Gender Disappointment

JamieLee074 · September 2014

Thank you everyone for the advice! I just want to say again that I am very happy that this baby is healthy and that we are happy to be having a baby. I'm going to love this baby no matter what gender it is. I've just always dreamed of having a little girl. And my best friend didn't help the situation any. When I told her, she told me "Well now you'll have to have another so you'll get a little girl! " When she told me that, I just wanted to cry because it's not in our plans to have another and it's not guaranteed you'll have the sex you want.

But thank you again for all of the advice!

BeckyP005 · September 2014

@jennhillhoit thank you. @ChickenOnSunday‌ happy to hear someone else around my age (your friend). I was so nervous to tell people thinking they would think I was too old! I know..who cares what others think

schnitz9 · September 2014

BeckyP005 said:
@jennhillhoit thank you. @ChickenOnSunday‌ happy to hear someone else around my age (your friend). I was so nervous to tell people thinking they would think I was too old! I know..who cares what others think

You are soooo not alone! I've mentioned before but one of my closest friends mother had twins at 51. Her twins are actually younger than my friends kids !!! It was so funny when I told people that I was going to my friends moms baby shower. With medical advancements today women are having kids well into their 40's and 50's. I'm just so happy for you!

Mommalawyer · September 2014

@saharah6971@ I wouldn't describe it as a "professional" problem as more of a "perception" problem. I have forced myself to hang around other little boys to change this perception and it is slowly, but surely working. Im learning that not all little boys are like DHs. It worth noting that they are with the mother most of the time (which I gather is usually with the nanny), which may be a contributing factor to the major behavioral issues. Example: I suspect that you don't give your boys mountain dew at 10:30 a night. The typical excuse to the issues, offered by the mother are, "They are just boys." Examples: Not potty trained at 3 1/2 (like no effort. still in diapers) & 6 (some effort. wears pull-ups), farting/belching/chewing with mouth open at table, refusing to even try to eat with utensils, constant picking of the nose, very aggressive behavior (like trying to stab other kids), screaming, back talking, not listening, destroying toys, throwing food, can't dress themselves, resistance if dinner isn't a "lunchable" or "pizza from Costco"..... the list is endless. Its so bad that I won't go to a restaurant with them because we are THAT family- the one that everyone stares at in disgust, shaking their head. Ive read every darn book on the planet. We have tried every piece of advice that anyone has ever suggested and are met with failure.

Sahara6971 · September 2014

Mommalawyer said:

@saharah6971@ I wouldn't describe it as a "professional" problem as more of a "perception" problem. I have forced myself to hang around other little boys to change this perception and it is slowly, but surely working. Im learning that not all little boys are like DHs. It worth noting that they are with the mother most of the time (which I gather is usually with the nanny), which may be a contributing factor to the major behavioral issues. Example: I suspect that you don't give your boys mountain dew at 10:30 a night. The typical excuse to the issues, offered by the mother are, "They are just boys." Examples: Not potty trained at 3 1/2 (like no effort. still in diapers) & 6 (some effort. wears pull-ups), farting/belching/chewing with mouth open at table, refusing to even try to eat with utensils, constant picking of the nose, very aggressive behavior (like trying to stab other kids), screaming, back talking, not listening, destroying toys, throwing food, can't dress themselves, resistance if dinner isn't a "lunchable" or "pizza from Costco"..... the list is endless. Its so bad that I won't go to a restaurant with them because we are THAT family- the one that everyone stares at in disgust, shaking their head. Ive read every darn book on the planet. We have tried every piece of advice that anyone has ever suggested and are met with failure.

Sounds like more of a parenting issue to me (not the kids fault). I am sure it would be the same if they were girls. If they are with their mom most of the time and she is teaching them bad habits, it is going to be twice as hard for you (and your husband) to try and teach them good ones. All you can do though is be strict and try. Remember, they are just kids. Don't give up on them! Good luck mama!

Mommalawyer · September 2014

Sahara6971 said:

Mommalawyer said:

@saharah6971@ I wouldn't describe it as a "professional" problem as more of a "perception" problem. I have forced myself to hang around other little boys to change this perception and it is slowly, but surely working. Im learning that not all little boys are like DHs. It worth noting that they are with the mother most of the time (which I gather is usually with the nanny), which may be a contributing factor to the major behavioral issues. Example: I suspect that you don't give your boys mountain dew at 10:30 a night. The typical excuse to the issues, offered by the mother are, "They are just boys." Examples: Not potty trained at 3 1/2 (like no effort. still in diapers) & 6 (some effort. wears pull-ups), farting/belching/chewing with mouth open at table, refusing to even try to eat with utensils, constant picking of the nose, very aggressive behavior (like trying to stab other kids), screaming, back talking, not listening, destroying toys, throwing food, can't dress themselves, resistance if dinner isn't a "lunchable" or "pizza from Costco"..... the list is endless. Its so bad that I won't go to a restaurant with them because we are THAT family- the one that everyone stares at in disgust, shaking their head. Ive read every darn book on the planet. We have tried every piece of advice that anyone has ever suggested and are met with failure.

Sounds like more of a parenting issue to me (not the kids fault). I am sure it would be the same if they were girls. If they are with their mom most of the time and she is teaching them bad habits, it is going to be twice as hard for you (and your husband) to try and teach them good ones. All you can do though is be strict and try. Remember, they are just kids. Don't give up on them! Good luck mama!

Im trying. But good golly, it's been a nightmare. I agree with you though. It has been twice as hard. Any time that we had them for a good stretch, we made good progress on some of this stuff, only to have it completely wiped away. And despite having pleaded with her to help us on these basic things, she has refused and said that our "expectations are too high." Sadly, this is pretty much my only experience with little boys, so, as I have recently started to learn, my perception has been skewed something serious and not all little boys are like this. Work in progress, work in progress.

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