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November 2014 Moms
Lilwatz
member
For Those of Us Who Have Lost Our Moms
Lilwatz
member
Singingmama10 made about her MIL wanting to fill in for her mom and a lot of the comments, it seems I am less alone than I thought in having recently lost my mother. I thought I'd create a place for people to post about this--anything from stories about your mom and things you want to emulate with your LO, stories about times you miss her, times when you wanted to tell her or ask her something, things you are doing to honor her memory, or all the difficult and happy times during this pregnancy that cannot be shared with her.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: For Those of Us Who Have Lost Our Moms
I found the 13 months of trying to be hard not having her. I kept thinking how I could not have a mother any more and I could not be a mother. I have so many loving, supportive women in my life, but none of them can ever, nor want to ever try to fill that space.
I told her first when I found out I was pregnant. Well, I told the framed picture of her I talk to whenever I need to. For her last big wish the whole family went to a Celtics game in a private box and the person who gave it to us gave us all hats and shirts. I wear that shirt whenever I want a hug from her--I wore it the day of our unsuccessful IUI and the day I got confirmation we were finally pregnant. These things help me miss her just a little less.
My sisters were both expecting when my mom passed and they both brought a framed picture of her into the delivery room. I plan to do the same as she would have been there if were still here. That's just one way--I am sure you will figure out the perfect way to incorporate her into your experience.
Because our love was unimaginable and i feel
Sad and even angry some
Days that she never got to meet her grandson and now this baby. It is hard. No one really understands
Every day, everywhere i go. It is still hard. Oh and i lost her to cancer ;(((
So sorry for the loss you have all gone through.
This weekend marks the 1 year anniversary of when my MIL suddenly and unexpectedly passed away from a massive stroke. I know it isn't the same as losing my own mother, but it is really hard for DH and myself knowing that she will never get to meet this child or any of our future children.
What a nice idea of a thread @Lilwatz. It can be so healing to talk to other people who have also lost their moms as I think it's really hard for others to understand how we feel.
I lost my mom when I was 23. It was not expected and she was not sick. She lived alone and had glaucoma (an eye condition that gave her tunnel vision). She was legally considered blind and used a white cane. One day she fell down the stairs in her home and broke her neck. Her best friend found her a couple of days later- we're not sure how long it was between when she died and when they found her. That was five years ago last March and although it doesn't hurt any less, it does get a little less painful to think about. I probably wouldn't have been able to type out that story without crying a couple of years ago, but now it's not so hard to deal with.
My mom and I didn't always have the best relationship, but we were definitely working on it and getting closer. My mom absolutely loved DH and definitely approved of him, which makes me feel a little better. Since my mom's death was so sudden there wasn't any way to prepare for it, which made it very difficult. I definitely struggled for years with the loss. I actually got my BFP a couple of days before her birthday and instead of being sad and thinking about how she'd never meet her grandchildren, I was excited because I knew how happy she would be. I have a few baby things from when I was a child- some clothes and my baby quilt as well as a lot of children's books. My mom was a big reader (as am I) and I know she'd be happy that the baby is going to have an extensive library as soon as they're born.
I understand the relief. My mother was only knowingly sick for a few months and only in a lot of pain and decline in the last week or so. Even with that short time of suffering, it was such a relief to know that she was through it, on the other side.
Would play a more active role in my life not to replace of course but just care more. Unfortunately i dont have that either.
But, like you, I wish we were a little closer and I know that will just take time.
Is a big
No no lol i cant even picture that and she would
Never.
This is a wonderful thread. I'm sorry for each of your losses!
Great idea for a thread though! Awesome to get support about it/ for this......its been a long day of driving!
I have missed her every single day for five years and it has been especially hard now that I am pregnant, she love kids and was so looking forward to being a grandma one day. She passed away the year before I met my DH which also makes me incredibly sad.
I am so sorry for for all of you who have lost a loved one. I appreciate this thread, it makes me feel less alone in my grief.
I have been thinking about this thread lately and have been meaning to dig it up.
It truly sucks not having your mom around when you're having a baby, doesn't it? There's so many things I'd like to ask her about what her pregnancy was like or what I was like as a baby. I know she would been over the moon about having a grandchild and it kills me that she was robbed of that. It's not fair.
My shower is this weekend and I'm doing everything I can not to think about the fact that she won't be there. I'm pretty sure no one else really notices or realizes that it will be hard for me as it should be a happy occasion, but there's always that feeling that someone is missing. Not to mention the fact that she won't be there for the birth or to help or anything. That's hard too.
I finally pulled out the tissues and made it through this thread. I had to close it back in June when it was started.
My Stories:
My mom passed away from a sudden aneurysm 3 days after my 18th birthday. She was taken to the hospital the night before (most of the EMTs were my teachers). She was only 44; so, the swelling took over too quickly to save her. We had to make the decision on October 25th to take her off life support. It is hard to tell your dad that it is the right thing to do, and then walk out and tell your grandma that her daughter wasn't going to make it. It plays like a movie in my head.
I think about her every day. She and DD share a middle name. Even though I was a teenager, she was by far my best friend. I strive to be the mom that she was to me. My dad told me that I was doing a great job and that my mom would be proud. My dad was always so thankful that I kept up with all of my mom's habits of cooking, crafting, and being involved in my kids' lives (at that time stepkids).
My dad had a brain bleed that started in July of 2013. I thought he was having a stroke. So, DD and I went to get him and take him to the hospital (I thank DH every day for providing me the opportunity to stay home). We found out a few hours later that it was a bleed in his brain stem. The smart ass/my dad had to inform me that I was wrong about a stroke and not google symptoms as he is laying in the er. I get my sass from him. He was admitted into the ICU and we waited to see if surgery would be needed.
After a week wait, we had no other choice than surgery. We had a shunt placed that day and surgery on his brain stem the following. He was making slow progress after the surgeries. I consented to transfer him to a more specialized hospital a little over an hour away. It was harder to visit him, but I still made it at least once a week. At this point, he had locked in syndrome. Think Stephen Hawking, his brain worked wonders but couldn't relay it to his body. On September 11 (my parents' 37th anniversary), I made the tough decision with the help of his hand squeezing to sign the DNR order. We also decided that I would have him moved to a nursing home closer to the family.
He was moved October 1, and I went to visit on the 3rd, his birthday. He made huge improvements being closer to visitors by the 8th. He was doing things that he hadn't done since surgery. So,on the 10th, when I received a call from the nursing home, I was not expecting that he had passed away.
So, October is an extremely rough month for me, and I will likely being having my baby in October due to my complications. At least, something happy can come in October this year. Dh and I decided when my dad went to the hospital that boy or girl our next LO was going to be James. We talk about him every day.
October is bringing some anxiety, but I will make it through. I play to have a picture in my bag to show LO after she is born. I know she can't see it yet, but I can.
As for all you other ladies, hang in there. It sucks, it hurts, but we are all strong enough to get through it. All of you parents/in-laws would be proud of who you are as parents!
(Sorry for the novel. The tears just kept typing.)
She is doing well now, at least we think so, but its super hard to know because so little is known about it. I am so thankful she is still here but the thought of losing her crushes me. I'm sorry to all those that have lost their mommas...