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confusion and arguments over shower!

Pix3llePix3lle member
in Baby Showers
I'm not sure if i'm just overeacting here, but this has confused me and now i'm not sure what to do. Note this is still a while away!

So my best friend is planning my shower, she wants to plan it by herself and i was fine with no co host as long as she was, my SIL did SEEM to want to be involved but never actually talked to my best friend or myself about it so i figured that she will let us know if she does.

Today my partner says 'If your best friend and her mother are coming to the shower then my family wont, they will throw you a second shower.'
I was totally shocked! His family, bar my SIL, has never had anything to do with my best friend and especially not her mother but suddenly they 'hate' them enough to not go to a shower with them?
I don't actually have enough guests (Was going to be 12-13 all up) to merit seperating the showers and to be honest i don't want to have two, especially with so little justification as to why the sudden change of mind. I also feel it's a little rude on his familys part to suddenly say that they wont attend if my BF does.... It's only a few hours!

Has anyone else had anything similar happen? What did you do?
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Re: confusion and arguments over shower!

  • Pix3llePix3lle member
    ordinary1 said:
    Why is your SO telling you this? He isn't the host and should butt out. Whoever hosts the shower gets to decide guest list. They may ask you for input, but don't need to. You're only role is to show up and be grateful.
    The host has already talked with me as to who would be invited (so she could get details and everything) it's basically 8 of his family and a few friends and my mother (my family lives elsewhere).
    If it was going as planned i wouldnt even have to worry about it at all.
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  • AmstreagleAmstreagle member
    Maybe it's just because in super tired (which apparently according to a first tri member, I must be pregnant ...) but this isn't making sense to me. There has to be more to the story. And in all honesty you are being too involved in the shower thrown for you.
    Your SOs family seems really immature and your SO could have explained that to them rather then dumping it on you.
    If it were me I wouldn't give a shit if they didn't come if that's the type of attitudes they are having.
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  • Pix3llePix3lle member
    Amstreagle said:
    Maybe it's just because in super tired (which apparently according to a first tri member, I must be pregnant ...) but this isn't making sense to me. There has to be more to the story. And in all honesty you are being too involved in the shower thrown for you.
    Your SOs family seems really immature and your SO could have explained that to them rather then dumping it on you.
    If it were me I wouldn't give a shit if they didn't come if that's the type of attitudes they are having.
    I was frantic when i wrote it so i probably didn't make too much sense sorry! Esentially i was told by him 'My family doesnt like the host so they are either having a seperate shower or they wont go at all'.
    I assume he told me so as not to upset the host to be honest, but telling me has only made me worry. I find their reasoning a little rude too, especially being that they barely know her.

    I told him how i feel on the matter and hopefully he talks to them or they get over whatever it is that is making them act like this and i can just go to the shower in a few months blissfully ignorant. D:
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  • jennypolkadotsjennypolkadots member
    Completely agree with Joy! You don't want anyone there who doesn't want to be there. I think smaller showers are more special showers, where you get to really interact with all of your guests and thank them personally and genuinely. I don't know how people get on with 30+ people at showers, it's nuts. But I had all of 30 guests at my wedding and that seemed like too many lol

    Just pretend that DH never told you that and don't think about it. If they want to be big babies then they will just decline the invite they get from your lovely host. If they want to throw you one later, that's fine too. You have so much more important stuff to be worrying about during your pregnancy than this middle school type nonsense, just shrug it off. 

    BabyFetus Ticker
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  • neverblushedneverblushed member
    Don't get involved.

    Who knows why your H's family doesn't want to come to the shower that's being planned?  Maybe they dislike your relatives, but maybe they're just shy and like to keep to themselves and would prefer to throw their own shower.  Maybe they want to invite some distant relatives or friends of your MIL's, and don't want to ask for those guests to be included in the current shower.

    Don't read too much into it.  Even if the worst case is true, and they dislike your family, there's nothing you can or should do about it.  Don't force the issue.

    If your H's side of the family actually does offer to host a shower for you, be gracious and accept.  Help them with the guest list so that people don't wind up invited to both showers.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • yvanehtniojyvanehtnioj member
    Fuck em. Life's too short to worry about that mess.

    imageimageimage
    H e n r y  May 21, 2014

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  • rachelcalderon525rachelcalderon525 member

    Traditionally, you needn't be involved in the details of your shower. And I can understand if you SO wanted to give you a heads up about this happening....but it may have been better for him to tell you closer to the day so you don't stress over it.

    I agree with PP's. Life is too short to worry about these things. In the end, your SO's family that chooses not to come will regret it later on. But its certainly not something that you need to worry about.

    Now, this is just me, and it also depends on the relationship you have with his family, but I do understand the want to know why his family feel so strongly against your friend they barely know. If you really wanted to know, you could ask, or you could have your SO ask. Whatever the answer may be, don't let it bother you and just respectfully awknowledge their opinion. That's just what I would do. It probably better if you don't say anything though. Their loss....


     

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