Freaking Out (Possible TW)

Soxgirl07 · October 2014

So, you find this 1 article and nothing else? Everything else seems totally kosher about this guy?
Is it at all possible you have a case of mistaken identity here? Is his name common? Were there other identifying details in the article?
I know it's a huge stretch, but I just can't fathom the gf relating any good news to the story...

jorkz821 · October 2014

Another (hopeful) vote for mistaken identity. Did the news story have a pic of him? Could it have been someone else with the same name?

Because otherwise... No. Done with them.

rin89 · October 2014

I'm disgusted. The gf responded and confirmed it is him. She pulled the it happened a long time ago and he was in a dark place card.

I asked her to explain the good news comments and she said that she called him a doctor because saying attorney and prosecutor would raise too many other questions. Anyway, she says the good news was that after investigating him further the prosecutor was happy to drop the charges down to a domineer. And that he was really really impressed with what a great guy the bf is and how much good he brings to the community.

There is no question, we're cutting ties.

Unknown · October 2014

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Unknown · October 2014

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tattooedtragedy · October 2014

Her response is gross. Have you talked to your H yet?

[Deleted User] · October 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

SJandVA · October 2014

This whole thing is weird and appalling. The fact that they hid it from you guys and decided to tell you after the "good news". Like that makes it better? Her calling the prosecutor a doctor. The prosecutor saying this guy is an up standing guy in the community? What the fuck!
I'm so glad you have decided to cut ties. I'm sorry you guys are loosing 2 friends but they clearly are not who you thought they were.

dovetail223 · October 2014

Wow this is awful. I'm so sorry that this is happening in your life. I can't believe they aren't pressing charges. You must be feeling a big range of emotions.

rin89 · October 2014

We live in Maine just outside one of the bigger cities. I have no idea why the prosecutor is deciding to drop the charges after he's been indicted. It makes zero sense. I could understand if the cops screwed up the investigation and prior to reaching the grand jury the prosecutor decided to go for a misdomineer so he could at least get some sort of conviction. But clearly he's past that point, and he confessed.

I did break the news to my husband last night, I couldn't deal with it myself anymore. Especially after her really shady response. He was horrified, upset, and very confused. I hated that I was the one who had to tell him.

littlestjerry · October 2014

From my perspective, the prosecutor amending the charges to misdemeanors would indicate the prosecutor doesn't have a very good case, for whatever reason. I highly doubt it's because he's a good person. But she basically told you he did it, so I think you're safe to proceed as though he did it regardless of what happens in court.

She also might not have a damn clue what's going on. People don't understand the court system and think things are being dismissed or amended or whatever all the time when it's not even true.

tattooedtragedy · October 2014

OP & I are in the same state and it sounds like the same area. The only recent cases that come to mind are those involving former teachers. I'm hoping this isn't one of those cases....

rin89 · October 2014

tattooedtragedy said:
OP & I are in the same state and it sounds like the same area. The only recent cases that come to mind are those involving former teachers. I'm hoping this isn't one of those cases....

Thank god, no he's not a teacher and never was one. I'm on mobile so I can't figure out how to post a link but as soon as I'm home I will.

tattooedtragedy · October 2014

Ok I Googled and there are other cases that this could be and it doest seem like this guy was ever a teacher based on what OP said

rin89 · October 2014

I didn't say I wouldn't post but that I couldn't right then. Also, he's 34 so he's considered a non-trad student (so is my hubby for that matter but he's 26).

This and a short one sentence blurb in a local newspaper are the only two pieces I found on the subject. None of the other stations even picked up on it. Which is probably why there aren't more people talking about his charges, WABI is not an overly popular station.

Edited because I sounded angry and I'm not mad at anyone here, but at the situation as a whole.

tattooedtragedy · October 2014

Ok so we aren't in the same area. I am surprised that this didn't make the southern maine news.

Mags748 · October 2014

Does Maine have online access to court records? In Wisconsin there is the Circuit court access website and it shows everything from traffic citations to murder charges. I was trying to see if I could find something similar for maine to look the guy up, but I couldn't find a similar database.

tattooedtragedy · October 2014

@mags748 not that I'm aware of.

rin89 · October 2014

I looked for the same thing but couldn't find it.

Mags748 · October 2014

It's awesome to have here because people can't bullshit you. Especially in my line of work where I go into patients homes in not so great areas, I can look people up and see if there is anything to be aware of. I found out one of my patients was a convicted murderer that way. She always acted shady and seemed high when the SW and I would go see her. She also had several drug and prostitution charges. We decided to always do joint visits after we found that stuff out.

rin89 · October 2014

Mags748 said:

It's awesome to have here because people can't bullshit you. Especially in my line of work where I go into patients homes in not so great areas, I can look people up and see if there is anything to be aware of. I found out one of my patients was a convicted murderer that way. She always acted shady and seemed high when the SW and I would go see her. She also had several drug and prostitution charges. We decided to always do joint visits after we found that stuff out.

Holy crap, that sounds like information you shouldn't have to go searching for on your own. Especially since you do home visits.

SimpleJane · October 2014

@rin89 YGPM

tattooedtragedy · October 2014

JoShan1719 said:
"It was a long time ago, and he was in a dark place."

There are no places dark enough for this to ever be okay. I really hope she comes to her senses soon and realizes that this isn't something that will go away.

I'm not really familiar with the psychology of pedophiles, but they can't honestly turn around one day and say they've changed their ways can they? Can they be rehabilitated or anything like that?

No. I mean I'm not a psychologist but I don't believe that a pedophile can be rehabilitated

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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Mags748 · October 2014

MotherOfPearl85 said:

JoShan1719 said:

"It was a long time ago, and he was in a dark place."

There are no places dark enough for this to ever be okay. I really hope she comes to her senses soon and realizes that this isn't something that will go away.

I'm not really familiar with the psychology of pedophiles, but they can't honestly turn around one day and say they've changed their ways can they? Can they be rehabilitated or anything like that?

chemical castration is one technique.Therapy to resist the urge to act on urges is another. Neither is a guarantee.

This is what I thought I remembered, but I couldn't remember if all of the knowledge came from tv shows like SVU. It's like you can't teach them to not be attracted to children but can only suppress their desire to act on that attraction.

freebutterfly7 · October 2014

I'm glad you told your husband. Still sorry you had to deal with all of this. Most of us (if not all of us) have dark places at one point or another, but there's a difference between a dark past and a darkness that perpetrates evil on innocent children's souls. He needs counseling, yes, and he needs God. And even with both of those, everyone will need to be careful around him for the rest of his life, unfortunately. So very sad. Hope you have other support to help you process everything. Peace to you.

theseaword · October 2014

Why does he need god? I think he just needs prison.

freebutterfly7 · October 2014

Well, yes, prison for conviction but the likelihood of him being "rehabilitated" there is slim to none. That's where God comes in. He is his only hope for real change, IMO! :-)

theseaword · October 2014

I think chemical castration would work better than God. Especially given how often people who claim to have a strong relationship with God still abuse children.

freebutterfly7 · October 2014

I think the numbers of people whose lives were drastically changed after asking for God's help far outweigh the numbers of folks who claim to have a relationship with Him and still abuse children.

Of course, neither one of us have statistics to back up our claims!

I just choose to believe that God is bigger than procedures and people and can do the impossible.

FreeButterfly70

littlestjerry · October 2014

What in the fuck?

SpaceGirlSpiff · October 2014

Oh.

RondackHiker · October 2014

freebutterfly7 said:
I think the numbers of people whose lives were drastically changed after asking for God's help far outweigh the numbers of folks who claim to have a relationship with Him and still abuse children.

Of course, neither one of us have statistics to back up our claims! I just choose to believe that God is bigger than procedures and people and can do the impossible.

FreeButterfly70

Oh, fuck off with that bullshit.

Can I still say that?

caladpi02 · October 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

littlestjerry said:
From my perspective, the prosecutor amending the charges to misdemeanors would indicate the prosecutor doesn't have a very good case, for whatever reason. I highly doubt it's because he's a good person. But she basically told you he did it, so I think you're safe to proceed as though he did it regardless of what happens in court.

She also might not have a damn clue what's going on. People don't understand the court system and think things are being dismissed or amended or whatever all the time when it's not even true.
I agree @littlestjerry‌. My BFf prosecutes these crimes. Sometimes she does reduce the charges because of evidence issues. But then if it's already been in the news, you'd expect to find a follow up story explaining the charges were dropped or reduced. Here at least, apparently not in Maine

I specialize in sex crimes and depending on the circumstances we have reduced felony porn charges to misdos. It's usually based on crim hx and the amount of images (like having 5 or less) and pre plea pysch evals, so that part doesn't surprise me.
I will say the guy is a sick fuck and cutting ties is the only option.

rin89 · October 2014

Why the fuck did this turn into a discussion about God 2 weeks after the OP?

jovencita1224 · October 2014

fredalina said:

So what EXACTLY did he do? Please understand I am NOT defending him in the least, but so far we don't know what he did exactly. Child pornography isn't exactly the same thing as being a child predator.

Uh...yes, yes it IS the same as being a child predator. First of all, the person that views the child porn is creating a market. Even if they haven't committed a crime against an actual child themselves, the very act of creating a market for the pornography makes them a predator.

Additionally, there have been studies done that indicate that over 80% of people convicted and serving time in jail for child pornography alone (NO known victim), later admit, during mandatory counseling or sex offender testing, to at LEAST one underage victim. Just because they don't get caught doesn't mean they haven't acted on it. The crazy thing about predators is that nobody EVER seems to suspect them. The predators are the "last person you would expect" to do that...which is exactly how they get away with it. Child pornography is NEVER just child pornography. Period.

jovencita1224 · October 2014

Sorry about that too--I just noticed this thread and I got all kinds of feelings.

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