Does "bedtime" stress anyone else out?

kbjornaas · October 2014

Our little one is now 3 weeks and bed time stresses me out like no other. This whole sleep thing is so confusing. How much during the day should he sleep? Wake him to eat? Is he going to sleep tonight since they slept all day? Is he going to stay awake all night since he didn't sleep at all today? Will I ever get sleep? What time should we "put him to bed"? Should i rock him to sleep or let him figure it out? To swaddle or not to swaddle?

These are the things that run through my head as night time approaches every single night. Some people say just go with it they will figure it out and others say to get them on a schedule.

This is so hard! How'd y'all deal with this?

bananaelizabeth · October 2014

I have no advice because I feel the same way. You're NOT alone!

MrMrsandBaby · October 2014

Not alone! I'm in the "just go with it" camp though. A schedule will happen eventually. Right now I can sort of predict the order of events but the actual time varies.

Three weeks is really early to start trying to find a schedule.

cmac6186 · October 2014

I am in the go with it camp. DD is 9days and she sleeps and eats on her schedule. The pedi said we could talk more about getting on a schedule at our 1month appt. I go back to work at 8weeks so we will have to have something in the works at least by then

golfingdarwinfish · October 2014

This happens to me, and all the SIDS fears run through my head at night. They're silent during the day, but so loud after midnight.

I always fear panic attacks at night.... (sigh)

LO eats pretty much every 3 hours on the dot, but at night he sometimes needs an extra ounce or two randomly to sleep well. If he's really fussy an can't be soothed I try the extra ounce and he usually goes right to sleep. He sort of naturally put himself on this schedule and we've learned that every ounce of food usually yields an hour of sleep.

kbjornaas · October 2014

@golfingdarwinfish‌ I'll have to try extra feedings. I breastfeeding so not sure how much he is getting. I'll try to make him go longer or break into the stash of pumped "snacks" which are about 2 oz I pumped when I was getting my milk to come in. Wasn't sure how to use those but this might be a good way to introduce the bottle too

windwithfingers · October 2014

Agreed with PP. DS is a month old and we have no defined schedule. I usually try to lay down with him between 9 and 10. (We bedshare so I go to bed at the same time as he does, usually.) Everything I've read says babies sleep something like 16 hours out of 24, and that once they surpass their birth weight, you don't need to wake them to eat. Until then, every 2-3 hours is how often they need to eat.

For us, we have a sort of schedule, but it's DS's schedule. Bed between 9 and 10, up around 12:30, 2:30, 5, 7. Sometimes we get up around 7:30, sometimes he falls asleep for another hour. He likes to eat every hour from maybe 5-9pm. He's just now starting to wake up every 2.5-3.5 hours instead of every 1.5 hours.

I'm nursing, so I usually change his diaper then nurse in the side-lying position. If he doesn't fall asleep this way, I rock/bounce him until he falls asleep. Sometimes we both sleep with him on my chest. I use SwaddleMe swaddles at night and just leave his arms out, since you're not supposed to swaddle when you bedshare. I don't swaddle during the day due to some tips @crawford411 posted in the BFing thread.

So that's how things work for us. Hope it gets easier for you soon!

Dubsgirlie · October 2014

DS2 is on no sort of schedule whatsoever. DS1 put himself on a schedule around 3-4 months old, and has been consistent since so we're praying this one does the same.

mandapear · October 2014

At this point, I'm a short-term thinker: what will get me to the next feed, and hopefully a couple of hours of sleep for me? If a bath calms LO and makes it easier for him to sleep, sure, I'll incorporate it into "bedtime." If not, I won't stress it. I do try to do a very thorough feed before I hit the sack at 9ish, changing his diaper in between to keep him interested since he's usually a one-boob eater. At this point, they're pretty much napping all day and night with the frequent wakeups, so IMO bedtime is more about me and what works best to maximize my sleep. Sounds selfish put that way but my LOs don't seem to think there is much if a difference between 2 pm and am.

angeltennis3 · October 2014

I am a FTM and my LO is still in the womb...so definitely take this with a grain of salt (or whole jar!) since I have zero real life experience

I had multiple moms recommend "healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" by Marc Weissbluth as a reference for developing good sleep habits.

I have read the first part of the book and I do like the message. It tells you by week (in the beginning) and then breaks it down into helping form healthy sleep habits as your child grows. It never suggests there is one perfect method, but rather gives different suggestions to try out and see if they work for you.

For newborns, it basically says what all PPs have said. Newborns won't be on a schedule, but it does suggest that they shouldn't be awake for more than about 2 hour increments because then they get over tired. As far as soothing methods, that will be unique to each baby so it's really just a matter of trying out different soothing techniques and seeing what works for your baby, but also learning their "signs" and trying to proactively soothe them to sleep before they reach the over tired state.

The book is broken down into sections based on the baby's age, so it's easy to just read the section applicable to you at this point in time (because clearly we don't have time to read a whole book!)

Again, full disclaimer all I have is the suggestions from other moms since I have zero real life experience yet!

AmandaJean12 · October 2014

I wouldn't say we are using a "schedule" but we have fallen into a different day vs. night pattern at two weeks. I think it has helped to only swaddle at night, and when I do feedings at night I try not to turn on the lights or stimulate her too much, but during the day she just naps in the living room with the normal light/noise going on around her. She sleeps for 4.5-5 hours at night (which the Dr and LC cleared, since she's doing well with weight gain) and eats every 3-ish during the day. Hopefully it continues, because the longer stretches at night definitely save my sanity.

caranichole · October 2014

We are the same as @AmandaJean12

No set schedule but I also only swaddle at night now. Keep the lights low during diaper changes/feedings. My LO also sleeps about 5 hrs at night and gets up to eat every 3 hrs during the day. I don't have a real bedtime routine set since she just sleeps all of the time but I am slowly incorporating her into my toddler bedtime routine which consists of a quick bath, play music and pick up toys in room (rock baby in the room because she clearly doesn't pick up toys), dim lights and tell a story, and then by that time everyone is usually asleep. This all happens around the 8pm hour just before a feeding (I guess the timing based on the the last feeding. Sometimes that leads to her 5 hr stretch or she will have one more feeding around 12am and then a 5 hr stretch.

Unknown · October 2014

This content has been removed.

meggiev123 · October 2014

With DD I made the mistake of sitting in a lit room at night watching TV or reading waiting for her to fall asleep. It took weeks of being up til 3am until I realized that like us, she reacted much better to a quiet dark room. It may be pure luck, but this time around we started to swaddling DS after his 9-10pm feed, puting on the noise machine and turning off the lights. He's very quickly gotten in a pattern of 4 hrs sleep, a quick feed and then another 3 hour block after that it's getting light out and is a bit of a crap shoot. But it's enough to keep me sane and functional.

bennikki · October 2014

I don't have experience with DS2 yet, but I clearly remember feeling this way about DS1. I actually struggled with the whole "when does my day begin and when does it end" - thing, so instead of putting DS1 on a schedule, I put myself on a schedule. I tried to be showered and changed (and let's be honest, it really just meant a clean pair of yoga pants) by 9:00 am. At 8:00 pm, I'd take DS1 into the nursery and nurse him until he fell asleep (sometimes it was a half hour, sometimes it was over an hour). Once he was asleep, then I'd put my PJs on and join DH for some adult time. Sure he might wake up 30 minutes later, but once it was past "bedtime", I would stay in the nursery, feed him, change him, rock him, and put him back in his crib. We never left the nursery if it was past bedtime. I'm sure DS eventually pick up on the schedule, but I was more drilling home to myself that I had a routine and a bit of control. I think we started doing this was about 2 weeks old because I was feeling stressed and "out of sorts." - Definitely just baby blues, not PPD.

Oh, I also turned on DS1's Snug-a-Monkey when he'd wake for night time feedings. It just plays some soothing music and gives off soft, amber light for 20 minutes before turning off automatically. We still turn it on if he wakes for whatever reason in the middle of the night (he's 21 months), and he turns it on himself when he's waking up in the morning. He's the kind of kid who wakes up and likes to lay in bed for a little while, so he'll wake up, squeeze his Snug-a-Monkey, and roll back over to doze while the music plays.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's possible to start somewhat of a routine, or at least develop some soothing habits for baby to pick up on even this early. Being flexible is key, but I think you can create some structure if only for yourself.

megsandjohn · October 2014

Bedtime definitely stresses me out. I have a three year old and a six year old plus my baby and my husband is not usually here to help. I feel like everyone wants me and I can only be in one place at a time. And it makes me a little crazy!! I have had friends come over a few nights to help with bedtime (hold the baby while I settle the other two) but most of my friends have their own kids and it's not the time people want to help with.

My other two are a bit needier since the baby was born, especially my three year old. She has been acting out and bedtime has been so challenging with her!

Dani0329 · October 2014

This is causing me a lot of anxiety too, but I am trying to focus on one problem at a time. Lorelei would not sleep anywhere other than in people's arms. I noticed that during the day she had no trouble sleeping in her swing or bassinet and it was at night. So we are making an effort to make sure we put her down when she is sleeping, so she doesn't get in the habit of being held to sleep. I just give her some extra snuggles after feeding and then place her in the bassinet.