You Know You're 9 Months Pregnant When...

Carebella · October 2014

I really enjoyed the 8 month version, it's 4am and I'm awake again, so wth, here's another thread...

Love4Science · October 2014

Exercise has stopped helping the pain and now you just hurt ALL THE TIME.

Carebella · October 2014

So this should probably earn me some well deserved flames since I'm just now reaching these but...

These both kind of fall under: when all of your pregnancy tricks/hacks start to fail you...

1) when getting up from any position makes you feel like a beach ball whose t-rex arm sized limbs are stuck in the air.

2) my tricks for tying shoes? Yeah, those are done.

AnnieRoo13 · October 2014

You get winded and have to take a break after folding laundry. Or vacuuming, or putting dishes away.

Okay, pretty much anything makes you winded.

Carebella · October 2014

Love4Science said:
Exercise has stopped helping the pain and now you just hurt ALL THE TIME.

TMI ahead: and when it stops being the trick to fix being constipated!

sweetbabyrahe · October 2014

You are actually starting to think about ways to jump start labor instead of stop it.

You are asked by every single person you come into contact with, including the stranger pumping gas next to you, when you are going to have that baby.

alibissell · October 2014

You look down at your feet (miraculously I can still see them every now and then) and realize two things; 1- your black pants are way too short and 2- those socks you thought were black, are actually navy blue. The only correct response to this problem is: "F* it! It's too much effort to change, I'm going to work like this!"

JFH2010 · October 2014

You start having anxiety dreams where you're in labor but you can't manage to call the midwives. Your phone doesn't work, you can't pull up their contacts, it rings but it's the wrong number, your phone turns into a jellyfish....

M3padilla · October 2014

Every person you call picks up the phone right away because they think it might be D-day

rox825 · October 2014

You start to count down days vs. weeks until your due date. (22 here!!)

jac409 · October 2014

You are either starving or so full you feel sick all the time. There is no in between.

You feel like you have to pee RIGHT NOW, but when you go, only about four drops come out. And, I won't even mention the difficulties that properly wiping yourself presents.

mander82 · October 2014

When you try on nice shoes for your shower and are forced to get ankle high booties to cover your cankles which are now as wide as your calves.

mander82 · October 2014

When the furnace is running to heat the house, but you have the AC on in the bedroom cause it's too hot to sleep.

Bethyboo26 · October 2014

When you dread going to bed because it means some of the longest 7-8 hours of your life tossing and turning.

Curlyfries851 · October 2014

When your maternity tops no longer cover your whole belly...and you just...don't...care...

missnacholover · October 2014

When you wonder if every twitch and twinge is labor. The diarrhea I've had for 3 days...is my body clearing itself out for labor? the lower back pain...is it early labor?

When you spend an afternoon in L&D and realize that baby could come any time and you really should pack your bag.

(I was in L&D on Friday for a Pre-E workup - Everything is good.)

howin23 · October 2014

When you wake up to find your thighs wet, and don't know if it's sweat or your water just broke... (yeah, I'm a little paranoid...)

When a walk and a hot bath won't ease the stabbing pain and cramping...

When you refuse to hug anyone who sounds remotely ill because, hey, I've made it this far without getting sick...

ssstephanie214 · October 2014

When your coworkers don't even look up after your giant fart

jess123456 · October 2014

When the lower part of your shirt is completely wet from standing at the sink because your belly sticks out so far.

When you feel like people are only opening the door for you in public places because they pity you.

When picking up dog shit takes so much effort that you don't feel bad leaving it there.

When wearing a scarf isn't just about warmth but also to hide your double chin.

When going into a dressing room to attempt even buying regular sweat pants in an XL makes you look and feel like a rhino.

When maternity shirts become too short and your belly pulls it down so low that your v neck shirt looks like that green J Lo outfit from years ago with the cleavage showing.

meeshybee · October 2014

When DH gets onto you about lifting your 35lb 4 yr old and you just look at him and say "What's the worst that could happen?" All he can reply is "Good point."

mander82 · October 2014

When you can no longer use the back burners on the stove because you can't reach them.

Zaufishan · October 2014

JFH2010 said:
You start having anxiety dreams where you're in labor but you can't manage to call the midwives. Your phone doesn't work, you can't pull up their contacts, it rings but it's the wrong number, your phone turns into a jellyfish....

Exactly ....

smboswell1 · October 2014

You have to pee constantly. Even if you literally just went pee.

It doesn't phase you when you pee on yourself trying to get to the bathroom.

You look like a penguin when you walk and Parker points out how embarrassing it is.

Carebella · October 2014

@smboswell1‌ And then you throat punch him for saying it's embarrassing! How is it embarrassing to get from point A to point B in any way we can while 9 months pregnant? Hmph. He's lucky I didn't say crotch punch!

TC0514 · October 2014

When you dream every night your water is breaking.. Only to wake up and realize you just really need to pee... AGAIN.

Maelara · October 2014

smboswell1 said:

You have to pee constantly. Even if you literally just went pee. It doesn't phase you when you pee on yourself trying to get to the bathroom. You look like a penguin when you walk and Parker points out how embarrassing it is.

If my husband told me I was embarrasing because of the way I walked while 9 months pregnant...his life would be over. Seriously, there would be headlines

Painting a door (which was fine just last weekend) gives you contractions.

It feels like your baby is going to bust out of your gut but about 2 hours later you realize it's because you have really bad gas, it's not the baby.

You can't wash the dishes by hand anymore because you can't bend over the sink

When you pick up your toddler their legs now have to go up and around your belly. They think it's hilarious

I hear you on the shirt stains, @lissydee‌. I don't even realize they are there until I look in the mirror. I've ruined all my shirts. I'm glad this is my last pregnancy.

maebee87 · October 2014

I realized this morning that I only shaved one of my legs yesterday. I went to a very formal Thanksgiving dinner in a nice dress last night with one shaved leg and one hairy beast of a leg....... and I just don't care and am not motivated at all to fix the situation now lol

DoubleUp8 · October 2014

1. When people at work start saying "I can't believe you are still here."

2. When making plans you always end with "as long as the baby doesn't come" (17 days to EDD it's always a possibility now!)

3. Peeing in the cup at the doctor's office is getting really difficult because you can barely get your arm around your belly.

4. You've stopped caring what the scale at the doctor's office says because the number is just big and there is nothing you can do to change that.

5. People start telling you you've "dropped" but you still feel a foot up in your rib cage.

6. You laugh at your previous determination not to give into the pregnancy waddle.

Ineedmorecoffee · October 2014

You pee yourself a little throughout the day without any cause or even realizing it.

Ineedmorecoffee · October 2014

Also, everything. HURTS.

Kristy774 · October 2014

When you know your being a bitch and you just.don't.care.

*no fucks were given in the making of this response

AnnieRoo13 · October 2014

When you get heartburn from eating too much, not eating often enough, from laying down, while sitting up...fuck it you just have heartburn all the time.

smboswell1 · October 2014

Yeah I was like how do you want me to walk?! His response was like a normal person.... Impossible!

brooklyngirl18 · October 2014

when every single thing anybody says annoys the shit out of you and you just want to be left alone.

mander82 · October 2014

When someone asks you "Not much longer huh?" and you reply with 5 more to go! They respond with "5 more days huh?"

um............no...........weeks.........

missnacholover · October 2014

smboswell1 said:

Yeah I was like how do you want me to walk?! His response was like a normal person.... Impossible!

You should've grabbed his balls, given them a little twist and asked him to try to walk normally. the fuck?

ssstephanie214 · October 2014

When the automatic toilet flushes before you're ready and you're upset because you have begun monitoring that kind of thing.

Snuffy007 · October 2014

missnacholover said:

smboswell1 said:

Yeah I was like how do you want me to walk?! His response was like a normal person.... Impossible!

You should've grabbed his balls, given them a little twist and asked him to try to walk normally. the fuck?

This. If my H said something like that, he'd be lucky to have balls left to twist. @smboswell1‌ You waddle all you want!

FirstBabyDoyle · October 2014

When every move you make is accompanied my a grunt or grumble..

Kicks are ok longer cute...just painful.

You can't take full breaths.

I will third the shirt stains.. Post meal I look like a toddler after eating spaghetti-o's.

My husband lovingly suggests I get a few more maternity shirts after
I breakdown over mine not fitting anymore. Cue tantrum. They don't even make shirts for being this pregnant.

jessa1228 · October 2014

missnacholover said:

When you wonder if every twitch and twinge is labor. The diarrhea I've had for 3 days...is my body clearing itself out for labor? the lower back pain...is it early labor?

Oh man, I've been a shitting machine lately. I didn't even think of this!

When you drop something on the ground and look pathetically at the person standing nearest you, and they just pick it up without you even having to say anything.

When it's 50 degrees outside but you're still wearing flip-flops because fuck shoes.

uncharted01 · October 2014

When you ask your husband - who was legitimately super busy with house stuff at the time - to carve pumpkins and he says not right now and you have a freaking melt down. I was crying and then laughing at myself for crying and then crying again. He just stood there like this: @-)

When you consider hiding the "guest chair" in your office because you're so sick of everyone you work with stopping by to chat. I keep trying to perfect my resting bitch face but it clearly isn't working!

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