After birth heads up/advice?

Jatpa003 · September 2014

As a FTM I am looking for some heads up and/or advice of things that might shock me but shouldn't after I give birth. (Hoping for a vaginal birth at this point, but c-section advice is also welcome!) I just recently heard my feet and legs will swell unbelievably... What else have you heard (FTM's) or experienced (STM's +).

I have also purchased lots of pads and Epsom salts, it there anything else I should get/ things you wish people had told you to get?

Thanks in advance everyone!

jac409 · September 2014

Plenty of Colace! That first #2 experience after birth is brutal. No one told me about my legs/ankles swelling and I freaked out about that at first. It is totally normal, but I was not prepared.

wildflower75 · September 2014

This is if you plan on BFing... What really surprised me was how drained I was (pardon the pun)! Breastfeeding made me feel like I had just donated blood and was drained of all energy, it really wiped me out in the beginning. So I am going to make sure I have energizing foods readily available this time.

I second the swollen feet and legs - I was totally NOT prepared for that (I had a CS)!!! Luckily I didn't experience too much swelling during pregnancy but after childbirth...WOAH!! I couldn't fit into any shoes and in the dead of winter / snow storms I had to wear my flip flops home from the hospital!! This time around I might get some cheap large/ wide flats that I can wear for the first few weeks home.

Lastly I wish someone would have told me how truly amazing motherhood is, I was in awe of the amazing feeling I had (and still have) and I felt slighted that no one mentioned this to me before!

sweetbabyrahe · September 2014

You might find yourself crying for no reason, I did. Also you get a less than comfortable abdominal massage to help your uterus shrink down

soulcupcake · September 2014

You retain water when you you're given IV fluids, which is standard in most hospital births. It can also inflate baby's birth weight. I opted for a hep lock with occasional saline injections during my second hospital birth.

I'm not easily shocked or grossed out by much. I was aware of the chance of having a bowel movement during the second stage. I don't think I had one with my first, but I might have with my second, or the other way around. Not sure.

Herbal sitz baths are great, and I had a better healing period when I tore on my own as opposed to having an unnecessary episiotomy. Warm peri bottle is good for cleaning the torn or sore perineum or other areas. It can be good to manually massage the uterus after birth to make sure it contracts and lessens bleeding.

Maybeyesmaybeno · September 2014

My mom told me that the peri bottle isn't just for after you pee, etc. Make sure to squirt while you pee so that your urine is diluted and it doesn't sting as much. Seems silly, but any little trick that provides a small comfort is worthwhile to me.

wildflower75 · September 2014

I just remembered... this doesn't happen to everyone but... when I got my first period after weaning DD from BFing (7 mos after birth) ... I felt like I was going to die! The worst cramps ever!!! I mean like doubled over, hold onto the wall, almost collapsed because of the pain!!
So just a head's up you might have to run to your OB and get some pain meds for that!
But don't be too worried because it doesn't happen like for everyone...

sweetbabyrahe · September 2014

Yes @wildflower75 it was like my body was making up for all the time pregnant and bf and the pain was all stored up

kfo22 · September 2014

@wildflower75 Like contraction crampy pain??

wildflower75 · September 2014

kfo22 said:

@wildflower75 Like contraction crampy pain??

YES!! Like the worst menstrual (there's a vice clamping on your uterus) cramps you could ever imagine!!

Jatpa003 · September 2014

Thank you everyone!

@wildflower75‌ thank you, I do plan on BF, I usually have trail mix/ granola bars always on hand, I hope that does the trick! (Also now freaking out about my first period- I was a lucky one in that I have never had cramps before- I cannot even imagine!)

2ndGeneration · September 2014

I always buy a box of the paper underwears-kotex makes them I think? So in the first few days home I dont ruin undies from pad overspill...which can happen. When you BF your uterus contracts (which is good! ) but it can get...gushy...plus the paper ones hold the pad close. Like depends but without the pad part (I put my own in).

morrkim · September 2014

I still felt contractions for a while after delivery. I was not expecting that.

ccam · September 2014

I did not have swelling my whole pregnancy with DS but after delivering, I had boats for feet, it was pretty bad. And I would recommend starting colace like yesterday because the first one is a bitch. Especially after my CS, I thought I was going to burst. My first PP period (5 months later) was no different than normal though, just heavier.

Everyone is different though and it's all worth it!

Deardra77 · September 2014

I was really very shocked by the shape of my sons head. I was sure there was something wrong with him due to come shape. A very vivid memory of seeing him for the first time was OMG what's wrong with him and why is no one freaking out? Now I know it's normal shape for vaginal delivery. I'm sure they mentioned it at the birth classes and it just didn't fully sink in. Wish it had so it didn't take away from the moment.

I will say I was surprised by how totally fine and no pain I was in after birth, was expecting a lot worse so maybe that's why I felt good. Didn't expect the cramping of the uterus contracting during great feeding so much.

abbyful · September 2014

I didn't have any swelling, but I had a med-free birth so that's probably why (no IV).

One thing I recommend: take a shower before going home after baby is born. I was debating waiting to get home to my own shower, or taking one at the hospital. I took one at the hospital, and until then I didn't realize how sub-human I felt after giving birth. I felt like a PERSON again after that shower! Best shower of my life!

rahkitt · September 2014

Deardra77 said:

I was really very shocked by the shape of my sons head. I was sure there was something wrong with him due to come shape. A very vivid memory of seeing him for the first time was OMG what's wrong with him and why is no one freaking out? Now I know it's normal shape for vaginal delivery.

And their ears might be bent over too. Newborns pretty much look weird.

Swelling is from IV fluids - I've never had that and never had swelling.

Have a *big* cup or mug with ice water to carry around if you're nursing. You don't feel thirsty at all one minute, and as soon as the baby latches on you feel like you will die if you don't get a drink (and once you get baby latched on you don't want to get up and get one). That goes away eventually, but at first is very strong, especially with blood loss from the birth.

missnacholover · September 2014

Great thread, everyone!!!

Jatpa003 · September 2014

missnacholover said:
Great thread, everyone!!!

Agreed, thank you! I feel like I have learned so much. And although we are taking classes that start this week and go until a few weeks after birth, I still trust you ladies more!

ccam · September 2014

Totally agree with @abbyful‌ on the shower!!

Sarahbeth612 · September 2014

I didn't really have swelling, or even a lot of pain down there postpartum. I did however have literally rock hard boobs that sprayed when touched in the slightest, especially when warm shower water hit them. Until I stopped BF. That was the shock for me (and DH) when we snuck a shower together for the first time!

smboswell1 · September 2014

Love this!! So helpful!

silverwings72 · September 2014

Keep them coming ladies! Thank you for this. I do much better when I feel prepared.

dbgwife · September 2014

The baby blues...I feel like no one prepared me for how emotional I'd be after delivery. Different than post-partum depression for sure. I was just extra emotional/weepy and the lack of sleep and learning to nurse just amplified everything. My husband wasn't sure what to do with me. He was great, but I wasn't expecting it at all. I kind of felt like it wasn't fair because I wasn't getting to fully enjoy my baby but instead I cried over every milestone. I was a hot mess, but apparently totally normal according to my ob! I knew what was coming the second time around and was able to kind of remind myself I wasn't crazy, and had just had a baby.

The peri bottle was my best friend! I had a hose type thing that sprayed warm water in my postpartum room, and then they gave me the peri bottle to take home each time. It was amazing! Tucks, are fantastic too! Especially if you do tear, or have an episiotomy! I noticed things began to itch where the stitches were concerned and it helped tremendously!!!

Learning to nurse can be frustrating. For both you and baby. Take a deep breath and try your best to relax. Your nipples may become sore, cracked etc. The first few weeks can be rough!! I had noooooo clue with my first that could be normal. I thought something was seriously wrong. All I heard before having her was how amazing nursing is. It is, but there is a learning curve, and your body definitely has to adjust!

Jatpa003 · September 2014

Can someone remind me what "tucks " are?

PandaCon · September 2014

I agree with the tucks pads. Super helpful for itching afterwards\while healing. Tucks pads are little circles that are soaked in Witch Hazel for itching, burning or pain. I would literally fold one up and stick it right on the perenium area.

Mine is the hormones afterwards. DS has a circumcision and one nurse told briefly,that diapers changes could take extra hands the first few days. I was going to be alone s for a few hours about 5 days postpartum and cried over it. I was seriously concerned that I was going to ruin DS's penis because I didn't have anyone to help me with the diaper.

My,mom reminded me that there would be a support group for men who's moms ruined their penis if it happened. I knew I was bawling over nothing but couldn't stop!

ElinJ · September 2014

No crazy swelling feet & ankles for me post birth (like others said, perhaps it's because I didn't have IV fluids). I also didn't find the post-birth cramps of uterus shrinking to be very noticeable at all.

However, I was not without pain & discomfort! Peri bottle is your BFF, like others said. But my thing to add is, it was more than just the first bowel movement that hurt for me. It was like EVERY DANG ONE for two months. Of course, none as bad as the first. I remember needing to go on day 3 or 4, but it just wouldn't happen. So by the time it did on day 5 or so, it was like the worst every. I was seriously crying. And I took all the stool softeners they gave me in hospital, and continued at home!

OMG, not looking forward to that again. NOT AT ALL. And that's coming from someone who's never have problems in that area. I've always been completely regular.

Also, someone recommended if you have a typical 2 night stay in the hospital, to send your baby to the nursery for the night. It may be your last night of sleep. Though I felt like a horrible mother at the time, I did. He was only in there 12am-4am when they brought him back to nurse, but it was the last bit of rest I got for a long time! I had a great hospital staff, and they knew not to give him formula as we were nursing. I labored overnight at home arrived at hospital in early wee hours, and delivered in morning, so NO SLEEP that night. My first night with him in hospital I had him right by my bed and didn't sleep a wink hardly because I woke up every time he moved!! Those 4 hours of sleep his second night were the most I got for a LONG time. Proud that my son was EBF, but I am not gonna lie, I am pretty jealous when I hear of moms who get to sleep in 4-5 hour shifts early on because their husbands take over a feed.

Sorry y'all, it's like I can't help but write a damn book every time I respond...

dbgwife · September 2014

PandaCon said:

I agree with the tucks pads. Super helpful for itching afterwards\while healing. Tucks pads are little circles that are soaked in Witch Hazel for itching, burning or pain. I would literally fold one up and stick it right on the perenium area. Mine is the hormones afterwards. DS has a circumcision and one nurse told briefly,that diapers changes could take extra hands the first few days. I was going to be alone s for a few hours about 5 days postpartum and cried over it. I was seriously concerned that I was going to ruin DS's penis because I didn't have anyone to help me with the diaper. My,mom reminded me that there would be a support group for men who's moms ruined their penis if it happened. I knew I was bawling over nothing but couldn't stop!

Awww! I was the same way! I was weepy over the silliest things but they all seemed soooo important!!

Jpinky9 · September 2014

I have a question... Where does one by the tucks pads?

MrsG1019 · September 2014

Any store really .. With the prep H, colace, which hazel bottles, etc.

Eta. I got mine at Walmart

MuchlyGen · September 2014

I just want to reiterate the making sure you have a nutritious, easy snack on hand All The Time, esp if you're BFing but even if you aren't - it can be too easy to just kind of forget because you're caught up in baby land. And also the enormous bottle of water. Both things, always at arms reach. I favored Costco-size bags of trail mix.

This is... maybe... TMI. But I learned pretty darn quick that pooping was a much more pleasant experience if I gave myself perineal support. Seriously. Just fold up some TP, stick your hand down there, provide counter pressure against your perineum - way less issues with hemorrhoids, way less painful, way less straining. For further TMI, I do that even now while pregnant, because of all the pressure and constipation. Way more pleasant pooping.

And yes to the insane hormones after birth. I read somewhere that postpartum you will experience the most dramatic shift in hormones you will ever experience in your life - more so than menopause, puberty, or anything, and at a much quicker pace. It wasn't as bad with DS2, but with DS1 I had the weepies to an extent, but more than that I was /anxious/. It became a regular occurrence that I would wake up and think that I'd lost the baby, or that he'd gotten buried in the blankets... when he was sleeping peacefully in his bassinet a few feet away from me. And worse than that was the insomnia. James actually slept really well his first week. I didn't sleep, not even a little bit, for five straight nights. At that point I finally went to the doctor and got Ambien. It only took one night to reset my sleep so that I could fall asleep on my own again, but man, that was miserable and I was going In. Sane.

Breastfeeding starts with a sharp learning curve. But it Will. Get. Easier. Make it past two weeks and most women find they can relax. Take it one day at a time. One /feed/ at a time. Don't think about what's coming next. Just one feed at a time, focus on what baby is doing right then, cry if you need to, realize that you and baby are both having to learn what to do and you can get there... and it's totally worth it. I say this even though I have a visible scar on each nipple from where they cracked when DS1 was born. It was so. So. So. Worth it. And second baby was SO MUCH EASIER.

Baby probably will want to be held all the time. That's okay. Remember that he/she was held 100% of the time in the womb. They have never known /not/ being held. They have never known not being warm and safe and being able to hear your heart. Even if you put them down only 5-10% of the day... that's 10% less than they're used to. They're not going to be spoiled. There will too soon come a day that they can sit by themselves, scoot by themselves, crawl by themselves, and you won't have that little bundle snuggled into your chest anymore. This will be fleeting in retrospect.

The days... and nights... are so so long. And the years are so so short.

During the bad moments, chant this to yourself "Nothing lasts forever."

During the good moments, murmur it to yourself so you'll remember to stop and enjoy it.

Okay. That's all I can think of. Guessing baby #3 will continue my education.

angelajo19 · September 2014

Definitely wasn't prepared for the hormone changes after birth. I was a hot mess and would cry for no reason whatsoever. DH laughed one time when he walked in and I was bawling while folding laundry...poor guy didn't know what to do with me most of the time. It will get better. Just remind yourself of that.

Also, I had no swelling before giving birth but my feet and ankles were unrecognizable after giving birth.

Pooping after giving birth was terrifying. Nuff said.

mamatohne · September 2014

YOU WILL FEEL CRAZY! like looney toons! It's normal. I thought I was going to loose my mind, thank god I said something to a friend who assured me, it was normal.

The night sweats, plus the bleeding, and the milk. Buy some cheap sheets, you won't care what your bed feels like anyway (you could sleep on a rock just to get some sleep).

How hungry breastfeeding makes you.

All husband's suck at the newborn phase, you won't trust him and you will do everything way better than he will. And when you do decide to get some sleep and let him take over for the night, you will still be awake when your baby cries. You get super mom ears.

alibissell · September 2014

Anything you want to remember, write it down! You think you'll remember everything, but that (unfortunately; or fortunately depending on the scenario I suppose) isn't the case. The first little while is such a blur (between the hormones, lack of sleep, new experience etc.). I never thought I'd be able to forget certain details about L&D or the hospital stay, but to tell the story now you'd think it was either all rainbows and butterflies or a near death experience (depending on my mood). Thankfully I kept a little journal, and can remind myself that it was somewhere in between those two fantasy worlds

Also, it's good to keep track of last feedings (including which side you nursed from), diaper changes and nap times/length. This helped me tremendously with figuring out a) possible reasons why baby was crying and b) helped with routine.

missnacholover · September 2014

I've never been more scared to take a shit. Ever.

And just cuz it made me laugh...

abbyful · September 2014

If you go back to work after maternity leave, you will likely be a bumbling idiot for the first few weeks. "New mommy brain" is 100x worse than "pregnancy brain".

SarahHeck · September 2014

I was surprised that...

I cried about EVERYTHING!

I gave birth to a stranger, like someone else said it can be weird making the connection that little baby is the same one that was kicking you inside.

I could not pee after! I had to get a cath for my first pee after delivery. It hurt so bad, but the relief was so amazing.

My BP was soooo low after! I just wasn't expecting it. Maybe I was just more aware of my BP since they were watching me for preeclampsia, but after seeing such high numbers all pregnancy it was weird.

jlove253 · September 2014

Like several other women have mentioned, baby blues suck but are really normal. I have been planning on writing a thread about them this whole pregnancy, because no one ever explained them to me besides the pamphlet I got at the hospital. Most women experience them (7 in 10?) and to varying degrees. It's not the same as ppd and is totally hormonal issues, but for me it was bad and felt really scary. Starting the day after we got home from the hospital, I cried uncontrollably and found myself thinking terrible things a mother would never want to admit to thinking like "I just ruined my life, why did I have a baby, ..." I knew I loved dd, but couldn't help but feel horrible. It lasted about 3 days, and thank God for the comfort and advice of my mil, otherwise it would have been a lot harder. Just remember, if you can't stop crying or feel bad for a couple days, it's okay. Watch really happy, cheesy movies to get through it. Let DH/SO/your support person take the baby while you cry/sleep/do anything to get through. It will pass. Sorry this is so long. I just really wish someone had told me I could feel that way. It would have made me feel so much more normal while going through it. I'll still post a thread about baby blues in October, in case anyone missed it.

And as a disclaimer: If it doesn't feel like it's passing or if you feel scared about your thoughts then seek medical help. Don't suffer alone.

And randomly:
@SarahHeck‌- I had to get cathed for my first pee too!! I remember sitting on the toilet thinking "I know I have to pee, so why isn't anything coming out!?!?!"

wildflower75 · September 2014

Sarahbeth612 said:

I didn't really have swelling, or even a lot of pain down there postpartum. I did however have literally rock hard boobs that sprayed when touched in the slightest, especially when warm shower water hit them. Until I stopped BF. That was the shock for me (and DH) when we snuck a shower together for the first time!

***STUCK IN THE BOX***

THIS! I remember not being prepared for how ROCK HARD my boobs felt when my milk was in! It felt like there were bricks in there and it could be painful!

AnnieRoo13 · September 2014

@jlove253‌ thank you for posting that. I think people tell you that you're going to feel crazy or hormonal, but your post was fills with honesty and reality that I think a lot of people leave out. I think a lot of us are scared of PPD, but if we can talk about it honestly and openly hopefully we can help each other through some of the rough times.

rahkitt · September 2014

MuchlyGen said:

This is... maybe... TMI. But I learned pretty darn quick that pooping was a much more pleasant experience if I gave myself perineal support. Seriously. Just fold up some TP, stick your hand down there, provide counter pressure against your perineum - way less issues with hemorrhoids, way less painful, way less straining. For further TMI, I do that even now while pregnant, because of all the pressure and constipation. Way more pleasant pooping.

YES!! I agree! Counter pressure. It's something I figured out after hearing about how midwives provide counter pressure when moms push the baby out. And seriously, if you ever take a stool softener or just massive amounts of prunes, right after the birth is the time to do it. You'll thank me later. Right after the birth I ended up with an anal fissure that took weeks to heal and was way more painful than natural childbirth. I would sit on the toilet and cry from the pain while my new baby would lay in her bouncy seat in the bathroom and cry.

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