twin fears :/ — The Bump

twin fears :/

i have a 3yr old son who is a huge mama's boy-he only wants me to put him to bed, in/out of the car etc. i was slightly worried about what having another baby in regards to jealousy and not wanting him to feel left out, but i found out friday at 7w1d that we are having now im totally panicked about it! how do you keep your first born from feeling left out when you are constantly caring for 2 babies??! also, will i automatically be put on high risk with multiples? thanks :)
TTC since 9-5-09 BFP #1 7-19-10 missed m/c 9-3-10 BFP #2 1-12-11 stick baby! BFP #3 9-13-14. First u/s 10-10-14 TWINS!! 

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Re: twin fears :/

  • I breezed through my twin pregnancy until week 28 when I was put on bedrest due to cervical shortening. I think if I didn't have such a physical job I wouldn't have needed to. I delivered at 37.5 weeks.

    My dd was 20 months when the twins arrived. It was tough at the end because I wasn't supposed to lift her. My h had to step up and I sucked it up and asked my mil for help. There's been some adjustment, but just like pp I have hopes that they will be playmates when they get a little older. Dd still gets one on one time because it's so much easier to take her on errands and leave the babies home with dad.
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  • My bed rest was due to pre-eclampsia, which they won't be able to predict. My advice is always hope for the best, plan for the worst. You could end up on bed rest in your second trimester, you could avoid it all together. 

    My girls got a crash-course in being separated from me when I was 17w along, because I ended up needing surgery and spent nearly a week away from home - when I came back, I wasn't able to help them with as much as I could before the surgery. Then, at 35w, I was put on hospital bed rest and spent another two weeks away. My girls are much older than your little one (they were 10 and 5, at the time), but it did give them a crash-course in needing to remember to brush their teeth and bathe, do their own laundry and set out their own clothes, pack their own lunches, and get to bed on time. I came back home to a very independent set of kids. Most of the changes were positive - I think the only change that made me a little sad was that they'd broken their habit of coming in to tell us good night before going to bed each evening. Otherwise, they were all positives. 

    Everyone has to learn to develop independence. It is a good thing. It will be alright and it will be good for your little one. Singletons, in my experience, cope with the competition for attention a lot better than twins do. I've had more meltdowns between my twins fighting for a lap or a book or a seat in the last two years than I've had between my singletons in the last seven years. 

    You will set aside time to have special days out with your singleton without the twins, here and there. You will eventually have babies who have a predictable schedule, and you'll be able to make your big guy's bedtime a little bit later than your twins, and still have the opportunity to give him that individual time. He will help fetch bottles and diapers, he will become a mini-boss and tell the babies what is alright and what is a big no-no... he will teach them games and help them build their language skills. 

    Everything is going to be OK. Little man is going to do just fine. 
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  • Thank you guys so much! We have been so comfortable with our routines, this is really gonna mess him up! He looves babies, and is excited..but probably not when he realizes they will take up so much of my time!
    TTC since 9-5-09 BFP #1 7-19-10 missed m/c 9-3-10 BFP #2 1-12-11 stick baby! BFP #3 9-13-14. First u/s 10-10-14 TWINS!! 

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  • Oh, I know exactly how you feel. My little lad has just turned 4 and he and I have been thick as thieves since he was born. It has been a challenge and quite an adjustment for him already. He has had to get used to me not being able to pick him up, my lap is quickly disappearing so snuggling is getting awkward, I can't run and play anymore. I am 30 weeks along now.... and am starting to worry about how things will be after the babies are born. I know people will flock to coo over the babies, but I don't want my son to be lost in the mix. I tell him as often as I can how special he is to me. I try to do little special things with him when I am able. I plan to make sure he always gets his time too. I have to believe that things will turn out alright.
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  • No words of advice regarding other children  but welcome to the board and congrats on your pregnancy!

    As for high risk - others pretty much answered that question.  I have had an uncomplicated pregnancy so far but they say all is fine until it isn't so I see an MFM and OB and just really listen to my body.  Props to all the Moms pregnant with twins while taking care of additional children.  I can't imagine how exhausting that has to be!
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  • My son is a little bit older and we were really concerned about jealousy.  He has his moments but for the most part he's been really good.  I set aside a window every evening for him and I, 30 mins normally that we sit and read books, talk about our days, whatever he wants on a given night.  When I go grocery shopping or run errands I'll bring him with me and leave the twins at home with Dad; I really just focus on him still having his own time and it really seems to help.

    I was put on bed rest at 26 weeks due to cervical shortening and it was an adjustment for him especially because we spent most of the early summer doing nothing because I physically couldn't.  We watched movies curled up together, read a lot of books, did puzzles and crafts.  Other options that still allowed me to rest but also gave him some fun time with mom.  I also spent a lot of time explaining to him what he could expect when they came.  

    I think you'll be surprised how well he does.  I was really worried and he's amazed me at his ability to adjust to the new routines.
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  • I was extremely worried about how my DS1 would handle it when the babies came. He turned two just two weeks before they were born. We had some adjustments to make, he went through some phases that were frustrating for me, but overall he handled it really well. Honestly, between Dad and Grandma stepping up to take care of him so much, I kind of feel like the twins are the ones who get the shaft most of the time! It feels so awful and the guilt will likely hit you no matter what, but they will all be OK. <3

    Grant - 6/2/11
    Glenn and Caroline - 6/19/13

  • No experience with an older child, but I will say that while I was monitored extra, my pregnancy had NO complications. I only saw the MFM twice. I saw my OB every 2 weeks then every week when I hit 3rd tri, and I had some extra monitoring at the end (the last 3 weeks) twice a week I went in for 30 minutes of stress tests but that was fine. I never had to stop working, but I did because it was Christmas, so I just took it off to be home, and because everything became a challenge. I delivered at 36w2d. 

    As far as having an older child, I sometimes wish I had gone through the "first baby" stress with 1, then had the twins. It was a lot to go through all at once. If/when we have #3 that kid will be raising itself lol
    Married my best friend, June 8, 2008

    5/17/13 BFP!!! 6/6/13 - OMG its TWINS!

    Josie and Lexie were born on January 4, 2014 at 37w2d
    Josie was 5lbs2oz, Lexie was 4lbs15oz 
    Both had a 9 APGAR score with no NICU time
    Planned unscheduled C-Section due to both being breech
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