One and done!

kendy20 · October 2014

So we are babysitting out friends daughter who is a year older than DD and she has pretty much shut the door for any idea of baby #2. I know all kids are different, and it depends on how the parents raise their kid but she's got so much energy and wants to tear anything and everything apart. I think I could personally handle it but it is stressing DH out way to much. So for now I'm thinking one and done. Anyone else one and done? Or still too soon to know?

Bacon2 · October 2014

You also have to take into consideration baby is in a new environment and wants to explore.. And when it's your child it's different.

With my first I said one and done. He turned 18 months and I wanted another.. That's how I ended up with DD.

kendy20 · October 2014

Bacon2 said:
You also have to take into consideration baby is in a new environment and wants to explore.. And when it's your child it's different.

With my first I said one and done. He turned 18 months and I wanted another.. That's how I ended up with DD.

She's been to our place before and always wants to "explore" lol

operaghost · October 2014

I definitely want to be one and done. DH keeps saying "we can't just have one kid" but I see no reason why not. I'm an only child and I loved it. Having one kid is enough work... Two? Just shoot me in the face.

RachelCA29 · October 2014

I'm one and done. We thought we would be before I was even pregnant, and after all the labour complications I had with LO getting stuck, his broken arm, etc, I do not want to go through that again (which my doctors said is very likely). So that sealed the deal for my husband and I. Also the four month wakeful period pretty much confirmed my parenting /lack of sleep limit so I'm never living through that again. There is actually a one and done bump board, the top pinned post is "Why are you one and done", very touching to read through.

Helmink0804 · October 2014

I also didn't want children for the longest time. My DH already has a 10 yr old son but since he just loves babies he wanted more. We were sitting on the couch playing with my cousins 6 month old and when we left I looked at DH and said I want one. Now I couldn't imagine my left without her, but I'm not sure about another one. My DH would be on board with whatever I want and even said once I decide we're done he'll get snipped. Part of me wants another and another part doesn't. We would have to move we rent a two bedroom house with a finished basement where my stepsons room is for when he's over and I'm not sure if I'm really ready to give up this house yet and I'm in love with the neighborhood and not sure if we would get approved to buy our own house due to credit. I have the better credit but only work 24hrs a week at hallmark store while DH doesn't have good credit but makes good money.

IBackBevo · October 2014

Every kid is different. Although 2u2 isn't a cake walk.

kendy20 · October 2014

I have a twin so part of me feels bad wanting to stop with just one since I know the bond my twin and I have, but I liked reading all your responses :-) I think once DD turns one-ish we will decide for sure if we are really one and done.

Emmagk · October 2014

I'm thinking we might be on a and done. I'm not sure we could really afford another one and I hated being pregnant even without sickness or complications. Also I have a sister I've never been close with so I know that having a sibling =/= life long friend.

ksyknelvr73 · October 2014

I think you need to give it some more time. You may still stick with your decision, but you may not. I didn't want another child AT ALL until DS1 turned 2. Then it hit me hard. Toddlers are full of energy, that's for sure...but for me, I saw DS1 growing up and becoming more independent and I knew I wanted another baby. It is absolute chaos at times but seeing the boys together makes me so happy. Their age difference really plays a part in it I think, also.

mrsbtobe20122 · October 2014

I go back and forth about this on nearly a daily basis, so I know I'm not ready to decide...

KBowen715 · October 2014

I consider the life of one and done.

However, I have three, so guess I missed that train.

lrmrtn · October 2014

We are one and done. We were on the fence but I can't imagine having a toddler and newborn. I'm 36 and just don't have the energy. I was lucky to have a pretty easy pregnancy being high risk and I don't want to tempt fate. plus DH has some mental health issues that were exacerbated by having a baby so we've decided we're done. And I just feel like our family is complete.

momo214 · October 2014

I'm an only child too and am a well adjusted person. I do think having a sibling would have been fantastic but I made strong lifelong friendships instead. I think DD could potentially be an only child but for us it's too soon to decide. DD is really the most easy going perfect baby. She sleeps well usually, eats well, is healthy, happy, rarely fusses, never cries, and is all around easy going. I really think I got spoiled with her and am too scared to have one that isn't as great as she is.
ETA obviously any baby we have will be great but you know... Just easy going on the ole parents.

delatl · October 2014

We're one and done. We're old--I'm 39 and my DH is 48. I promised him we'd just have one. The baby phase has been hard on him. We did not get an easy baby! So I'm sure he won't change his mind and I'm fine with it. It took us years and struggles to get here. Having decided to be done, I can't even imagine going through it all again: TTC, anxiety about something going wrong, another hard labor. She's in daycare and we will make sure sge gets lots of opportunities to socialize.

ns1 · October 2014

@Kimbus22‌ I could have written that. DD was a breeze as a baby. This one gave us a run for our money early on. But now DD is a crazed toddler and I could have thrown her out the window many times just today.

busterbeagle · October 2014

I didn't want a second at all until DD was close to a year old. And she is definitely not an easy baby/kid (although I don't think it's got anything to do with how I've raised her since DS gets the same parenting but is pretty much her opposite). I wouldn't worry too much about it yet barring any reasons you need to act now or never. I hated when people would say, "oh, you'll change your mind!" but it turned out to be true. I did really like lurking on the One and Done board during that time, but I still saved all the outgrown baby stuff knowing I wasn't 100% committed and that time could change things.

Having two kids is definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. The age difference is hard, DD's personality makes it hard, spending most of the day feeding and wiping butts is hard. But I keep telling myself it will get easier and even comparing now to 2 months ago or 4 months ago, it has.

Junebug060609 · October 2014

So this kid you're watching is about 1.5? Totally normal for them to have a ridiculous amount of energy at that age. That's also the age where they start to not seem so babyish.

QOTR · October 2014

I would like to have more than one but we started so late. DH has an appt for vasectomy consultation this week.

ho11yday · October 2014

DH wanted two children. I want four. I think we'll compromise or I'll get my way. But the biggest reason for dh wanting only two was the difficulty in parenting a 2.5 yo and a baby. I try to tell him things get better, but it's hard to see when you are in the midst of it. If we based our future children off this experience, we'd be done.

I think I heard from some people that going from one to two was the hardest transition. Here's hoping

operaghost · October 2014

kittyriot said:

I hate the pity, judgement and flat out being called selfish for this decision. I've heard it all.

When I was pregnant, I was talking to a co-worker who asked me when Baby #2 would be coming. (Who asks a pregnant woman that anyway?!?) I told her we were OAD and she went on a tirade about how only children are selfish, spoiled, no personality, etc. I then informed her that I was an only child.

Also, I've actually had people tell me "You have to have another one because you need a boy." That makes my blood absolutely boil.

limechiffon · October 2014

I would like to have another but not sure it will happen given our age. I'm 37, and husband is 39. Having a baby around hasn't been the easiest transition for him and I don't see us jumping back into TTC anytime soon.

But if we just have one I think I'll be okay with that. For a while I wasn't sure if baby#1 was going to arrive so in that sense my dreams have already come true. Also I have a few close friends who will probably end up having only one child - for some reason that makes me feel better, knowing she'll grow up seeing that so-and-so is also an only kid.

gutsysneakers · October 2014

operaghost said:

I hate the pity, judgement and flat out being called selfish for this decision. I've heard it all.
When I was pregnant, I was talking to a co-worker who asked me when Baby #2 would be coming. (Who asks a pregnant woman that anyway?!?) I told her we were OAD and she went on a tirade about how only children are selfish, spoiled, no personality, etc. I then informed her that I was an only child. Also, I've actually had people tell me "You have to have another one because you need a boy." That makes my blood absolutely boil.

@operaghost - I HATE when people tell me that. Like what year is it, people? What's wrong with only having one DAUGHTER? So annoying.

I'm not sure yet if we are OAD; however, if we decide TTC, it won't be for a few years. Daycare costs are outrageous in my area and there is no way we could afford two in daycare.

momthatlifts · October 2014

I wanted 2 until I had this one. Now I am very highly considering one and done. I'm sure I will change my mind later on but for now, I'm avoiding pregnancy like the plague

deanna1313 · October 2014

PPD has caused me to question having another one at all. It's very early to even think about for me right now. I always wanted 4 and my husband wasn't sure he wanted any. Now he definitely wants another one and I'm afraid to deal with the PPD again. I'm pretty sure I will change my mind once I'm feeling better.

britab · October 2014

I remember from some articles I read in an education class that the most successful kids are only children. The next most successful is the oldest child and then the youngest.

I'm a teacher and I have had a lot of great students that were only children. They often are more mature and socialize very well!

We aren't OAD but it's not my business why others might or might not be.

NorthernGal248 · October 2014

DH and I wanted about 4 children - I'm thinking more along the lines of 2 now that we have L

Is this a decision you need to make now bc you are considering perm bc? I think that even when we do decide we are done I would like to wait off on perm bc for a year because I don't want to change my mind live regret it.

kendy20 · October 2014

@NorthernGal248‌ , not a decision we need to make. Just opened our eyes while babysitting, having a 1.5 year old and 5 month old in the house was a little crazy. Definitely made DH only want one.

NorthernGal248 · October 2014

@kendy20 That makes sense! Kids are hard! I assume it's different when they are your own tho. I used to have the hardest time making babies stop crying, but now it's like I have the magic touch and I know exactly what she wants most of the time... until I don't know what she wants and I turn into a complete idiot

babyaotw · October 2014

DH and I have always be pretty confident in being OAD. I had endo and was told kids were unlikely, so we really hoped for just one. DH and I are very close, and really value our time together. We aren't incredibly wealthy and would like to provide as many opportunities as we can. I'll always be a working mom too, so I don't want to "split" myself too many ways. I know others can, I just think it'd be a lot for me. I know there's a possibility our mind could still change, but we have a lot of good reasons to be finished!

Nikkipal82 · October 2014

As an only child, I don't think I suffered terribly for a lack of siblings. I'm very independent and I have many close friends. People are often surprised that I'm an only bc I don't "seem like one." I think that whole thing about onlies Being selfish and spoiled is overblown. As an adult, I worry that I'm on my own as far as caring for my aging parents, but that just is what it is.

Personally I'd love to have a second, but I've never wanted more than two. DH is scared to have another, nc I lost consciousness during my cs and he was rushed out of the room. I stopped breathing and my heart rate was very slow, but they quickly resuscitated me. I honestly think dh has ptsd from this experience, but I'm not sure he'd be willing to talk to a professional about it. He was already afraid something would happen bc I have a history of surgical complications, so when this happened he was sure I was gone. I don't know if his feelings will change over time or not, but I respect them. Whew, I didn't mean to get so serious in the middle of this thread, but it is nice to "talk" about it.

kendy20 · October 2014

@Nikkipal82‌ I'm sorry you guys went through all of that, that's very scary. I can understand all the concerns with trying to have another. I think it's safe to say all of our LO's keep us busy enough as it is :-)

momthatlifts · October 2014

deanna1313 said:
PPD has caused me to question having another one at all. It's very early to even think about for me right now. I always wanted 4 and my husband wasn't sure he wanted any. Now he definitely wants another one and I'm afraid to deal with the PPD again. I'm pretty sure I will change my mind once I'm feeling better.

I had horrible ppd and still struggle back and forth with it. I am very confident that I won't struggle with it next time But I don't want to jinx it. I feel like a lot of this stemmed from complete shock of motherhood. Financially and physically we were ready, but nothing ever prepared me for how truly hard it was for me.

deanna1313 · October 2014

@Kimbus22‌ thank you for letting me know that you are fine this time around. It's good to hear that it's possible I won't have it. I hope! Glad you're doing well!

@JKBMA2014‌ yes! I really struggled with the change to my life and my relationship with my husband. Just Change in general has always bothered me a little, but this was really bad. Motherhood is not exactly what you would expect and is really a huge life change. I feel like the next time I won't be struggling with the same changes as with the first one. I plan to prepare myself for the possibility of getting it again without making myself anxious for it.

yvanehtnioj · October 2014

We are very likely OAD. Everyone I know IRL with 2u2 seems like they're just barely surviving the daily grind. I'm sure it gets better later on, when the kids are older, but it just looks so unappealing. I would maybe consider having another when Henry is like 4-5 but at that point I'll be at least 36 and I really don't think I'll feel like it.

I like to think that one day we'll have the time & resources to build an extended family of Henry's friends, teammates/classmates, our friend's kids, etc.

@kittyriot that "kids deserve siblings" thing is so lame. There were 7 years between my little brother and myself, and I very much thought I "deserved" to have my quiet, clean, all-of-mom's-attention life back! I didn't like either one of my brothers until they were in middle school...and the two of them fought like crazy and they still don't like eachother.

Want a personalized experience?

One and done!

Re: One and done!

That One Gal From Alaska

That One Gal From Alaska

Choose Another Board

Search Boards