Am I overreacting? Longish, awkward..

Anicole14 · September 2014

Hi ladies,

I had an awkward situation happen at my 13 week check up yesterday. It was the first time I have met the actual doctor who will be delivering (who is male), I always see the NP. DH travels for work and is out of town so he was not able to attend the appointment. It was just the doctor and I in the room. He came in, had me lay back, and took it upon himself to unbuckle my belt, my button on my jeans, and unzip me. He rolled my pants down, and tucked my underwear down to where I feel he didn't need to be touching for this appointment. He was just doing a Doppler to listen to the heartbeat, and baby was sitting about 2 inches below my belly button. I wasn't sure why he pretty much had me completely exposed.

I've had a Doppler and a couple sonograms done, the nurse has always asked me to roll my pants over my hips myself. At this point, I'm feeling a little awkward and embarrassed at this situation, I haven't even talked about it to DH. Is this a normal thing for doctors to do? I've never had a doctor undress me before, and being a FTM, I'm not sure if some doctors ask you to do this yourself, and others just take it upon themselves? I think I'm trying to figure out if this has happened to others and I'm completely overreacting, or if it's maybe worth trying to find a new doctor?

harlidoo · September 2014

That sounds creepy and inappropriate. I would definitely asked him to stop.

Cali2090 · September 2014

Just reading this I felt uncomfortable for you! I think that it is incredibly inappropriate that he 'undressed you'. If you feel weirded out by him on appointment number one, I wouldn't waste anymore time before starting to look for someone else!

fro88 · September 2014

Sounds out of line to me, too. This should be a pleasant and exciting experience for you, so if you're going to feel creeped out or worried every time you go to this office, I would say find a new doc!

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

Doesn't sound normal to me. Any time I've seen a male dr there has always been a nurse in the room. Definitely awkward.

sagehens47 · September 2014

Ok that's def weird. You need to find an OB you feel comfortable with. Pregnancy is scary enough, you don't need to worry about your doc on top of that. I know it's a pain to switch, but ultimately you'll probably be much happier.

miahbelle · September 2014

Totally weirded out! Find another doctor!

dmcox10 · September 2014

totally inappropriate!!! I always thought if you were alone, someone else was supposed to be in the room? And for him to roll down your clothes....that doesn't sound right. I would report it and find a new doctor ASAP if it were me.

MagalinaH · September 2014

If you were uncomfortable, you were uncomfortable. I don't think you're overreacting at all. There's no reason at all for a doctor to undress you themselves. It sounds totally creepy to me. I agree that there should have at least been a nurse or someone else there. I would either say something to the practice, and/or find a new doctor. Regardless if he was in the right or wrong (which I think he was in the wrong), you should feel 100% comfortable with the doctor providing you care and delivering your baby.

MudLover · September 2014

Find someone else asap! Totally inapropriate. A nurse should have been present. I've quit seeing doctors for far less.

cwiceangel · September 2014

There's always a nurse in with my dr. And he tells me to strip down and put the paper over my waist. That sounds weird to me. And he leaves the room for it and knocks when there's been sufficient time.

lindsayanne14 · September 2014

Personally I have never had a provider undo my pants. I guess the bottom line is if you felt uncomfortable then it's probably worth checking into other Drs. you don't want someone who gives you the creeps delivering your LO.

aeith11 · September 2014

I have a male doc and it is REQUIRED that a nurse be present and they ALWAYS step behind the curtain to allow me to undress, roll my pants down, etc...that doc sounds like a perv and I would definitely find another one

canadianttc1st · September 2014

I had a male doctor for my first and although there was never a nurse in the room he never undressed me and I never felt uncomfortable. I think if it was me I'd be getting a new doctor as well. You don't want to dread your appointment by feeling creeped out.

bowman958 · September 2014

I don't find this particularly creepy, but if you were uncomfortable that's the bottom line.

Anicole14 · September 2014

Thanks ladies. I thought there was supposed to be a nurse in there with him as well, and was already a little thrown off by that. I honestly was so blind sided by what was happening I couldn't even answer the questions he was asking me. Thank you for all the reassuring responses! I wont feel as silly as I look for a new doctor today.

@-)

CivilMommy · September 2014

That is weird. Why didn't you stop him and undress yourself?

I've never had a nurse attend an exam with a male doctor - I'm sure if I requested it they would have, but if you are of adult age and didn't request a chaperone in the room - it isn't a given.

If it made you uncomfortable - say something and find a new doc.

ElizabethSwann · September 2014

My eyes went wide when i read he unbuckled your pants. I am sorry. I don't think that is OK. I sometimes see a male dr in the practice and he is the only one in the room, but he has never done anything like that.

My usual OB has me roll them down, and she actually grabbed my pants so the gel for the doppler wouldn't get on them, and then she pulled them down a little more. But, i wasn't uncomfortable, and that is way different then what happened to you.

But anyways, yes usually they always ask you do it yourself. That is very strange. If you are uncomfortable, definitely change.

SuperFudge00 · September 2014

I wouldn't be going back. And in my experience, every male doc is overly cautious and would never touch a female if it can be avoided (allow you to prepare yourself) and would always have a chaperone should he ever be alone in a room behind a closed door with a female patient.

That being said, he can't do anything to make you not feel uncomfortable. Time to find a new provider.

crossfit704 · September 2014

Ditto what everyone has said! Definately should have been a nurse in the room. I'd find a new practice asap!

taahira · September 2014

If you are uncomfortable then yes find a new doctor, i don't think your overreacting. I would not be comfortable and would be finding a new doctor if it were me.

Anicole14 · September 2014

CivilMommy said:

That is weird. Why didn't you stop him and undress yourself?
I've never had a nurse attend an exam with a male doctor - I'm sure if I requested it they would have, but if you are of adult age and didn't request a chaperone in the room - it isn't a given.
If it made you uncomfortable - say something and find a new doc.

I'm not sure why I didn't react differently to him. I literally froze and didn't even get to enjoy hearing baby's heartbeat because I was so thrown off. I've never had this happen and the thought that immediately went through my head was "I must be overreacting". I'm disappointed that I didn't have better judgment at the time to realize what was happening wasn't right.

jackieanddan1989 · September 2014

As a nurse I can tell you that during a pelvic exam or anything like that there should ALWAYS be someone else in the room, (we call it a witness) regardless of whether the doctor is male or female. For him to undress you himself, and to pull your pants down to where you were completely exposed when he was only doing a Doppler over the abdomen, is completely inappropriate.

Find a new doctor, and write a review or make a phone call to the office or something so that other women will be warned. You may not be the only person he has been inappropriate with, and he may have gone even further with other people. This creeps me out just reading it. You are not overreacting.

knitfastdiewarm · September 2014

OP, do nto be disappointed with yourself for freezing instead of saying something. I know I would have done the same thing in your position. I agree with the general consensus: You should be comfortable with the care you are given and if you felt it was inappropriate, then you should switch! GL to you and I hope you find someone awesome.

jackieanddan1989 · September 2014

@somerandomchick maybe practices do differ depending on where you are, I can just tell you that in my career (or in my experiences as a patient) I personally have never seen there not be chaperone. Regardless of the witness issue, sounds like the doctors actions were...off. I have never seen a doc undress a patient that was physically capable of doing it themselves

Anicole14 · September 2014

somerandomchick said:

That is weird. Why didn't you stop him and undress yourself?
I've never had a nurse attend an exam with a male doctor - I'm sure if I requested it they would have, but if you are of adult age and didn't request a chaperone in the room - it isn't a given.
If it made you uncomfortable - say something and find a new doc.

When something happens that you're completely not expecting that makes you uncomfortable, you don't always have the reaction you want to have (being with-it enough to ask them to stop or make them stop). It's pretty easy to be completely blindsided and everybody reacts differently. Some might react with outright anger, yelling at him to fuck off and cut it out. Some might be 'polite' and say please stop, I can undress myself. Some might say dude, stop it and then ask to see a nurse or open the door if they felt uncomfortable. Some might completely freeze up in shock. Some might want to say stop but feel like it would be rude or doctor knows best, feel like they can't tell him to fuck off. All of these are completely understandable. And short of bodily assaulting the guy, all of them are okay! It's not as simple as "why didn't you stop him?" I guarantee you if some dude did something completely inappropriate, like grab my butt on the bus, I would probably not be that girl who slaps him and tells him off and has the bus driver call the police. I would probably freeze with a sense of WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING. Just line you don't always think of the perfect comeback in time, you don't always react the way you WISH you had in the moment.

This is so perfectly worded, Thank you.

ElizabethSwann · September 2014

Is there more than one dr. there? Maybe consider telling the practice/writing a letter? Totally up you, but just a thought.

jackieanddan1989 · September 2014

sorry @somerandomchick just saw that you didn't write that original comment, only quoted it. That was directed @CivilMommy

zoeysims · September 2014

This happened to me too! I immediately told the front desk I was extremely uncomfortable. I even shed a few tears. What made it worse is that he was talking to me about breast feeding the entire time. Like over and over saying how the baby needs that good latch on my nipple and then he touched me and showed me how the baby needed to "latch"
I'm 9 weeks pregnant! I don't need to be talking about breast feeding quite yet! Especially not in such detail. Ugh. I hate yucky doctors

my new one is a female. Thank goodness.

phdmom1 · September 2014

Please stop blaming yourself for inaction. Authority figures who misuse their power are despicable. I too have had odd OBGYN experiences with male MDs, though most are perfectly fine. My thoughts are that you should not only find a different physician in a different practice, but let others know in his practice why you left. You can do so anonymously if it makes you more comfortable, and would go a long way (hopefully) to keep this person from repeating his inappropriate behavior. Ideally some retraining or monitoring would be put into place in the future so other women don't experience this.

Anicole14 · September 2014

ElizabethSwann said:

Is there more than one dr. there? Maybe consider telling the practice/writing a letter? Totally up you, but just a thought.

Unfortunately he is the only one. The NP can't deliver, which stinks because I really like her. But I'm hoping I will find a new practice I can really like.

ElizabethSwann · September 2014

Anicole14 said:

ElizabethSwann said:

Is there more than one dr. there? Maybe consider telling the practice/writing a letter? Totally up you, but just a thought.

Unfortunately he is the only one. The NP can't deliver, which stinks because I really like her. But I'm hoping I will find a new practice I can really like.

I bet you will. Ask around, and see who your friends go to. You will find a good match. Good luck!

chrissyR78 · September 2014

The first thing I thought of when I read this was the movie The Hand That Rocks The Cradle. I think it was totally inappropriate. I switched to a woman OB because I feel more comfortable.

catlover790 · September 2014

I am so sorry that happened to you! I think it sounds inappropriate to me. Also, don't be mad at yourself for not saying anything, it was not your fault!

I just did a quick search and found that the AMA recommends having nurses present during exams. In my experience, during all my RE appointments if the male RE was in the room, so was a female nurse. I have only had a female OB before, but she always has me undress alone and then knocks before coming back in.

I would recommend getting a new OB and perhaps reporting in some way that you feel comfortable with. Good luck.

chrissyR78 · September 2014

I'm just wondering if this is something he does all the time and if he has actually done something to one of his patients. It sounds like he has gotten pretty comfortable.

Anne1387 · September 2014

I find that inappropriate.

I had a male doctor previously (I have endometriosis, so he was my surgeon for my surgery last February.) There was one appointment where I didn't undress before he came in - it was the followup 6 weeks after my surgery. I think I had unbuttoned my pants before laying up on the table - he was checking up on my incisions and seeing how they were healing - and while he was checking he asked if he could pull down my underwear a little bit to better see the incisions. It was completely professional and he asked my permission - I believe that is how it should always be. ETA - there was also a nurse in the room at the time.

If this doctor doesn't seem to respect you as a person or have basic bedside manner I would definitely find a new doctor.

Plus, if I were you I'd probably feel stress around him now anyhow, and that is the very last thing you need while pregnant, in delivery, etc.

bowman958 · September 2014

somerandomchick said:

He probably didn't even think anything of it but since it made you uncomfortable I would have said something right then. I personally wouldn't change doctors because of it I think he was just trying to do his job.
I feel like if you're an OBGYN, whose job is to look at people's genitals very frequently, you would be very conscious of your patients comfort level. I may be wrong but I feel like privacy, personal space, personal comfort etc is or should be part of medical training. Unless it's the guys first day on the job I do not buy at all that he thinks that's the way a doctor is supposed to prepare a patient for a belly check. Undressing someone is a very intimate act.

Unfortunately I think some docs have good beside manner and some don't. The reason I didn't find it creepy is precisely because OBs look at genitals and boobs and abdomens all day long and are trained to see them as a body - a body is a body is a body. Regardless of that, OP's comfort level is of the most importance, and if she does not feel right about the experience she should change providers.

vickersh1 · September 2014

All the Doctors appts that I have ever been to, whether it is for me or for DH - the nurse always steps out of the room for you to undress and get ready.

Now when I went for my first ultrasound (DH was with me) the nurse/tech asked me to pull my shirt up, but she did tuck the paper into my pants before applying the jelly stuff - it didnt bother me.

For a male DR to go to the extreme that he did - that would have made me very uncomfortable as well.

epidemic · September 2014

I agree with the majority of what's been said here. I just want to add that I'm sorry that happened to you. That was definitely inappropriate, creepy and unprofessional.

I hope that you find a wonderful new practice and have a better next appointment.

bmblebea · September 2014

I've never had a dr or nurse touch my clothing. They always ask me to do it myself. I second the people who said if you felt creeped out, then it was creepy. I wouldn't go back to a dr who undressed me. Just typing that sentence even skeeved me out.

kdbug4 · September 2014

That would weird me out! I vote get a new doc.

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Am I overreacting? Longish, awkward..

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DD 7/2010, DS 3/2012, #3 due 4/24/2015

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