re: trying to decide whether to conceive

audgepodge88 · September 2014

Hi everyone. My husband & I are trying to decide whether to try to conceive. I know there is no perfect time to have a baby, but we are trying to consider our options & how they tie into our current and possible future lives. My husband works full time. I work full time and just started a three year part time Master's program. So far I feel comfortable in my master's program. I take 2 classes in the fall & spring semesters & one class in the summer semester. The most difficult class is happening now, and the next most difficult will be next fall. I have a supportive employer when it comes to school and family. I also have very good insurance. I am concerned about balancing working full time, going to school, and being pregnant/having a child. I worry about not giving everything adequate attention.

On the flip side, I worry about waiting three years to finish school before trying to conceive. I plan to switch employers so I would be with an unfamiliar agency with potentially not great insurance. I also worry about having difficulty conceiving. I will be 31 when I finish, and I worry that I may need to see specialists to become pregnant. My mom told me she had some difficulty conceiving me, and she was in her early 20s when pregnant.

Has anyone been in this situation? If so, how did you make the decision you did and what were the results? Thanks

TMos84 · September 2014

I think you and your DH need to have an honest conversation about expectations and level of responsibility and your roles. Since you are in school, he might need to step up if you end up having a baby while doing your masters program and you guys need to know what you will be comfortable with. Also, do you have the option of decreasing your hours at work? Maybe only working 6 hours a day, or taking every other friday off or something like that? I have some friends with some creative schedules that allow them to still work 40 hours, but maybe 4x10 or 9 hours a day, and then they get every other Friday off on their 2 week pay period. Good luck with whatever you decide!

mamab3ar · September 2014

If it is a decision you decide to make, I just wanted to offer support and say it is possible. I had my son my senior year of high school and finished with more credits than I actually needed to graduate after making up a semester's worth of work (I took the second half of junior year off). I was in my second year of undergrad when I had DD. It is a challenge to adjust but once in the rhythm it worked. Now here I am just starting my master's (I will be done Dec. 2015 - two courses per 10 week session) and DH and I are starting NTNP whereas we had been strictly preventing. I also work part to full time (it depends on the season) and am acting secretary on the executive board of a non profit organization. So I just wanted to say it is possible to do, but it obviously depends on your situation and how much you and your DH can handle.

Beevol · September 2014

I had miserable all day sickness with both my pregnancies which got progressively worse throughout the day and ended with me in bed no later than 8 pm after barfing a lot - if I had been in school I would have had to quit while I was pregnant. But, there was no way to know that before I got pregnant. You might have those wonderful happy, glowing, I-never-felt-healthier pregnancies that some very lucky women who I hate have - and then, if you waited, you'll be kicking yourself.

The thing about pregnancy and having a baby is that it is unpredictable and uncontrollable. You simply cannot plan out how it's going to go. I see two worst case scenarios: 1. you wait and then have trouble TTC and suffer from IF or 2. you go ahead and TTC now, get pregnant right away and have the type of pregnancies I had that make you need to quit school for a semester or two. (Not to mention all of the other scenarios that are possible that would also suck a lot or all of the scenarios that are equally likely that would be fabulous). Which would be worse for you personally to deal with?

eleathers · September 2014

I feel like I'm in a similar situation. Currently, my husband works from home part-time, and onsite the other half. I'm away from home (en route to/from work at work) for about 10 1/4 hours per day and am pretty tired when I get home. I have fantastic benefits and a steady job. I would prefer to change jobs to something closer to home and more stimulating, but I also don't want to put off TTC for too long. I'm 26, which is young just like you, but feel like balancing something new would be tough while balancing pregnancy and eventually a baby.

strickland8052 · September 2014

Does your masters program HAVE to be completed in three years? If you ended up feeling stressed with baby/school/work, could you cut down to just one class instead of two? If you had a rough pregnancy, could you just take a semester off? Is there any rush to get your masters?

I don't have a baby, but I did just finish my masters while working full time. When I first started the program, I had high hopes of taking two or three classes every semester and finishing in two years. Then I got engaged and added wedding planning to my to do list. It was stressful, so I decided to slow it down to just one class at a time. I even decided to take one summer off to think through my thesis more.

Am I glad that I prolonged my graduate degree twice as long as what it could have been? ABSOLUTELY! Receiving my masters was anti-climatic. 90% of people in my field don't even have a masters, so no one will even care that I have it until I have 10 plus years of work experience. I already have my dream job, so the degree didn't prompt a career change. My employer couldn't give me a pay raise. Nothing changed whatsoever after graduation, other than my confidence in knowing that I could finish a thesis.

I don't know what your particular situation is, but if there is no rush to finish your masters quickly... I recommend going ahead and TTC and doing the masters simultaneously. Like a PP said, you have no way of knowing if you would even get pregnant right away, have a rough pregnancy, have a whiny/sleepy baby, etc, etc. Once you are actually in the situation, you could re-evaluate to determine what is too much for you. Worst case scenario - you take a couple of years away from school and return when the baby is in preschool.

With that said, if your program does not allow for that kind of flexibility, then I would think twice about doing both at the same time.

amorcito27 · October 2014

I agree with all of the above as it really depends what type of situation your DH is in and whether or not it will bother you if you have to take time away from your Master's. My DH and I both got our Master's at the same time while working full-time and there were weeks when I had class Monday and Wednesday night and he had class Tuesday and Thursday night - we barely saw each other this semester. I can't imagine being pregnant or raising a child at the same time. However, there were at least 2 pregnant women in my program (one of which already had a kid at home), but I got the feeling from her that she was able to do a lot, if not most, of her school work at her day job which allowed for her to have more time outside of work and class for her kid. If I am remembering correctly, she was only taking one class a semester though so while challenging, it may have been easier to handle. If you think you can make it work, go for it If not, 31 will not make you an old mom! The average age of women in my area that TTC for baby #1 are 35+. I actually feel too young (at least in my region of the world) to be TTC and I'm 29.

MoseyAnkles · October 2014

I waited to conceive and then started having health issues at 27. Thankfully I was young and I found a good doc who helped me through it and I gave birth to twin boys in 2008 and my wife just had a girl in March. Yes, waiting may mean that you are "wasting" your best childbearing years and then you could have problems later. But you don't know the future, and children are a huge responsibility. It is better to take control of when YOU want to have kids, IMO. In my case, the fertility issues had a happy ending and I hope that is also the case for you should problems arise. Life is too short to spend it worrying about what-ifs, just live your life

re: trying to decide whether to conceive

Re: re: trying to decide whether to conceive

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