Son Callen born at 33w4d - Intro, looking for support.

LaDyBostonRN · September 2014

Hi all,

I was/am a member of TTGP and the Oct 2014 BMB.

Our son was born at 33w4d a week ago tomorrow. My water broke last Saturday and I was on magnesium to hold off contractions until my second beta shot. The delivery was complicated by Chorio but thank god my son never contracted it. I went into labor Monday night and he was born Tuesday afternoon with the help of pitocin. We waited 3 whole days to hold him as he went straight to the NICU. He was on CPAP, then intubated for a pnemothorax which since has resolved and is now completely weaned off oxygen. He was under the lights for a few days but (fingers crossed) his bilirubin has been stable since yesterday morning. He is getting tube feed but when I am there once a day we are putting him to the breast for practice. He has made enormous strides in such a short length of time, he's our little fighter.

With being up pumping nightly, the hormones, having a baby in the NICU, the shock of the pre-term labor, having a shorter maternity leave, I feel like it's all finally hitting me and this morning I woke up unable to stop crying. Also, I think I am mourning the loss of a full pregnancy and it's hard to hang out in my BMB board. Obviously I am so happy to have my LO getting better every day, but I can't help all these strong feelings. I am a wreck.

Thank you for listening,

LadyB

DoublePortion · September 2014

Huge hugs!! My twins were born at 33w3d and I felt robbed of a full pregnancy too. Those first few weeks the post partum hormones were rough!! Add in NICU time, pumping/BFing stress, lack of sleep, plus a million other things and it's a very stressful time. Hang in there because it will get better soon! Especially when your little guy gets to go home. Every day I wanted to give up pumping and practicing BFing made me have several breakdowns. It's so hard, but don't give up like me. I totally regret it and wish I'd tried harder to BF. My boy was only in the NICU 18 days and my girl 23, so I hope your LO is home soon! Definitely try to rest as much as possible when you're not at the hospital. Also, make sure to get a 5 hour stretch between pumping where you can sleep at night. Your baby needs a sane momma as much as he needs BM! Take care of yourself.

KTZ17 · September 2014

Congratulations on the birth of your son, though it didn't go as you had hoped! I'm so sorry you're dealing with everything you're going through. I definitely had the feeling of being robbed of my pregnancy, as my DD was delivered at 31 weeks 3 days. I had to kind of step back from my BMB until after all the birth announcements because it was too painful to read. When he comes home things will fall into place. It sounds like he is doing great! I agree with PP that you should try and get a long stretch of sleep every night between pumping sessions. You can do a couple 2 hours apart during the day to make up for it. Big hugs and wishing you a short & uneventful NICU stay!

ashleymarie512 · September 2014

Welcome and congratulations!

I completely understand how you feel, I felt that way too. I had my LO at 29-6 and felt depressed over the NICU, missing out on the third tri, hormones, etc. I would feel jealous when I'd see other pregnant women or women leaving with their babies from the hospital. We were in for 66 days and came home on o2 and she's been amazing since.

What you're feeling is normal...let your self feel it and don't let anyone tell you differently. Take care of yourself too, along with your new family. Best of luck and congrats again

Aurora1181 · September 2014

Hugs. We are on week 3 in the nicu with our 32 weekers. I totally get where you are coming from. I cried and cried at first- I felt like this had surely happened to someone else, like I had had an out of body experience. It has gotten easier. I'm pumping too. I consider the pump my "frenemy" lol. I try to sleep at least five straight hours at night and then pump more during the day. I'm pumping for twins and so far it has worked out, but everyone is different. The BMB is tough.. And ours is feeling sort of out of control right now especially. It's hard not to feel jealous of people's pregnancies when ours didn't go as planned. My DH just says that we should try to look at it positively- we get extra time with our babies on the outside that other people don't get. I don't always feel that positive but I try.

westie27 · September 2014

Congratulations! My twin girls were 33 weekers with a 3 week NICU stay. It is very, very rough, and no parent should ever have to experience the NICU. I hope they have a short and uneventful stay! Just visit as much as you can, and before you know it you will all be home.

Pips09 · September 2014

Congrats on your baby! Your feelings are totally normal, and most, if not all, of us have had them.

Odebdo · September 2014

Congrats on your baby....my twins were born at 33w1d and I totally hear you on being sad...it is a lot to take in! My baby girl spent 19 days in the NICU and my baby boy spent 26 days and came home on oxygen. It sounds like your baby is doing wonderfully...me and my DH just learned to adjust our expectations...but there were a lot of tears as well....but now we have healthy, happy smile giving babies at 14 weeks....they are 100% breastmilk fed, though we EP as I got into the routine due to the NICU and our babies were not good at latching until close to their due date...but things work out...

girlnextdoornco · September 2014

So glad to hear that you little guy is improving daily! Just know that it's a fact that our hormones go crazy with pregnancy and after the birth. Things will even out soon. Congrats!

KutiePebbles · September 2014

Hello and congratulations on the birth of your little boy! I went into labor/broken water 28+6 while I was at work in NYC and had my son 29 wks exactly. I understand everything you are saying and how you feel. My worst nightmare of going into labor while at work came true

Once the shock wore off (about 24 hours after his birth) I just lost it. The emotions and emotional state after having a child is indescribable, then add an early delivery and a baby fighting in the NICU- it was not easy and it only got harder. I felt guilt, sorrow, hurt, jealousy, pain, anger and I knew at that moment, I needed to be the strongest I have ever been. 3 days after his birth, I was discharged and headed back to NJ, while Jaxon spent his days/nights in NY. I worried about him in so many ways. What if something happened and I could not get to him in time? What if there was another terrorist attack? Endless worry. I worried if my husband was beckoned back to work and I needed to go into NY by myself. I was not in the mindset to even think of driving myself to the lower east side. I would prob lose it and hit a pedestrian.

The good news is we ended up organizing a transfer for him 3 wks after he was born. So from wk 3 to almost week 11, he was in NJ with us. One surgery, aspirating and some feeding issues later, he came home 2 days before his due date 7/22.

My advice is do what you need to to be you and be there for him. Bring books to read. Read to yourself or read to him. Bring headphones and listen to music. Sing or talk to him. Take breaks and go get some quality food. Talk to the nurses about stuff unrelated to the NICU. Pick primary nurses so you have consistency. Bring in blankets, clothes and photos and decorate your babies crib. Bring home items he has worn and keep his smell close. Kangaroo when you can. Pumping is exhausting- I am on week 16- but keep at it. Even the smallest amount will assist.

This experience will test your patience and strength but trust me, you can do it. It will start to become a routine and before you know it, he will be home. Just stay positive, pray to whomever you believe in and be happy he is a fighter!

flerlgirl · September 2014

Welcome and congrats!

And big hugs. I promise it will get easier. You are doing awesome. Make sure you take care of yourself, too. I had a hard time going back to my BMB for a while. But eventually I was able to and now it's fun again

Best of luck to you and come find us any time you need to vent!

LaDyBostonRN · September 2014

WOW. I am so grateful for all your thoughtful responses, and hearing all your individual stories really helps.

Just to make things more complicated … I've developed postpartum PUPPS and omg the itch. I' going to try cortisone and grandpa's pine soap but any other suggestions from people with experience? I look like a monster with all these hives/red dots/welts all over my chest and arms and face.

KutiePebbles great advice. I am beginning a 72 hour rooming in tonight and will make sure to pack some books, etc. Did anyone else do this 3 day stay with your baby in the NICU for breast feeding?

MaiTaiBeth I am so sorry for your loss, I cannot imagine going though that, thank you for sharing your story.

Aurora1181 So awesome to see a friendly face. And my DH says the same thing. You are ABSOLUTELY right about it feeling like an out of body experience. That is exactly how I would describe the whole thing.

Thanks again to everyone, your support is much appreciated.

KutiePebbles · September 2014

hi again

glad the responses helped and you are feeling a little better.

my nicu had the option to do a 24 hour stay but it was a slight process to get it approved. we were about to go through the process the week before he came home because we felt him not finishing his bottles could be resolved by us feeding him for 24 hours- which was almost the case. My husband and I fed him for about 12 hours and then his primary night nurse fed him the rest and got him to 100% PO. we repeated this process for 2-3 days and then he was discharged

i still feel a lot of his hold up with his feedings were based solely on the patience of some nurses. for some reason, this day nurse kept trumping my primary nurse and signing up to care for him day after day. she was impatient and would rush each babies feedings. if they would not eat quickly she would NG them and then his PO count for the day would end up at about 19%- not fair to him because she was not giving him the opportunity to learn or show us all that he can do it. I ended up putting her on my "no fly" list but until that went into affect I would basically park my a** next to his crib and gladly do every responsibility myself (while smirking at her).

in terms of breast feeding, my guy has a good latch but has a high/arched palette so staying on the breast was his downfall. my nipple needed to be perfectly in his mouth otherwise he would un-latch and scream. i decided to stick to bottles to get him discharged faster and breastfeed more at home. that motto worked for me, but do whatever works best for you. he now eats on demand and breastfeeds 2-4 times per day and takes the rest via bottle.

another thing I can say is don't be afraid to speak up. you are your babies voice and you know your baby best. if i never put that nurse on the "no fly" list, he would prob still be there!

LaDyBostonRN · September 2014

KutiePebbles said:

hi again glad the responses helped and you are feeling a little better.

my nicu had the option to do a 24 hour stay but it was a slight process to get it approved. we were about to go through the process the week before he came home because we felt him not finishing his bottles could be resolved by us feeding him for 24 hours- which was almost the case. My husband and I fed him for about 12 hours and then his primary night nurse fed him the rest and got him to 100% PO. we repeated this process for 2-3 days and then he was discharged

i still feel a lot of his hold up with his feedings were based solely on the patience of some nurses. for some reason, this day nurse kept trumping my primary nurse and signing up to care for him day after day. she was impatient and would rush each babies feedings. if they would not eat quickly she would NG them and then his PO count for the day would end up at about 19%- not fair to him because she was not giving him the opportunity to learn or show us all that he can do it. I ended up putting her on my "no fly" list but until that went into affect I would basically park my a** next to his crib and gladly do every responsibility myself (while smirking at her).

in terms of breast feeding, my guy has a good latch but has a high/arched palette so staying on the breast was his downfall. my nipple needed to be perfectly in his mouth otherwise he would un-latch and scream. i decided to stick to bottles to get him discharged faster and breastfeed more at home. that motto worked for me, but do whatever works best for you. he now eats on demand and breastfeeds 2-4 times per day and takes the rest via bottle.

another thing I can say is don't be afraid to speak up. you are your babies voice and you know your baby best. if i never put that nurse on the "no fly" list, he would prob still be there!

KutiePebbles SOO helpful, thank you! I would have done the same thing with that nurse. I'm so glad you stuck up for yourselves. Your story is so scary, being that he was so early and being in another state. I can't imagine what you went through. It's very motivating to me knowing that he is doing so well.

Thankfully each one of the nurse's I've had are so patient and waits until I say that he is done. Just now, two seconds ago, he too 22 cc's from the breast, but using a nipple shield (his goal is 34)! So that was exciting. Tonight I end my rooming-in (the whole thing is complicated by this total body rash, so I need to go home and start steroids and rest up and get rid of this), and so they will try to give him a bottle. I basically told him there was no way I was bringing him home because he wasn't breast feeding. I want him to eat and gain weight and go home, however that happens if fine with me. From what I heard with this gestational age, they will bottle and breast feed until a week or two after their due date when their suck swallow has matured a bit. But if we end up using mostly bottles I'm ok with that too.

shunt1983 · September 2014

I am in the same boat. Our son Michael was born 2 days ago 33w3d. I have 3 other kids at home and I just dont know how I am going to manage. I have to split my time I am blessed to stay at home so worried about him. Were on cpap managing and hopefully his breathing gets better soon he has too be high on the oxygen no phototherapy yet. Just trying to survive it all. I did have a 35 week preemie but it was all feeding issues. He went to bottle then moved to breast. We are far from trying anything though. They think hell be on cpap for 5-6 days. But who knows.

ScienceMama · September 2014

Praying For The Strength Of You And Your Family.

I Peter 5:10 NKJV

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.

LaDyBostonRN · September 2014

shunt1983 I can't imagine doing all this with kids at home. Hang in there mama. It really blows.

shunt1983 · September 2014

Well things seem to be improving a bit but now he's not tolerating bm via the ng tube. So they have to stop feeds. Finally got a picc line in. To give his veins a rest. And breathing is getting under control. It's so hard juggling the kids need extra attention & I'm failing spending all my concentration on the baby, pumping etc. I'm just exhausted. Seems like every other day I'm up & down. I really hope he doesn't have major digestion issues.

DivaMom22 · September 2014

@LaDyBostonRN try drinking a glass of V8 everyday. It helped with my pupps and the grandpas pine soap works too but smells awful! I know your pain!

LaDyBostonRN · September 2014

DivaMom22. Turns out it wasn't PUPPS but a delayed reaction to the many antibiotics I had during labor. It was a nightmare. After 2 weeks of hell, prednisone, IV steroids, Atarax, topical steroids (which prevented me from holding my baby skin to skin), it has just finally started fading. I am still itchy, but it is tolerable.

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Son Callen born at 33w4d - Intro, looking for support.

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