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::UO::

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Re: ::UO::

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  • vrj0522vrj0522 member
    dorothyzbornak97 said:
    vrj0522 said:

    My UO: I feel like the UO thread has become really soft in the past few weeks. I don't know if it's because we've run out of hot topics to discuss or if people are just trying to keep the peace and not rub anyone wrong (or get flamed). Last week's UO seemed like a Thursday Flame Free Confessions thread instead of a UO thread. 
    Yep. I think having different mods has alleviated some of the tension that used to bubble up in this thread, too. I mean, many of our most fiery UO threads involved either something said by or about our former mod.
    Touché! 
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    @BreandMikewedding‌ How are they able to tell that your placenta starts deteriorating prior to 40 weeks? I didn't know that was something they could keep an eye on. Legitimately curious!
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    angeltennis3 said:
    @silliegirlie143 I agree...you need a new LC. I am a FTM so I am by no means an expert on breastfeeding...but my goal is to wait to start pumping til about 6 weeks. I would get irrationally angry if someone told me that was denying grandparents bonding with the baby. Seriously? How is feeding them with a bottle any different than holding the baby, burping the baby, giving the baby hugs and kisses, etc. I will side eye grandparents big time if they suggest I pump just so they can feed the baby...
    Actually our LC (take this with a grain of salt, because Jailspitol and all) said to limit the amount of people who hold your baby on a regular basis. That mom should hold the baby a TON, followed by dad, and to let the grandparents, by all means, but. Really, to establish good breastfeeding it should be mostly mom.

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  • krysngregkrysngreg member
    You don't have to be religious to believe the in the word of God. My church teaches straight word for word. If your not into it I don't expect you to understand the difference.
    It's a personal relationship with the word of God and Christ. Not religion. Look up "why I hate religion but love Jesus" on you tube. I'm not crazy. Open your mind some
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  • krysngregkrysngreg member
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY. Here's a link straight to it. He is a poet
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    MrMrsandBaby said:
    theresat858 said:
    Another UO:
    People who wait until marriage to have sex seem more likely to rush into marriage and marry the wrong person (and get married when too young to make such a commitment).  Getting married to have sex is the dumbest reason to marry someone.
    Just have sex. Be safe about it, but no lifetime commitments are necessary.
    These are two different things though.  I waited until marriage, got married at 23 (how young is too young to make this commitment?) but the thought of "getting married to have sex" never crossed my mind.

    Waiting until marriage =/= getting married to have sex

    (not being combative, just offering perspective)
    No, no. You are correct. I know people (none in real life, actually) who have waited until marriage.

    There's a difference between those that rush marriage to have sex and those that just wait until they are married to do so.

    I'm thinking of the 19- and 20-year-old kids that get married so they can have sex.

    I feel similarly about those that get married just because they got pregnant. MOOOOOST of the time, that marriage is gonna fail.

    Get married because you love the person and you want to be married. No real other reason to do so, in my opinion.
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    carriedaway19 said:
    SPurp13 said:
    Nicb13 said:
    krysngreg said:
     
     
    My belief in God is why I stick it out and have made the choice to work on things with my husband. I married him. Divorce is sorta a big deal. And only a last resort. So I don't see a contradiction. Showing her that giving up on a marriage when she doesn't even see us fight wouldn't be teaching her any thing but how to give up. No we are not equally yoked any more. But I have made the choice to move forward in my walk with Christ. I can only hope and pray he will catch up one day. And it's not always bad. It just has been lately.

    I think I'm going to be sick.

    THIS is exactly why I have ZERO sympathy for you. This response. You exaggerate and try to get attention. I think I've lived up to my brutally honest badge today.

    Even if she DIDN'T see you fight (and kids see everything, so I highly doubt this is true), she knows you are unhappy.

    This is coming from a person who, when my parents split up when I was around 10, I was SO HAPPY. What 10-year-old kid is happy to have their parents divorce? One that KNOWS her parents hate each other.
    THIS.  So much this.  My parents divorced when I was 2 and I can assure you my life and my relationships are all the better for it.
    And guess what! Once my parents divorced (and after 10 years to get the fuck over themselves), they were really good friends. My dad moved across the street. He mowed my mom's grass. We had family functions where they both were present.
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  • Wino411Wino411 member
    edited September 2014
    I couldn't care less that people call their kids princess, to each their own. My dad called me his princess during my wedding toast which was the FIRST and LAST time he's ever called me that. It was the weirdest thing ever! lol. My DH and I burst out laughing b/c we had no idea where that came from. 

    But I do find it a bit odd when I meet someone who's legal name is Princess. 

    And in the same vein as the name Beautii that came up earlier this week, I knew a girl who's name was Prettier (pronounced Patia)... I still have no idea how her mother justified that pronunciation! Talk about having to correct people all your life! 

    As a Christian, I really did want to save myself for marriage but figured marriage was a long ways off and I was way too hot in the drawers to wait that long, so I caved at 20. I actually had no regrets until I met my husband and wished he had been the only one. But hey, whatya gonna do!? 


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  • caranicholecaranichole member
    SPurp13 said:


    Nicb13 said:


    krysngreg said:

    kfitzguerra said:


     
     
    My belief in God is why I stick it out and have made the choice to work on things with my husband. I married him. Divorce is sorta a big deal. And only a last resort. So I don't see a contradiction. Showing her that giving up on a marriage when she doesn't even see us fight wouldn't be teaching her any thing but how to give up.

    No we are not equally yoked any more. But I have made the choice to move forward in my walk with Christ. I can only hope and pray he will catch up one day. And it's not always bad. It just has been lately.



    I think I'm going to be sick.

    THIS is exactly why I have ZERO sympathy for you. This response. You exaggerate and try to get attention. I think I've lived up to my brutally honest badge today.


    Even if she DIDN'T see you fight (and kids see everything, so I highly doubt this is true), she knows you are unhappy.

    This is coming from a person who, when my parents split up when I was around 10, I was SO HAPPY. What 10-year-old kid is happy to have their parents divorce? One that KNOWS her parents hate each other.


    Just to throw it out there, it's possible to never see it go down as a kid. I saw everything but I never once saw my parents fight until once I was in high school - so traumatizing.

    Not to defend anything or anyone particular, just throwin out a random.
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  • SaragoeswestSaragoeswest member
    nightowl1989 said:
    SPurp13 said:
    <snip>

    The "princess" thing for me, I think, is because I can't say that word without saying it sarcastically. Princess = Diva for me. Someone who needs rescued from herself.
    <snip>

    I call my tortie cat a princess, diva, and primadonna...because she is just hopeless...IOW totes agree. ;)


    And all this religion talk...Ok guys, I'm mostly a lurker and usually don't even get CLOSE to jumping on the bandwagon, but I feel it's deserved. I'm Lutheran so maybe I'm really hard to offend, but what's with this touchy shit about thinking you're being flamed for your beliefs when you are so obviously not? Get some perspective. Please.


    ETA: Words

    This made me lol :) 
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    krysngreg said:
    You don't have to be religious to believe the in the word of God. My church teaches straight word for word. If your not into it I don't expect you to understand the difference. It's a personal relationship with the word of God and Christ. Not religion. Look up "why I hate religion but love Jesus" on you tube. I'm not crazy. Open your mind some
    So, you...

    I can't. Someone else. I can't. I can't go down that rabbit hole if she means what I think she means.
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  • krysngregkrysngreg member
    If nothing else. Watch this. It's pretty good. Even if you don't believe in a higher power. He is cute too
    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY
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  • MollyC20MollyC20 member
    SPurp13 said:


    theresat858 said:

    I think the princess culture for little girls is fucking ridiculous, and impossible to escape.  There was ONE choice of panties in size 2T that didn't have Disney princesses on them at Target...so Doc McStuffins it is.  I do not understand why it is impossible to make plain panties or training pants for kids - why the fuck do they have to have Dora plastered all over them? (We just use the training pants at night, but it still pisses me off).

    I can't find a fucking mermaid costume that doesn't put fake boobs on a TWO year old.  Seriously.  (The Melissa and Doug one is cute but too big). 

    Why in the hell does the "princess" concept AND the sexualization of our girls happen so early?

    DD has stated in the past that she is a boy...I almost wish for her sake that she was because of the fucking gender inequality that is so engrained in this world.

    I hate it, too. I hate all the fucking princesses, and I hate ALL the fucking "characters." Why must everything on a toddler have some cartoon plastered all over it? I hate it. And I know I can't avoid it.

    The "princess" thing for me, I think, is because I can't say that word without saying it sarcastically. Princess = Diva for me. Someone who needs rescued from herself.

    And it goes hand-in-hand for me with the fact that I KNOW everyone will say "she's beautiful" when she's born (regardless of whether she is nor not). That's fine. But when she gets older, I don't want her to ONLY hear she's beautiful. I want her to know everyone is beautiful. And that she's SMART. And strong. And capable. But no one tells little girls that (especially here). Like, I don't even know what to say. My nana still tells me when she runs into so-and-so at the market, and shows them a wedding photo of me, and they say "your granddaughter is so beautiful." I don't care, Nana. And she acts so proud about it. And I realize that's her generation, and it's sweet, but. She could also say things like "yes, she has a great job in XXX city, and she's really happy" instead of whipping out pictures of me in a pretty dress.

    I realize I'm overthinking it ALL and it is unavoidable, given that APurp is a girl, but. It gets me riled up,
    damnit. It's my "thing."



    My husband and I work very hard to make sure our daughter (2) knows she's smart, strong, funny, etc.. Not just cute or pretty or beautiful. She does love her princess stuff, but also loves watching games with daddy playing with "the boys" lol.

    I think as a parent you have the most influence and keeping them from thinking beauty is all that matters will have the biggest impact from you, so it's great that from the get go you want to instill ALL of her amazing qualities, not just how cute she is! (:



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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    Wino411 said:
    I couldn't care less that people call their kids princess, to each their own. My dad called me his princess during my wedding toast which was the FIRST and LAST time he's ever called me that. It was the weirdest thing ever! lol. My DH and I burst out laughing b/c we had no idea where that came from. 

    But I do find it a bit odd when I meet someone who's legal name is Princess. 

    And in the same vein as the name Beautii that came up earlier this week, I knew a girl who's name was Prettier (pronounced Patia)... I still have no idea how her mother justified that pronunciation! Talk about having to correct people all your life! 

    As a Christian, I really did want to save myself for marriage but figured marriage was a long ways off and I was way too hot in the drawers to wait that long, so I caved at 20. I actually had no regrets until I met my husband and wished he had been the only one. But hey, whatya gonna do!? 
    I am the only woman my husband has been with. Sometimes, I wonder if it would be more special if I had only been with him.

    HOWEVER. More often, I wonder if I wouldn't feel slightly better if he HAD been with a few lady's before me. That way at least he is more worldly or something?

    I don't know. Most of the time I think we got it just right, which is, you know, we met, we slept together, we lived together for 5 years, bought a house, then got married at the 7-year mark. That's what was right for us.
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  • SaragoeswestSaragoeswest member
    SPurp13 said:
    Saragoeswest said:
    theresat858 said:
    Another UO:
    People who wait until marriage to have sex seem more likely to rush into marriage and marry the wrong person (and get married when too young to make such a commitment).  Getting married to have sex is the dumbest reason to marry someone.
    Just have sex. Be safe about it, but no lifetime commitments are necessary.
    I can see how it might seem that those who wait are getting married in order to have sex, but I would wager that this is rarely true. Yes, I was crazy giddy about finally getting to have sex with the guy I dated for four years, but I wouldn't say that was even on my list of reasons I was marrying him. 

    I feel strongly that waiting until marriage to have sex was right for me. It's a struggle for me to not expect the same type of conviction from my younger siblings. But I don't. I can't expect them to be convicted about the same things in the same way, so I don't hold it over their heads or judge them for it. 

    That probably sounds like a tangent, but the reason I even mention my siblings is because I want it to be clear that even though I thought it was good and right and holy to wait, I don't expect those rules to apply to the rest of the world. I hardly even expect them to apply to my own family who are of the same faith as me. 
    But you say yourself that you dated this guy for 4 years. That, to me, isn't the same as someone RUSHING into marriage just to have sex. Not even in the same ballpark, kid.

    I think I speak for @theresat858 (but please call me out if I'm wrong), but it's those who RUSH into marriage to get married that are more destined to fail. Not those who simply wait.
    Oh, I see what you're saying. I didn't mean to ignore the "rushing" part but I guess I did. I would definitely side eye anyone rushing down the aisle, especially if I knew they were young and "waiting."
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    It was important to me to wait until I was married to have sex, and DH and I dated for 4 years before we got married.

    I feel like a more common thing than rushing into marriage FOR sex would be instead getting married because you HAD sex and believed that you must get married because you were supposed to wait and you only want to have had sex with your spouse (not sure that made sense...it worked in my head). I know a few people who "slipped up" and married their first sexual partner. Not that they said they were marrying BECAUSE of the sex, but I did wonder if at one time or another that didn't make them feel trapped.
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  • SaragoeswestSaragoeswest member
    SPurp13 said:
    Saragoeswest said:
    Nicb13 said:
    krysngreg said:
    I'm not religious. I claim no religion. It's a relationship. I have not treated any one like garbage. Since i first posted and then apologized. This is nuts. I didn't want attention, I posted what I was going through. Not for sympathy, to get it off my chest. It's not about saving your self for marriage. But the one God shows you is the one. It shouldn't be about sex at all. I know she will make her own choices. I'm simply trying to set her up to make the right ones.
    WHAT??????? YOU ARE ACTING LIKE A CRAZY PERSON!!!!
    I know the distinction she tried to make sounds crazy. But she is using terminology that a lot of evangelical Christians use. It sounds contradictory. I hate the religion vs. relationship semantics, but I'm going to stick up for her in this instance because she is entrenched in a culture that employs this dichotomy ALL THE TIME. At least know that this wasn't her own invention.
    Can you be her interpreter?
    I will do my best. When I am not eating Riesens.
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    Emerald27 said:
    @SPurp13‌ It's all about balance. I would say follow your instincts. If your baby cries and you want to console her, take her back. Some moms do go home and sleep/rest, and are basically brought baby every 2-3 hours to nurse, and then someone (grandparent, friend, whomever) takes baby back and mom sleeps/rests some more. This is really not ideal, because the early weeks are a very very important time for getting to know your baby, for bonding with baby, and for establishing breastfeeding. Most of baby's time in the first weeks of life would ideally be spent snuggling skin-to-skin with mom (and dad), and grandparents/friends ideally would make sure the world keeps turning while the new family bonds: helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. The best visitors aren't concerned with bonding with baby themselves, but instead try to create an atmosphere that will make it easy for mom and dad to have bonding time. These can be really helpful for new moms, friends, and grandparents: https://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/11_yourgrandchildisbreastfed.pdf https://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/08_wedloveyourhelp.pdf
    Thank you! I need to specifically find something that says what you say in the body, that a lot of time, the baby needs to be skin-to-skin with me.

    I don't want to rip my kid out of my mom's hands, I really don't, but. I want very badly for breastfeeding to work.

    I'm already fearful that my depression will somehow make me unable to release necessary (whatevers) in order to produce milk at all. I have done ZERO research on that. It was a random thought that popped into my head the other day. I was like "if I'm depressed, will I feel the NEED to feed my baby the way another mother will?" I should take to google, but it might make my anxiety worse. I'm wondering if lots of skin-to-skin will benefit me as well (from a depression standpoint).
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  • MuffinMom14MuffinMom14 member
    caranichole said:
    Nicb13 said:
    krysngreg said:
     
     
    My belief in God is why I stick it out and have made the choice to work on things with my husband. I married him. Divorce is sorta a big deal. And only a last resort. So I don't see a contradiction. Showing her that giving up on a marriage when she doesn't even see us fight wouldn't be teaching her any thing but how to give up. No we are not equally yoked any more. But I have made the choice to move forward in my walk with Christ. I can only hope and pray he will catch up one day. And it's not always bad. It just has been lately.

    I think I'm going to be sick.

    THIS is exactly why I have ZERO sympathy for you. This response. You exaggerate and try to get attention. I think I've lived up to my brutally honest badge today.

    Even if she DIDN'T see you fight (and kids see everything, so I highly doubt this is true), she knows you are unhappy.

    This is coming from a person who, when my parents split up when I was around 10, I was SO HAPPY. What 10-year-old kid is happy to have their parents divorce? One that KNOWS her parents hate each other.
    Just to throw it out there, it's possible to never see it go down as a kid. I saw everything but I never once saw my parents fight until once I was in high school - so traumatizing. Not to defend anything or anyone particular, just throwin out a random.
    You are very, very lucky.

    So, I amend my statement to...it CAN happen....but I'd say it's VERY unlikely. Kids pick up on things, like when someone is sad. Even if you never HEAR the fights...I think most kids would pick up on mom being sad or that something is just off.
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  • Emerald27Emerald27 member
    SPurp13 said:


    Emerald27 said:

    @SPurp13‌ It's all about balance. I would say follow your instincts. If your baby cries and you want to console her, take her back.

    Some moms do go home and sleep/rest, and are basically brought baby every 2-3 hours to nurse, and then someone (grandparent, friend, whomever) takes baby back and mom sleeps/rests some more. This is really not ideal, because the early weeks are a very very important time for getting to know your baby, for bonding with baby, and for establishing breastfeeding.

    Most of baby's time in the first weeks of life would ideally be spent snuggling skin-to-skin with mom (and dad), and grandparents/friends ideally would make sure the world keeps turning while the new family bonds: helping with groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, etc. The best visitors aren't concerned with bonding with baby themselves, but instead try to create an atmosphere that will make it easy for mom and dad to have bonding time.

    These can be really helpful for new moms, friends, and grandparents:

    https://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/11_yourgrandchildisbreastfed.pdf

    https://www.llli.org/docs/0000000000000001WAB/WAB_Tear_sheet_Toolkit/08_wedloveyourhelp.pdf

    Thank you! I need to specifically find something that says what you say in the body, that a lot of time, the baby needs to be skin-to-skin with me.

    I don't want to rip my kid out of my mom's hands, I really don't, but. I want very badly for breastfeeding to work.

    I'm already fearful that my depression will somehow make me unable to release necessary (whatevers) in order to produce milk at all. I have done ZERO research on that. It was a random thought that popped into my head the other day. I was like "if I'm depressed, will I feel the NEED to feed my baby the way another mother will?" I should take to google, but it might make my anxiety worse. I'm wondering if lots of skin-to-skin will benefit me as well (from a depression standpoint).




    --------------------
    Yes! Skin-to-skin aids in bonding and attachment from BOTH mom and baby. Causes oxytocin release and stirs baby's instinct to nurse frequently, which is awesome for your supply. If you're feeling down, snuggle more. It will make a difference!

    Also, take note of how you're feeling and talk to DH and/or your therapist. Make sure to surround yourself with positive sources of support and encouragement. Someone not supporting you in a way that lifts you up and makes your bond with baby and DH closer, sorry - they should go.

    Tell your mom that the doctor/nurse/LC/whomever has said that for the first 4 weeks, baby should spend x number of hours per day skin-to-skin with mom. Suggest that she hold baby while you eat or shower, and that you will need her back at other times.
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