Is it OK to throw yourself a baby shower?

mckaminski · September 2014

Ok I'm almost 13 wks with my second child and I REALLY do not think anyone is going to offer to throw me a baby shower. I would never ask someone to do so... It would just feel like an imposition. I'm from the south so my natural reaction is that it's wrong and I should just go with out? Am I crazy? Is throwing your own shower really taboo or is it fine?

(PS I tried searching for this and nothing came up so sorry if I missed it )

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

I think it's crazy rude. Want to throw a meet the baby after the baby is here? Sure. Throw yourself a shower? Gift grabby.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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pnutg · September 2014

snegde said:
I feel like this can't be real.

My thoughts exactly. One should NEVER throw themselves a shower OR accept a shower for anything other than a first baby. End of story. Although I know this is definitely not the end....

dmcox10 · September 2014

I think people will misinterpret your intention if it isn't to get presents for yourself. I personally love throwing baby showers for babies that aren't 1st children. I think every baby deserves to be celebrated, but it's also not very common. But for yourself, it seems selfish. You're so early, hopefully someone will volunteer to do it if you're open to 2nd baby showers

Duffgurl · September 2014

I personally don't think anyone should throw their own shower. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with someone else throwing a shower for someone who is expecting their 2nd, 3rd and so on. I believe in celebrating a new baby. <:-P

mckaminski · September 2014

Lol! Ok, yeah I was pretty sure my first reaction was correct! Thanks for knocking me back to reality!

mckaminski · September 2014

MrsRexManing said:
You should ask the shower board this. Yeah, I dare you.

No... That's ok! *insert nervous laugh here* I would like to blame this whole poll on pregnancy brain! I posted it already thinking that it was not acceptable but I'm glad I did. I had no idea it was even unacceptable to have a shower at all if it's your second child!

I swear I'm not a "gift grabby bitch" -just clueless!

kier23 · September 2014

IMO it would depends in how old your first child is whether or not another shower is appropriate.... for instance a friend of mine had her 3rd child and we threw her a shower because her other children are in their teens...that I believe is acceptable ...however my step sons mother had a second shower for her daughter and my step son was 5 so this one I believe would not be acceptable.......now to the question about if it's ok to throw your own shower.... absolutely not

mckaminski · September 2014

souptin said:
Figured this was mud but i think the OP disproved that. At least she was open to our feedback. I'd say she stands a chance on this forum!

Hey it's been seven years since my last child... I need all the help/advice/ tough love I can get! I realized I haven't even held an infant in at least five years! I'm freaking out... This whole new baby thing is like riding a bike right?

And thanks snegde for the link!

cperkins6 · September 2014

I think the question has been answered, but in regards to having a shower thrown for you for a 2nd + child, I think that this is ok if someone offers, if either there is a large age difference or you are having a child of opposite sex... I typically call these showers a "sprinkle" since you typically don't need everything, but may need a few things or just want to celebrate the new baby!

lindsayanne14 · September 2014

I know many think a 2nd shower is tacky under any circumstance. My personal opinion is if someone offers to host a small lunch, tea, gathering, where no registry is mentioned as a way to celebrate an exciting time in your life and you feel comfortable accepting, go for it.

A traditional shower with a registry and big ticket items (strollers, car seats, etc...) should be reserved for first babies. Hosting your own shower is not EVER acceptable. Inviting friends and relatives over to welcome the new LO is also a nice way to celebrate a new addition.

kaylatanya · September 2014

Omg- people are crazy. I am throwing my own shower.. I am completely OCD and like things my way.. people have offered to do it and I have told them I am basicly doing it and they still offer to help any way they can. I am assuming you will be inviting your family and close friends. . .I really don't think they will think this is gift grabby... I am sure everyone is super excited and want to give you/ the baby whatever you need. If it makes you feel better I asked my family if they could go in on a gift together to get something more expensive to lighten our load of stuff we need to get. Everyone was super supportive.

Texasmomma13 · September 2014

kaylatanya said:

Omg- people are crazy. I am throwing my own shower.. I am completely OCD and like things my way.. people have offered to do it and I have told them I am basicly doing it and they still offer to help any way they can. I am assuming you will be inviting your family and close friends. . .I really don't think they will think this is gift grabby... I am sure everyone is super excited and want to give you/ the baby whatever you need. If it makes you feel better I asked my family if they could go in on a gift together to get something more expensive to lighten our load of stuff we need to get. Everyone was super supportive.

They are probably still offering to help to try to keep you from making an ass of yourself. Your friends and family won't say anything to your face, but they will be talking about how rude and greedy you are behind your back. We, however, will tell you the truth.

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

RHoPA1109 said:
If I heard someone was throwing their own shower, I'd laugh behind their back, RSVP no, and not send a gift. I've never heard of such tacky etiquette.

I can't even fathom being that much of a jerk to people around me who would want to throw me a shower. If I were them I certainly would not attend. Not that I would attend if I was anyone else either. So selfish.

Dani428 · September 2014

2nd baby? No....just no. And if you did throw it for yourself (id actually love to hear how that goes - so please do it lol), it would be a sprinkle right? Isn't that what it's called?

JaneShops · September 2014

I'm sorry, throwing yourself a shower is tacky (& this is by NO means saying you are) & as for second child, showers in general don't happen. But at the same time, it depends on your circle of friends. My friends tend to throw a repeat baby shower if it's been 4-5 years since the first child, or a baby "sprinkle" get together without gift showering if it's a different sex. As you see, everyone has many different opinions. There's really no right or wrong,

jedimindtrick · September 2014

Yea, no. Especially for a second baby.

dmcox10 · September 2014

Lol! Confession...after reading this thread, I have to admit while browsing Pinterest before I got pregnant, I thought "oh a baby sprinkle. I like sprinkles! What a great idea"...now it totally makes sense after being on here a little over a month. Can I claim pregnancy brain?!

mreinertsonrn · September 2014

I think it is totally ok. You are not asking for lavish gifts for yourself you are celebrating the birth of your 2nd child. Just because it is baby #2 doesn't mean you still don't need things like diapers or if the new baby is the opposite sex of the first baby you will still need lots of things for the baby. Many women I know have done this. Some of them instead of calling it a baby shower they call it a baby sprinkle for baby #2 and beyond. You can also do a gender reveal party instead of a shower. Don't feel guilty for wanting to celebrate with your friends and family the upcoming arrival of your new little one.

Texasmomma13 · September 2014

angi3o said:

mreinertsonrn said:
I think it is totally ok. You are not asking for lavish gifts for yourself you are celebrating the birth of your 2nd child. Just because it is baby #2 doesn't mean you still don't need things like diapers or if the new baby is the opposite sex of the first baby you will still need lots of things for the baby. Many women I know have done this. Some of them instead of calling it a baby shower they call it a baby sprinkle for baby #2 and beyond. You can also do a gender reveal party instead of a shower. Don't feel guilty for wanting to celebrate with your friends and family the upcoming arrival of your new little one.
@mreinertsonrn‌ a baby shower isn't to get you what you need; ideally you're supposed to be able to support yourself and your child(ren). A baby shower is only meant to help you out and welcome you to motherhood

Andplusalso, it is NEVER ok to throw yourself a party where gifts are expected. The purpose of a shower is not to "celebrate " it's to Welcome the mother into motherhood and shower her with things she will need. You can celebrate without asking your friends and family to support you financially because you decided to procreate.
Andplusalso x2....sex reveal parties are very awish. Noone really cares that much about your babies genitalia.

BabiesEverywhere · September 2014

kaylatanya said:
Omg- people are crazy. I am throwing my own shower.. I am completely OCD and like things my way.. people have offered to do it and I have told them I am basicly doing it and they still offer to help any way they can. I am assuming you will be inviting your family and close friends. . .I really don't think they will think this is gift grabby... I am sure everyone is super excited and want to give you/ the baby whatever you need. If it makes you feel better I asked my family if they could go in on a gift together to get something more expensive to lighten our load of stuff we need to get. Everyone was super supportive.

This just really confuses me. I think you should let your friends throw the shower instead. What parts of the shower are you so concerned about controlling? I understand if there are certain games you don't want to play or something like that but you could easily tell the hostesses that so they wouldn't plan them.

Honestly, I think you are putting way too much emphasis on your baby shower...It's a fun event (for most mommas) but I promise you what happened at your shower will not matter to you once baby is here.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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JLaudio · September 2014

No no no no and more NO! It is definitely not ok to throw your own shower. I have 2 kids already, 6 and 4, I have zero items for a baby and I still would not throw myself a shower. I will make a registry on Amazon, if anyone asks, I will let them know and they can choose for themselves. I knew I wanted to have a baby and I knew that meant spending a lot of money on baby items. It would be callous of me to expect others to throw me a shower and expect everyone else to pay for my decision to have another child.

RobynB13 · September 2014

I voted who cares because I'm kind of impartial. If you didn't have one before it changes things, especially if there's a big age gap or whatever... My husband threw my first shower with our third child because he was totally unplanned and we had given away ALL our boy stuff that PJ outgrew, and this one... Meh. After the (lack of a) turnout to that one, I doubt it's happening. We have kind of adjusted to knowing we don't have any friends or family that we're close enough to, to give a crap. (It's REALLY going to suck this round though since everything we had left was destroyed, but hey, that's what eBay and thrift stores are for!!)

JLaudio · September 2014

Just throwing this out there, look for resale/swap pages in your area on FB. I've found some pretty amazing stuff for cheap.

kariemomo · September 2014

I would, I planned my bridal shower because nobody else would. I live overseas and this is my first baby, and I hope I would have one, but if nobody offers, I'll do one myself.

Dani428 · September 2014

Catching up on some posts. I think it's different to plan it yourself rather than throwing it yourself. Example, my mom threw my bridal shower but was really busy with some other important things, so I stepped up and planned it. But that's ONLY because she offered to throw it for me. And to reiterate what others said, a shower isn't about getting things (yes it's a perk), it's about celebrating you becoming a mom and your little one. Try consignment shops, tag sales, etc if you really need things for things for your second child (ps - we all need things....I don't expect to have a party every time I need something for my kids).

lindsayanne14 · September 2014

I feel like I'm about to turn this thread into an UO but Thursday is too far away to wait. First off when people justify having a second shower so their family and friends can get them "everything they need for the baby" my immediate thought is, if you can't buy diapers and wipes for your new LO you should have thought more realistically about the expense of having another child. Second, to piggyback @SharkFarts‌ and @snegde‌ using a serious mental health disorder to describe your wanting to micro manage your shower is in bad taste. If you truly had OCD you likely wouldn't be so flippant. OCD and other anxiety based disorders are no joke and people with them struggle with much more than how to arrange a centerpiece.

epidemic · September 2014

Confession: a friend at work is a few months ahead of me with her second, and I've already offered to help her civilian friend throw a shower (we are both military and don't know tons of folks off base so our office would be invited).

I hadn't heard of it being a feaux paux to have a shower for the second before I offered, and her registry is quite slim as well. Is it alright to continue with the plans or should I speak to her about it?

jk3610 · September 2014

my 2 cents: as something who has suffered from mental health issues for 20 years being type A is not the same as being OCD. my father had severe OCD and it's something i've struggled with to a mild degree and it can be debilitating. not to be soap-boxy, but mental health is sort of a hot button issue for me. it's like when people say, "OMG i woke up in the worrssstttt mood, i'm so bipolar." NO. just no.

drmrsmantis · September 2014

@kaylatanya

Other ladies have said this already, but OCD is a crippling psychiatric disorder, that by definition gets in the way of people living their lives. Your desire to have a shower your way, without thought for the generosity of the people in your life that care about you, certainly sounds like something that will cause problems for you (whether you realize it or not). If you don't actually have OCD, it's also insulting to people who are struggling with real OCD. And if you do have OCD, a diagnosis is not an excuse to act like a jerk to your friends and family. There are better ways of managing this issue.

mckaminski · September 2014

I am so amused by where this poll has gone... The passion, the hormones, the outrage! I had no idea what I was starting, but this is officially my new favorite thing!

ElizabethSwann · September 2014

No, its tacky, rude, and gift grabby.

redneckmomma25 · September 2014

mckaminski said:
I am so amused by where this poll has gone... The passion, the hormones, the outrage! I had no idea what I was starting, but this is officially my new favorite thing!

What hormones? None of this thread was hormone induced.

ScarletOflaherty · September 2014

clairhuxtable said:

lindsayanne14 said:

I feel like I'm about to turn this thread into an UO but Thursday is too far away to wait. First off when people justify having a second shower so their family and friends can get them "everything they need for the baby" my immediate thought is, if you can't buy diapers and wipes for your new LO you should have thought more realistically about the expense of having another child.

This x 1000. I hate when people think they are entitled to a 2nd, 3rd, 4th shower or sprinkle so that people can buy them things for the baby. It's not my responsibility to get you ANYTHING for your baby. I am your friend or family member, yes. But that does not mean that I have to buy you one diaper, piece of clothing or any other type of gift. You decided to add on to your family and you should have done so with the knowledge that it comes with the additional expense of buying items for the new baby. If I choose to buy you something then I will. But I hate the entitlement of it.

"I need a shower because I gave away all of my things." Not my problem.

"I need a shower because I only have girl things." Not my problem.

"I need a shower because this baby needs its own things too." Again, not my problem.

Probably a total UO, but to be 100% honest I feel this way about showers with any number baby, 1st or 20th. It's great when people want to throw a party and celebrate for you, but I feel like the buying of the baby gear does and should fall on the parents, and I've seen WAYYY too many people complain that they got frivolous gifts and not the baby gear they wanted. We had to completely start over with #4(thought I was done with #3 10 years before), and we bought ALL of the big stuff and stocked up on diapers for months before delivery. Friends insisted on throwing a sprinkle and there was nothing on my registry over $40, because again, my baby, my job to buy stuff.

I think people lose track of the fact that a shower/sprinkle is a party, not an excuse to have everyone else furnish their nursery.

mrsmopar67 · September 2014

kaylatanya said:
Omg- people are crazy. I am throwing my own shower.. I am completely OCD and like things my way.. people have offered to do it and I have told them I am basicly doing it and they still offer to help any way they can. I am assuming you will be inviting your family and close friends. . .I really don't think they will think this is gift grabby... I am sure everyone is super excited and want to give you/ the baby whatever you need. If it makes you feel better I asked my family if they could go in on a gift together to get something more expensive to lighten our load of stuff we need to get. Everyone was super supportive.

Lol. Has to be a joke.

SuperFudge00 · September 2014

In my area and with my friends and family and everyone I know, subsequent showers are the norm....but please DO NOT THROW YOURSELF A SHOWER OR ANY OTHER KIND OF PARTY!!!!

aakers24 · September 2014

I'm reading some of these posts and honestly don't know what to think. I have a 5 year old, so obviously it has been a long time since I have had a baby. I am currently pregnant with twins! I would never throw myself a shower, but my friends have already indicated that they would because it is multiples and the need is twice as much!

mckaminski · September 2014

somerandomchick said:

Swoon13 said:

mckaminski said:
I am so amused by where this poll has gone... The passion, the hormones, the outrage! I had no idea what I was starting, but this is officially my new favorite thing!
I'm really not sure where you think hormones come into this? Or are you one of those people who use hormones as an excuse for everything?

Disagreeing with eachother = obviously pregnant lady hormones

Which of course is why men never disagree with eachother, ever, and live in peace and harmony

No no not implying- just covering all bases! No offense intended. Just stating that regardless of whatever is behind any of the responses, I never thought it would go this far or that people felt so strongly! Very informative...

mckaminski · September 2014

@mbm1983‌ I hope things turn around for you!

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