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2nd Trimester
2nd baby... shower?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 2nd baby... shower?
At least it's obvious where the entitlement comes from. If it were truly about celebrating the baby you could have a meet the baby party after baby is, you know, born. And if your family wants to help they can do so without the guise of a shower. You're a mom. You've been welcomed to motherhood.
Don't make babies if you need so much help to care for them.
At least you know everyone thinks it's in poor taste so it won't come as a surprise when people don't show up or side eye the whole thing.
Hence the basis of my post.
Also, please try and use some punctuation every once in a while. What did commas and periods ever do to you?
Seriously there are like eight periods in the post. Why not put them where they belong?
Aside from that there are so many facets of stupid in this glob of words that I just can't even deal with it.
The only showers for second time moms I've gone to are for moms having twins their second time around and we did a big diaper shower, so that's all anyone brought. It wasn't something the mother asked for at all, we just wanted to do something for both of them (two different co-workers, two different years) since they were about to have twins.
No matter what anyone goes through a second shower is never "deserved". A first shower isn't either.
An honor? Yes.
A wonderful gift? Yes.
No doubt, yay for a new baby, but no circumstance renders a baby shower (first, second or sixth) "deserved".
If you are counting on others to provide things for your offspring then it calls into question your ability to provide...
I sure hope you can do well. That's your business, but some of what you've posted makes me believe otherwise. :-/
This last bit borders on "Pain Olympic" Territory. Everyone has their struggles. No one deserves a baby shower. It is always, always a bonus honor.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I would say screw what everyone else thinks and says, it's your baby do whatever you want to do. I'm pregnant with my second also and we decided that we are going to have a diaper shower this time around. That could always be an option. I still wanted to have a celebration with all my friends and family and hey, you always need diapers!
Don't you sound like a lovely person. Nice TOU violation, btw. It's also very telling how you're demanding a specific gift. Other people should provide for your child and it better be exactly what you want!
"You always need diapers, but manners are optional!".
Regarding you subsequent post of course you have no shame in begging people for baby things. Your posts demonstrate that you have no class or tact, it's not surprising at all. No one wants to hear anymore of your bullshit.
I have about 5 or 6 very good friends who are all pregnant or have recently had their second child and we have had (or will have) second "showers" for everyone in the group. I say "shower" in quotations because often we're meeting for something else anyway and coordinate to bring a little package of diapers or something. We also look for pretty much any excuse to get together and eat. I'm the only one in the group that has family nearby so we also bring over dinner when one of us has a baby (or is sick or you know, it's tuesday), swap babysitting, go on trips, etc. So it just seems strange not to bring over a package of diapers to welcome a new baby, it just happens that we coordinate to do it on the same day and bring a few snacks along. Maybe we're just weird...
I don't necessarily agree with coordinating to buy gifts, but bringing gifts to an already planned, non baby related event is fine. The problem with second + showers are that they place a lot of pressure on your loved ones. Some will be fine with it, some will shrug it off, like you, and some will feel very obligated to attend and bring a gift. That's not fair to them, especially if they attended and brought a gift to your original shower. Asking for specific gifts (which is what a diaper shower does, or requesting a book in leui of a card) is even worse.
I've been in several situations where I wouldn't have normally purchased a gift, or as big of a gift, but felt obligated to because of a shower invite. A mother (or father) having their first child, ok. I get it. But after that I'm going to feel pretty irritated if you have a second shower and knew about it. Surprise showers, unfortunately, happen. They happened to me and I'm still embarrassed.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
That doesn't change the facts. And great advice, ignore the impartial strangers who have no reason to lie versus the people closest to you who will likely go along with whatever you want. Makes a lot of sense.
The baby is the guest of honor, no one gives two shits about the mother. The presents are either for the baby or for the benefit of the baby.
The reason this doesn't make sense to those of you who love titted these comments is because it is not the culture of your region, friends, and/or family. This is why I say do what works for your own peeps who know what the accepted culture is.
In my culture, it would be rude to not accept a shower or gifts or allow people to contribute to the baby. My peeps would think you all were stuck up for not letting them celebrate the baby. Of course they would give gifts anyway and would then feel cheated of the joy of a party. Please realize there are other practices than your own without it being gift grabby.
I am proud to be surrounded by the people I am who will celebrate each of my future children and would not neglect subsequent babies because they showed up late.
ETA clarity
November Siggy Challenge: Selfie Fails
Hidden for the sake of your eyes!
You know that people don't need an invitation and a party to give a gift right? And LOL at "neglecting subsequent babies." Perhaps you should not neglect your responsibilities as a parent and buy your own shit.
WOW, my original post was taken completely wrong. My mother wants to throw a shower for the second baby and we were having a discussion about it. I just thought that I would put it out there to see what others thought, in no way did I believe that people would get so hot about this topic. I am pretty discussed that grown adults cant have a discussion without putting each other down and being bitches really. You may want to call it your opinion but in no way to you need to put others down or tell them that their opinion is wrong just because its different from yours.
Just so you all know, I have turned down the offer to have a second shower but was very thankful for the offer and said to my mother that if she would like to do something (and she doesn't need to do anything), lets have a sip and see to celebrate the new baby, because I do believe that its important to celebrate babies, even if they have no idea they are being celebrated.
I hope that you all find better things to do that get into arguments on a pregnancy website and teach your children better.
Have a great day
I think the word you're looking for is disgusted. And here's the thing- second showers are always wrong. That's not a matter of opinion. A shower is to welcome you into motherhood. I completely agree that all babies should be celebrated, but baby needs to be there to do that. You asked for thoughts and you got them. If you don't like the tone or answers then be an adult about it, don't come back and chastise us for how we're supposedly raising our children.
-Who gives a fuck what people think? Don't forget to not give a fuck what these people think while also inviting them to bring your assigned gift
-My peeps would be mad because my second child was being neglected by not being showered with the same exact gifts my first kid just received a few years ago. Oh wait, the presents are going to be used by me and not my baby? Hmm
-I want to celebrate all my babies so the best way to do this is making me, already a mother, the guest of honor at a party welcoming me into motherhood. Because this is how to celebrate a baby.
-Why pay for your own child when you can make other people do it?
-This baby is a different sex than my first baby so obviously I can't use all the hot pink and frilly tutu shit I bought for my daughter because the world would end if my son sat in a pink bouncer. Wait why did I buy all pink baby supplies knowing I was going to have more kids? Fuck...
Am I missing anything??
I believe etiquette can be subjective on somethings. However it is never polite to tell someone how to spend their money and it never will be. It will always be rude.
This. Hand addressing wedding invites? A victimless breach of etiquette. Telling people what to buy you? Hell no.
No, no typo. Some people create clear labels or print directly on the envelope. Is that the correct way? No, they should be written by hand. But that type of etiquette breach doesn't hurt anyone. Second baby showers and telling people what to buy do.