Late Term and Child Loss
forevermyfenix
member
Options
"Move on"
forevermyfenix
member
Some of you may have already seen this article, but I saw it for the first time a few minutes ago and I felt like I needed to share it.
The paragraph that spoke the most to me, at least at this moment, is this one:
"To share what “moving on” means to me, I should start with what moving on is not. It’s not stuffing your feelings and putting on a brave face to the world. It’s not forgetting or replacing one person for another. It has nothing to do with how grateful you are for what else is in your life. It’s not about letting go of the past, or as the phrase implies, deciding to move away from the experience by leaving it behind."
"It has nothing to do with how grateful you are for what else is in your life"
That line in particular stuck out for me. y
When Fenix died, my family came out and did their best to keep me too busy to really think about things, thinking that would lessen the pain. But I think I needed to be alone before I could try to even begin "healing."
Now, over a month later, family calls and is obviously worried, and understandably so. I don't try to call them, because, well, "Hi I've been having suicidal thoughts and flashbacks to the hospital, how are you?" isn't exactly polite conversation. When they do call, talk predominantly focuses on how I need to "Focus on the positives" and "Make sure you're going to church."
To which my emotional mind automatically responds with "my baby died. there are no positives."
But when I use my logical mind, yes, there are. I've got family that is concerned for me. I've got my DH, still here by my side. I've got understanding colleagues and professors who are supporting me and allowing me to complete my masters degree on an adjusted time table. I've got resources.
But I'm still grieving. "Focusing on the positives" isn't going to bring my baby back and nothing will. And I need people to understand that. I won't be the same person as before. I will still always have that empty space in my heart. And it will change me and continue to change me.
So while I appreciate the gestures of trying to make me feel better, telling me to "Focus on the positives" doesn't work.
Let me grieve. Let me be sad. Let me discover life without my son on my own terms and in my own time.
I had a family member tell me "it's so hard as a family member to watch it change someone like that"
Well, it's hard for me too. But I can't change it, and neither can you.
BFP #1 12/19/13 We lost our Fenix 7/31/14 at 36 weeks due to torn umbilical cord
~*ALL AL WELCOME*~
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Move on"
I'm sorry that you are suffering so much right now. You have so much going on with your grief, hormones, school, and your other health issues. Is there someone you can talk to about your thoughts?
first son stillborn 7/20/13 at 39 weeks due to Acute Fatty Liver of Pregnancy
It's a girl! Baby Anna was born August 3, 2014!