my bf thinks i cheated!!!

Lindsay16F · October 2014

Today I had an ultrasound of my baby boy and I'm 25 weeks and 2 days. Now, I'm 100000% positive my bf is the father because I lost my virginity to him a year ago and we have been together ever since and no I've never had sex with anyone other then him so he pretty much is the only option lol. But today we got a 4d pic of the baby's face and my bf is insisting I cheated because he thinks the baby looks nothing like him and in fact he thinks the baby looks black... Wtf! I on the other hand thinks he looks more like my bf then me so idk how he doesn't see it... So does any else see a major resemblance between my bf and our baby? And does anyone else notice the features that he is somehow seeing making him think the baby is black? (these pics of us are old lol but the only ones i had that showed the front and side of our faces lol plus we were goofy and took silly pictures)

TXUltraRunner · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

Today I had an ultrasound of my baby boy and I'm 25 weeks and 2 days. Now, I'm 100000% positive my bf is the father because I lost my virginity to him a year ago and we have been together ever since and no I've never had sex with anyone other then him so he pretty much is the only option lol. But today we got a 4d pic of the baby's face and my bf is insisting I cheated because he thinks the baby looks nothing like him and in fact he thinks the baby looks black... Wtf! I on the other hand thinks he looks more like my bf then me so idk how he doesn't see it... So does any else see a major resemblance between my bf and our baby? And does anyone else notice the features that he is somehow seeing making him think the baby is black? (these pics of us are old lol but the only ones i had that showed the front and side of our faces lol plus we were goofy and took silly pictures)

I'm really not sure if this is a serious post or not but I'll go with it for now. Ultrasounds (even 3D ones) are really blurry. There's no way in hell you can know what or who the baby looks like from an ultrasound.

elleswarth · October 2014

This whole post reeks of immaturity. And the way you/your boyfriend talk about the baby "looking black" suggests it in a derogatory way. I have nothing more to add except that I hope you both can mature enough to take care of another human life. This isn't a game.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

Today I had an ultrasound of my baby boy and I'm 25 weeks and 2 days. Now, I'm 100000% positive my bf is the father because I lost my virginity to him a year ago and we have been together ever since and no I've never had sex with anyone other then him so he pretty much is the only option lol. But today we got a 4d pic of the baby's face and my bf is insisting I cheated because he thinks the baby looks nothing like him and in fact he thinks the baby looks black... Wtf! I on the other hand thinks he looks more like my bf then me so idk how he doesn't see it... So does any else see a major resemblance between my bf and our baby? And does anyone else notice the features that he is somehow seeing making him think the baby is black? (these pics of us are old lol but the only ones i had that showed the front and side of our faces lol plus we were goofy and took silly pictures)

Those 3D photos are weird - while you may be able to see the similarities in features between the baby when s/he comes and the ultrasound, it's hardly a photo.

I'd deal more directly with the lack of trust rather than waste any time on a pointless assessment of whether the features of your ultrasound look like a particular race. If you say you haven't slept with anyone else, then why bother wondering what the baby looks like? You know the father is your boyfriend, so the only genes in that kid are yours and your boyfriend's.

However, the fact that he is accusing you of cheating based on an ultrasound doesn't indicate a very sturdy relationship. For the sake of your child having two parents in his life, I suggest you address that issue of trust rather than defend the race of particular features of your child.

For starters, maybe google 3D ultrasounds with pictures of the babies after birth to show him that it isn't a photo? Then sit down and talk about why he doesn't trust you to be faithful. Deal with that issue.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

For the person who said they aren't sure if this is real it is. And yes we are young. That pic was from new years but I'm about to be 18 and he just turned 19 3 weeks ago...

nah82 · October 2014

If he's thinking that dark area above the ear is a hairline of dark hair, it's not, even though the shadow there might seem to resemble a hairline.

motherboy · October 2014

So much wtf to this post.

Bigboneded · October 2014

Wow, way too much drama.... I am sorry you are having such a tough time with your baby daddy and this teen pregnancy. You should both maybe ask your parents for some help with this situation, or maybe some of your girlfriends at school could talk to some of his friends and then you could go on Jerry Springer to work it out with a paternity test.... Good Luck lol.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

Yea we knew that wasn't hair just the way the ultrasound was, and sorry if I offended anyone by about the whole race thing, I have nothing against other races and I didn't mean for it to sound that way. I was just wondering if anyone else notices what he "thinks" he's seeing.

Jellybean707 · October 2014

This is also the same poster that was unsure of her due date and wanted us to narrow down the time frame for her.

longcat07 · October 2014

oh FFS. it "looks black"? what the hell does that even mean? the kid is still developing. it doesn't look like anyone yet.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

For the person who said they aren't sure if this is real it is. And yes we are young. That pic was from new years but I'm about to be 18 and he just turned 19 3 weeks ago...

QFP

I'm suspicious.

In a previous post, you asked about if your baby's U/S looked normal (https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12447333/is-this-normal-help#latest) and posted an U/S pic full of personal information (your first and last name, DOB, hospital, etc).

Your DOB was listed on that photo (which I and others recommended that you remove because it's not a great idea to leave all that personal info out there, but alas, here we are...)

That means you turned 16 just a couple months ago, not "about to be 18".

And your SN also seems to fit with this assessment.

ETA: Removed the actual birthdate. Re-suggest that OP remove original U/S photo that does contain this specific DOB.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

longcat07 · October 2014

@aerotigergirl good catch.

elleswarth · October 2014

I was thinking the same thing @aerotigergirl‌ ....

Jellybean707 · October 2014

I put all my money on OP is underage and unsure of paternity. All of these posts wanting us to narrow down due date and if baby looks like the BF are just too much.

AggieMom0809 · October 2014

aerotigergirl said:

Lindsay16F said:

For the person who said they aren't sure if this is real it is. And yes we are young. That pic was from new years but I'm about to be 18 and he just turned 19 3 weeks ago...

QFP

I'm suspicious.

In a previous post, you asked about if your baby's U/S looked normal (https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12447333/is-this-normal-help#latest) and posted an U/S pic full of personal information (your first and last name, DOB, hospital, etc).

Your DOB was listed as 8/12/1998 on that photo (which I and others recommended that you remove because it's not a great idea to leave all that personal info out there, but alas, here we are...)

That means you turned 16 in August, not "about to be 18".

And your SN also seems to fit with this assessment.

I noticed the SN too. Remember being a teenager though when 16 seemed like about to be 18? I'm so glad I'm not teaching teenagers anymore. Way too immature for me to handle. If she is only 16 though or "about to be 18" doesn't that mean he should be going to jail for having sex with a minor?

NatureLovers · October 2014

Oh goody!

elleswarth · October 2014

.

AggieMom0809 · October 2014

Adoption is always an option if you don't have anyone to help you raise the baby. From what it sounds like, the bf isn't going to be very supportive.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

I said that because I asked the pretty much same question on BabyCenter.com but when they read I was 16 they all jumped down my throat saying to get an abortion in to young and they pretty much just got on me about my age the whole time instead of helping me, or even being kind. So when I read other posts on here the people seemed wayyyy nicer, so I joined here but didn't want people to know how young I was because I didn't want to get lectured again and put down over my age... We are all in the same situation, 16 or 40... So I figured you guys would be easier to talk to plus again this seemed like a more friendly website. But maybe I was wrong.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

I said that because I asked the pretty much same question on BabyCenter.com but when they read I was 16 they all jumped down my throat saying to get an abortion in to young and they pretty much just got on me about my age the whole time instead of helping me, or even being kind. So when I read other posts on here the people seemed wayyyy nicer, so I joined here but didn't want people to know how young I was because I didn't want to get lectured again and put down over my age... We are all in the same situation, 16 or 40... So I figured you guys would be easier to talk to plus again this seemed like a more friendly website. But maybe I was wrong.

Well, if you want honest advice and support, maybe you shouldn't begin by lying to us? No one here (ok, maybe some) would lecture you for being 16 and pregnant. But to come in and try (very sadly) to be purposefully deceitful doesn't go over well. The bump never forgets.

longcat07 · October 2014

you and your BF both have a loooooooot of growing up to do, hun. you can't tell paternity from a 3D ultrasound...you can't even tell when you have the actual newborn. they all look like snub-nosed potatoes. and lying about your age isn't a great way to get people to be friendly toward you. respect is earned.

TXUltraRunner · October 2014

You can tell from the OP that she's young. Why beat her up about her age? We are not her parents. With that being said, the question alone shows your boyfriend (and your) immaturity. At this point in time you both should be more focused on whether or not you will raise your kid and how much it's going to change your life. Tell him to stop picking apart the ultrasound and if you're unsure about paternity when the baby comes, they make genetic test kits for that.

Bigboneded · October 2014

@aerotigergirl‌, it's just that math is hard! Lol. Omg. Idk.wtf.lol 8-}

elleswarth · October 2014

Friendly or not, you just posted a ridiculous and offense post, asking yet again for us to decipher something for you (just like your due date) when it isn't even possible. I have no idea who your kid looks like based off of an ultrasound and some bad pictures of you and your very young "boyfriend". Google would have been a better option than this board.

aerotigergirl · October 2014

@TXUltraRunner - I've got no problem with her age whatsoever. I'm just not a fan of being lied to.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

By the way. His whole family, and my family are very supportive and helping me with everything. And obviously now given my age I still live at home with my mom and grandparents and they are all helping me now, and once baby is born.. So I don't want to do adoption, and deffinitly not abortion.

MusicFanatic · October 2014

Thank you for the entertainment, I was kinda sick of TV

TXUltraRunner · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

By the way. His whole family, and my family are very supportive and helping me with everything. And obviously now given my age I still live at home with my mom and grandparents and they are all helping me now, and once baby is born.. So I don't want to do adoption, and deffinitly not abortion.

Abortion would be illegal at this point unless you're thinking back alley and a coathanger

motherboy · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:
... We are all in the same situation, 16 or 40...

No, just no.

elleswarth · October 2014

I thought the show Teen Mom on MTV was supposed to serve as a warning for this...

AlfiesMOM · October 2014

Wow... thats all I got. Good luck OP you are going to need it! I hope you have a strong support system!

Lindsay16F · October 2014

I don't watch MTV so I wouldn't know lol

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

@aerotigergirl - I'd suggest removing the specific birthday from your post. Technically that violates TOS, even though OP put that info out there in the first place. Maybe just the month and year? I just know I wouldn't want to help spread her personal info, even if she isn't as concerned about it. (ETA: And @AggieMom0809 - since you quoted the post I'm referencing, you'd have to delete that info, too. I do think it's worth it, thanks!)

@Lindsay16F - I'm sorry someone insisted you get an abortion. That's incredibly rude. It's a very serious personal choice, as is placing a child for adoption, and I don't judge anyone for either choice - but that doesn't mean it's ANYONE's right to tell you that you have to choose one of those. You absolutely have the right to parent your own child if you choose - there are resources out there for teen Moms, though it won't be an easy path.

My only suggestion is to focus on being the best mother you can be for this child, and putting your child first. That means that it really doesn't matter why your boyfriend thinks the child looks black, and you shouldn't waste your time trying to sort out that nonsense. That's HIS problem. YOUR problem with this situation is that your child's father is saying the baby isn't his - could it be that he doesn't feel ready to be a father and is looking to find an excuse to back out? That's a real issue for unintended pregnancies (at any age), and something you'll have to deal with. If that's the root of his accusation, then there's no way you can "prove" to him he's the father except a paternity test once the child is born.

Please find some people in your life who will support you and be there for you through this process, and help you with what is best for YOU and your BABY. If you choose adoption (it's rather late to choose abortion), then I know there's other women here who can give you feedback on that route, and there's a ton of support. If you choose to parent your child, find a good support system because you're going to need it. Family and friends, public resources for teenage mothers, a guidance counselor at school - ask for help because none of us can do it alone.

AlfiesMOM · October 2014

elleswarth said:

I thought the show Teen Mom on MTV was supposed to serve as a warning for this...

-------WAHHH STUCK IN BOX-------

I was thinking this exact same thing!

honeybeee3 · October 2014

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

And guys, I recognize she's young and has a lot to learn - but if we drive her off (assuming she's really pregnant and she's really 16 years old, both of which I'm inclined to believe), then she's getting shunned for being young and pregnant - I really would like to give her support, if all that's true, because I can't imagine how hard that would be to have to grow up so quickly with a teen pregnancy.

I get that we want her to mature, but it won't happen overnight, and she's a lot more likely to get good advice from hanging around here and learning from all the smart women here than elsewhere.

Lindsay16F · October 2014

Thankyou lol. And how do you guys want me to prove it? I'll do anything honestly... I'm tired of being saying ita fake and then being rude....

elleswarth · October 2014

Please stop with "lol". That's a start.

southernyankeegirl · October 2014

Lindsay16F said:

Thankyou lol. And how do you guys want me to prove it? I'll do anything honestly... I'm tired of being saying ita fake and then being rude....

Eh, I don't think anyone doubts you're young. And your reason for lying makes sense (though don't lie going forward, mmkay?). Just keep participating on the board and everyone will get used to you eventually - and try not to be racist, also ;-) That's a good start.

So... I know you found out about this all fairly recently. What sort of plans have you made so far? Have you found a doctor? Figured out what your insurance will cover for medical costs during your pregnancy and for labor & delivery? Made a plan for how to pay the costs for the rest of it? Those are real issue that will have to be dealt with pretty darn soon. I hope you're taking a prenatal vitamin as well! That's very important.

Just take it all a step at a time, but start planning for the real life concerns of being a new Mom. That isn't just the fun of playing with a baby, it's the reality of it all, and it isn't always pretty (or cheap), and you'll do a lot better if you have someone helping you make a plan to handle all of those things.

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