White lies or bad karma?

adates517 · September 2014

So I feel like when someone asks me if I'm pregnant and I lie and say no even though I am that I'm setting myself up for some bad karma. But after suffering a MC back in May I don't want to say anything to soon and have to go through having to tell ppl that I loss the baby again. What are your opinions? Is this bad karma?

ambarnett1 · September 2014

I'm feeling the same way. No advice, but I hate lying.

marijaa333 · September 2014

I think it depends on the context. if a good friend asked, I would tell them in confidence, even though i don't plan to share the news until after the 12 week mark. If my boss or someone at work asked, I would say no, because, unfortunately, I have no confidence the boss wouldn't use the information against me. If you don't feel comfortable sharing the news, that's ok; if you think people's feelings will get hurt once they find out, you could just have chats with a few of the important people later on to explain why you didn't share earlier.

Gatorsgirl731 · September 2014

Smilz4782 said:
I just tell if I'm asked outright.
I always preface with I've had prior losses so I'm still cautious and nervous and please don't say anything but if course I'll take any good thoughts/prayers/good vibes.
I feel like that immediately sets the tone and helps them understand more where you're coming from.
I'm not shy about my losses or if I'm pregnant again, if we don't talk about losses how will anyone know?
I've had more women "come out" to me after I reveal my RPL, it's awful how many losses so many women have suffered but I think we need the support and community, the topic needs to be less taboo and won't be until we all talk more openly (including infertility and losses here).
/soapbox

Very well said. This is also what I do.

DawnLilly · September 2014

I was asked this morning when we planned on having another. I said, "Oh not yet. Maybe next year." I'm sure she took that as when we'd start TTC. So... I didn't really lie at all.

mpiemont · September 2014

You can always say "I don't have any news to share"

And I hate that people flat out ask "are you pregnant?" It's your news to share when you're ready. It makes it awkward. If it makes you feel any better I've been flat out lying- I'm not ready to share at all.

MrsF0831 · September 2014

this makes me laugh bc i called my grandma after my prenatal visit just to say hi (i havent talked to her in a while) i said i was just leaving the Drs, she asked if everything was ok i said yes just check up and she asked am i pregnant. I laughed and said no.

fast forward to last night i went to a wedding and i don't know if its just bc ive put on some weight since our wedding a year ago but not too crazy.

I noticed my step mom and my older cousin talking and looking at me smiling, so i said what are you two talking junk (smirking), my step mom just smiles and says no not talking junk, so I said then what did you say and she just smiles and says nothing but do you have something to tell me. I just played dumb. then later that night she kept saying things and kissing me on my cheek and says you can tell me when you're ready, just that people are asking her. and she wanted to ask me the other night but she'll be patient. ( i went to visit them when we got back from our vaca and had ginger ale bc nausea was kicking me in the ass

I couldn't help but crack up like WTF, so all night i was just laughing.

We have our first u.s on thursday and well be 2 days shy of 8 weeks, we plan on telling our parents then so i can;t wait to hear what she has to say when i tell her bahahaha.

Ballet80 · September 2014

Anyone that actually asks me I say yes. But we have been trying for 2 years, so most people have stopped asking me now. I do feel like I might jinx myself by saying no, so I have just been saying yes to the ones who ask and then tell please do not share that with anyone. We will see how that works. Right now about 20 people know-my immediate family, my husbands family and my 3 best friends.

momtosam · September 2014

When people ask" when are you having another?", I just say "When the time is right." Or "We will see." "Or hopefully in the next year." I just leave it at that. No need to tell people I am not quite ready to tell yet.

littlecookie · September 2014

If someone straight out asked me, I'd either answer truthfully or just say why do you ask? That trips people up enough that you could probably not answer at all after that. I would not say no.

vballgirl78 · September 2014

I usually respond with "We will let you know when we have news to share"... Usually that is enough to get people to stop asking and it also isn't a lie.

adates517 · September 2014

Thanks for all of the advice. I love that I at least have this outlet to talk about it with ppl in similar situations. Think I'll go with the "no news to share" or "when the time is right" route.

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