Intro After two losses

joanrain · October 2014

Hi,

I have had one fast chemical pregnancy in May - period started on 4/3 and tested positive then period showed on 5/3. At that time I was shocked and felt very miserable for quite a while. I started ttc right away but only saw a bfp on 9/23. I got my betas drawn and the first two were good and doubled (150 on 9/29 and 532 on 10/2). Then on 10/6 I started spotting and got 3rd beta drawn, only 320. The doc told me to wait for my miscarriage and last night it finally came.

This time I feel that I'm more prepared than last time so I'm more calm. I was panic when I found out about my bfp though and I wonder if my stress caused the miscarriage. But anyways, it's over and I love seeing your positive stories! I hope I'll be able to show my big belly picture in the near future!

Hugs!

Thanks,

Joanrain

Samuelismomma · October 2014

Sorry about your losses:( did you mean to post on ttc after losses? I'm confused?

joanrain · October 2014

Hi Samuel, thanks. I didn't mean to post on ttc after a loss... Just want to get positive thoughts and beliefs from this board.

NoeliaV · October 2014

I'm sorry for your losses, and I hope your journey to TTC will be short.

joanrain · October 2014

I'm sorry for what I posted girls. I don't want to argue with you really. Hope you feel better now.

PinkCamino · October 2014

:-@

joanrain · October 2014

wickedsugar said:

joanrain said:
Happyin14, I found ttcal to be pessimistic and hostile, it's not anything I need for now. Thanks.
WTF... After what you just pulled on Pinkcamino's thread on TTCAL, do us the favor & don't come back..

I will never go back. I initially just wanted to comfort PinkCamino but everything I said was wrong. You girls are just unbelievable and took everything in a pessimistic way. If you think they will never get their rainbow baby why the hell they are still hanging on ttc board. That's just ridiculous and against logic.

Again, I already said I was sorry and your post again showed I was right in that you are pessimistic and hostile. I'd rather stay positive and be away from people like you. Thanks.

LuvLoveXo · October 2014

Mind you I've only been on PGAL for a few weeks or so and this is the first negative thing I've seen. I spent months on TTCAL and the only people with negative things to say about those ladies were the drive-bys, trolls and people that didn't understand how these communities work. Ugh. Was hoping to steer clear of those over here.

joanrain · October 2014

ktlovess said:
OP - you can't comment on TTCAL when you only randomly opened 1 post. And, it's super insensitive to say that we are pessimistic when what was said was true. Did you read other posts at all before you storm into one where the poster was really upset, and spew nonsense?

Also, a lot of PGAL posters are from TTCAL. It's bad form to come here and say how awful it is there.... Lurk the TTCAL board. You'll see that you are completely wrong.

Yeah I shouldn't have commented in the first place. Getting into an argument on a Saturday morning is not good for anybody. Anyways, I feel that newbies are not welcome on ttcal board unless all you post is about your loss. I read the "read before you post" and knew that good news wasn't appropriate for that board but I didn't know wishing someone to get a rainbow baby was inappropriate either. And they even dug out my reply on other boards to attack me and use F words all the time. I guess our chemicals just don't match. I might be completely wrong but this is just how I feel.

LuvLoveXo · October 2014

@joanrain‌ I highly suggest you leave The Bump. Nobody needs your insensitivity or stupidity. Go find another site to troll. The ladies of TTCAL and PGAL do not want you around.

joanrain · October 2014

LuvLoveXo said:
@joanrain‌ I highly suggest you leave The Bump. Nobody needs your insensitivity or stupidity. Go find another site to troll. The ladies of TTCAL and PGAL do not want you around.

Good idea, I need to get a life. Hope all of you have a healthy and happy pregnancy - I'm being sincere rather than insensitive. Regarding your comment of "stupidity", I suggest you do more research on it. Thanks.

LuvLoveXo · October 2014

To the ladies of PGAL I apologize for my negative comments and insults to Joanrain. That is not how I typically am but after all of the crap I had often seen on TTCAL I didn't want it over here. None of the boards on the Bump need it. I simply will not tolerate someone who clearly didn't read the rules of the boards to just waltz in and get everyone in an uproar. I hope everyone enjoys their Saturday. Moving along.....

joanrain · October 2014

Hi, I just went back and saw that a lot of initial responses were edited. I'm using bump app so it doesn't really go back to the initial posts that were marked as "read". I don't see siggys either. I sincerely apologize that I unintentionally hurt your feelings.

Regarding the stress part, I don't think it was used to "blame" but just to tell myself to handle stress better next time. Again, I didn't mean to hurt anybody. I was just shocked to find out that I was attacked right away after my first post. But your explanation makes sense. I didn't know them well enough to wish them a rainbow baby. Can you please ask anybody to delete my posts on TTCAL board? I shouldn't have commented in the first place as you said.

PetraStonegirl said:
Reposting this here because she needs to read it and has said she's not coming back to TTCAL-

@Joanrain,
I think you are out of line and should just stop. There are so many
things wrong with what you have said recently, I can't even- *sigh* That
research link you've brought to the boards is 1) out dated, 2)
interpreted badly, and 3) fucking mean. Nothing like telling a woman
(with a 99.9999% chance that she didn't do anything wrong) that her
baby's death is her fault, and because of something as nebulous and hard
to pin down as 'stress'. Way to go. Also, this is a real support group.
It's hijacked** purpose is to help women with very real and very
painful problems. This is not babbycenter; empty platitudes and 'staying
positive' are the opposite of helpful. The kind of positivity and
hopefulness that we espouse is the gritty kind that helps you when
everything has gone wrong... again. The kind that keeps us pulling up
our BGPs and soldiering the fuck on. You don't know Pink, you don't know
her history. You don't know that she faces the very, very real
possibility of never having a child. You don't know @wickedsugar.
You don't know that she has already been given an end of line diagnosis
and her journey to a child is over. It's not fucking fair, but there it
is. Both are integral parts of this community, and any one of us would
give damn near anything to see them succeed. But, not one of us is going
to pat them on the head and say, "Don't be sad. You'll have a baby some
day." We would never say that, because it would be mean. Intentionally
hurtful. You don't know them, so it wasn't intentional when you did it.
However, you were then told it was hurtful and why. Badmouthing TTCAL to
PGAL (where nearly everyone is a TTCAL graduate, BTDubs), was wrong of
you. No one was mean to you, they just informed you that you were rude
and hurtful, so that you could learn, apologize, and move on. I gather
you are going through a loss currently. For that I am deeply sorry. When
you are ready to try again, you are welcome to post here. But, know
your audience. Don't spread faulty research or anecdotal evidence, and
check all empty platitudes at the door.

**Hijacked purpose
because the intended purpose of the board, just like every community
board on The Bump/Nest/Knot websites, is to generate advertising income
for the XO Group off of an entertainment-social media platform. The Loss
community, however, has wrested nominal control and created a real
community. The XO Group has recognized this, and does not interfere with
the additional onus we place on people who post here not to hurt other
users.

.

joanrain · October 2014

Did you read the original post? I didn't mention anything about stress in the thread because it was totally irrelevant. Wicked started it by digging out my reply at other posts so I responded to her on that. This is getting more and more ridiculous.

mlal78 said:

joanrain said:

ktlovess said:
OP - you can't comment on TTCAL when you only randomly opened 1 post. And, it's super insensitive to say that we are pessimistic when what was said was true. Did you read other posts at all before you storm into one where the poster was really upset, and spew nonsense?

Also, a lot of PGAL posters are from TTCAL. It's bad form to come here and say how awful it is there.... Lurk the TTCAL board. You'll see that you are completely wrong.
Yeah I shouldn't have commented in the first place. Getting into an argument on a Saturday morning is not good for anybody. Anyways, I feel that newbies are not welcome on ttcal board unless all you post is about your loss. I read the "read before you post" and knew that good news wasn't appropriate for that board but I didn't know wishing someone to get a rainbow baby was inappropriate either. And they even dug out my reply on other boards to attack me and use F words all the time. I guess our chemicals just don't match. I might be completely wrong but this is just how I feel.

This is complete and utter bullshit. Newbies are most definitely welcomed with open arms. Some stick their foot in their mouth at first, apologize, and become supportive members of the board. Then there are others like you who come in, hijack a thread with verbal diarrhea, and then go on attack when you are called out on it. Your kind we do not want.

toomanycats1 · October 2014

1. Wicked is an integral part of this community... whether she is willing to accept it or not, you owe her a big apology.

2. It is possible to be a positive and optimistic person, and not hurt others with false platitudes. Reality is your friend. The reality is, that there are a lot of "regulars" that have been a part of the AL community for a long time. You may get to move on quickly, but others won't. REALITY.

3. I'm glad you are finding hope in PGAL's positive stories. Please try to recognize though, that for some of us, those positive stories didn't come easily. The "stress" comment is absolute BS. I wasn't stressed out at all with my first loss. It was a missed m/c discovered at my 13 week appt. Know when I was stressed? Yeah, this whole pregnancy...3 losses later. Your comments are completely insulting to those of us that have suffered losses (infertility), and are the opposite of hopeful for anyone with the worry of repeat losses/infertility/etc.

4. You owe everyone an apology. You are grieving, and probably not yourself right now (I hope). Please apologize, take a step back, and try to focus on your recovery.

[Deleted User] · October 2014

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