Is anyone thinking about combining last names, or changing them somehow, or doing anything other than giving the kids the father's last name? I would love to do something a bit less patriarchal, as well as something that will connect the kid to both of our backgrounds (very different!), but haven't really come up with anything workable.
I know some women use surnames as first or middle names. ( the moms maiden name or grandma etc. so if I used say my moms maiden name I could call my son Howard or if used grandma's maiden I could call son or daughter Hensley if not to far out there! Lol
I didn't take DH's name when we got married. His last name sounds funny and doesn't hold a lot of meaning because his dad was adopted. So, it's an adopted name. I think ideally, we'd like to change our names to something we both like. But, we also think that's weird societally speaking, and goes a bit too far. We don't have a solution and are probably going to stick to DH's last name for the kids and I'll have a different last name. You could consider using your maiden name as a middle name? I've seen that done. I'm not a fan of hyphenated last names. It makes it complicated for the generation to follow. You could also use middle names to pay homage to other cultures.
In my husband's culture, the girls only are given the mothers maiden name as a middle name. We didn't do that with our girls but his sister has his mom's maiden name and his mom has her mom's ect. It's hard decision. In our community, my family has been around for over 60 years so it was hard to give up my maiden name for that connection to my grandparents. It was more important to me though to have the same last name as my DH and our children. GL on your decision!
Re: Non-traditional (father's) last name?