Close to giving up :(

serenbach · October 2014

Hi ladies,

I see lots of brilliant advice on this forum from you all and am just hoping for some advice/ reassurance.

LO was born Monday, I'm a FTM and finding feeding very difficult and starting to lose the will to BF, I always knew it wouldn't be easy but I've been determined to do it. I'll give you a brief overview of the situation.

He was born Monday night, an hour after he arrived the midwife put him on and said she was happy with how he latched, the next day and night I found it extremely painful and was wincing throughout the whole feeds, the second night I spent about two hours of him going from one breast to the other and not settling so I said to the midwife that I was struggling and she observed and said he wasn't latched on right which is why it was hurting so much.

Since it's been a tiny bit easier but I struggle a lot with getting into position and getting him on, they also still feel so sore and tender and I'm starting to dread each time he needs a feed. He's doesn't seem to feed for long and now that I am home I'm finding it so stressful that my SO can't help, he isn't feeding for long as once he gets on he falls asleep then I have to keep trying over and over again and it's so uncomfortable.

Nobody in my family has breastfed so I can't get any advice from them, they often question why I'm doing it in the first place which makes me think the same thing. I keep thinking how much easier things look for my SIL who is able to take a nap/ shower etc and allow somebody else to feed the baby without stress.

This evening my FIL and partner came round and LO started crying and I knew he needed feeding but I just did not feel comfortable feeding in front of others and became really snappy with them and they left, afterwards I couldn't stop crying. I keep worrying about having visitors round incase he needs feeding and I dread the thought of going out in public and him needing feeding. Whenever I have minded my nephews it was never a problem as I could just give them a bottle on demand but breast feeding is so difficult for me and getting him into position and everything is hard enough at home let alone if I were in public without a pillow and somewhere to out my feet up.

I really don't know what to do, I've been telling myself to keep at it but I'm really struggling.

TheBorg7of9 · October 2014

Breathe, mama, it's ok. Here's some quick advice.
1. If you don't want to nurse in front of visitors, that's totally fine. Go into the nursery and tell them to wait! So what if they wait all day. You need to feed your baby.
2. If baby is falling asleep at the breast, try undressing him down to his diaper and tickling his feet or his head to keep him awake.
3. Making a bottle isn't a magic cure all that will allow you to sleep. In fact, studies have shown that formula feeding moms sleep less on average than breastfeeding moms.
4. If nursing hurts, you might have a bad latching need to see a lactation consultant. Ask your midwife for your hospital to help you find one.
5. If nursing only hurts for the first 30 seconds of each latch, that's normal, and will fade with time.
6. Your husband can help with things other than feeding, like diaper changes and baths and getting her dressed and doing the dishes and cleaning up the house.
7. If you're having trouble getting comfortable, have you got a nursing pillow? You've gotta prop that kid up as good as you can.
8. I think that you need the support of knowing and seeing other women who nurse. Maybe connect with your local law Leche league or ask your hospital if it has a new mothers group.

Good luck! And don't quit on a bad day. It really does get easier after a couple weeks.

nebraska84 · October 2014

You are not alone...the first 2 weeks are the hardest. It will seem like he nurses all the time! Try and find a comfy place and hunkerdown...I know it is hard but it will get better. Don't be afraid to call the hospital and ask to meet with a lacation specialist too.

Don't worry about others right now, they will understand and they won't be upset. You need to take care of your LO. Hang in there

nunzchucks · October 2014

Everything @theborg7of9 said! Here is a link to La Leche League's site to find a local chapter:

https://www.llli.org/webus.html

The LLL groups are amazing. My leader is an IBCLC so you may be lucky to find a similar situation and she could look at your latch.

Also - NEVER feel guilty about taking LO into another room so you can nurse! He needs to eat and family has to understand that. So what if it takes 40+ min? They can come another time.

Best wishes!

carol1224 · October 2014

Do not give up mama! I experienced a lot of pain BFing while in the hospital and the lactation consultants gave me a nipple shield. It didn't provide immediate relief, but it helped. Over time things improved. You have to remember both you and your LO are new at this and it takes practice. Something else to look into is to see if your LO has a tongue or lip tie. My son did and our experience sounds very similar to what you're going through. We had it fixed by a dentist and what a relief that was!!! I was a little hesitant to BF in front of others at first, but now I look at it like.this- I have to feed my son and if someone is uncomfortable, that's their problem, not mine. (A few weeks ago I proudly BF my son when we were out to eat at a restaurant. I was covered by my shirt and the only person who seemed uncomfortable was our waitress, but I didn't care). With time and practice, you will be able to BF anywhere, standing or sitting, with or without a pillow. Try to relax and rest, bc the stress will make BF more difficult and can affect your supply. PLEASE reach out to La Leche League in your community and see if the hospital you delivered at has lactation consultants. Mine even has a support group that meets twice a week. They have been SO helpful and encouraging to me. Keep up the good work momma!

carol1224 · October 2014

I wanted to add that i am SO glad I've stuck with BF. I truly love it and the amazing bond I have with my son, who is now 4 mos old.

huggabunch · October 2014

Don't give up yet. You can do it! It seems an insurmountable task at first. It's terrible to be exhausted with sore nips. I felt like giving up too, but keep at it. I had the same problem. I felt totally exasperated, but after the first few weeks, I finally got the hang of it, and so did baby. See a lactation consultant if you can find one in your area. Or make an appointment to go back and see your midwife.

There are also videos that you can watch online to get an idea of what an appropriate latch should look like. This helped me quite a bit. I ended up having to use nipple shields for a couple of weeks, and I really think these saved BF for baby and I.

Be gentle with yourself and baby. BF is tough at first, but I promise the struggle is worth it. But don't forget if BF ends up not being for you, that's ok too. What's important is that you are both happy and healthy. Good luck and congrats on your little one!!

serenbach · October 2014

Thank you all so much for the encouragement, I really need it right now! The trouble I'm having is that my milk has started coming through today and now LO will cry, latch and feed for a few minuets and then fall asleep.

He won't sleep in his Moses basket only on my chest, as soon as I put him down he wakes and is looking for food (biting hands, opening mouth etc.) but then he he falls asleep after a few mins whereas last night he would feed for about half an hour! It's now nearly 2am (UK time) and I'm exhausted and wondering when I'm ever going to get to sleep!

flcl · October 2014

Congrats and welcome. Definitely want to echo everything @theborg7of9 advised. The rest of these ladies really know what they're talking about as well. The beginning was really hard for us too... it seemed like it was one challenge after another. Things that helped included:

-working with a lactation consultant. She was able to see LO's tongue-tie. Getting that fixed helped with the latch so much

-using hydrogel pads to speed up the healing process. I also used nipple butter like crazy

-planting myself on the couch, feeding LO on demand and asking H to step it up with practically everything else around the house. My guy sounds a lot like yours, falling asleep while nursing, only sleeping on my chest.

-reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, lurking this board and reading up on kellymom.com

The newborn stage is so difficult, tiring, and completely normal. Hang in there... it took awhile for us to get into the groove but things will get better. GL!

huggabunch · October 2014

It's really normal for baby to be sleepy right now. Just do your best to keep him awake while eating. Take him down to his diaper, tickle his feet, etc. When I was really tired, my husband even helped keep LO awake while she ate so I could just zone out a little. Baby will become more and more alert.

salopez007 · October 2014

megrobsonx said:

Thank you all so much for the encouragement, I really need it right now! The trouble I'm having is that my milk has started coming through today and now LO will cry, latch and feed for a few minuets and then fall asleep. He won't sleep in his Moses basket only on my chest, as soon as I put him down he wakes and is looking for food (biting hands, opening mouth etc.) but then he he falls asleep after a few mins whereas last night he would feed for about half an hour! It's now nearly 2am (UK time) and I'm exhausted and wondering when I'm ever going to get to sleep!

The first week my son would only eat for a short while, then fall asleep. I would do everything I could to wake him up, but he would just cry, nurse a little more, then fall asleep. At first I was worried, but he had a pediatrician's appointment one week after he was born, and he had regained all the weight he lost at the hospital and then some. The doctor said that as long as he's gaining weight, don't worry about the length of the feedings. I know you're exhausted, I tell myself that eventually he'll sleep through the night. My son would wake up as soon as I put him in his bassinet. What I've started doing is waiting until he's in a deeper sleep (I wait about five or ten minutes after he's fallen asleep) and lay him slowly on the bed (we co-sleep now), but I keep my hands on him so that he doesn't sense the change. Then once he's still and shows no signs of stirring, I let go. It works for us. The first week or two was the roughest, but it gets better. Don't give up!

Coconuthead · October 2014

Hang in there mamma! I remember feeling a lot of those same feelings. My nipples were so sore and tender, in the evenings he would cluster feed and go for hours, the latch pain was awful, I didn't know how I would ever NIP. All I can say is that it does get easier, the first six weeks sucked but at the end of those six weeks things had gotten so much easier.

For pain I would rub bm into the nipples after feedings and then coat them in lanolin, I would go topless when I could to let them air out, and I would freeze my damp, just washed, bras and put them on like a huge ice pack for my breasts.

Good luck mamma, you are doing an awesome job!

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