Why do I do it??

Mel&John2013 · September 2014

I shouldn't even look at my BMB. It stresses me out. Is it just me?? Do other people enjoy their BMBs??

MSU_Girl1202 · September 2014

Still extremely new to this, but I'm not planning on joining my bmb for a little while...I can see how it could be stressful

goldengirl84 · September 2014

I lurk May '15 once in a while but I have yet to join. Seeing so many ladies say their goodbyes gives me the heebie-jeebies. Maybe I'll join after a couple more promising ultrasounds. I feel safe here for now. X_X

[Deleted User] · September 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

BackstreetPixie · September 2014

I can't even get myself to look at the april board. I can't imagine feeling safe without the loss community who understands my situation sureounding me.

classicstar28 · September 2014

BMBs can be overwhelming and upsetting compared to here due to the sheer number of posts and variety of stories you see. I know lots of ladies here enjoy and are active on their BMBs. I never joined mine, though I accidentally posted on it a couple of times. I might never join it at this point. I like the AL community and I feel like these are the ladies I've gotten to know. Honestly, things happen and show up on any board you choose to join. There are definitely days and posts here that I cannot handle, even this far along. It comes with the territory of being an AL lady. Or not as I had a hard time with my first pregnancy, too.

I will say, at this point, there is part of me that is sad that I didn't figure out how to deal with it and be a part of my BMB like I thought I would. People are having their babies and talking about things that I have questions about. I've seen them talked about here in the past, but I haven't seen a lot of 3rd tri stuff here. I lurk a lot on my BMB and that is enough most of the time. Just something to consider down the line if you feel like you might want a community that is going through the same thing as you are.

footprint · September 2014

I was (and admittedly still am) a bit overwhelmed by my bmb Feb '15. But I completely agree with @classicstar28 in that I wish I had gotten over it and just introed. I lurk and find myself wanting to comment, but feeling like it is too late to join. In thinking about it, I guess I am really not comfortable creating a post on this page either (except for my intro and first trimester check-in). Anyhow, I would suggest joining now, saying that you are a bit overwhelmed, but offer support when you can so that you will be able to join in more regularly when you are more comfortable.

Maybe @classicstar28 a second and third trimester check-in posts should be started?

classicstar28 · September 2014

@footprint Perhaps. I'm WAY too close to do it myself. I already gave the Wednesday check-in to someone else. But I think that if there is interest, it's a good idea. I always read the 1st tri check-in and it seems lots of 2nd tri people like it. Or maybe not even necessarily a check-in, but just something where people feel like they can talk about the issues in each trimester and ask questions? I know that I can't run anything right now, but I'll start a discussion about it and see if people are interested.

jesswein9 · September 2014

It can certainly be overwhelming at times being active on the bmb's. I'm more of a lurker by nature, so that is mostly what I have done on my April bmb. This is a nice safe haven when things get too crazy over there.

Samuelismomma · September 2014

I joined jan 15 bmb but on FB...

shandorfml2 · September 2014

GrailSeeker14 said:

My bmb April'15 moves at such a fast pace I can keep up like I wanted to, but I lurk a lot and post a could times a day over there. I did have to start a blanket fort last week because there was a wave of devastating losses when a bunch of ladies had their first u/s's. That was hard, I couldnt take it. We have awesome mods, though (snegde and sharkfarts) so they've helped make it less scary as far as bmbs go, and there are some fun and nice ladies over there. I do a lot of eyerolling at stupid posts, though, the world beyond the AL boards includes people who don't seem to know how the body works or take getting (and staying) pregmant for granted. PgAL is definitely my safe zone, I love all the ladies here and appreciate the hard-earned knowledge we all share to help one another get through this part of our lives.

Couldn't agree more!

MrsTuna08 · September 2014

I joined my BMB (Nov. '14), but it wasn't until I had lurked a good while and I had a few good u/s's under my belt. I agree with PP about the eye rolling; and there is way more snark than we find here in the safety of PGAL. However, I've learned to ignore the drama and otherwise idiotic posts because there is still a lot of good going on there. It is really nice to connect with other people who are experiencing some of the same physical and emotional symptoms that you are in the same time frame that you are.

The biggest down for me has been that the losses are really hard to see and read. At first it is just the sheer number of first trimester losses. And then the later losses although far fewer in number, are just awful. I have had a couple bouts of PGAL anxiety come on because reading about others' losses triggered me.

However, being a part of my BMB has overall been a positive experience. The conversations that happen there are different that what you find on PGAL and I've found that it has been helpful to read the perspectives of others from PGAL and my BMB.

Eliz77 · September 2014

I wonder this myself at times. I participate in my BMB's PgAL and AMA check-ins and sometimes there are threads I want to reply in. But there are a lot of threads I have to click off on because I feel like posters are too critical of the newbies, or of repetitive questions. I think being PgAL, it's comforting to read the repetitive threads that concerns can be no big deal. I don't care if posters like to be snarky or whatever, but sometimes I feel like there is snark just to see who can out snark the rest. This board is definitely a safe haven or comfort zone of sorts.

Mel&John2013 · September 2014

@classicstar28 maybe you're right...I'm sure there is a lot to be said for sucking it up and getting to know some ladies who are near the same point as me in the pregnancy.

@megdowntheshore I can see where it's nice sometimes to see posts where women are blissfully unaware of things ever going wrong. But unfortunately more often than not I just end up mad because they're so oblivious. With my first pregnancy I was a much different person, but I don't feel I ever took things for granted. I was very aware of how lucky I was that things seemed to be going normally. So I guess I just get mad that so many women are flippant about so many things.

GrailSeeker14 maybe I'll give it a shot and just not read the more eye rolling posts. The main offenders are usually pretty obvious, I just need to not click on them.

mandi195 · September 2014

I personally love my BMB. The ladies there are awesome, and also are usually very sensitive to PgAL members and issues.

peggels24 · September 2014

I'm an active lurker on my BMB (my "active lurker" definition: I think most people recognize my name / avatar but I don't always post but I read through the posts at least once or more per day) but am much more comfortable over here.

I enjoy my BMB but can't always keep up with the pace.

smcniff · September 2014

footprint said:
I was (and admittedly still am) a bit overwhelmed by my bmb Feb '15. But I completely agree with @classicstar28 in that I wish I had gotten over it and just introed. I lurk and find myself wanting to comment, but feeling like it is too late to join. In thinking about it, I guess I am really not comfortable creating a post on this page either (except for my intro and first trimester check-in). Anyhow, I would suggest joining now, saying that you are a bit overwhelmed, but offer support when you can so that you will be able to join in more regularly when you are more comfortable.

Maybe @classicstar28 a second and third trimester check-in posts should be started?

@footprint‌ @classicstar28‌ I think the intro is way less necessary on the BMB, especially now. Post/reply over there any time you want, no one will question you. I never intro'ed on F15, but I comment over there all the time. As a FTM I find a lot of the discussions very helpful.

mrsmustard12 · September 2014

I definitely feel more at home on this board.

pblge · September 2014

We have an infertility grad check-in on my BMB, which I love. Otherwise, I just watch for the good threads, which seem to come around about 1/50. There's one right now about co-sleeping, which is very interesting (apparently some babies never sleep in their cribs! who knew?). There have been prior posts about things like what second time moms couldn't live without with prior babies, and what they wish they hadn't spent $$ on. Very useful! Some of the most dominant posters on the BMB really annoy the crap out of me, so I just can't see myself ever getting very invested in it. I like this board and PAIF much, much more. :x

chicagojackie · September 2014

@footprint you should just jump into to Feb 15. You don't have to intro. Just go for it. There are a lot of funny posts over there. I go back and forth between here and there depending on how I feel. I didn't even know there were BMB's with DD so I'm trying to participate this time since this is our final baby

footprint · September 2014

@chicagojackie I follow it too. It is really funny. That post about her butt smelling...wtf? It's good to know that it would be okay to just post.

chicagojackie · September 2014

@footprint, as the kids say YOLO baby.

People get to know you when you post here and there. The intro thing I think makes sense for smaller communities but Feb 15 is huge.

chicagojackie · September 2014

Overall though, I get this post. I think too that it is important when we feel strong enough to go out to our BMB's and stand up for the loss mom perspective as much as we can. Some days you just can't go there though. And that's okay too.

With my first pregnancy which resulted in DD (and I had no idea how lucky I was) I said a lot of naive stuff and thought a lot of naive stuff and was just plain clueless.

JuddandJessica · September 2014

No. Ha! I haven't touched a BMB in three pregnancies. I wish I had their blissful confidence and I totally can't relate to it anymore.

Mel&John2013 · September 2014

chicagojackie said:

Overall though, I get this post. I think too that it is important when we feel strong enough to go out to our BMB's and stand up for the loss mom perspective as much as we can. Some days you just can't go there though. And that's okay too.

That is an excellent point!

arschm02 · October 2014

@classicstar28‌ and @footprint‌, I didn't join my BMB for April'13 until after my son was born. I didn't really know they existed until my ninth month of pregnancy. That being said, I am super close with that group despite not joining until later. All hope is not lost for your BMB yet

The nice thing about joining later is you weed out some of the crazies during those 9 months! I have yet to intro over on April '15... There are just SO MANY PEOPLE! Maybe I'll just skip the intro all together. Meh, we'll see I suppose... Although, I may start posting on the pgal check-in now, following my fabulous appointment yesterday.

Aab1042 · October 2014

I've been lurking on May '15 too! I'm def going to wait a few weeks..with one of miscarriages I had joined the birth month group and it was so hard going through a miscarriage and everyone was squealing about cravings and tiny bulges

Why do I do it??

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