Single Parents
lmtrmama
member
Not sure if anyone else has been in this position before?
lmtrmama
member
Hello,
I usually post in the blended families section, but right now I feel like I have very few people who I can trust and I need any answers/support that I can get. My 5 year old daughter's father has been in and out of her life, but we usually always had a good "friendship". We went to court in 2010 and he was given visitation on Wednesday's and every other weekend, which he never used. I have strong suspicions that his parents pushed him to be a father. He went to rehab earlier this year and then left after about a week. After that, he decided he was going to start seeing our daughter once a week. At first she was fine, then she started not wanting to go. It escalated and escalated until we were at a point where we would pull into his driveway and she would beg to turn around and drive away.
I had no idea what to do. I tried talking to him, and he seemed just as dumbfounded as I was. My daughter is so friendly. She would literally go off with anyone at the drop of a hat. I had strong suspicions that he was still having drug and alcohol problems and thought maybe she was picking up on that. Then I thought maybe he is just not a fun person to be around. Then last week I sat down with her to talk about why she was getting so upset, and she disclosed sexual abuse.
I felt sick, but tried to stay calm. I wanted to see if she would bring it up again and if the story would be consistent. She did and it was. I called child services and filed a police report. The social worker was at our house this week for an interview. The detective called me. Her dad's family hired a lawyer for him. We have mutual friends who I have not given any information to who called me and said that everyone just thinks I invented this. The social worker said that since there is no physical evidence, there is a chance that NOTHING will happen. She said that even if it goes to trial, usually there are no charges and if the person has a lawyer, they usually get off. Then she told me that if I try to take it to DR court, the judge is not likely to take away visitation.
I am sorry this is so long. I feel like I can't trust anyone. I have my fiance and my mom. I am pregnant with my second child and due any day. I am not out with a pitchfork trying to send her father to jail. I don't care if he goes to jail at all, I just see the truth now and I want my daughter to be protected. I want to feel a sense of security, and I want her to feel safe. After she told the doctor what happened, she said "Mommy, I am so happy that I am helping myself." Has anyone else gone through this? I feel helpless. The thought of this just being swept under the rug and her being forced to continue to visit with him makes me feel absolutely terrified. Sorry again for so long of a post.
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Re: Not sure if anyone else has been in this position before?
Wow. I don't even know what to say. Have you been keeping her home?
I can tell you that I myself suffered through this and when my stepdad found out that I knew what he was doing was wrong (he read my diary and then made me rip it up in pieces and flush it down the toilet) he stopped what he was doing. Over 10 years later I told my mom. She believed me and left him. But we never pursued any legal actions against him so I don't know that piece of it.
Oh another thought, can you get her into counseling? Maybe their professional opinion can also help you with the judge.
Wow. So so sorry.