Getting to "Drowsy But Not Asleep"

JadaBlue · October 2014

Like most (all?) of you ladies, I am keenly interested in establishing good/healthy sleep habits for my LO--for her sake and the rest of the family's! I have read a lot of advice/books/sites, etc., and the consensus is that around four months your child should begin to be able to soothe herself asleep, and that at this point (my LO is 10 weeks old), we should be laying good habits by working on putting her to sleep "drowsy but not asleep." But nowhere have I read how to get there! At this point we are only successful at putting her down already asleep (rocking, bouncing, swing, nursing, etc.). When I put her in drowsy she wakes immediately and cries and cries. So what to do to make it over the bump? Just keep putting her down and let her cry for a limited time period and try again (the tough part about this is that it seems to lose the sleep opportunity). Let's hear your experiences and wisdom!

SoSayWeAll · October 2014

I haven't done this with DS yet but Dr Karp(Happiest Baby author) in his sleep book recommends if you rock/nurse to sleep(like I do) that you wake them up right when you put them down. That way they learn to put themselves to sleep, but you can still rock them and/or nurse them to sleep. I am nervous to try it

cachoque · October 2014

Dr Karp's advice would make me nervous too!

My LO is so ridiculous - I tried the drowsy thing yesterday at morning nap time (11ish) and he cried the second I laid him in the crib. He was swaddled, had a soothie, I had white noise going & a little projector overhead. This came after a good night sleep & morning play. He was definitely tired.

I comforted on occasion for literally one hour & the whole hour he cried. I could see the cycle. Every 15min or so: explosive crying, I come in to pet him & offer paci, crying would lessen, I walk away to just outside the door to watch, crying would stop for maybe a sec & then, wham! explosive crying starts all over. He never actually slept. So eventually, I looked at my watch & realized an hour had gone by like this so I threw in the towel. Picked him out of the crib, sat in the rocker & no joke, he was snoring within 30 seconds. I actually laughed. It felt so morbid to see him writhe in "pain" for so long & then be so happy so fast.

I just don't know that I can mentally do this over and over everyday until he "gets it". It is freaking exhausting!

Eta: LO is 10 weeks

Cat&S · October 2014

DD will do awake but drowsy most nights when she's really tired, but days are a battle. She's not a good napper. The last two days I've bit the bullet and put her in the crib pretty much awake (I was trying for drowsy but she was crying even with me holding her, fighting sleep) for a 4pm nap, swaddled, with white noise. The first day she cried (more of a fussy cry than a screaming cry) for 15 minutes and I went back in every 5 to soothe. She fell asleep and slept for 30 min. Yesterday she fussed for less than 10 min and slept for 40 min. I'm going to try it for two naps today.

I think some LOs are better about it than others, and are probably ready for it at different times. If it doesn't happen right away (didn't work for us until this week), I'd just wait a few days and try again later.

BeachM · October 2014

There are 2 things to remember when making changes to sleeping routines.

1. Any change you make is a change from what they are used to. This means there is likely going to be some protest crying. It's normal and quite honestly, get used to it from LO whenever you change up what they are used to (this goes for non-sleep related things too). You aren't making them cry, you are teaching them how to sleep.

2. When you make a change, give it 5 days. Drowsy but awake (or just plain old awake) is probably not going to go well the first time. Try for a few more days before you reassess.

LO turns 3 months on Monday and I will probably start trying putting him down awake next week. I'll have no idea if this is the right age until I try it, but all hope is not lost if it doesn't work right away.

poofwok · October 2014

I put LO down asleep but after only 2 minutes of him sleeping on me. I don't wait the 20 minutes like I used to.

Within the last week, I gradually reduced the minutes of me snuggling him before putting him down. It's been working great! Maybe try that?

He squirms a bit but falls asleep nevertheless.

Ktorrisi · October 2014

This may be an UO but I would NEVER "wake" my baby. Asleep in the arms or not.
What I do is pretty much follow the same bedtime routine every night that ends with a bottle. After he's done eating I'll burp him and rock a little. Sometimes he's already passes out, sometimes he passes out on my shoulder, and sometimes he's awake. Regardless, after a little rocking (5-10 min maybe) I put him in his bassinet. if he's awake, or if he wakes up he will protest a bit... But I just shhh and pat his back and-or rock the bassinet for a while and he will usually fall asleep or at least calm down enough and then fall asleep. Sometimes he needs to fuss it out for a bit before he falls asleep. Obviously i don't let him full blown cry/scream because he's too young for that. But that rarely happens. Sometimes if you just give it 5-10 min it will work! (Oh, and look at the clock too, bc to you 3 min can seem like an hour...when it's only been 3 min! So it gives you a better perspective on time)

BeachM · October 2014

You can try the pick up/put down method. Basically you put LO in the crib and then go in and pick up to soothe when they start crying (crying, not fussing). Then you put them back down after they calm down. Repeat. This never really worked for my first and just enraged him but I know it's successful for a lot of people. I don't remember which sleep book it's from. Baby Whisperer maybe?

SoSayWeAll · October 2014

Ck61 said:
I know she's not going to want to be rocked to sleep and cuddled like that for long so I'm soaking it all in now.

This is how I feel exactly. I'll never say never but I am very hesitant to try any CIO method. I am trying to figure out how to avoid that for the future while still getting my cuddles in.

BeachM · October 2014

theteno said:
Ok thats what Im doing except ive also been trying to soothe to sleep in the crib and picking up when crying ... pick up put down method. If i leave him hes awake until crying. I could do that more often though. Do u think itd be better?

This is what I would try: Decide how long you're willing to try to get LO to fall asleep. Let's just pick 8pm as the time you want LO asleep and you are willing to spend 30 minutes soothing. I'd have bedtime routine done by 7:30 and LO in the crib. Try to soothe to sleep by doing pick up/put down until 8pm and if it's not working then do whatever you can to get LO to sleep.

I would try this for 5 nights. If after 5 nights LO is not having any of it, just don't worry about it and get LO to sleep whatever way is most successful. Try again in another week or two.

abnelsen22 · October 2014

Consistency is key with infants - with sleep and everything else. @flip_flops‌ has good advice to try it for five days so they can get used to it.

My pedi gave me advice to do drowsy but awake since birth. I'm really glad we did because he's really good at getting himself to sleep or back to sleep now. We also tried really hard to make sure he didn't rely on breast, bottle, arms, or binkie to get to sleep.

Sometimes he has to fuss for a while or sometimes he'll just lay there awake peacefully for a while. We have his room dark, no binkie, and swaddled.

Even if your LO has been using you to get to sleep, I think you can start by reducing your presence in the "fall asleep" time frame.

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