Hi to all. I haven't been on thebump much in years but am looking for support and this seemed like a good place to start! Here's my story:
I'd been having problems with DH for years- he's never been very helpful with our two girls and in the past year or two we've started fighting a lot more. He's very good at twisting fights so I am always wrong and he becomes the victim. About three weeks ago, he got really drunk and started calling me names, tried to kick me out of the house and tried to wrestle my oldest out of my arms, twisting my arm behind my back and pushing me to the ground in the process. I called the cops, who arrested him on domestic battery and child endangerment. I've had to deal with CPS and Victim Services. I took the girls across the country to my parents house and have since been wrestling with all kinds of emotions, from thinking we can work it out to wanting to draw up divorce papers immediately. I just read a book called the Verbally Abusive Relationship and identified a scary amount with the book- though my relationship had times that were great, I felt like I was constantly walking on eggshells and never sure what the next outburst would be about.
I'm flying back to my house (which DH has agreed not to live at) on Saturday because of upcoming work commitments. When I talk to DH, he is insistent that he doesn't have an alcohol abuse problem (many of our fights where he's been mean have been under the influence and I think he's a binge drinker) and that the problems we have are due to "communication problems" (whereas I think he has anger management and rage issues).
I've been very confused and frustrated but I think divorce is probably the right option. I don't believe my DH can change and frankly, I no longer trust him. I'm very scared for my next steps- going back and telling him I want to divorce. My support system is on the East Coast and I will want to take the girls back east, but I'm afraid my DH will fight me and make it incredibly difficult. He hasn't gone to trial yet for his charges and I'm wondering if I should try to move immediately in case the child endangerment charges are dropped and he can file for joint custody. My parents have offered to support me in whatever ways they can, but I've been mainly a SAH mom for years and am afraid of everything this will mean- losing my house, leaving the area and friends, basically changing my entire life.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Any advice would be very much appreciated!
Re: May be joining you...
Wow-- first I want to say that I am sorry you are going through all of that.
I don't have much advice in terms of if you should move back east or not, as I don't know if there are any laws about that, but I do think you need to be where your support is.
I hope you are able to come to some type of decision soon so that you and your girls will be safe. Please stick around, this is a very supportive group.
BFP 1- EDD 2/09/11 Missed MC DX @11 weeks D&C- 7/25/10 BFP 2- EDD 12/22/11 Natural MC @ 5w 2d BFP 3- EDD 1/25/12 DD Josephine born 1/16/12
I know this man personally. He has given me advice on my situation. I have heard him speak. I have also found great info on his website.
My EX is/was abusive. Put his hands on me once to intimidate and not hurt. Did damage to personal property many times. I now have a permanent restraining order against him and we are in the middle of a very nasty divorce. I was a SAHM for over 3 years and got a part time gig 3 months before we separated.
It's ugly. It's sad and heartbreaking. I am here for you. We all are. PM me if you would like.
Good luck