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LGBT Parenting
AandStilltrying
member
Question nbr
AandStilltrying
member
Ok, so big news with nc possibly joining the states that we can legally marry in within the next 10 days as the way things look atm.
If this comes to pass does anybody know what this will mean for our boys birth certificates? Will I have legal rights then or do I have to wait for them to rule on 2nd parent adoptions in addition to that? If a straight person was married her husband could be on birth certificate if it was biologically his or not. I'm sure there is going to be lots of red tape and hoops to jump through with lawyers and such. My to do list for next 2 weeks already included calling lawyer to get as much done legally as possible for these little ones. Just curious to know what to expect.
If this comes to pass does anybody know what this will mean for our boys birth certificates? Will I have legal rights then or do I have to wait for them to rule on 2nd parent adoptions in addition to that? If a straight person was married her husband could be on birth certificate if it was biologically his or not. I'm sure there is going to be lots of red tape and hoops to jump through with lawyers and such. My to do list for next 2 weeks already included calling lawyer to get as much done legally as possible for these little ones. Just curious to know what to expect.
10 medicated IUI's (3 with injectables).
IUI #1 (medicated) Jan. 2013-BFP!!!!- Beta's didn't double, MTX shot for possible ectopic.
8 IUI's between April 13-April 14 = BFN
IUI #10 and final before IVF, injectables May 2014- BFP!!!! TWINS!!!!
7 week ultrasound showed 2 wonderful heartbeats!
8 weeks to the ER with vaginal bleeding while on vacations! Diagnosed SubChorionic Hemorrhage. Babies are both great.
9 week ultrasound showed both babies are still great.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Question nbr
Me: 30 DW (aka C): 29
Together since 2/15/11 ~ Legally married in NY on 9/29/12
***CP mentioned***
We've been working on baby #1 since July 2013 using Open ID donor sperm. 8 IUI attempts with 5 actual IUIs and one chemical pregnancy. We have one fresh IVF cycle under our belts as well as a FET. I have endometriosis and a uterine septum that was corrected via surgery in November 2013.
11/14/14 - Second HSG shows that tubes are still clear and ute is looking good.
12/6/14 - Started BCPs in prep for IVF #2
12/22/14 - Saline u/s and endometrial scratch (All was clear and OUCH!)
1/2/15 - Began stimming for IVF #2
****All Welcome!****
We are Mommas to four fur babies - 3 dogs and 1 cat.
Second, and sorry if this is a stupid question, but what if you aren't married? J and I aren't married (and most likely won't be before we have a baby) so how does the birth certificate work in that situation? We're in IN so we just had marriage legalized this week as well, but will she only be able to have her name on the birth certificate if we're married??
Right now in NC same sex marriage is NOT legal but appears to be in favor to change saying we could marry as quickly as next week. Because we can not marry in NC right now, and 2nd parent adoption is not legal here, I would have no legal rights to our two boys.
According to the hospital paper work we got last week, it says that if the mother and FATHER are not married they have to have a signed affidavit of parentage in which the father acknowledges that he is the natural father and accepts legal responsibility.
If married, they don't ask parents to prove their children are both biologically theirs. So if they need to use an egg donor, the mother is still the mother. If sperm donor, the father is still the father.
So I'm very anxious to know how this will play out in resolve to our children. It's kind of amazing to be on the cusp of this US historical event, but I'm ready for it to be that...history.
So, it varies A LOT state-by-state.
The short answer is that IF you are legally married, and that marriage is recognized in the state that you live in, then yes both moms should be listed on the birth certificate from day one. However, this is not always the case, unfortunately, depending on what state you are in, how long same-sex marriages have been legally recognized there, and basically how many couples have come before you to blaze a trail in your state/city/hospital so that the kinks are ironed out and folks know what to do when two moms come in having a baby and both wanted to be listed on the birth certificate.
Pennsylvania started recognizing same-sex marriages 3 weeks before Will was born. We had talked to our lawyer (who was handling our second parent adoption for us already) in advance, and she felt fairly confident that given the ruling to recognize same-sex marriages, that both of our names would be on the birth certificate from day one. We brought our marriage certificate (issued in New York in 2012) with us to the hospital, and we had our lawyer on stand by to talk to the hospital administrators if they gave us an issue or were confused about what to do.
Well, after Will was born, we were confused with what to do with some of the forms for the birth certificate, etc., so we called our lawyer and she talked us through it. We crossed out "father" and wrote "parent 2" and put my wife's name. Our lawyer faxed over a letter to the hospital administrator, and that was handed in along with the forms for generating the birth certificate. The hospital told us that we were the first same-sex couple to request both names on the birth certificate, but that it made sense to them, and that given the letter from our lawyer, and a copy of our marriage certificate, they had no problem submitting the forms as we had filled them out to the state.
The way that it works in PA is that the hospital sends all paperwork to Harrisburg, and within 2 weeks we get the official birth certificate in the mail from the state. We fully expected the birth certificate to arrive with both of our names on it given our experience at the hospital. It didn't. The birth certificate came in the mail 2 weeks after he was born as expected, but it had my name listed as mother, and their was a spot that read "Father: Unknown." I don't know why I was shocked, but I was.
I think a lot of it depends on who is processing your paperwork, what they are used to doing, and whether or not they are willing to stop and ask a question and potentially deviate from their norm. I am willing to bet when PA ruled to recognize same-sex marriages, that no one talked to and trained the administrators in the birth certificate office on what this might mean for them.
So anyway, it was supposed to work, but it didn't. Obviously we can challenge it to have it corrected. We decided not to go that route since we had already filed with the Court for our Second Parent Adoption, and part of that process involved issuing a new birth certificate.
Our lawyer was REALLY fired up about the birth certificate issue, and she asked if we would be willing for her to use us as an example with the ACLU on this issue (I didn't get a ton of details on what that would mean)... we said sure, but that before our names are used in any form of media, we would want to specifically approve that. We haven't heard anything else about that, so I am not sure what ever happened there.
We do have our Second Parent Adoption Hearing in November though, so we will have our corrected birth certificate in hand before Will turns 6 months. All things considered, we will take it and just be grateful that we have that protection in our state.
In terms of what can be done legally for the period "in between" once the baby(ies) is born, but before there is an adoption or a correct birth certificate issued... we drew up several agreements with our lawyer in advance of Will's birth to protect my wife. We had a Will, Power of Attorney, Living Will, etc. drawn up giving my wife medical decision making over me and the baby, and documenting that the baby should go to my wife should anything happen to me. We also signed an assignment of temporary guardianship agreement that gave my wife the same rights as me while our adoption was pending. The thing is, it all depends on the state, and more specifically the judge, in terms of whether or not those documents would hold up in Court in a state where same-sex marriage isn't recognized and there is no second parent adoption. Let's just hope none of us ever have to find out. At any rate, having the documents made us feel more protected, and that alone was worth the time and money to have them put into place.
One more thing I will note in my VERY long response here (sorry about that!) is that my wife and I have been very much pleasantly surprised by how literally NO ONE has questioned my wife's legal right to medical decision making. When Will was in the NICU, when he was in the hospital for a week when he was 4 weeks old, and even just for regular check-ups at the pediatrician's office... my wife signs for things all of the time, and no one has ever questioned. Care providers have always treated us both as parents in terms of medical decision making, and no one has ever once said that my wife can't be the one to consent, or sign a document, etc. We even asked when Will was in the hospital because we weren't sure, and we were told repeatedly that either of us could sign to authorize procedures, and they addressed us both as parents every time. I think this likely also depends on where you live and who you are dealing with as well... I am not naïve enough to think it is like that everywhere. However, it was really reassuring to us to know that for the most part, when it mattered, we were both acknowledged as parents from the beginning!
Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012
5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN
Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer! *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581 *********William George born June 4, 2014*********Our lawyer specializes in LGBT family issues, and 70% of her business is Second Parent Adoptions and Estate Planning. We found her through a local LGBT family organization called Philadelphia Family Pride. We went to their annual conference in 2012, and this lawyer was on a panel discussing assisted reproduction. We talked to her after the panel discussion and got her card. She is awesome, and super knowledgeable!
I would say if you can't get a referral from a friend/acquaintance for a local attorney, then perhaps look for local community organizations that have contacts. We left that conference with a lawyer, a financial planner and many other connections with expertise in the LGBT family planning space. Highly recommend!
Me - 30, My wife - 31 , Together for 10 yrs - Married August 2012
5 medicated IUIs w/ RE (March - July 2013) = BFN
Fresh IVF Cycle in September 2013 resulted in 18 mature eggs, 16 fertilized, 12 made it to day 5. Transfer of 2 Grade A blastocysts on 9/15/13, and 10 embryos in the freezer! *****BFP on 9/25/13 - betas: @10dp5dt = 232; @12dp5dt = 465; @15dp5dt = 1,581 *********William George born June 4, 2014*********