my bf thinks i cheated!!!

aerotigergirl · October 2014

@Lindsay16F - I seriously have no problem at all with your age. The only reason I brought it up at all was that your OP on this thread contradicted information you gave in a different thread, and when that happens, it's usually MUD.

I'm sorry you're in this position with your BF. If he doesn't believe you, and chooses to end the relationship over it (is this something he's threatened at this point?), you can always have a paternity test after the baby is born. Since you have only ever had one sexual partner, there's no question in your own mind, so it's just a simple matter of waiting it out until the baby arrives in January and then you have undeniable proof for him. Now, that may not be enough to get him to want to get back into a relationship with you, but it seems like that would be enough for you to be entitled to financial support from him in raising this child (if you choose). Single moms, I don't know this subject well, can you confirm this?

I sincerely do hope that your own family is behind you 100% on your decision to parent. I know there are plenty of teens who do it, and I personally know some who've done a hell of a job, considering their maturity level at the time they got pregnant. But it is life changing, even for me at 32, and I expect it would be an even bigger adjustment for someone at your age.

Since you don't have any question as to the paternity of the baby, just let your sole focus be on being the best mom you're able to be.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

He's deffinitly the only possibility. And also he's not 19 he just turned 17 in June. So now everything the truth. And at some times I do think he's looking for a way out but other times he seems really happy about it. Like the first time he could feel the baby kick when he touched my stomach he was like really cute and he would talk to the baby and he seems like he's excited. He just doesn't understand that the color in the pic is not the baby's skin color.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

So it was actually the color in the U/S photo rather than the baby's facial features that he was concerned over?

In that case, it seems like showing him an example of another 3D U/S photo should clear it up.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

And my insurance covers everything in my state since I'm a minor, plus I always qualified for WIC so that's helping alot too. I'm still trying to finish school so my grandparents, or my mom or some days my bf and his parents will watch the baby so I can graduate. Also his family has all more money then mine does so they are helping out alot financially

texasmama786 · October 2014

Usually when the ladies on Maury Povich are 1000% sure who the baby daddy is, they're wrong. Maybe you could get a paternity test to appease him? Even if he is the baby daddy, do you really want that immature punk in your life when the baby comes? Do yourself a favor and dump his ass.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

laece said: Sometimes boys are clueless. Babies take on all different shapes, forms, and colors when they're growing inside. Baby may look 100% like you and nothing like him, but it may act like him. You aren't growing a clone of him.

Maybe have him come to a doctor appt with you so the doctor can help assert that it's okay that baby doesn't look like *anyone* yet. -----ETA: STUCK IN THE QUOTE BOX-----I'd go a step further, in fact, and let him know that a lot of newborn babies don't really look entirely like their mom or dad either. When they're newborns, they're all sort of squishy and don't really look like much of anyone (in my opinion). They sort of just look like potatoes.

Maebb · October 2014

Here is DS when he was first born. And that would be me and DH snuggling with him in the hospital bed. His features still didn't quite look like they do now (and they certainly didn't in the ultrasound pics), but that gave DH no reason to question his paternity.

If you've been 100% monogamous, you and your boyfriend have no reason to question whether he is the father. Maybe your BF is scared to be a dad, or maybe he feels like he has other reasons not to trust you. Like PPs have said, a paternity test will clear it right up.

Good luck, and I'm glad you have a good support system in place to help with the baby.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

He's deffinitly the only possibility. And also he's not 19 he just turned 17 in June. So now everything the truth. And at some times I do think he's looking for a way out but other times he seems really happy about it. Like the first time he could feel the baby kick when he touched my stomach he was like really cute and he would talk to the baby and he seems like he's excited. He just doesn't understand that the color in the pic is not the baby's skin color.

I'm sure he's scared and overwhelmed. He probably has very mixed feelings, as I'm sure you do.

Is there a guidance counselor at school you each could talk to? A therapist your insurance may cover? I'd be trying to get as much support as possible, for each of you.

As far as 3D ultrasounds go, maybe do some Googling and show him that they ALL look like that:

https://bit.ly/1rJ5PiK

(Click "Images")

longcat07 · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

Thankyou lol. And how do you guys want me to prove it? I'll do anything honestly... I'm tired of being saying ita fake and then being rude....

i don't think anyone needs you to "prove" anything...just be honest. nobody doubts that you're young and i don't think anyone thinks it's fake. the women here are honest and blunt a lot of the time. "honest and blunt" and "rude" are not the same thing.

most women here aren't going to judge you for your age. there are a handful who might though, honestly. and most people will point out when you're being immature about something, usually rather bluntly. we don't sugar-coat here.

i think what this boils down to is what others have said...your BF is looking for an out by saying that you cheated on him and the baby isn't his. if his family is supportive, see if they'll talk some sense into him. his statements about the baby "not looking like him" or "looking black" from a 3D scan are completely inane. it's impossible to see what a baby looks like from a scan, other than human. trying to pick out features to prove it to him is arguing on his terms, which will get you nowhere. if you know for sure the baby is his and he doesn't want to trust you, it sounds like there are other issues you need to work through first, or possibly that you may not want him to be involved anyway. if it comes down to a legal fight over it, a paternity test will solve the issue once and for all.

kellyfo14 · October 2014

Is he really honestly questioning or is this a weird kind of joke he is playing? The reason I ask is because if your families are really as supportive as you say he should really be over the denial here. Sometimes boys can be punks and he may just be commenting on how unusual the ultrasound looks. Have you asked him if he really, legitimately has any doubt. It just sounds like an immature response that he could joke with his buddies about. If he is being punky I would sit him down and talk to him about how important it is to you that he takes this seriously and that suggesting the baby isn't his is hurtful to you. If he really believes the baby isn't his, well, that will have to be cleared up at the birth I guess since no amount of telling him will be proof enough based on how he is acting.

cabbeeby · October 2014

AggieMom0809 said:

If she is only 16 though or "about to be 18" doesn't that mean he should be going to jail for having sex with a minor?

The rules vary from state to state. In many jurisdictions there is also a minimum age difference (usually 2 or 3 years). So no, probably not.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

He's a year and 2 months older then me. I'm 16 born in August, he's 17 born in June. And technically when I got pregnant he was 16 and I was 15

readyforround2 · October 2014

In my opinion, I think your age has a lot to do with his immaturity and yours. I'm not putting you down for it, I'm simply saying that given your previous post and this one, you both have a lot of growing up to do (as all 16 year olds do.) Also, you cannot expect a group of people to be all butterflies and rainbows to you after lying to them.

That being said (not to sound mean) the chances of your boyfriend sticking around after your child is born seem pretty slim. If he is seriously accusing you of cheating after looking at an ultrasound, then he will most likely be looking for other excuses to leave in the future.

If you are truly convinced that you can raise this child, then getting a strong support system around you is going to be key. I'm glad to hear that your family is being supportive because not many girls your age have that after they get pregnant. I do hope that you will do some reading about what changes are happening to your body and how your baby is developing week to week. If I were you I'd also research local infant care classes, breastfeeding classes and infant/child CPR classes in your area. Most of the time the hospital where you will deliver offers all or some of these classes at no charge. If you can only make time for one of them then do the infant care class. It will give you a nice base line of information that will hopefully allow you to feel less overwhelmed once the baby comes.

DO NOT rely on your boyfriend to be around to help. I know that right now he gives you glimmers of hope but the truth is that the chances of you becoming a big happy family are very slim. Again, I'm not saying that to be mean, I'm saying that because I know a lot of girls that got pregnant in high school (5) and only 2 of the biological fathers stuck around. They aren't with the moms, they just share custody.

I hope you don't run away from this community because you can get a lot of good advice here. All I ask is that you think through your posts before you post them. Keep in mind that there are several different opinions on this board and not everyone will be willing to over look racial and/or immature comment.

Edit: on mobile. Gotta love autocorrect.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

I just had my boyfriend read all of what you all have posted and now he understands. He wasn't seriously thinking that he wasn't the father, he just didn't understands ultrasounds, he expected pretty much for it to look like a video of EXACTLY what they baby looks like. He now understands that that isn't the case and that the picture is not in color and the baby's skim color isn't really gray. I knew a little more about it then he did because I ask alot of questions during ultrasound and I ask my mom and stuff, whereas he only had what he imagined it was like. So its all cleared up now thanks to you ladies who explained its NOT a picture. So thank you guys

Stargirlb · October 2014

I agree with ur boyfriend.. That is def a black baby

cclfc · October 2014

Hi @lindsay16f. I don't envy your position. I am much older than you but I had friends who got pregnant and had babies at 15/16. Some kept their babies and some placed them up for adoption. All personal preference and personal situation. No right answer.

The reason I'm commenting is to say that if you are certain that keeping and raising the baby is right for you then make sure you commit to it 110%. There are many, many women who have been in your shoes and struggled, but made it all work in the end. It sounds like you have some great support in place already.

The baby's father may stick around or he may not. We don't know that yet. But for you and your son, you need to commit to being his #1 regardless of whether or not his father is equally committed. This is a LOT to handle at your age so please ask for help (and not the internet message board kind). Like PPs have said, seek help from guidance counselors, see what resources your insurance offers and see if there are support groups for women like you.

You may feel alone (especially when bf is acting like a jerk) but there are resources out there to help you succeed. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself and your son.

There's another Jan 15 mom who's decided on finding adoptive parents for her baby and is going through the process. If that's an option to you, I'm sure she'd be happy to discuss. (I don't know her SN offhand - only from the FB group)

Anyway, best of luck with everything.

Stargirlb · October 2014

Ok now I read the posts. You are 16, so please find someone supportive you can talk to right now. Maybe that can be here, but message boards are hit and miss. Your bf sounds really immature and not ready to be a dad. It's going to be hard raising this baby, and you need people around you that will be supportive of you and the child. If you don't have that, definitely consider putting your baby up for adoption so it will have supportive parents who are ready to take care of him/her. No judgement whatever you decide, but you need lots of support right now regardless and your boyfriend is not capable of being that for you so make a list of the other people you can talk to, or Google for "unplanned pregnancy" help in your area. There are lots of resources for people in your shoes

LaBellaVida · October 2014

Oh how ILY @southernyankeegirl‌
I 100% agree with you, on everything here!

Op- I was a teen mom. Had my first a few days shy of my 16th birthday. It was so hard, I can relate first hand with what your going through, about to go through, and how you feel.
I agree, make sure you've got a great support system in place, and it sounds like your family, and his are there to help you! Take advantage of all resources offered to you. Wic, state assistance, birthing class, baby care basics ect.
I went to a high school that had day cares in it. I was able to take my baby to school with me and utilized the daycare for $10 a month! I breast fed my baby so they'd call me out of class to nurse my baby. Is there anything like that where you live?

I also agree with pp about the ultrasound. You can not tell race on an ultrasound. I do want to say, that you most Def. Can pick up on certain features. At least in my ultrasound, we knew our son looked just like his daddy.
If he is that concerned. ... so be it. If your that positive he's the father, slap him with a paternity test when baby gets here. Until then you can't do much to "prove" anything.

Hang in there. And please please hang around here. Lots of ladies have great advice, and you can certainly learn allot!

Also, people who suggest abortion this late in the game are ridiculous, and cruel!
Don't feel pressured to give your baby up for adoption either. I was pressured HARD by my son's fathers parents. I kept my baby, and despite the challenges, he was/is so worth it! You can absolutely do this, and get through this.

Please please finish high school too!

Stargirlb · October 2014

I got preg right before I turned 18, but my bf was 28 and secure financially. It's possible to raise a child at a young age but you will NEED a lot of support. Everyone does-- the crappy thing for teenage moms is that there is often a huge lack of support at a time when you are a mix of scared and excited and need help without judgement. If your family isn't there for you, call the local unplanned pregnancy resource center in your area. I don't know offhand what is available but maybe if you share your general (nonspecific) location someone can help you find something good.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

@LaBellaVida I'm glad there's someone here who was also a teen mom who can relate on a better level of understanding. And thanks so much for your advice

Reiden · October 2014

@Bigboneded There's really no reason to be so acidic towards someone, just based on inexperience and immaturity. Can we just assume maybe she made a mistake, and she really does want/need help and advice? *sigh*

What everyone's said thus far, yes, it's nigh impossible to tell features on your little one just from an ultrasound. But, if you haven't slept with anyone else, there's really no need to worry about it. If you've had an u/s done, they should've given you a due date. There's really nobody else but your OB who I'd trust more about due date predictions.

I may not be a teen mom like you, but I'm close enough to be in the same situation. If you need to talk or anything, feel free to send me a message. But honestly, I'm going to be fairly blunt in saying this: If you don't think that your boyfriend's going to be there with you 100% on this, I'd really honestly consider putting your little one up for adoption. This is a huge investment, time and money wise, that I don't think a lot of girls your age [or shit, even mine, and I'm 24] are ready to handle. There's things to prepare for, when we're this young: jobs, college/education, setting up housing for ourselves, getting a car, etc etc. And if you do have a job, do you have someone who can watch over your little one when they're born? If not, do you trust babysitters in your area enough to leave them with a babysitter?

It's a lot to think about, and it isn't easy in the least. I wish you luck in figuring things out, though, in the end. And again, send me a message if you want to talk.

ghostof5letters · October 2014

I just want to hug you.

ETA: Also, please stick around this board. Once you get used to the tone (it takes some time, have patience), you'll learn a boat load of valuable information. The ladies here are a wonderful resource for information, venting, and support. It in no way replaces 'real life' support, but at 2am when you're exhausted and in tears, it's priceless.

Hang in there. I've been in your shoes. I chose differently, but that doesn't mean my choice was any better or worse than yours. You're going to be OK.

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