Let's talk about rudeness and tacky shit again!

wishiwaspreggo · October 2014

@beatlesgal4 - The number one rule of hosting a party of ANY sort is to make sure there is more than enough food and drink for everyone. Always, ALWAYS make what you think is too much, because it WILL get eaten. I'm embarrassed when I realize I may not have made enough food (it's only happened a couple times because I almost always make way too much but I've underestimated the appetites of 6 hungry lesbians - always the lesbians, I swear). Even then there was enough, technically, but I always think it's not enough unless there's at least 1/4 remaining in the dishes. Shame on your aunt for being a stingy hostess. There is nothing worse. Just because SHE doesn't like to eat doesn't mean she should impose her habits on her family members! If there's too much food you don't have to eat it. If there's not enough food you don't have a choice but to wish you had more. NO.

@jessrich522 - Wow. Your MIL sounds like a lovely lady. Good thing she lives in AZ and you're across the country!

CoozieInMyPurse · October 2014

chilibeansm0m said:

Oh hell to the no. I just had a terrible experience in July. It was a friend I've known since 6th grade getting married. When she asked me to be a bridesmaid she said I could bring dd when necessary. That turned out to be a lie. I got the flu for her bachelorette party. Not on purpose obviously and when I texted her that I had been off work all week with a doc's note she said she could replace me if this was too much for me. Wtf. I had the flu! Then when the wedding got closer she sent an email to the bridal party saying how she wants to be stress free the day of (good luck with that) so all of us need to be there at 8 even though the hair lady won't get to us til noon. Maybe. We all frickin sat there watching her get her hair and makeup done for hours. It was only one girl doing it. I could have shown up at 10 and still sat around. I was pissed. Nobody else had kids so nobody cared that I was sad about being away from dd the entire day. She even referred to herself in the 3rd person which irritated me extra. She kept saying, "remember, happy (name)." So we cut out from the wedding hella early. I was exchausted and over it. We didn't talk for a month. I've seen her once since. She texted me yesterday asking how I'm doing but I honestly haven't had time to respond. It sucks but sometimes you see the true colors of someone during their wedding.

Wait, you need a doctor's note to excuse yourself from a party? Red flag right there...

071115 · October 2014

I went to the store today just to pick up an ice tea and the guy behind the counter was on the phone the whole time having a personal call. Really? Say hold on a second please do your job then talk!!! Ugh

meandthebirds · October 2014

We had a small wedding at a water garden last minute instead of a courthouse because it cost the same and we didn't want family to be left out. My husbands so called best friend messaged him upset about not being invited while we hadn't received an invitation or save the date to the wedding he had been planning for a year. He had the nerve to tell my husband you know where the church is just show up. Without a date or time and the reception was invite only. To top it all off my husband had been talking to him about being in his wedding like they had always planned and did not find out he was not in the party until the wedding party list was posted on the website.

meandthebirds · October 2014

melissat2742 said:
When my cousin got married they decided to get married in Las Vegas....everybody in my family got invited (cousins and all) except for me....I got told by my aunt and uncle (cousins parents) that I had to stay home and play watcher to all of the family pets...

Fast forward to my wedding....I told my husband that I wanted a small family wedding...I wanted to know everybody there...my in-laws got at hold of some of our invites and sent them out to a bunch of their friends that neither one of us knew...so our small family-close friends wedding turned into a big didn't know most of the people that showed up wedding. I was upset that it turned into the wedding they never had.

That is so messed up. Did you have a talk with then about respecting your wishes?

Sugarplum0217 · October 2014

Wow these are horrible!! I really can't believe the second baby showers asking for gifts for the older kids!

My MOH at my first wedding was horrible. She was my best friend since kindergarten and didn't think she would accept being in the bridal party if she couldn't afford it or wanted to be involved. Well she made my mom plan my bridal shower, who just ended footing the bill for it and having another bridesmaid plan it. I found out way after the fact, so embarrassed. I had to buy her bridesmaids dress since she couldn't afford it and then she told me she was reusing it for another wedding she was in a couple months after mine!! My SIL threw my bachelorette and ended up paying for my MOH's portion to go, who ended up leaving after an hour.

Fast forward to the next year when my MOH is getting married. She asked me to help with her bridal belt, which she couldn't afford one so I made one for her!!! I helped with the invitations, talking to vendors, helping her pick flowers and finding her good deals online for the decor and things. I didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

I'm going to a baby shower tonight for a coworker who is moving in a couple months. She's barely 12 weeks if that. We are all forced to get big "gifts" not giftcards. And we were told to bring diapers in addition to gifts. She's moving very soon I wouldn't want to move with all of that stuff, especially as she's getting bigger!! I had bought her a giftcard for food after the baby is born and was told I need to get a gift so she has things to open! Now I have to go to the store before work this morning!

Tackiness galore!

DM718 · October 2014

These stories bring more to mind! They all seem to involve my aunts, since I guess we have to deal with aunts, even if their values are pretty different from ours. I'll throw out a couple more from my family!

My mother's sister likes to think she is the perfect hostess, and is very thoughtful of *certain* guests. These *certain* guests are from out of town (at a minimum, they generally have traveled at least 1,000 miles to visit us, and in some cases have come to Boston from South Africa). They are all also Muslim. It has been decided by her that they all eat halal, and it must be from their ethnic group (I am comfortable saying there is varying levels of orthodoxy among these guests, and as well traveled people, I really doubt they only want their ethnic cuisine). Anyways, I'm a pescaterian, so I'm fine with "catering" to different requirements, and honestly don't think it's nearly as difficult as she makes it.

That said, it's always a big deal to "cater" to these family members, and it's always done at the cost of accommodating those of us who she lives closer to.

A couple of years ago, a cousin who lives in Minneapolis traveled to visit the family in Boston with his new bride, a native of Morocco. Mrs. Super-hostess decided to host a family meal at a Moroccan restaurant - sounds pretty cool, right? Just about everything about it was wrong in my opinion.

First, we were all invited over for "brunch" before driving to this restaurant - so I showed up at her house, maybe at 10 AM for a couple of pieces of toast. I had gone running that morning (my error), so this was hardly enough to hold me over till our "late lunch", which was around 2:00. This side of the family seems to love these in-between meal times where you suffer until you're famished if you keep normal meal times, but that's another issue. I think they all believe "late lunch" is a way to save money by not eating / serving both lunch and dinner.

This meal was held in a restaurant about 45 minutes away - not a fun drive when you're pretty hungry, but needless to say we'd built up an appetite by the time we got there. I drove with my aunt's husband and their daughter, and her husband was asking why we were going so far away when there was a well regarded Moroccan restaurant significantly closer. The answer was clear when we pulled up - this was a hole-in-the-wall, former pizza shop that you probably wouldn't make a big deal of bringing guests from far away to. Money is not an issue on this side of the family, but they are as cheap as can be.

Menus come out and we start reviewing what we'd like. Turns out that didn't matter - my aunt went ahead and ordered for all of us. She decided that she didn't want us to look like gluttonous Americans, so she ordered half the number of entrees as there were guests. Each entree was a big pile of couscous and about 3/4 cup of the main ingredient. The couscous is filler - it doesn't have much nourishment to it. In addition, only her preferences seemed to matter. There was one veggie entree to be shared with about a dozen people. So I got about half a carrot and some raisins on a pile of couscous. There was one chicken dish, and the rest was lamb. I know my sister views lamb similar to veal, so she was in a similar boat as me - next to nothing to eat after this morning. All beverage orders were somehow vetoed - all we got was water until dessert (then we got some tea, which is ultimately flavored water, lacking in calories). She ordered about a half dozen tiny cookies for dessert, and cut them in half to hand around. Each serving was about the size of a quarter.

Anyways, by the end of this meal, I'd managed to make it to 4:00 on about 300 calories. Really not feeling up for a 45 minute ride home. At this point, my aunt asks me and my cousin to pick up pastries at an italian bakery in the city. We have no energy to argue this point, and comply. When we return to her house, I pretty much immediately excuse myself to a quiet room and fall asleep. At least one of my cousins does, too, and my sister was somehow fortunate enough to go straight home and avoid any more of this. Later, everyone kind of reconvenes, and the fact that some of us fell asleep after lunch as proof of how gluttonous lunch was (like Thanksgiving), when in reality, we're all kind of malnourished. She then proceeded to serve the cannolis she had us buy, but cut them into 1/4s, since american's are far too gluttonous and we must pretend not to be american. The kicker is that she had us pick up a piece of cheesecake that she did not share with anyone.

On the same note of choosing to cater to the muslim crowd without providing for others - last spring a great-uncle was visiting from South Africa. She asked me to bring dessert. Around 5:30 PM, my mum forwards an email to me (received shortly before). It basically said "we're having lamb biriyani - D will eat everything but the lamb, right?". Um, I haven't eaten farm animals in nearly 20 years, and the biriyani was basically chuncks of lamb with lentils stuck to it like barnicles, and maybe 2 potatoes cut into 1/8s. I could scrape lentils off of lamb and take way more than my portion of potatoes, or try to come up with my own solution. FI convinced me that since I had to pick up dessert, I should just get myself a sandwich at Panera, so that's what I did. I set it aside to have with dinner, so I could eat with everyone else. I know this was not ideal, but at this point it was clear that there was nothing prepared for me to eat. When my aunt noticed this (my sandwich bag in the kitchen next to my purse) and my mum explained, she pretty loudly told my mum that I should eat the biriyani like everyone else, and avoid the lamb (90% of the dish). I was in another room and overheard the whole thing - it was quite loud, she was clearly bothered by the fact that I didn't change my values to eat lamb and that I thought eating dinner was kind of important (though she completely understands that she shouldn't serve ham to these relatives). My great-uncle and I had a good time chatting about being thoughtful about what we eat, but this was another meal that makes me question if I should ever attend a meal planned by this aunt without eating beforehand and keeping a snickers bar in my purse in case nothing is provided for me.

djoliet · October 2014

When my son turned 3, I had his party at a place with lots of little bouncy houses. Since they charged per kid, I paid for and invited 15 kids, close cousin s and friends from daycare. On his dad's side of the family, he has cousins on his mom's side that have a lot of kids and they're bad. They'd be mean to my son when they did see him, just had no discipline or control from their parents. Of course I didn't invite any of my them. The day of the party, who walks in, the kids I just mentioned. Turns out my ex mil invited them
behind my back just like she did the year before when we did it at Chuck E Cheese. Luckily some of the kids invited didn't show up so I didn't have to pay for the extra kids. After the party we went to ex mil house and so did her family that was there. Someone got into my son's gifts and stole a $25 gift card he gotten as a gift! Who steals from a 3 year old on his birthday?? Last year we had his party at my house so if she did invite any of them again, none of them showed up, thank goodness

lifewrite · October 2014

Chuggles1013 said:
Wow these are horrible!! I really can't believe the second baby showers asking for gifts for the older kids!

My MOH at my first wedding was horrible. She was my best friend since kindergarten and didn't think she would accept being in the bridal party if she couldn't afford it or wanted to be involved. Well she made my mom plan my bridal shower, who just ended footing the bill for it and having another bridesmaid plan it. I found out way after the fact, so embarrassed. I had to buy her bridesmaids dress since she couldn't afford it and then she told me she was reusing it for another wedding she was in a couple months after mine!! My SIL threw my bachelorette and ended up paying for my MOH's portion to go, who ended up leaving after an hour.

Fast forward to the next year when my MOH is getting married. She asked me to help with her bridal belt, which she couldn't afford one so I made one for her!!! I helped with the invitations, talking to vendors, helping her pick flowers and finding her good deals online for the decor and things. I didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

I'm going to a baby shower tonight for a coworker who is moving in a couple months. She's barely 12 weeks if that. We are all forced to get big "gifts" not giftcards. And we were told to bring diapers in addition to gifts. She's moving very soon I wouldn't want to move with all of that stuff, especially as she's getting bigger!! I had bought her a giftcard for food after the baby is born and was told I need to get a gift so she has things to open! Now I have to go to the store before work this morning!

Tackiness galore!

You don't "have"to do anything. It's called a gift. I would just show up with the gift card you planned on giving. Who is dictating to you what gift you bring?

071115 · October 2014

lifewrite said:

Chuggles1013 said:
Wow these are horrible!! I really can't believe the second baby showers asking for gifts for the older kids!

My MOH at my first wedding was horrible. She was my best friend since kindergarten and didn't think she would accept being in the bridal party if she couldn't afford it or wanted to be involved. Well she made my mom plan my bridal shower, who just ended footing the bill for it and having another bridesmaid plan it. I found out way after the fact, so embarrassed. I had to buy her bridesmaids dress since she couldn't afford it and then she told me she was reusing it for another wedding she was in a couple months after mine!! My SIL threw my bachelorette and ended up paying for my MOH's portion to go, who ended up leaving after an hour.

Fast forward to the next year when my MOH is getting married. She asked me to help with her bridal belt, which she couldn't afford one so I made one for her!!! I helped with the invitations, talking to vendors, helping her pick flowers and finding her good deals online for the decor and things. I didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

I'm going to a baby shower tonight for a coworker who is moving in a couple months. She's barely 12 weeks if that. We are all forced to get big "gifts" not giftcards. And we were told to bring diapers in addition to gifts. She's moving very soon I wouldn't want to move with all of that stuff, especially as she's getting bigger!! I had bought her a giftcard for food after the baby is born and was told I need to get a gift so she has things to open! Now I have to go to the store before work this morning!

Tackiness galore!
You don't "have"to do anything. It's called a gift. I would just show up with the gift card you planned on giving. Who is dictating to you what gift you bring?

Agreed or put the gift card in a pretty box so she can open it!

kcbizme · October 2014

Chuggles1013 said:

Wow these are horrible!! I really can't believe the second baby showers asking for gifts for the older kids!

My MOH at my first wedding was horrible. She was my best friend since kindergarten and didn't think she would accept being in the bridal party if she couldn't afford it or wanted to be involved. Well she made my mom plan my bridal shower, who just ended footing the bill for it and having another bridesmaid plan it. I found out way after the fact, so embarrassed. I had to buy her bridesmaids dress since she couldn't afford it and then she told me she was reusing it for another wedding she was in a couple months after mine!! My SIL threw my bachelorette and ended up paying for my MOH's portion to go, who ended up leaving after an hour.

Fast forward to the next year when my MOH is getting married. She asked me to help with her bridal belt, which she couldn't afford one so I made one for her!!! I helped with the invitations, talking to vendors, helping her pick flowers and finding her good deals online for the decor and things. I didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

I'm going to a baby shower tonight for a coworker who is moving in a couple months. She's barely 12 weeks if that. We are all forced to get big "gifts" not giftcards. And we were told to bring diapers in addition to gifts. She's moving very soon I wouldn't want to move with all of that stuff, especially as she's getting bigger!! I had bought her a giftcard for food after the baby is born and was told I need to get a gift so she has things to open! Now I have to go to the store before work this morning! Tackiness galore!

No. Just no to all of this!

kcbizme · October 2014

My first contribution to the tacky/rudeness thread!

My SO was out of town with his dad and his sister's boyfriend all weekend. They left Thursday and got back yesterday. After talking to his ex-wife and trying to work out details about him getting his daughter, she tells me that he said they should probably be back by 3:30 or so.

3:30 rolls around and no SO. When he goes on these boys' weekends, he turns his phone off and I don't get to talk to him until he gets back, so he likes to surprise me by just showing up instead of calling and letting me know exactly when he'll be home because he loves my reaction. 4:30 rolls around, no SO.

Finally, I send his mom a text at 8:00 asking if she had heard anything from them because I thought for sure they would have been back by then and I am starting to get worried. I get no response. Then, about 5 minutes later, I get a call from SO. He felt bad because he knew I was starting to worry and he just gave up on the surprise to save me from worrying any more.

Come to find out, his mother and sister had a "girl's day" and then went down to his parents' house (45 minutes away) to wait for the boys to come home. They cooked dinner for the boys and then they guilted him into going to their bible study and made him stay to eat after, knowing good and well that I was waiting anxiously at home. I got no phone call, not even so much as a text message letting me know that they were planning on cooking for the boys and that they were going to be coming straight to her house. So I was completely left out of the whole thing.

This is the same MIL who 4 days prior asked if I was going to let her be in the delivery room when I give birth.

Edit: words.

Want a personalized experience?

Let's talk about rudeness and tacky shit again!

Re: Let's talk about rudeness and tacky shit again!

Choose Another Board

Search Boards