Being in charge kind of sucks

bearfootz · September 2014

I'm sorry, can I vent and ramble? So I know I intro'd and mentioned how we're on the bench for now because we're trying to figure out a new house. But I'm a little overwhelmed lately because I just don't know - I don't know if we should wait until we get our ducks in a row as far as a new house so we're not trying to sell a house/live in a rental/manage a build while possibly pregnant or with a new baby. But then I get that slap in the face that I'm not getting any younger and I know that I've had troubles in the past with ttc. So am I being a moron to wait? I mean I do know that I need to lose some weight, and am working on that, but is this house excuse just stupid? Would it be the worst thing in the world for one of the kids to have to share a room with a baby if we're stuck in our current house for a while?

And it just doesn't help that when I talk to DH about this he's on board with having another but will give no input about what our plan is supposed to be...because I guess talking about plans creates stress and god forbid anyone but me have any stress. So that leaves me in charge and it stinks. You know what I mean?

meredithcarole · September 2014

Sometimes I regret waiting until my ducks were in a row (and they weren't even really in a row when I said "it's time", it was a somewhat loose formation at best). I have now been TTC for 10 months with a loss so it just goes to show you can't plan.

sonpetitlapin · September 2014

Of course there are situations were waiting is ideal and planning to be involved when having a kid. But then, when is it a good time? At least in my life, there is always something happening or going on. So I have adopted the belief in life, I always get it done. And of course we want to be the best parents to our children we can be and make sure we give them the best opportunities. That is what makes us great!! Hugs

Davie813 · September 2014

My situation is obviously very different than yours because I'm 40, not 34. Still, I really wish right now that we hadn't waited (only a few months, but they might have made all the difference) to TTC #2.

I agree with all the PPs that there's never going to be a time when a new baby won't be a major upheaval, and with @meredithcarole that bodies don't tend to obey plans anyway!

I definitely can't advise you on a course of action; my only advice would be to try talking again with DH. The circumstances under which you have the baby are temporary; stuff like the age difference between your twins and their new sibling is permanent, and even if he doesn't want to make a plan, he must have opinions about it! Good luck!

bearfootz · September 2014

No, I know full well that the body does not always cooperate.

Part of my issue is that I'm such a mess when I'm off the pill (hormones go wacky, acne, weight gain, blech), and given the previous issues we've had, I kind of feel like we have to actively try vs. just seeing how things go.

vh2014 · September 2014

This isn't the right time for us either... and DH wanted to calculate the due date and decide if we should pick a different month. I had to explain that it didn't work that way, no matter what they told you in HS. It helped the discussion that we have a lot of friends with fertility challenges right now and a few with losses so he gets it. What really helped me was to weigh the stress of having to juggle everything now and the stress of realizing I waited and it was too late later. GL with the decision, and better to be in charge and have him onboard than not have him onboard and want to be in charge.

Hang in there.. you've got this.

obscurereference · September 2014

I'm going to echo what everyone has already said: don't wait! If you two are ready, then start now because you never know how long it will take to get pregnant. Right after I got pregnant with DS, we signed a contract for a new build house. We closed 10 days before my due date. Was moving a fun experience at 8 1/2 months pregnant? Hell no! (But seriously, is moving ever fun?) I've had to adjust how I normally do things, and our house still isn't completely in order because we're caring for an infant, but it was worth it. Good luck!

flyliceandcoffee · September 2014

I think I'm more or less just going to echo what everyone else is saying, but if you feel like you don't want to wait for the "right time", I say go for it. In my experience, there is never a perfect or a right time for anything. In my ideal utopia, I had wanted to move out of the house we were renting, into our own house before we had kids as well. It turns out, we moved twice AFTER S was born. The first time into a temporary condo while our house was built, and then again into our new home. Did that suck? Absolutely. But, if I had waited until we moved, I'd either still be pregnant now, or possibly not even yet with no kids, instead of working on #2.

A good middle ground may be, figure out if you want to buy vs build because that may also make a difference in the timeline. If you're looking to buy something that already exists, the likelihood of that taking 9+ months is smaller than building. If you're looking to build, then sure that can take quite a bit longer, but if you start that process now, a brand new house typically takes 6-9 months from beginning to move in, so you could very well be in a new home before the baby is born, and if not, there's always the option of sharing a room (co-sleeping...crib in your room, etc etc) for the month or two it might take to get the new house finished up.

lcwed · September 2014

I'm in the go for it camp. DH wanted to wait awhile because he figured since DD was so quick another would be too. Well 6 actively trying cycles later, here we are with me a few short months away from 37 and still using FF. I wish we had started before the New Year like I originally wanted. DH has this annoying habit about being right about everything. This one instance I wish he had been right.

bearfootz · September 2014

Thanks ladies. Maybe it's because this isn't a topic of discussion IRL other than with DH, but I appreciate hearing that it's ok to go for it.

CML11 · September 2014

I'm coming up on TTC in Feb for 1yrs 7 month and started seeing an RE coming up on 1 yr. I said it was time a long time ago, but my body seems to have other ideas.
What I'm trying to say is that it can take a healthy couple with no issues quite a while, you just don't know.
I would vote go for it, even if it's NTNP.

URMySunshine77 · September 2014

(child mentioned)

I would say go for it. We moved into a new home the week that DS was born. I just brought as many family members as possible from out of town to do the lifting, unpacking, and arranging.

Also, the baby can sleep in your room (cosleep or bassinet) for the first six months if you are concerned about space.

SchruteBucks · September 2014

I'm in the go for it camp. There will always be things that can make the timing less than ideal. If you are both in good health, with a strong marriage and the means to provide for a child...I'd say your ducks are in a good enough row

bearfootz · September 2014

SchruteBucks said:

I'm in the go for it camp. There will always be things that can make the timing less than ideal. If you are both in good health, with a strong marriage and the means to provide for a child...I'd say your ducks are in a good enough row

yeah, this is a good bottom line answer. And thankfully we meet that criteria.

So tonight I was carrying the cat around and told DH that it needs to be a baby instead. It's time.

KateLouise · September 2014

I agree with everyone else, that it sounds like you're in a great place to TTC.

No matter what there will always be something inconvenient that would be easier, not pregnant/without a newborn/without 3 kids.

I did just want to say best wishes!!!

Being in charge kind of sucks

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