We live near a shore town where my MIL works at a hotel which weekend are busy my husband had told her the date many weeks ago and let her know we would be upset if she didnt make it. We just found out she will not be able to get off of work her boss told her no and said shes missed many family events too... I feel its different and Its our first child. Is it wrong for me to be very upset about a grandmother missing the shower.
Re: Mother in law can't make shower
Your feelings are your feelings, but in the end, I just don't think it needs to be a BIG DEAL. Especially as your MIL isn't able to come because she can't get off of work. Her job, her livelihood, actually is more important than attending a baby shower.
And keep this in perspective - it really is JUST a shower. An event for people to give you a bunch of gifts. Now, if this were the baptism (or some other equally important event), I would more understand being upset. But over a shower?? SHE isn't the important guest. You are.
Be sad if you want, but don't put this down as a mark that you now forever hold against her. Especially as you know perfectly well that she works weekends. I'm sure this isn't the first event she's missed and it won't be the last. You can't hold up every event now related to your child as a "but this is our FIRST CHILD!!!! I can't believe she can't come!". There will be a lot of these events....
To put this more in perspective- my DH works a job that is 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off. When he's on, he's ON. There is no taking a day off here or there. Now- so far we've been lucky that we've been able to plan all DSs important events around DHs job. But I know a time will come where this can't happen.
This is a part of life.
You have a group of people gathering to celebrate with you and give you gifts. It's nice that you want your MIL there, but you really need to get over it.
Her boss is the bad guy (if there is a bad guy in this situation). It's a busy weekend at work, you said she has had to miss family events before. It's not your wedding day, it's a party.
If she decided she didn't want to come, I'd say you were right being upset, but she has to work.
If I liked and wanted to be around my MIL, I'm sure it would be a little disappointing to not have her there (as it is, mine refused to come to my bridal shower because she didn't want to, and, given our relationship, that worked out well). But to tell her ahead of time that you'd be very upset, even though you know this is her busy time of year, and to think about telling her how upset you are now, when she's probably also upset that she's just been told that it's a no-go is kind of a crappy thing to do.
Agree with PPs, find a night/day that's good for her and maybe have lunch and then maybe show her the nursery and the gifts if you want her to be part of it.
Me-31, H-27
**Loss 1-Cycle 7(June 2013) at 5w6d-CP**Loss 2-Cycle 11(October 2013) at 5w4d-CP**
**Loss 3-Cycle 14 (January-February 2014)-M/C dx 2/10, EP dx 2/24, MTX 2/25**
Beta Hell--hCG finally down to 0 - 6/20/14
SA normal. Genetic testing normal. Hormonal testing normal.
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Hysteroscopy/Lap--8/4/14 - Tubes unblocked. Polyps removed from uterine wall. Septum removed.
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BFP 12/14/14!!! Beta #1, 12/16: 990 Beta #2, 12/18: Over 2000! Beta #3, 12/22: over 8000!
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BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
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Or maybe that's just the relationship I have with my MIL. Lol
Is it wrong for you to feel that way? No.
But, she has to work, can't get mad at that. Bosses don't care about showers, particularly when you work in hospitality.
Married: August 2012
DD: 9/22/2014
It is amazing how many people do not understand and are considerate of those who do not have 9-5 M-F schedule. My husband has a "pick your days" 28 day rotation at work based on seniority picking order. His schedule is never the same and he surely does not work M-F. My in-laws (both worked M-F 9-5) cannot seem to grasp the concept that working with his schedule is not easy and just because something is planned for a weekend does not mean my husband can automatically make it.
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I have a job that most people assume is 9-5. Part of the year it is, but 6 months of the year, I work around 60 hours/week including Saturdays. My family still doesn't get it, even after 10 years. They'll call me and expect me to be home and available to talk, and are always put off when I tell them I'm at work.
OP, I promise that you MIL would be there if she could. I really don't like missing out on stuff to be at work, but it's how we pay our bills.
BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
*everyone always welcome*