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Pointless vent

SunAndRainSunAndRain member
in Working Moms
I turn 40 next week. DH and I are celebrating just the two of us this weekend. I posted a few weeks ago frustrated because I asked DH to book us a staycation at a nice resort for one night... And he picked a hot spot for hot 20 year olds. Though it would make me feel young again. Fail

Well I had told him at the same time about a specific restaurant I wanted to try. It looks amazing and is expensive so I would only justify it for a very special occasion. I have seriously been looking forward to this meal.

I told him this weeks ago yet TWO NIGHTS before our dinner he asks me where I want to go. Oh, apparently he didn't get the message. And now the restaurant is booked.

Dinner and an overnight at a local hotel is about the easiest friggin thing one can plan for a big birthday. Yet he screwed both up. I'm disappointed. I know this is small on the grand scheme of things but what gets me is the lack of thought DH put in to this when it didn't require much thought to begin with. I threw him an epic party that I planned for months for his 40th. Why is he so challenged with planning in advance? I specifically have him about a month lead time so he wouldn't have to scramble last minute!
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Re: Pointless vent

  • Mustardseed2007Mustardseed2007 member
    I'm sorry. My dh sucks at planning too. The restaurant is an absolute fail on his part, yuck. Does he know how disappointed you are? I'm guessing he's not good at picking up subtle hints of disappointment either, so a heart to heart that includes the words, "I am disappointed" is in order. So maybe your 41st will be better....


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  • groovygrlgroovygrl member
    edited September 2014
    So sorry- I can totally relate to this... hope you are able to have some fun anyway :)
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  • Samiantha101Samiantha101 member
    That stinks. If it's any consolation, my husband gave me sweat pants for my birthday last month. For the first two years we dated, I wouldn't be caught dead wearing sweat pants around him, because he had told me how much he despised sweat pants on girls. So yeah... know that you're not alone and have fun anyways!
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  • jasminelorraine20jasminelorraine20 member
    Kimbus22 said:
    emmyg65 said:
    I've learned that I have to be super direct and specific, and follow up with direct, specific reminders. It definitely takes some of the romance out of it, but it's what works for us. I'm sorry you're disappointed with your birthday celebration.
    I do this with specific items.  If I want to go away or eat somewhere specific, I just book it myself though.  Then I know it's done.

    I am the same way. If we want it done right, we have to do it ourselves. The romance in the actual occasion is still there, just not in the planning. OP *hugs* I am sorry for your dissapointment, and I agree that maybe a small talk with the hubby is in order. 10% of me is hoping that he's pulling your leg and everything will be booked as it was supposed to and that's the real surprise. But if that's not the case, I'm sorry.
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  • bumpuser10331514bumpuser10331514 member
    I try to focus on the fact that I married the douche b/c I enjoy his company, not his planning (cleaning/organizing/executing/budgeting/saving/insert anything else here) skills. So the gift I give myself is his company in a setting that's appealing to me - until, of course, he tries to substitute where he wants to eat for where I want to eat. Which happens every year. Then he wants me to order one of the entrees he wants, so he can try both of them. And sometimes he invites people he wants to hang out with after telling me not to invite my friends b/c then there will be too many people - citing office politics as the reason that there are so many people at dinner who I don't really know. 

    So basically what I'm saying is that my husband refuses to plan, then when I plan, he changes everything at the last minute to suit himself. And somehow I still manage to enjoy it.  
    :-??
    One boy (11.26.12) and one girl (2.28.14)
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  • SunAndRainSunAndRain member

    Thanks for all the empathy. I was really expecting to get some harsh feedback.

    I thought I *was* planning 90% of my birthday.   I plan 99% of our social calendars so for this ONE occasion I was hoping he would put forth some effort (which he did he just missed the boat)

    I'm sure we'll have a great time regardless.  We can't change it to another weekend (though the suggestion is appreciated).  I wish I could be more of a "go with the flow" kind of person but I'm a planner AND when I get an idea in my head of something I want, there really are no substitutions.  I'm pretty particular and I don't like surprises.  On the other hand I'm willing to try anything...so long as I know what to expect!  In other words, while I'm particular, I'm not rigid.

    All I know is that our 10 year wedding anniversary is coming up next summer and I am planning 100% of it.  I'm not leaving anything to chance (apart from that which I cannot control, of course).  And I'll get my revenge at my 50th birthday ;)  But for now I'll cut DH some slack and enjoy the weekend. :)

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  • MommaP12MommaP12 member
    I hope you still have a great weekend and happy birthday!

    I was just thinking the other day "just once I would love to do something super fun that I didn't plan" but then the planner/control freak in me never lets that happen so it's often my own doing.
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  • TheBorg7of9TheBorg7of9 member
    You can't change people. Next time just do it yourself = no disappointment
    My TTC History:
    2009: missed miscarriage #1 at 9 weeks (trisomy 16)
    2010: Infertility
    2011: Diagnosis and treatment (low sperm count, anastrozole for DH, clomid for me + IUI)
    2012: Baby #1
    2014: Baby #2
    October 2015: missed miscarriage #2 at 11 weeks (trisomy 22)
    March 2016 BFP#5, due November 2016.

    My Charts since 2009

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  • NADA-HNADA-H member
    when my husband and I first got married he asked me to never give him a hint and to always say what I want or think straight away because he like all other men (his words) do not get hint not straight ones and not subtle ones so whenever I wanted him to do something specific I just say it clearly.

    He is not the organized pen and paper, list and tables making, control freak type A person that I am so I end up doing most of the planning in our life myself and I've learnt to accept that because this is a trait that's born with you as part of who you are and could be nourished as a person grows up but once you hit a certain age I don't think you can change that in an adult and in the great scheme of things it is really eventually the thought that counts and our SOs are a package that we have to accept flaws and all

    *hugs*
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    Farida, our first child, born on the 19th of July 2014
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    Farida, at 8 weeks
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