Gender disappointment

mbedroya · September 2014

@empirerecords24 Thank you for your kind words. @kflynn- So sorry for your loss as well. Best of luck with your precious rainbow!

Dancerppf · September 2014

sugahcookie01 said:

tambo19 said:

Why don't you all just stop being horrible bitches!! She hasn't said she doesn't want the baby any more! Jesus Christ!! Most of you don't actually know what you're talking about and are spreading so much bullshit hate on this post, it's disgusting. You should be ashamed of yourselves for being judgemental pricks. She hasn't said she wishes she wasn't pregnant any more or that she wants an abortion because she's disappoited with the gender!! Fuck sake guys. Give the girl a break!!!!
FIRST OF ALL, you need to knock off the name calling. This isn't my board to mod, so I'm not officially warning you here, but as a mod on this site I can't not say something about it since I'm replying to you.

SECOND OF ALL, get some reading comprehension.

Here is OP's post:

Had an ultrasound as part of the Harmony test today & although the tech said she wasn't completely sure, she said she thought it was a girl. I know I should be happy to be having a healthy baby. But I'm so bitterly disappointed. I sobbed. I know there are a million wonderful things about having a girl & I love my friends' girls, I just REALLY & TRULY never ever wanted one myself. I love being the mom of boys (I have 2), and now...I'm miserable. Miserable to the point where I just don't even want it now. (Not that I won't have it, of course not.) I know I sound like a horrible, ungrateful, terrible human being. I know that. Please believe I'm not. Has anyone else gone through massive gender disappointment? How did you deal & get to the point to where you were more than just accepting but actually happy about it? Because, I WANT to be happy about a girl, but if I am honest with myself, I'm not right now. But I want to be. Advice?

So yeah, she did say she didn't want the baby anymore. No one said she was wishing for an abortion (not sure where you pulled THAT from) but she did indeed say she didn't want the baby due to her massive gender dissapointment. That's a gross overreaction that indicates a need for some kind of additional therapeutic help. Pointing this out doesn't make us bitches, it makes us people who recognize what is not a standard, healthy emotional reaction.

As a mod, if you believe that someone needs additional therapeutic help (as I also believe she does) do you think that the comments that you claim are helpfully pointing out that need are appropriate. I've read the comments and I can't say that the comments in question have been helpful to someone in need of psychiatric care/evaluation due to symptomology of possible depression. That type of help she doesn't need.

debralea · September 2014

I'm so sorry everyone is being soo mean! It is an emotional time. Hormones are running high, and it is a letdown. let yourself feel your grief for a week or two, then focus on the positives. There is a lot of judgment going on here for a goup that could burst into tears over the wrong snack. Emotions are not rational. She was looking for support, and there are a bunch of jerks on here.

MommyOfAMiracle · September 2014

It's a cop out to blame hormones on your inability to rationalize. Emotions are more of a first trimester cop out. Good try though.

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

Oh my goodness will people cut it out with blaming hormones. #-o pregnant people (and even a non-pregnant person like me! *gasp*) are capable of regulating their emotions.

@tambo19‌ : holy flip out. You threw the online equivalent of a tantrum. What makes it worse is that you didn't even read or comprehend the original post.

OP is not the only person that could benefit from visiting a shrink. I think you might also need to work on your anger management.

pookiesprize · September 2014

Why is everyone so ANGRY she stated how she was feeling at the time I know a lot of us have had trouble trying to conceive and even lost babies I have been through both a miscarriage at almost 6 months and my husband and I were trying to conceive for over 5 years before I became pregnant this time but that doesn't give anybody the right to come down on the next person because of how she felt at the time, all the negative comments aren't helping anyone. OP I wish you the best and I'm sure in due time you will be overjoyed about having a little girl and yes pregnancy will send your hormones through the roof I'm damn near six months and mine are raging everyone needs to lighten up really !!!!!!!!!!!

pookiesprize · September 2014

@kyliedaniellexx‌ thanks didn't know I was being graded.

janda426 · September 2014

LET THE THREAD DIIIIIEEEEEE

read the explanations to the other 383829266 white knights if you're still too dense to get it

Amstreagle · September 2014

I don't like you.....

Amstreagle · September 2014

ErikaLovesChrisG said:

Yeah, you're all right. I'm complete scum. Thanks for pointing that out. Best of luck always being perfect in your lives.

Oh sweetheart, you've got it all wrong and in someway got the wrong idea about what's being said. We don't have perfect lives.

bunchesoflowers636@gmail.com · September 2014

I can't help but find all of this slightly amusing. Here is a girl who was open enough to share her feelings on a topic. No matter what topic that is, she shouldn't be criticized like this. I don't think all the negative comments are going to help, probably will just make it worse. It's gender/sex disappointment. It's ok to be disappointed about what you are having. And it usually gets better with time. There is a possibility that this girl has some depression going on. However, it could also be some really strong emotions all pouring in at once in a reaction to a "death of a dream." Yes, there was some strongly worded language in this post, but the replies have been 100 X's worse. There is not much to do to get to a "happy place" with the gender of your unborn baby. Just keep trying to think of positive things and move on. I'm sure that if the girl is showing signs that she is truly not able to and that this is incapacitating her life, whoever is close to her will be able to help her get help. But that is for her to decide, not us. I also want to say that while most say that the only thing that matters is a healthy baby, those of us who have not experienced anything but a healthy pregnancy, are not going to have the same appreciation that you do. It's two completely different worlds. Just because one person has had a bad experience or has a child with a severe disability, does not mean that the person who has a healthy child is wrong for having different feelings or reactions to the same topic. Each one of us has a different and unique story to tell. It doesn't make one "wrong" and one "right" or "sick" or "beautiful," it's just different. Please, lets leave this girl alone. All you who are mad at what she said, take a look at what is bothering you before you take it out on someone else.

Empireceo · September 2014

bunchesoflowers636@gmail.com said:

I can't help but find all of this slightly amusing. Here is a girl who was open enough to share her feelings on a topic. No matter what topic that is, she shouldn't be criticized like this. I don't think all the negative comments are going to help, probably will just make it worse. It's gender/sex disappointment. It's ok to be disappointed about what you are having. And it usually gets better with time. There is a possibility that this girl has some depression going on. However, it could also be some really strong emotions all pouring in at once in a reaction to a "death of a dream." Yes, there was some strongly worded language in this post, but the replies have been 100 X's worse. There is not much to do to get to a "happy place" with the gender of your unborn baby. Just keep trying to think of positive things and move on. I'm sure that if the girl is showing signs that she is truly not able to and that this is incapacitating her life, whoever is close to her will be able to help her get help. But that is for her to decide, not us. I also want to say that while most say that the only thing that matters is a healthy baby, those of us who have not experienced anything but a healthy pregnancy, are not going to have the same appreciation that you do. It's two completely different worlds. Just because one person has had a bad experience or has a child with a severe disability, does not mean that the person who has a healthy child is wrong for having different feelings or reactions to the same topic. Each one of us has a different and unique story to tell. It doesn't make one "wrong" and one "right" or "sick" or "beautiful," it's just different. Please, lets leave this girl alone. All you who are mad at what she said, take a look at what is bothering you before you take it out on someone else.

Thanks for bumping this with some rambling, inconsistent bullshit. You're "amused" at depression and sex disappointment so severe this woman doesn't want "it?" You're disgusting.

janda426 · September 2014

bunchesoflowers636@gmail.com said:

I can't help but find all of this slightly amusing. Here is a girl who was open enough to share her feelings on a topic. No matter what topic that is, she shouldn't be criticized like this. I don't think all the negative comments are going to help, probably will just make it worse. It's gender/sex disappointment. It's ok to be disappointed about what you are having. And it usually gets better with time. There is a possibility that this girl has some depression going on. However, it could also be some really strong emotions all pouring in at once in a reaction to a "death of a dream." Yes, there was some strongly worded language in this post, but the replies have been 100 X's worse. There is not much to do to get to a "happy place" with the gender of your unborn baby. Just keep trying to think of positive things and move on. I'm sure that if the girl is showing signs that she is truly not able to and that this is incapacitating her life, whoever is close to her will be able to help her get help. But that is for her to decide, not us. I also want to say that while most say that the only thing that matters is a healthy baby, those of us who have not experienced anything but a healthy pregnancy, are not going to have the same appreciation that you do. It's two completely different worlds. Just because one person has had a bad experience or has a child with a severe disability, does not mean that the person who has a healthy child is wrong for having different feelings or reactions to the same topic. Each one of us has a different and unique story to tell. It doesn't make one "wrong" and one "right" or "sick" or "beautiful," it's just different. Please, lets leave this girl alone. All you who are mad at what she said, take a look at what is bothering you before you take it out on someone else.

Oh good, someone else babbling on about nothing on a thread no ones been posting on in a week

schnitz9 · September 2014

bunchesoflowers636@gmail.com said:

I can't help but find all of this slightly amusing. Here is a girl who was open enough to share her feelings on a topic. No matter what topic that is, she shouldn't be criticized like this. I don't think all the negative comments are going to help, probably will just make it worse. It's gender/sex disappointment. It's ok to be disappointed about what you are having. And it usually gets better with time. There is a possibility that this girl has some depression going on. However, it could also be some really strong emotions all pouring in at once in a reaction to a "death of a dream." Yes, there was some strongly worded language in this post, but the replies have been 100 X's worse. There is not much to do to get to a "happy place" with the gender of your unborn baby. Just keep trying to think of positive things and move on. I'm sure that if the girl is showing signs that she is truly not able to and that this is incapacitating her life, whoever is close to her will be able to help her get help. But that is for her to decide, not us. I also want to say that while most say that the only thing that matters is a healthy baby, those of us who have not experienced anything but a healthy pregnancy, are not going to have the same appreciation that you do. It's two completely different worlds. Just because one person has had a bad experience or has a child with a severe disability, does not mean that the person who has a healthy child is wrong for having different feelings or reactions to the same topic. Each one of us has a different and unique story to tell. It doesn't make one "wrong" and one "right" or "sick" or "beautiful," it's just different. Please, lets leave this girl alone. All you who are mad at what she said, take a look at what is bothering you before you take it out on someone else.

BTW love your SN. Thanks for giving thousands of random internet strangers your email address. We should all email her info about depression and serious mental crisis. Because this is obv what the OP was going through and we were all trying to give her advice on.....

Foodies1 · September 2014

I can understand why your being so disappointed. Your dreams are crushed and reality is hitting you in the face, I am sorry you are not getting the gender you want. Look at it this way, everything happens for a reason. You are only given what you can handle. Take a deep breath and relax.

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

Foodies1 said:
I can understand why your being so disappointed. Your dreams are crushed and reality is hitting you in the face, I am sorry you are not getting the gender you want. Look at it this way, everything happens for a reason. You are only given what you can handle. Take a deep breath and relax.

Please explain how a different sex crushes dreams? A dead baby crushes dreams. A horrible disorder that causes life long struggle for the family crushes dreams.

Finding out you've got a son vs. a daughter? No. That is just a minor shift in thinking & changes how your kid pees.

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

thejucheidea · September 2014

Encchanted said:

"Crushed dreams"

Did I actually just fucking read that finding out your kid has to pee sitting down instead of standing up sending you into a spiral is okay because of "crushed dreams"?

Little Miss White Knight (@Foodies1), get a motherfucking clue. Going to a scan and finding out that your baby is dead is a crushed dream. Finding out that your baby is still alive but will not survive birth is a crushed dream. Finding out that your baby is going to live with a debilitating disease is a crushed dream. Finding out you are having a girl is a dream shift at most.

Her baby is healthy and alive. What she is feeling is NOT normal. She needs help (and has already hopefully sought it out). There is no shame in therapy when you are dealing with emotions so fucked up that you call your child an "it" and say you don't want her anymore.

As for your "everything happens for a reason" bullshit...

Tell me what possible reason there could be for my first son dying? What good is there in @chunkymonkeylvr's family's pain? What good is there in 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in a loss and thousands of babies dying from SIDS? What reason could there be for a friend of mine (who lost her first baby at 26 weeks) to now be dealing with two children with cancer, both of whom have now had to have brain surgery? Or another acquaintance who, out of five children, currently only has two living and one of those will die at some point because of the disease she is battling? What possible reason is good enough that there is a need for the loss boards on this site and other sites?

"Everything happens for a reason" is false and people need to use the brains in their head before spewing such hurtful, hateful thinking. I don't even give a fuck that it's (usually) meant with good intentions because there is no reason good enough in this universe to justify why my first son died, nor any of the other babies and children parents have had to say goodbye to much too soon.

Edit: Better phrasing

blobmama15 · September 2014

wow, pretty unsupportive community on thebump.com, think ill stick with babycenter!

Empireceo · September 2014

Hugs @Encchanted‌

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

janda426 · September 2014

You do that "blob mama"

yvanehtnioj · September 2014

blobmama15 said:
wow, pretty unsupportive community on thebump.com, think ill stick with babycenter!

THIS is what you take away from this thread? Yeah you won't be missed.

daizedoo · September 2014

ErikaLovesChrisG said:

Had an ultrasound as part of the Harmony test today & although the tech said she wasn't completely sure, she said she thought it was a girl. I know I should be happy to be having a healthy baby. But I'm so bitterly disappointed. I sobbed. I know there are a million wonderful things about having a girl & I love my friends' girls, I just REALLY & TRULY never ever wanted one myself. I love being the mom of boys (I have 2), and now...I'm miserable. Miserable to the point where I just don't even want it now. (Not that I won't have it, of course not.) I know I sound like a horrible, ungrateful, terrible human being. I know that. Please believe I'm not. Has anyone else gone through massive gender disappointment? How did you deal & get to the point to where you were more than just accepting but actually happy about it? Because, I WANT to be happy about a girl, but if I am honest with myself, I'm not right now. But I want to be. Advice?

This is common. Feelings are not right or wrong, they just are.

rachelcalderon525 · September 2014

I'll say that I don't agree with people bashing you on here or calling you a terrible person. I'll say that everyone has a gender bias, which is ok. I personally had a bias for a boy. This was more due to the fact that I already have an amazing step daughter (who is more like my daughter since her BM never sees here and is a POS) and I thought one of each would be nice. I also didn't know how well she would do with a sister...sharing her Dads love an affection with another girl.

HOWEVER, I do agree with select posters about seeking help. Being so upset and disappointed in the gender that you are sobbing and feeling to a point that you don't want IT anymore is Ludacris. I was lucky, I got pregnant within 3 months of "trying". But I read the stories about people who have had multiple miscarriages, or I look at my cousin who was born with Digeorges syndrome and CHD and see what my aunt and uncle go through everyday and will go thru everyday for the rest of their lives and I can't help but feel disdain for you're feelings.

God has blessed you with a beautiful healthy baby girl. You have 2 boys already who will be there to look after her. Maybe you had a bad relationship with your mom which makes you scared. Be better than she was if that's the case. But don't wish your miracle never happened.

You just netter hope that your daughter never sees any of this or know how you really felt during pregnancy. She will forever resent you.

Unknown · September 2014

This content has been removed.

thejucheidea · September 2014

blobmama15 said:

wow, pretty unsupportive community on thebump.com, think ill stick with babycenter!

I am not sad to see you or any of the other people who support OP leave.

Foodies1 · October 2014

This mom is looking for support and I was trying to give her just that. All you ladies who didn't like my positive reply to her can go F off!! Obviously she is venting and upset about this, give her a break. If you don't agree with someone and can't offer any positive support then keep your comments to yourself.

lneice0160 · October 2014

Just have to say it made my night to see the velociraptor comment...who doesn't love those little guys hahaha =D>

PrimRoseMama · October 2014

Foodies1 said:
If you don't agree with someone and can't offer any positive support then keep your comments to yourself.

Well, @Foodies1‌ : none of this ^^^ is following your own advice. You don't agree with us right? So why not keep your mouth shut?

Telling us to "F off" is not positive or supportive. It is combative & unnecessary. I have yet to see you support anyone in a meaningful way.

Oh...

I don't like being lectured by someone who displays the behavior of a hypocrite.

Empireceo · October 2014

God damn this motherfucking thread

rachelcalderon525 · October 2014

kyliedaniellexx

After reading my post again, maybe my word choice was not completely appropriate. You're right, not everyone does. I think its a given (at least it should be) that everyone's "bias" is healthy. That has personally been my husband and I's biggest concern. By saying that I simply meant that at one point or another, people (not everyone) have pictured themselves having a boy or a girl. Ultimately, it should never make a difference in how you love your child!!!

So I stand corrected

janda426 · October 2014

This thread is like that cow from me myself and Irene. It won't fucking die.

Sahara6971 · October 2014

daizedoo

How the dog/Wookiee is a costume fail is beyond me. That is the best dog costume I have ever seen.

lcelestre · October 2014

@ErikaLovesChrisG‌ I perfectly understand you right now I have the same feeling as I was so sure it was a boy I could bet on it! Now that I found out it's a girl it just seems so strange that my instinct wasn't right.
It will take us a little time to accept this but don't forget that the most important thing is just that the baby is healthy.
This is priceless.
And furthermore you already have two boys!!
It's my first, so I could rely on the next one...you never know!
Don't be so disappointed, she can feel that!
From Tuesday which was the day I knew the sex, she's kicking hard on my belly I think she feels I am not happy with her...so Now I feel so bad for her...❤️

Unknown · October 2014

This content has been removed.

crunchymamaof2 · October 2014

Yeah, let's rely on popping out another kid solely to get the sex you want. Makes total sense!

PrimRoseMama · October 2014

For God's sake... The Stupid! It burns!!!

firsttimeaussiemum · October 2014

lcelestre said:
@ErikaLovesChrisG‌ I perfectly understand you right now I have the same feeling as I was so sure it was a boy I could bet on it! Now that I found out it's a girl it just seems so strange that my instinct wasn't right.
It will take us a little time to accept this but don't forget that the most important thing is just that the baby is healthy.
This is priceless.
And furthermore you already have two boys!!
It's my first, so I could rely on the next one...you never know!
Don't be so disappointed, she can feel that!
From Tuesday which was the day I knew the sex, she's kicking hard on my belly I think she feels I am not happy with her...so Now I feel so bad for her...❤️

Want a personalized experience?

Gender disappointment

Re: Gender disappointment

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:

Choose Another Board

Search Boards