Jealous Monster

beemaya83 · September 2014

My sister and I are very close in age and have done almost everything together. We were both married less than a year a part. She has recently shared with me that she is no longer taking contraceptives. I was surprised as she hadn’t expressed to me that she was ready to start a family. Rather than being super happy and excited, the jealous monster is taking over. I’m almost sure she will become pregnant before I do, because the universe works that way. I keep telling myself that this is a great thing, and it will be awesome if we both have kids around the same time. But again, what if it takes me years to get pregnant? How will I react if she ever gives me the news and I’m still trying? I really hope that you ladies can understand where I am coming from. I really don’t have anyone else I would be willing to share these thoughts with.

MyFirstRaspberry · September 2014

Yes I can understand. I am in a similar situation. My sis and I are BFF's and got married the same year. She is 3 years younger than me....

Problem is she did get KU and is due Oct/Nov. It took her several years to get KU but it still hurts. I am so glad she has never experienced the pain of pregnancy loss.

It has been really tough. I don't know if I have a solution to offer. My sister has been very respectful to me and I really appreciate that. I hope that because you and your sister are so close that you can share your fears with her.

negritosmami · September 2014

my sis and i were pregnant together..three weeks apart...im married with a stable job and in my thirties...she has a 15hour a week retail job, the childs father was practically a one night stand and shes single in her early 20's. needless to say there are times i feel like why her and not me but i put those thoughts out my head as quick as they come. I dont judge you cause i totally understand why you would feel that way but please dont dwell on those thoughts too long..they are pointless!just focus on you and your life!!!If she gets pregnant first, great for her! just keep on pushing with what you are doing!

negritosmami · September 2014

oops..left out the part where i lost my child and she did not..cant edit my comment but insert that fact where it belongs please and thank you!

beemaya83 · September 2014

I feel a sense of releif you both can relate to what i'm saying. If my sister ever does get pregnant I would definitely not want her to have to experience a loss. And yes, I will take your advice and not dwel on the "what if's". @MyFirstRaspberry and @negritosmami

meredithcarole · September 2014

My BFF suddenly decided a month after my mc that she was going to wean herself (under her doctor's supervision) off the anti-depressants she had been on for 4 years. Mind you, during my mc her husband found out (as did I) that she had been sending questionable texts to someone from work and their 6 month marriage was in a seriously bad place - to the point where I was counseling her husband on how not to have panic attacks while I was awake at 3 am with searing uterus cramps. Anyway, a month after that she has her IUD removed and they are doing the "pull out method". Then suddenly they are NTNP. At this point I had started trying again and we were 2 months in. She mentioned how great it would be for us to get pregnant together and I suddenly "knew" she would be pregnant before me. Fast forward 2 months and she tells me she is 5 weeks pregnant - a week after they have moved into their new house. She is now 13 weeks and I struggle daily with the knowledge. Your feelings are normal, and she may get PG before you (I totally get the "because that's how the universe works" thing which is how I "knew"), but then again, she may not. Try to remind yourself to take the space you need and even though it will feel like it directly impacts you: remember her success or failure has no baring on yours. (((hugs))) ETA: punctuation

Spring78 · September 2014

I am so sorry you are dealing with such stress. I really do understand where you are coming from! My brother is 7 years younger than I am but we got married 3 months apart. My DH and I started ttc a year before they did and were already diagnosed IF when woops, his wife popped up pregnant and they "weren't even really trying." My SIL's pregnancy was very hard for me and I am sorry to say I did experience some jealousy. I think that is totally normal! It had no impact on my feelings for my little niece once she arrived, though. My brother and his wife are now talking about ttc#2... I dread getting the call that they are expecting before we get our rainbow. As bad as it was the first time around, I am sure it would be even worse after our loss.

Belle0720 · September 2014

My guess is that a lot of women who have experienced losses can relate to what you're going through.

I've found out that one of my best friends and H's cousin are pregnant now and I'm sooo happy for them, but I cried each time when they told me the news. Sometimes I wish I lived in a bubble so I didn't have to hear about or see other women's pregnancies, but then again it's real and I think it's important that we face our feelings about it. Just being able to acknowledge that we're jealous is a big deal. But I try not to turn that feeling of jealousy into resentment. I try to remind myself that another woman's pregnancy has nothing to do with my own and I need to keep a positive outlook on the future. ((Hugs))

DenaMaree · September 2014

Girl, my jealous monster had been out and making way too many appearances for far too long! I am a middle child and have five siblings. I'm the only one without children. My 37 year old brother and his wife have a 9 and 7 year old and when I visited them over the summer were happy to share they were done having children. The same Brother called last week to share they are 20 weeks pregnant with twin boys (my Parents first Grandsons) and didn't even know they were pregnant until that day. I have ten nieces and now in Feb will be blessed to add two nephews. I would have been due with my triplets any day now. Your day will come! Stay strong. Many Hugs!!

natalie115 · September 2014

My BFF is ridiculously fertile, like every time they have unprotected sex she gets pg. She is currently pg w/ #4 which happened "accidentally" from 1 single time having sex. She's also a week ahead of where I would have been so it's a constant reminder of where I "should" be. It totally normal to be jealous, envious, and all that jazz so don't beat yourself up about it. I totally get the "that's the way the world works" because that seems to be how my world works too

jms627 · September 2014

No judgment from me! My Jealous Monster is in high gear. Last week, my cousin (with whom I'm very close), called to tell me he and his wife were pregnant, due 19 days after my EDD. Basically she didn't know she was pregnant when I told them we were expecting. I am truly so happy for them, but you bet as soon as the phone call ended that I sobbed for a solid 45 minutes. Also, another one of my best friends had been thinking about trying for her second (she has a child from a previous relationship) and once she found out I was pregnant she (well, and I, at the time) thought it would be amazing if we were pregnant together, so she started trying. She's not KU yet, but since I'm TTA until December, I have a strong feeling she will be. Again, will be so happy for her, just kind of pity-partying myself.

meredithcarole · September 2014

VesperLynch said:

While it's understood that we don't wish ill on anyone, their happiness is never guaranteed, either. They just may not be unhappy (or hurt) at the same time we are. I hope this makes sense.

. This is very true. What I didn't mention was that when I was having my melt down over my friend's PG my husband (wisely) reminded me that while I might be jealous of their circumstance I wasn't truly envious of their life. I don't have the fragile marriage coupled with a new house and an impending arrival. The point being: everyone is fighting a battle you don't (necessarily) know about. Or if they are not now they will be at some point. Happiness is not guaranteed.

beemaya83 · September 2014

Ladies, I have read each comment and I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I will take your advice to heart. The jealous monster is sleeping now!!

StephieMK · September 2014

I have felt the same way. I have a sister that got pg NTNP that is a little younger than me. As the oldest, I always felt I would be the first for everything. But then, of course, life happens. When she became pg, I was the first person she told (even before her hubby) because she was afraid to hurt my feelings knowing our IF battle. And I hated that. I have found that I've gotten over the jealousy about 99% (only when it comes to her; everyone else's pg, it's def still there). I've been to 2 u/s and an office visit w/ her. I even put all of the baby furniture/gear together. And I'm happy that I get to be in the delivery room when she gets induced tomorrow night! I think all of this helped me deal with it because it was going to be in my face regardless. It's perfectly normal to feel the way you do having gone through pg loss.

centralperk · September 2014

This is a little late but I can relate. My sister and I have been pregnancy twice at the same time and both times now I have lost the baby. It is hard especially with the first pregnancy when we were due 2 days a a part.

What helps for me is to admit my jealous and sadness and try to work through it. Not keep it all bottled up inside and to be honest with her if I am having a bad day. It also helps to remind myself like meredithcarole said that everyone struggles with something we just might not know what it is.

lyndz333 · September 2014

I'm really sorry that you're dealing with that right now. I can't say how you should react but I would be feeling the same way. Hopefully you can find a way to cope with it if it does end up happening.

lovemybellag · September 2014

I am in the same boat. I have a SIL having her rainbow in the winter and another SIL starting to try. I am taking steps to be able to try again while we are on a break until DHs infection clears but each time I try to get ahead I also get a setback. It's frustrating and I am jealous of my SIL especially since she got PG on her first try with her older child. I should be better but I can't help how I feel. My heart sank when I found out she was pregnant again even though I was expecting it. I also dread for the phone call when SIL number 2 gets pregnant. I will be happy for them but also a little jealous and worried that I may not get my rainbow

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