2+ moms- How to be as excited for 2nd 3rd, etc...pregnancies as your first?

beezybaby · October 2014

I am having such a hard time being excited for this pregnancy....please, not to be misunderstood for not being excited for this baby. With my first, I read every weekly updates, was so excited for EVERY SINGLE mile marker. I looked forward to every part...nausea? YEAH! sore hips? Yeah! etc...with my second, I was excited for the 9 month haul, but maybe cut the exciting moments in half. For this poor baby #3, pretty much I just want to feel him (?) move, find out if he is a boy (!) and have him (?!) in my arms. I want to ooooze excitement so my tiny sweet pea can feel the love. So I don't think back on this, my last pregnancy and think " damn, I should have been all ABOUT that" So that when this baby asks, I can honestly tell him about every little detail, like I will be able to with my girls. And because in general, I am all about maximizing joy, and what better way than to revel in the glory of pregnancy?

So, for you moms that have been there, how have you found focus and joy in subsequent pregnancies? How can you make them individual pregnancies for the individuals they will become?

Any ideas?

MAdams728 · October 2014

I have been feeling the same way. I think because the mystery is gone, some of the excitement is missing, too. All of the stress, though, that definitely hasn't changed! This baby was planned, and we are so happy, but it's definitely different.

lupineaura · October 2014

No real advice (I'm only just starting my second pregnancy), but I wanted to give a voice of support. Your feelings sound very normal, and I don't think anyone will accuse you about not being excited to have your baby. Actually, think this is a great topic and I'll be following it.

lauranicole91 · October 2014

I feel bad about my lack of excitement. I'm hoping hearing the heartbeat at my first appt will make it real enough for me to start having some sort of emotional attachment. I think something is 2+ moms can focus on to help get us more excited is the thought of our current children meeting LO. Growing up together and playing (and fighting of couse) together. I don't know. I'm just rambling now, but I know what you mean.

mpiemont · October 2014

I am on my 4th pregnancy (2 DSs, 1 MC) and I can completely understand where you are coming from and tell you I think it's totally normal. First time around is such an amazing, exciting time and you can focus all of your time & energy on the pregnancy. Every little thing about it is new. Second (and third, and fourth) time around, you already have a LO who likely takes up 99.9% of your time & energy, and it can be harder to focus on the baby growing inside you. With my first, I used to sit every night quietly just feeling him move and having "belly time". With my 2nd it was like "oh yeah I think he's moving....No, DS1, don't pour that milk on the floor!!!" But I remember all the same excited feelings about my 2nd pregnancy- I still tried to take some time to bond with the baby. I had fun sorting newborn clothes and buying itty bitty diapers. It's different for sure, but it's not any less important.

katiebug66 · October 2014

I just want to say I'm right there with you.

Jazzyashes84 · October 2014

lauranicole91 said:
I feel bad about my lack of excitement. I'm hoping hearing the heartbeat at my first appt will make it real enough for me to start having some sort of emotional attachment. I think something is 2+ moms can focus on to help get us more excited is the thought of our current children meeting LO. Growing up together and playing (and fighting of couse) together. I don't know. I'm just rambling now, but I know what you mean.

We saw the heartbeat yesterday and it was definitely an "awww" moment. Crazy that another member of our family is in there. But I agree, I didn't want to hurry up and tell people this time because of all the QUESTIONS and SUGGESTIONS that come with it...I wish I wasn't so impatient with people.

I think once we know the gender and put a name to it, it'll be fun.

I also don't think it's important to "enjoy" your pregnancy per-se. I will have no problem telling my kids that I strongly dislike pregnancy but am glad I went through it for them

LexiSophie55 · October 2014

I am having all of the same thoughts and feelings. I don't worry about it much though. Most of the issue is that I am just busier now. I just dug out the books earlier this week - haven't even opened them.

lightrox · October 2014

I never really felt excited about any of my pregnancies. I don't think it's not normal to feel the way you do you have more stress in your life watching two other kids. I'm in the same boat this is number 3 and I'm happy but wish I had the baby here instead of in my body. I haven't had hard pregnancies it's just I enjoy my child better out of me than in me. Does this make me sound weird sorry my two cents.

beezybaby · October 2014

lauranicole91 said:

I think something is 2+ moms can focus on to help get us more excited is the thought of our current children meeting LO.

I love this....Yeah so maybe it isn't something exciting for the pregnancy, but an extra something to look forward to for the baby.

I think maybe because I had two totally uneventful pregnancies, I am not anxious, but I shouldn't take it for granted. We haven't heard the heartbeat yet, and probably because we have never had a loss, I am not even worried about it/not that excited about it. BUT, I think that maybe this is a good starting to point- to focus on, and look forward to the next benchmark/event/appointment, instead of trying to be actively excited for them all, all at once.

I really appreciate everybody responding so graciously, even just the "I'm here with ya" 's. I look forward to continuing the discussion and checking in over the next few months!

danigirl7181 · October 2014

I think it has a lot to do with time. With your first you have time to just sit and enjoy the baby moving and the planning. When you already have LOs your time is taken up by them. Like @ramy3‌ said, I'm excited about having #3, but not as anxious for him/her to get here, it's going to be tough having 3 kids. I'm happy that DS will be almost 2 and a little more independent.

kj808 · October 2014

I think it's fine to not be excited about a pregnancy. I'm one of those women who loves being pregnant - at least until about week 36 when I start getting super uncomfortable - but I believe i'm in the minority. It's definitely not for everyone and that's perfectly okay.

This is my 7th pregnancy and while it's a different feeling than my first, i'm still just as excited about all the little milestones along the way. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we've been TTC for 2 years though with 3 miscarriages. After going through all that i'm definitely cherishing my pregnancy.

ktzen3 · October 2014

I think my excitement comes from a place of being so grateful. So many people never get to have babies. So many people would be thankful to have one healthy baby, and I already have three. I am so grateful for all I have. Including this sweet little bundle inside. I also revel in the fact that this baby is growing and healthy because of me. I love pregnancy because of the few months where it is just you and the baby. No sharing, no prying strangers checking out the baby, no baby snuggles stealing... just pure mama TLC. I think having the added perspective that this is most definitely my last pregnancy is also adding to my excitement. I really didn't think we would have a fourth, so that we are, truly feels like icing on the cake and I just want to soak up every minute because I feel so grateful.

SassyPants150 · October 2014

I think I will have more feelings when I get to have my first appointment and ultrasound. Right now I just feel like Shamu and the football game day DD. I think I am also struggling since I was temping last time with DD and not this time. Since we were just not preventing, it feels different this time too.

lgsdesigner · October 2014

I am actually pretty excited about this 3rd one because-

1) It's my DH's first baby (had the other two from a previous marriage).

2) After being on the TTC after 35 board, I realize just how luck I am to not only already have two healthy children, but to have also gotten pg right away. So-- I count my blessings daily, and hope all the other ladies out there that so desperately want a baby get one.

3) The other kids have been asking for a sibling, so I can't wait to tell them.

Now-- all of that being said, I do have days when I feel a little "meh", but it's mainly because I know what pregnancy does to my body, and just wished the stork actually delivered kids!

megbcarter · October 2014

I'm excited but I feel like it's being overshadowed by the back pain and morning sickness. I'll be more excited after the first trimester

ashmichelle208 · October 2014

Like you all have said, it's not as new and exciting and scary which just changes the game a little bit. This is my 3rd pregnancy and 4th baby. I have a set of twins. And I just feel really BLAH. And I feel crappy that it's been that way so far. Also my DH isn't really helping with things. He's more nervous and less excited since we had our youngest son last feb. Anyways, I'm hoping as things progress and I start to show and we find out the gender we can all be more excited!

xcjump · October 2014

I completely agree with you. But I agree with PP that instead of just focusing on the pregnancy like the first time, we have a toddler or multiple children at home to concentrate on. I miss my first pregnancy where i could go home from work and nap. I miss naps. I also feel sicker this time than with my first. I am looking forward to when I feel the baby move and I feel like that will make me feel more excited and connected to this pregnancy. I was definitely more excited from the beginning the first time around though.

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