Mother in law can't make shower — The Bump
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Mother in law can't make shower

We live near a shore town where my MIL works at a hotel which weekend are busy my husband had told her the date many weeks ago and let her know we would be upset if she didnt make it. We just found out she will not be able to get off of work her boss told her no and said shes missed many family events too... I feel its different and Its our first child. Is it wrong for me to be very upset about a grandmother missing the shower.

Re: Mother in law can't make shower

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  • You have a group of people gathering to celebrate with you and give you gifts.  It's nice that you want your MIL there, but you really need to get over it.

    Her boss is the bad guy (if there is a bad guy in this situation).  It's a busy weekend at work, you said she has had to miss family events before.  It's not your wedding day, it's a party.

    If she decided she didn't want to come, I'd say you were right being upset, but she has to work.   

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    discobelle
  • I'm hearing a lot of 'but, but, meeeee, now it's happening to meeee and it shouldn't be' happening in this post. Weekends, especially tourism heavy weekends aren't good for her, and you guys knew that. And it's totally probable/possible that a weeknight shower wasn't good for your hostess or anyone else, so the decision was made. You knew she'd missed other family stuff, and I'm sure she didn't want to, so she has to miss this because of work.

    If I liked and wanted to be around my MIL, I'm sure it would be a little disappointing to not have her there (as it is, mine refused to come to my bridal shower because she didn't want to, and, given our relationship, that worked out well). But to tell her ahead of time that you'd be very upset, even though you know this is her busy time of year, and to think about telling her how upset you are now, when she's probably also upset that she's just been told that it's a no-go is kind of a crappy thing to do.

    Agree with PPs, find a night/day that's good for her and maybe have lunch and then maybe show her the nursery and the gifts if you want her to be part of it.



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  • Yes, it's wrong for you to be very upset about her missing your shower. It sounds like it's 100% her boss's decision.  I feel bad for her because it sounds like she wanted to go and will be bummed to miss it. Why would you be mad at her? This is the kind of thing that causes unnecessary tension and drama in families. You don't need that. 
    [Deleted User]
  • Have someone take a bunch of cute digital pics of the shower for you and print them into one of those little Shutterfly/snapfish books for her, or print the photos and put them in a little cute grandmas brag book and give that to her. Make her feel included. Sounds like she has a bad work situation. The baby shower will come and go. Be gracious.
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    silverwings72
  • Count your blessings and keep it moving....
    Or maybe that's just the relationship I have with my MIL. Lol
    [Deleted User]
  • Is it wrong for you to feel that way? No.

    But, she has to work, can't get mad at that. Bosses don't care about showers, particularly when you work in hospitality.

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    aditigirl[Deleted User]
  • Sooooo, do you want her to quit her job? There are no other options. I suggest getting over it and not giving her any more shit about it.
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  • MMason12MMason12 member
    edited August 2014
    2013mommy said:
     Sounds like she has a bad work situation.


    Actually, to me, it sounds like she has a job in hospitality and can't get weekends off.  I've worked in a hotel in a resort town during the summer, getting a weekend off was not a thing until Labor Day.


    Edit: Weird quote box happening ... 

    Seriously. Lots of jobs don't have M-F/9-5 schedules. I'm in healthcare. I work on Christmas some years! Does it suck and do I miss out on certain things? Absolutely and I bet your MIL already feels bummed about having to miss family events every once and a while so leave her be and take a deep breath. -This is not the end of the world for you. 
    --- QUOTE END ----

    It is amazing how many people do not understand and are considerate of those who do not have 9-5 M-F schedule. My husband has a "pick your days" 28 day rotation at work based on seniority picking order. His schedule is never the same and he surely does not work M-F. My in-laws (both worked M-F 9-5) cannot seem to grasp the concept that working with his schedule is not easy and just because something is planned for a weekend does not mean my husband can automatically make it. 

    It's sad when people -- specially family -- gives others a hard time because of their work schedules. I am sure the OP MIL is feeling bad enough about missing family events because of work and the guilt trip they are giving her a bunch of crap. 
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  • MMason12 said:


    2013mommy said:





     Sounds like she has a bad work situation.



    Actually, to me, it sounds like she has a job in hospitality and can't get weekends off.  I've worked in a hotel in a resort town during the summer, getting a weekend off was not a thing until Labor Day.



    Edit: Weird quote box happening ... 

    Seriously. Lots of jobs don't have M-F/9-5 schedules. I'm in healthcare. I work on Christmas some years! Does it suck and do I miss out on certain things? Absolutely and I bet your MIL already feels bummed about having to miss family events every once and a while so leave her be and take a deep breath. -This is not the end of the world for you. 

    --- QUOTE END ----



    It is amazing how many people do not understand and are considerate of those who do not have 9-5 M-F schedule. My husband has a "pick your days" 28 day rotation at work based on seniority picking order. His schedule is never the same and he surely does not work M-F. My in-laws (both worked M-F 9-5) cannot seem to grasp the concept that working with his schedule is not easy and just because something is planned for a weekend does not mean my husband can automatically make it. 

    It's sad when people -- specially family -- gives others a hard time because of their work schedules. I am sure the OP MIL is feeling bad enough about missing family events because of work and the guilt trip they are giving her a bunch of crap. 

    ------
    I have a job that most people assume is 9-5. Part of the year it is, but 6 months of the year, I work around 60 hours/week including Saturdays. My family still doesn't get it, even after 10 years. They'll call me and expect me to be home and available to talk, and are always put off when I tell them I'm at work.

    OP, I promise that you MIL would be there if she could. I really don't like missing out on stuff to be at work, but it's how we pay our bills.

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  • I just meant difficult or different by "bad" work situation. I work in healthcare and so do shifts too and wrote that after a long shift ;) I should have been more clear the first time! Sorry!
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  • Invite her round later in the day for a meal or tea? Just a little catch up could be nice :)
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