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Help! My in-laws don't understand boundaries!

astraea0889astraea0889 member
in Parenting
I'm a first time mom and my son is 4 months old. After my parents found out I was pregnant, they got super excited and really helped me and my husband prep for the baby's arrival. When my in-laws found out we were expecting, they were super excited as well but compared to how much my parents helped, they practically did nothing (not that I demanded help or even expected it, really. My husband and I were prepared to tackle the preparations on our own.). Now that the baby's here, my parents come by to visit practically every other Sunday and it's a joy to have them here. My in-laws came to visit once two weeks after I gave birth and it was horrible! My mother in law actually waited till I was alone in the baby's room with her to tell me not to talk to my youngest sister in law because she was upset at me and only came on the condition that I don't talk to her.

Over the past 4 months, I've grown extremely frustrated and nervous around my in laws. They want to see the baby more but they refuse to visit because it's too hard on my father in law since he's a truck driver. They expect us to visit more so they can spend time with my son but I don't want him anywhere near their house because they got a pet snake. And on top of all this, my youngest sister in law is STILL being awful. It's to the point that I actually blocked her from my fb but I just found out she's been getting on to my mother in law's account to stalk me and my mother in law left it open for her on purpose. When I confronted her about it and even offered to add her back so she could see pictures of my son, she said that she was happy with just stalking me through my mother in law's account and that she has a right to all my pictures and videos of my son without my permission so if I remove them, it really has nothing to do with her and everything to do with my own insecurities. I told her to stay away from my son and now my mother in law is expecting us to swing by on Saturday to "talk" about it. I'm losing my mind here.

I'm at a loss on what to do about any of this. Advice?
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Re: Help! My in-laws don't understand boundaries!

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  • Bythebeach09Bythebeach09 member
    Just a couple of questions:

    Is the youngest sister in law an adult or a teenager?

    Is the snake safely secured in their house?

    Do you live close to your inlaws?

    What's your SOs stance on things?

    I had lots of issues with my MIL. She barely ever came to our house and insisted we visit her. She lived 20 minutes away and most times, just to keep the peace, we visited her for an hour or so. Sometimes, if I wasn't feeling like lugging the kids around, we would just pass. If she got upset (which she absolutely did) that was her issue to deal with, not mine. I always said she could come visit the kids anytime. She never did. Can't please everyone.

    As for the SIL, she sounds super immature and I'd just leave that alone. Be civil when you see her. If she asks for pictures, send her some. No need to be FB friends.

    I try to let DH handle things within his family and I handle my family stuff.
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  • theseawordtheseaword member
    Sounds like all of you are feeding into this drama. You need to let the snake thing go unless it's a true danger to your child. Your MiL needs to stop discussing SIL with you and stop getting in the middle. You need to tell her that and then stop the conversation and walk away if she breaks that agreement.


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    Baby RJ, born 1/25/2014



    Formerly Twilightmv
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  • ready-or-notready-or-not member
    I suggest you swing by on Saturday to talk. Your MIL extended an olive branch by inviting you over to clear things up, & you should take it & roll with it (unless there is way more to this story).

    Also, unless your baby is a tiny mouse & you sit him/her inside the tank directly in front of the pet snake, I am certain that your baby will be safe from any snake harm.
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  • ShakeyJakeyShakeyJakey member
    She didn't say the snake was free roaming did she?

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

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    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
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  • ShakeyJakeyShakeyJakey member
    I didn't read it so I'm counting on someone else to

    Harry Styles = Life Ruiner

    image

    There’s a lightning in your eyes I can't deny
    Then there’s me inside a sinking boat running out of time
    Without you I'll never make it out alive
    But I know, yes, I know we’ll be alright
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    J. 1.14.13 my reason for breathing 
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  • ready-or-notready-or-not member
    She hasn't responded on the status of the snake. Am curious too
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member

    Don't feed into drama.

    Set realistic (and mature) boundaries- meaning don't be petty when setting said boundaries.

    Step back and ask yourself if you are part of the problem? Or is it 100% an in-law boundary issue?


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  • curlylocks3curlylocks3 member
    Why did you block your SIL on FB?
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  • melody921melody921 member
    I'm also wondering what's up with your SIL. You need to address that problem with her, not with your MIL. Set boundaries, but also don't be too rigid. You could visit them sometimes, as long as the snake isn't slithering through the living room. As for FB, you could always hide yourself from your MIL too if you don't want her sharing your pics with SIL. You and your DH need to sit down and decide how you want to handle this and go from there. It's silly to be on edge every time your ILs are around, and you don't want to be fighting about every little thing. Its exhausting and bad for the entire family.

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  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member
    TyrannosaurusLex said:
    I would watch OP's 16 and pregnant episode for sure. Sounds really juicy.
    I would only watch it to laugh at someone screaming about a snake.

    The rest sounds super lame and boring. 



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  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member
    NellyBluth said:
    Apologies if that makes anyone want to light themselves on fire.
    lol you are a monster.



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  • bumpuser1691848bumpuser1691848 member
    Well, I was eating lunch, but I don't have an appetite now thanks to @NellyBluth
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  • jorkz821jorkz821 member
    GDI @NellyBluth‌.

    I mean.... At least it was a spider?
    SQUIRREL!!!

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  • SpaceGirlSpiffSpaceGirlSpiff member
    edited September 2014
    I love snakes.  I would get a pet snake.  Lol @ the overreaction of never going to their house because they have a pet snake.

    My mom's best friend used to have various large Boas and I'd hold them on the reg growing up... they're very calm and most often kept in a cage, nice and secure.

    He also had venomous tarantulas and large Madagascar hissing cockroaches and a millipede ....hell fucking no @ those. 

    Perhaps someday I'll convince my H that we need a pet snake, though...they're awesome.

    Chameleons are fun too...they have funny hands that feel weird when they walk on you.  And googly eyes.

    Cat leg goes crazy and beats itself in the face

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  • ASmallWonderASmallWonder member
    God fucking dammit @NellyBluth!  I have the legit heebie jeebie shivers going on over here.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • fintinfintin member
    Geez people she has a life! I'm sure she is busy making sure no snake comes within 500 feet of her home. Heaven forbid, she would have to move! Duh. ;)
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  • jesuisfatigueejesuisfatiguee member
    NellyBluth said:
    Mackalien13 said:
    I don't trust people that keep snakes as pets. There is something not right about that.
    Not to paint everyone with the same brush, but in my experience, the people I have known to keep snakes as pets were sketchy as fuck.
    I share in this. 



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