Struggling with weekend events

Okiewife2011 · September 2014

This upcoming Sunday, Sept. 14, our first baby should have been turning 1. It is killing me knowing that we never got to know that baby, share all our love with that baby, or celebrate special occasions or events, such as their first birthday with the baby. This would be the weekend we would celebrate a whole year of life, but instead I'll be working the night shift and then returning home to an empty house until my parents bring DS home later Sunday afternoon.

To make things slightly harder is the fact I work in a NICU. I'll be spending the night before our angel's first birthday trying to keep other families' babies alive so they can have those celebrations as time goes on. All it makes me think of this time of year is how I am able to keep their babies alive, but couldn't do anything for my own.

I apologize for this being so long. I just needed to let it out with people who understand and won't make me feel bad about how I've been feeling, or the fact that I still grieve every September.

Thank you ladies for all the love and support you have given me over all this time. While what brought us all together as a community isn't anything I would wish on anybody, I couldn't be any more thankful for the women that make up this group. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

LunaBug924 · September 2014

So many (((HUGS)))

Our angel's first birthday should have been in April while I was pregnant with DD. It was hard to reconcile the feelings of sadness for our loss with the joy of expecting our rainbow so soon (she was born in May). Everyone kept telling me that "this is how it was supposed to be" because if it hadn't been for our loss, we wouldn't be having DD. While I couldn't imagine having a more amazing baby, she is not a replacement from our losses. Those are her siblings, and I still grieve for them.

I'm sure that work for you this weekend will only compound your grief, but I think that you are amazing for doing it. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to be a little sad for what should have been, even if it's just to yourself. Your angel will know you have not forgotten. You're a wonderful mama! ((Hugs))

Missa_g · September 2014

I'm more of a lurker here lately but I wanted to send you some love and hugs.

As a mom who's first baby should have turned three yesterday, you are not alone. It's okay to grieve in whatever way you need. But as a mom who's living children are alive today because of people like you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. It takes an incredible kind of person to work in a NICU.

Okiewife2011 · September 2014

Thank you ladies. It was good to get that off my chest. Your support is also helping me deal. Thank you.

Mom2anAngel2 · September 2014

((HUGS)). It is so hard to go through those moments, especially when no one else seems to even remember or care. We all understand those feelings, which is why this is such an amazing place. I hope you are able to find some peace this weekend.

BootsOrHearts · September 2014

Huge hugs! You are a good mom to your DS and your angel baby.

twotexans · September 2014

(((Hugs))) EDDs are hard, even when we have our rainbows. My first little one would have been 2 this past Sunday. I've now past my EDD three times, and it still makes me sad. It is alright to still grieve what you have lost.

I can understand how being around other people's struggling little ones must be hard, but the work you do in the NICU is truly amazing. I spent last years EDD in the NICU with our daughter. The nurses were there for us in one of the most trying times of our lives, and I will forever be gratetful for the care they gave my daughter.