Making mommy friends?

jerzeemomma · October 2014

After living in NYC for 10 years, in the past year and a half I got married, moved to the burbs and am now preg. Most of my girlfriends from the city are still single so our lifestyles are pretty different these days, plus I'm not right around the corner anymore.

Everyone says you end up making "mommy friends" after having kids. I'm wondering how this normally ends up happening and when does it start? Anyone have suggestions for a FTM in a new town? Thanks!!

tinypug · October 2014

No suggestions since I'm in pretty much the same situation as you are, but I look forward to hearing what others have to say!

nomnommama · October 2014

I live in NYC! I have a great group of mom friends that I met from a class we all took for new first time moms. We found it through the website meetup.com. You can also see if your area has a local MOMs chapter. And I am also a huge fan of brazenly walking up to other moms on the playground and asking for their numbers for play dates.
Good luck! Mom friends are essential for wine dates...I mean also kids, yay!

ngolimento · October 2014

Playgroups, local LaLech leagues, library groups, etc. Just start googling for mommy groups in your area. Hell, my prenatal yoga class has a mommy FB group. They're everywhere.

Skrittens · October 2014

I'm in the same boat - I work in NYC and live just outside. I met some friends at prenatal yoga - but the downside for me is that most women in my area are stay at home moms- so I can't get together ever during the week due to my job. I am hoping to meet people through church and perhaps a meet up group. I met some of the best friends I have about 6 years ago from a book club meet up group in the city I used to live.

We should at some point have a TB NYC metro meet up - that would be fun!

Mic512 · October 2014

Try & join mom groups as early as possible. With DS it was really hard to join one by the time I realized I needed some mom friends (he was about 6 mths old). By then groups were already established and not interested in new members.

kmvisioli · October 2014

Gym classes, storytime at the library, baby classes (like mommy and me groups), or mom-specific groups like MOPS are great places to meet people! Especially if you're like me and not one to just go up to new people at a park or coffee shop.

kmvisioli · October 2014

Good luck, btw! I'm a little nervous about how friendships will shift after baby arrives as well.

052806 · October 2014

Making mommy friends is literally like dating. When my son was about 4 months old, I signed up to try out a few different Mommy & Me classes. I went to each and decided which would be the best fit for us. I based a lot of my decision on where I felt most comfortable and felt that I could make the most friends- may sound shallow, but I was going to these classes for me as much as for him.

I chose correctly because 5 years later, I am still good friends with a lot of the women I met there.

Over time my circle has expanded as my kids have done new activities and my friends introduced me to their friends, and so on.

I am not one to randomly start talking to people at the park, but I went to these classes with a purpose: to make friends.. and I did. I am also lucky because a lot of my existing friends were in the same phase of life as me.. their kids may not have been exactly the same age, but a lot of us were in the baby having phase.

MrsZ1891 · October 2014

I grew apart from a lot of my friends after I had DD. Our life styles were just too different after I became a mom. I finally joined a mom's group when DD was 18 mths and it saved my life and my sanity! I also have no problem talking to other moms at the park. It definitely takes some effort to find new friends and it is sort of like dating...

Christina1939 · October 2014

I agree with everything everyone has said about taking classes targeted at moms & kids to make friends. Also, when your little one starts preschool or school, it becomes a lot easier to build relationships because you see the parents daily. I gained the majority of my mom friends once my son was in preschool/kindergarten.

Also if you live in a neighborhood where there are a lot of families, walk around in the evenings or go to the parks and you will meet the other moms. My most invaluable friends are my neighbors with children of similar age, given the convenience of being in walking distance to each other, we rely on each other a lot more then my friends who live farther (which requires more scheduling etc. for an impromptu playdate).

JenLa21 · October 2014

It is really hard to make friends as an adult. But I agree with everyone here. Joining a new moms club, or mommy and me type classes is a great way to do it. I am a SAHM and in my neighborhood in NYC, it's mostly nannies with the kids in class or in the park. Which is actually fine for me since I was a nanny for a long time before I had DS. So I can really relate to them, as much as I do other moms.

cafecreme · October 2014

I kinda have 1 friend after 16 months. But, she's about 30 minutes from me, and the drive can be hard. I'm still trying to figure it out. We do story time 2x/wk and I'm in a bunch of local groups, and still having difficulty. I don't know it it's just that sometimes I don't feel like putting the effort in, because I'm more of a loner, or is it just that women don't like me.

Stargirlb · October 2014

Peledreamsofrain said:
Playgroups, local LaLech leagues, library groups, etc. Just start googling for mommy groups in your area. Hell, my prenatal yoga class has a mommy FB group. They're everywhere.

This!

Having a new kid is an easy way to make new friends because you have an instant reason to get together-- play date! Even with babies who can't play. Haha

I was new to town with my first baby and met a ton of new friends through drop in playgroup and stroller stride fitness. Getting involved in lots of these things will make it easier to meet ppl and then you just have to not be afraid to take the first step and invite someone over or out for coffee, for a walk, etc! I usually make the first move and I've never been turned down. Usually if other ladies are at these things, it's for the exact same reasons and they are stoked to get together

LBeez13 · October 2014

I haven't joined any mommy groups or anything since I work and most meet ups are during work hours. I do notice that my husband and I now just gravitate towards others with kids. For example, we have started hanging out more with some of his coworkers that have kids. I think it just becomes easier to spend time with others in the same boat because they understand that dinners can't start at 8 or 9 when that is bed time. My single group of friends will always schedule dinners at 8:30 and invite both of us which makes it hard when we do not have a sitter. I still try and maintain friendships with my single friends but it is definitely much easier to hang out with those with kids because they are usually much more understanding of random things.

ashleyrh661 · October 2014

Why is making friends as an adult so hard??? Why can't we just go up to another mom at the park and be like "I'm a mom , you're a mom. You look cool. Let's be friends." It's not that easy. I met one of my best friends through a meetup mom group. She moved to a new state about a year ago and I had to start all over. I've joined a moms night out group on meetup and have met some fun ladies. Join some classes with baby and on your own. And don't let it get you down if it takes time to make a connection with another mom. I know for me it took awhile and I got discouraged. But keep trying and put yourself out there.

Stargirlb · October 2014

ashleyrh661 said:
Why is making friends as an adult so hard??? Why can't we just go up to another mom at the park and be like "I'm a mom , you're a mom. You look cool. Let's be friends." It's not that easy. I met one of my best friends through a meetup mom group. She moved to a new state about a year ago and I had to start all over. I've joined a moms night out group on meetup and have met some fun ladies. Join some classes with baby and on your own. And don't let it get you down if it takes time to make a connection with another mom. I know for me it took awhile and I got discouraged. But keep trying and put yourself out there.

You just have to make the first move. If I like someone I meet at say, playgroup, after chatting, then I will say something like 'hey, it was nice talking to you... will you be here next week?' If they aren't sure I'll say well here's my number, text me next time you plan to go. After meeting a couple times, I would suggest meeting at the park or going for lunch with the kids after the play date or something. Then after a successful "date," feel free to invite them to your house the next week which is more intimate and takes it to the realm of a real friendship.

It's a lot like dating! Haha. Remember that most women are just as shy/unsure about making new mom friends so they will probably appreciate you taking the lead like you've done it a zillion times. That was my mental trick the first couple times, just acting like I was super experienced in this mommy friendship thing and that gave me the confidence to just invite ppl to do stuff. (I'm an introvert and this stuff doesn't really come naturally to me at all)

ashleyrh661 · October 2014

Stargirlb said:

ashleyrh661 said:
Why is making friends as an adult so hard??? Why can't we just go up to another mom at the park and be like "I'm a mom , you're a mom. You look cool. Let's be friends." It's not that easy. I met one of my best friends through a meetup mom group. She moved to a new state about a year ago and I had to start all over. I've joined a moms night out group on meetup and have met some fun ladies. Join some classes with baby and on your own. And don't let it get you down if it takes time to make a connection with another mom. I know for me it took awhile and I got discouraged. But keep trying and put yourself out there.
You just have to make the first move. If I like someone I meet at say, playgroup, after chatting, then I will say something like 'hey, it was nice talking to you... will you be here next week?' If they aren't sure I'll say well here's my number, text me next time you plan to go. After meeting a couple times, I would suggest meeting at the park or going for lunch with the kids after the play date or something. Then after a successful "date," feel free to invite them to your house the next week which is more intimate and takes it to the realm of a real friendship.

It's a lot like dating! Haha. Remember that most women are just as shy/unsure about making new mom friends so they will probably appreciate you taking the lead like you've done it a zillion times. That was my mental trick the first couple times, just acting like I was super experienced in this mommy friendship thing and that gave me the confidence to just invite ppl to do stuff. (I'm an introvert and this stuff doesn't really come naturally to me at all)

Um... I'm fine doing this now. I was just giving the original poster advise. Not looking for it myself. What I was trying to convey (which maybe I didn't well enough) is that sometimes it takes awhile to make a "real" friend quickly. I've made a lot of superficial friends since becoming a mom. But only a few really close friends.

071115 · October 2014

I moved to a small town when I got pregnant with my first. I went to a parent and tots group, so I met a lot of mommy friends there. Then when my son went to preschool and school I met more, and at hockey.

jerzeemomma · October 2014

Thanks so much, everyone! I will definitely try these ideas. I think I can even start while still pregnant by signing up for a prenatal yoga class or something (will also be good since I haven't exercised in 4 months haha).

I appreciate all the encouragement, especially about making the first move. Puts things in perspective to remember that other moms or soon to be moms probably feel exactly the same way.

You guys are the best! Too bad you all don't live near me

thejucheidea · October 2014

Fortunately, one of our good married couples just had a baby who will be six months old when beta is born. They'll probably be our only parent friends and I am 110% fine with that.

mangomimosa · October 2014

@WAMOM‌ I LOL'ed at your post/pic here hahaaaa!!

I am excited for mom friends... I have a lot of trouble in this area. Thanks for making this post!

goofygoff · October 2014

I've lived in Seattle for 27 years. The Seattle Freeze is very real.

A guy visiting from NYC once told a group of us, "In NY, 'fuck you' means 'hello'. In Seattle, 'hello' means 'fuck you'." I've only been to the former once (and my friends from there will vouch), but the latter is definitely spot on.

goofygoff · October 2014

etoille said:

goofygoff said:

I've lived in Seattle for 27 years. The Seattle Freeze is very real.

A guy visiting from NYC once told a group of us, "In NY, 'fuck you' means 'hello'. In Seattle, 'hello' means 'fuck you'." I've only been to the former once (and my friends from there will vouch), but the latter is definitely spot on.

That is seriously asinine.

It really is. A vast majority of my friends are transplants.

But this, coupled with the weather, has me lobbying to move back down to CA once I get my degree.

copperrose · October 2014

I actually have a good group of friends through our local nest board. I joined it when I moved to this area and just hit at the right time as they were moving over to FB. Not all of them have kids but I would say 90% of them do and we get together often as little and larger groups. My husband is now good friends with one of their husbands and we get together as families often.

Before that the few couples with kids we would get together with there just wasn't much tying us together other than the kids and it was a little awkward, the FB interaction has really helped me develop friendships that don't immediately get thrown into hanging out. Seriously, it's like online dating!

thursday · October 2014

As you enroll your child in different activities, daycare etc. you will meet other parents and you can schedule play dates and get to know them.

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