 that she has to wait because we are doing something for DD1. DD2 obviously doesn't know what we are saying, but DD1 hears it and it helps her feel like she is not the only one that has to wait.

So far DD1 is actually handling the transition well other than being more impatient with us when we can't figure out what she wants.

Does anyone else have any tips?

SingleMom31 · October 2014

We got a few books off Amazon about being a big sister, including one that was about all the things that she can do as a big girl. She likes reading it and pointing at "her" and "baby."

We've also tried to make sure that she still gets to do special things with mom and dad. I think it's really easy to get caught up with the baby and stay in, but that's not really fair for big sis.

jac409 · October 2014

This is one of the things I am most nervous about with having #2. Two weeks till my due date, so I will be watching for more suggestions!

SingleMom31 · October 2014

bloomraiser said:
I've been really trying to stop calling LO1 "baby", and call him "big boy" instead. It's tough, esp if he's crying!!
I need to get some big brother type books! I'm kind of in denial about how tough it's going to be.

I still call them both baby... It's horribly confusing when DH and I are talking about them. I really need to try to call her a big girl instead.

ExcitedAunt2b · October 2014

I don't have another one (yet) but when Morgan was born she was called "baby Morgan" by my niece. Now my sister has another baby and I had to talk to Morgan about how she was now a big girl and it's "baby Brooke". She picked it up quick and now when she sees her she says "baby Brooke...she's cute" It's adorable!!!

JessAnnJ · October 2014

DD1 calls DD2 baby Eleanor. I still tell her she's my baby but I also emphasize all the big girl stuff she can do that DD2 can't so she doesn't get jealous of the extra help DD2 gets. I put DD2 in the bouncer next to DD1 while we were eating dinner and told her she can show DD2 how big girls eat. It was cute she said baby Eleanor and then started to sing her ABC's. I approve of her teaching the baby her ABC's.

perfectlove09 · October 2014

JessAnnJ said:

DD1 calls DD2 baby Eleanor. I still tell her she's my baby but I also emphasize all the big girl stuff she can do that DD2 can't so she doesn't get jealous of the extra help DD2 gets. I put DD2 in the bouncer next to DD1 while we were eating dinner and told her she can show DD2 how big girls eat. It was cute she said baby Eleanor and then started to sing her ABC's. I approve of her teaching the baby her ABC's.

My LO#2 isn't here yet but we've been calling it "tiny baby", that's what Alivia started calling it. That's what she calls her smaller dolls so to her it makes sense. I do comment on the big girl things she can do that tiny baby won't be able to but I still call her my baby. My mom keeps trying to push it and it makes me mad. She keeps saying things like "You're a BIG girl now" you're ready for a big girl bed." " you're ready to stop using diapers" it's annoying.

Other advice I'd say again is buying the big sister books, making it easy for her to help, spend time alone with just her. I've recently read what you said too about saying to the little baby "you have to wait now bc I'm helping big sister do xyz..." That seems like a great idea.

JessAnnJ · October 2014

I forgot to mention that I did buy the big sisters books and we started reading them before the baby came. I'm not sure if that helped or not.

So far we've done pretty much everything mentioned. Including alone time with DD1. Also no matter what I'm doing I put DD2 down and greet DD1 at the door with a hug when she gets home from school. Overall she is still doing well but she has been extra clingy and gets frustrated with us very easily. The clingyness has been noticed at school drop offs and in music class. Interestingly she is fine leaving the house for school she just gets upset once in her class.

JessAnnJ · October 2014

bloomraiser said:
^ same here(daycare)

Her teacher insists it is normal and she's seen it happen with lots of kids, but it is heartbreaking when they hold on tight like they never want you to let go. I just know it is better for her to be at school with the other kids instead of staying inside all day with us, but it us still difficult.

perfectlove09 · October 2014

JessAnnJ said:

bloomraiser said:
^ same here(daycare)
Her teacher insists it is normal and she's seen it happen with lots of kids, but it is heartbreaking when they hold on tight like they never want you to let go. I just know it is better for her to be at school with the other kids instead of staying inside all day with us, but it us still difficult.

Would it help to let her stay home a couple times? Maybe until she adjusts more and sees that being at day care is more fun ?

JessAnnJ · October 2014

@perfectlove09‌ I think staying home right now would make it harder. Mondays have been the most difficult. We've also had a lot of appointments during the day.

DH has taken her to a basketball game, she goes to music class once a week, and her grandparents pick her up early one day a week so she still has a lot of fun things going on. We also let her sleep as late as she wants and we all have breakfast together. She is fine leaving to go to school, she is just sad when she gets there.

JessAnnJ · November 2014

@bloomraiser‌ I'm glad the drop offs are getting better.

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