How would you respond to this rude question?

IslandDreamin · September 2014

I keep getting asked different forms of the question: Are you pregnant? I get it from all forms of people, co-workers, strangers, children, etc. At this point, I have heard it over a dozen times. The most recent time was this morning from the cashier that took my coffee order. I'm obviously still upset over it.

I feel like this is a rude question and A) If the answer is 'Yes' and the person you're asking wants you to know then you will find out eventually anyways. If the answer is 'No' then you probably just damaged the person's body image or made assumptions. Lately, I have responded, by saying, "No, I just have a fat stomach."

How would you respond?/How do you think I should respond? I can't always give a snarky response if it's a person I have to treat in a professional manner. It's killing my body image and it's even more upsetting because I am TTC as well.

*In case you were wondering, I am a normal weight, but my metabolism has changed over the years and I only gain weight on my lower abdomen making me look pregnant if I don't suck it in.

effthisnoise · September 2014

Respond, "No, are you?" and then look them up and down. Helps if they're overweight.

ETA: I'm sorry that this is happening to you. I don't have any good advice, but I'm sure you'll get tons here.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

My friends never ask. They know better! It's mostly strangers and nosy co-workers due to the odd weight distribution. My mother has the same problem.

nocatanywhere · September 2014

A "why do you ask?" usually makes most people realize they're being jerks. If they stumble around and do the "uh buh um because you're glowing!" thing, you can go "that's just my awesome. can't contain it."

Belou52579 · September 2014

A toll booth collector once asked me when I was due as I handed him my money. I had no idea what he meant so he clarified "you're pregnant, when is the baby due?"

I felt doubly shitty because I was smoking at the time. Not sure which was worse, someone thinking I was pregnant or that I was a smoking pregnant lady.

ShellyR · September 2014

NariaDreaming said:

I'd go with a "No, why do you ask?" and make them REALLY uncomfortable.

Other responses

"Do you see a child hanging out of my vagina?"
"Nope, I just haven't taken a dump today"
"When was the last time you had buttsex? Oh, I thought this must be national ask a stranger inappropriate questions day"

This just made my day. Thank-you.

I'm of the opinion that it is never okay to ask somebody. Ever.

OP, I'm currently your exact height and weight and when I had 5-10lbs more of me to love earlier in the year, I was asked the pregnant question constantly. I hated it. Combined with the fact that we are struggling to get pregnant and the question makes me want to kick people in the face. I just make people feel awkward and ask them if they think I look fat. I know I'm not overweight, so I can handle watching them squirm with their answer.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@slappiness and @emilie -It really helps to hear from people with similar experiences. It just boggles the mind that people think it's appropriate. I'm thinking of trying the why do you ask with a stare down and adding you know you're not supposed to ask that, right? Maybe a combo: Why do you think that is okay to ask me? There are lots of great ideas from others to chose from too. Thank you!

SpartanChick88 · September 2014

I saw someone on FB today have this same problem today. Must be something in the air.

I like - are you pregnant?
No. Are you socially impaired?

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@ShellyR -Yep, the phrase, 'smack a bitch' came to mind as an impulse reaction.

ayo82 · September 2014

This is the worst. I'm so sorry you get this. It's so insensitive for people to ask.
I was asked this after my MC by a freaking bank teller! So upset afterwards. She got a double bird salute for it too.

ematheis · September 2014

:::LURKER:::

Ugh so sorry you've been having to field those questions. I'm a similar body type to you too, and this just recently happened to me from a dear friend. She saw a picture of me on facebook, and I looked poochy, so since we're "close, " she thought it was okay to ask me if I had "any baby news I wanted to announce." I replied that no, I didnt. "why do you ask?" and similar to a previous poster, she didn't believe me. [eye roll] She squirmed, awkwardly laughed, and after an uncomfortable "really?", she finally settled on, "I guess I just thought that one of your sibs or sibs in laws would have some baby news by now!" yeah right. You've received great advice from these sweet gals, some I might be borrowing, too!

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@emathesis That's the worst when people try to back track with some BS excuse like that. Last week, it was, Oh, I just thought because you had a beautiful wedding a few months ago blah blah blah. Like you didn't glance at my belly before asking. :-@

nocatanywhere · September 2014

I've never been asked due to weight gain, but at my old office, I'd get asked every time I took a sick day. Nudge nudge, wink wink, morning sickness, eh?

NO. A COLD. WHAT THE HELL.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@Joy2611 Just different body types. You must be more evenly proportioned. I am sure you look great! Not trying to say I am fat overall. Any excess weight doesn't go anywhere else on my body even my ring size is a 3.5. I look like the 2nd or 3rd outline of the women in blue of the pic I posted. It's partially bloat as well.

greysweatshirt · September 2014

I had a really weird feeling that I had actually written this post!!! I'm 5'3 and my weight has been anywhere from 108-120 lbs and I can never get rid of my pooch!! I seriously can get the worst food baby. My mom and nana were the same way!! Stupid genetics

I struggle with body image almost every day, especially when my SIL's are model thin and beautiful; it's hard to not feel like the automatic ugly duckling!

Now, if I'm asked this question, I push my stomach out reeeally far, start rubbing it and ask if they want to feel my cheeseburger.

)

nandaboob06 · September 2014

hereistreble said:

slappiness said:
I've been asked quite a bit. It stings. The most I was asked was right after I had lost about 10 lbs. It hurt so much, I said fuck it and gained the weight back (of which I'm now trying to lose) because no one asked me if I was pregnant when I was heavier.

Do not let it get to you. Don't let other people's ignorant questions damage your self-image. I did and I regret it.

I actually would say the same thing you did. "Nope, just fat" with a smile. The worst was when a family member (who didn't see me often) didn't believe me and kept asking. Then she assumed that we were trying (which we were, but we weren't telling anyone) and told us that we're probably doing it wrong. A coworker I said it to avoided me for the next month.

It sucks when you carry your weight in that region and people think it's okay to comment on it. :::HUGS::: Take solace in knowing that you won't inflict that sort of pain on someone else and you're better for it.
Um. I've met you IRL and you in no way look KU. Nor do you, "carry your weight in that region". People be blind yo.

um. I'm jealous you met @slappiness‌ irl. Like really jealous.

CaveWmnInBrit · September 2014

1) Its not their business

2) At 5'4" and 128 if you feel you are only putting weight on in certain areas I would see a nutritionist/trainer who has the proper qualifications. You can sort out if certain foods are causing more issues than others, which foods help and how to train to build up other areas to create a body you love (I have given up on having ideal numbers- I just want my body to do what I want it to do when I want to do it)...personally I would look for someone who has the education and a natural approach viewpoint but that is me

3) If your body has changed (and fuck it happens to us all through our 20's) then possibly waste a weekend or two on pinterest and it may be that you need to learn to dress for a different shape. I know post surgery I didn't have my slender figure to wear clothes from forever 21 because they were just not cut right however JCrew/LOFT etc always fit far more flattering

EDIT- I meant the suggestions if only you are feeling self conscious about it and it weighs on you.... The human body is an awesome thing and although we can never actually control it there are lots of ways we can try to help it to be the best...

ramaholic · September 2014

I would have to resist having an immediate reaction such as, "OMG you too?!?!" but I'd never use it, 'cause I don't have a good follow up if they are, whoops.

For now, since my friends/family are pretty much the ONLY people that ask me (you lucky bums that have loved ones with common sense), I just go with, "Not yet," or something along those lines.

AHA. Try this: Reply with, "Excuse me?" and if they don't see the error of their ways immediately or repeat themselves, give 'em the age-old dirty look with an, "Excuse you," and proceed to let them live their misguided lives without an answer.

yaassgaga · September 2014

Unless an effing baby arm is hanging out of you I don't know why people even ask! UGH. Very sorry this happened to you. People are morons. If you are ballsy you could say something like, "I was going to ask you if you're rude, but I just got my answer."

rebecca+matt · September 2014

GIRL I'm 5 nothing and weigh 126, you've got nothing to worry about! I'm so sorry people are being so stupid. I'm a pretty blunt person so I normally just tell people when something they say upsets me. Personally, I'd just respond with "No, I'm not, and now you've made me really self conscious about my (weight)(stomach)(fill in the blank)." Sorry again and good luck!

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@physiomeg1623

I do take solace in that although I am sorry we have all had this experience. Thank you for sharing.

Woah, 3 times?! Ouch. ouch. ouch.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

Joy2611 said:

Joy2611 said:

IslandDreamin said:

Right now, I am 5'4 and 128 lbs and the rest of my body still looks thin.

Weird. I'm 5'4'' and weigh 133-ish. I don't look remotely pregnant. All of your body is thin at that weight - not just "the rest of it."

I'm sorry people are asking. It's honestly strange.

Thank you Joy, that made me feel better about my height/weight.

I'm not saying this isn't a troubling problem, but something about the weight discussion is upsetting me. 5'4" and 128 is completely normal but you feel and are probably making other women in this thread feel like they must be thinner or second guessing how they look. That's not cool. Maybe I'm being too sensitive or completely unfair, but since I'm uncomfortable, I'll bail from the thread. I really am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.

@Joy2611 Oh no! That wasn't my intention at all. I am sorry that I made you and anyone else feel uncomfortable. I know that I am in the normal weight range. I just added the stats on height and weight to show that this is probably why these people most likely have no problem asking this question. It seems like the only explanation could be pregnancy not a little extra weight in the area due to odd proportions/bloating. You're right that it's weird and have brought it up with my doctor.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@wineandwalter Yikes. Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I am sorry. I can edit that bit out.

niki1209 · September 2014

I tell people it's my wine belly

mamahawk12 · September 2014

Ugh, I'm sorry. That is so obnoxious and rude. I would just stick with a casual "Nope" (insert snide half smile) ... whoever asked will likely feel bad enough that they'll never ask that question again.

em01092 · September 2014

I have never gotten this based on looks, but I'm a "thicker" girl, so I think even if/when I do get KTFU people will just assume I am heavy. It's my boss that freaks out. One day a few months ago I really felt awful and needed to go home. He asked me if I was pregnant. I assured him it was just something I ate or a stomach bug. Later I found out he asks this a lot, anytime a female employee isn't well. He's very generous and offers paid maternity leave, so whenever he finds out someone is preggers, he's probably like "Shit." lol

bluepie19 · September 2014

One of my coworkers asked me last week "are you pregnant? You look like your about to give birth" When I said no she said "oh, you must have just gained some weight." Really? To top it off the woman is bigger then me. I just sat there and said nothing.. DH and I are ttc but were not pregnant yet.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

@bluepie19 That's a whole new level of rude that I am sorry you had to deal with. My mouth dropped open a bit when I was reading that.

CaveWmnInBrit · September 2014

twinkbrite said:

One of my coworkers asked me last week "are you pregnant? You look like your about to give birth" When I said no she said "oh, you must have just gained some weight." Really? To top it off the woman is bigger then me. I just sat there and said nothing.. DH and I are ttc but were not pregnant yet.
Whoa, what?!

I only have patience and grace for the kids I work with.... if your an adult I am sorry I used it up and you are about to get an ear-full

[Deleted User] · September 2014

The user and all related content has been deleted.

SwivelChair5 · September 2014

I have been asked this twice my coworkers. I turned bright red and sputtered 'no.' One woman said, "Oh, because I've been noticing for a couple days that your stomach looked big." So that means she spent a couple of days thinking about it, and still thought it was a good idea to ask me that question.

And if I were in early pregnancy, why would she think I would confide in a coworker that I am on a nodding basis with anyways?

Now I am annoyed all over again.

IslandDreamin · September 2014

I am so sorry @PeanutRN People asking this repeatedly has made me feel shitty about my body and that's the last thing I want to do to someone else with this post.

ayo82 · September 2014

bluepie19 said:

One of my coworkers asked me last week "are you pregnant? You look like your about to give birth" When I said no she said "oh, you must have just gained some weight." Really? To top it off the woman is bigger then me. I just sat there and said nothing.. DH and I are ttc but were not pregnant yet.

I gasped reading that.. I don't know if I could withhold any foul language after hearing that from someone, it's so mean.

CaveWmnInBrit · September 2014

PeanutRN said:

wineandwalter said:

Joy2611 said:

IslandDreamin said:

Right now, I am 5'4 and 128 lbs and the rest of my body still looks thin.

Weird. I'm 5'4'' and weigh 133-ish. I don't look remotely pregnant. All of your body is thin at that weight - not just "the rest of it."

I'm sorry people are asking. It's honestly strange.

Thank you Joy, that made me feel better about my height/weight.

I'm not saying this isn't a troubling problem, but something about the weight discussion is upsetting me. 5'4" and 128 is completely normal but you feel and are probably making other women in this thread feel like they must be thinner or second guessing how they look. That's not cool. Maybe I'm being too sensitive or completely unfair, but since I'm uncomfortable, I'll bail from the thread. I really am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
Nope. I took it this way, too. Weight seems irrelevant to being asked an inappropriate question by anyone but at 160 pounds this thread made me feel giant and surprised that the while world isn't asking me if I'm pregnant all the time. I know I'm just overly sensitive to weight issues in general lately so I'll bail with you

Me three. I'm 5'3" and at least 155 and feeling extremely self-conscious lately. This did not help.

I am 5'5' and up to 195 from 170lbs six months ago (fuck you thyroid).... Its annoying as heck but I need to keep my mind focused on things I can change for now.. which is lifting more weights and tackling girls who particularly piss me off in a game.... and remembering to take my meds despite the need for multiple alarms a day...

I will never go back to my 5'5" 125lb frame... but I also don't miss it...

Belou52579 · September 2014

CaveWmnInBrit said:

PeanutRN said:

wineandwalter said:

Joy2611 said:

IslandDreamin said:

Right now, I am 5'4 and 128 lbs and the rest of my body still looks thin.

Weird. I'm 5'4'' and weigh 133-ish. I don't look remotely pregnant. All of your body is thin at that weight - not just "the rest of it."

I'm sorry people are asking. It's honestly strange.

Thank you Joy, that made me feel better about my height/weight.

I'm not saying this isn't a troubling problem, but something about the weight discussion is upsetting me. 5'4" and 128 is completely normal but you feel and are probably making other women in this thread feel like they must be thinner or second guessing how they look. That's not cool. Maybe I'm being too sensitive or completely unfair, but since I'm uncomfortable, I'll bail from the thread. I really am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
Nope. I took it this way, too. Weight seems irrelevant to being asked an inappropriate question by anyone but at 160 pounds this thread made me feel giant and surprised that the while world isn't asking me if I'm pregnant all the time. I know I'm just overly sensitive to weight issues in general lately so I'll bail with you

Me three. I'm 5'3" and at least 155 and feeling extremely self-conscious lately. This did not help.

I am 5'5' and up to 195 from 170lbs six months ago (fuck you thyroid).... Its annoying as heck but I need to keep my mind focused on things I can change for now.. which is lifting more weights and tackling girls who particularly piss me off in a game.... and remembering to take my meds despite the need for multiple alarms a day...

I will never go back to my 5'5" 125lb frame... but I also don't miss it...

As a fellow thyroid sufferer, I sympathize with the weight gain. Its frustrating and causes me some pretty bad depression. Hang in there!

em01092 · September 2014

bluepie19 said:

One of my coworkers asked me last week "are you pregnant? You look like your about to give birth" When I said no she said "oh, you must have just gained some weight." Really? To top it off the woman is bigger then me. I just sat there and said nothing.. DH and I are ttc but were not pregnant yet.

Ugh. Who says that?

em01092 · September 2014

Belou52579 said:

CaveWmnInBrit said:

PeanutRN said:

wineandwalter said:

Joy2611 said:

IslandDreamin said:

Right now, I am 5'4 and 128 lbs and the rest of my body still looks thin.

Weird. I'm 5'4'' and weigh 133-ish. I don't look remotely pregnant. All of your body is thin at that weight - not just "the rest of it."

I'm sorry people are asking. It's honestly strange.

Thank you Joy, that made me feel better about my height/weight.

I'm not saying this isn't a troubling problem, but something about the weight discussion is upsetting me. 5'4" and 128 is completely normal but you feel and are probably making other women in this thread feel like they must be thinner or second guessing how they look. That's not cool. Maybe I'm being too sensitive or completely unfair, but since I'm uncomfortable, I'll bail from the thread. I really am sorry you're dealing with this, OP.
Nope. I took it this way, too. Weight seems irrelevant to being asked an inappropriate question by anyone but at 160 pounds this thread made me feel giant and surprised that the while world isn't asking me if I'm pregnant all the time. I know I'm just overly sensitive to weight issues in general lately so I'll bail with you

Me three. I'm 5'3" and at least 155 and feeling extremely self-conscious lately. This did not help.

I am 5'5' and up to 195 from 170lbs six months ago (fuck you thyroid).... Its annoying as heck but I need to keep my mind focused on things I can change for now.. which is lifting more weights and tackling girls who particularly piss me off in a game.... and remembering to take my meds despite the need for multiple alarms a day...

I will never go back to my 5'5" 125lb frame... but I also don't miss it...

As a fellow thyroid sufferer, I sympathize with the weight gain. Its frustrating and causes me some pretty bad depression. Hang in there!

Same here, especially when my endocrinologist tells me everything with my labs checks out and I'm in the normal range.

suzysurparis · September 2014

I've been asked this a few times, I actually would expect more since I have a disproportionately large gut. In the US it used to happen more often if I wore loose/flowy tops that looked like maternity clothes (I've learned that lesson).

In France it's only happened once and that I can even forgive because it was at my vegetable co-op and the woman probably did get me confused with another young woman there. She also immediately apologized and even said something along the lines of "I'm sorry, that was rude of me to ask." The other young woman she confused me with had just announced her pregnancy with twins after having trouble TTC and going on fertility meds. And when I saw the other woman the next time, she was hardly showing so I'm not really mad about it, but it hurt when it happened.

I can tell not many of you guys take public transportation, because I am constantly checking to see if women around me look pregnant so that I can give them my seat. I'm in buses and trains all the time and it's always marked that you should give up your seat to pregnant women. It really bothers me when an obviously pregnant woman is standing next to people who are sitting and intentionally ignoring her. I've seen men give up their seats to women who werent pregnant, so I dread the day that I'm not pregnant and a woman gives me her seat. But it's still not as rude as a comment. The French are classy in that respect and culturally it's rude to talk about that sort of thing with strangers anyway.

krnten · September 2014

I'm late to this discussion, but this has happened to me too, esp after my first kid. My lower belly is just a little rounder even though my weight is the same. I usually answer "nope, this is just how I look."

One time a few weeks ago, though, a young woman motioned to me from across a crowded subway car would I like her seat? I was wearing a dress that didn't hide my little pooch very well, and I was horrified. I felt bad for her too, because she instantly realized the mistake and was embarrassed. She was trying to do something nice, after all. I've never worn that dress again...

catwine · September 2014

That is very rude of people to ask! I'm also thin but have a little tummy pooch and I'm just waiting for someone to ask me if I' pregnant so I can use one of these snappy remarks!

blitzy23 · September 2014

I think when you are thin, a little food belly tends to stand out more, so don't worry. I would consider food allergies/intolerances if you feel distended.

I had someone ask me if I was pregnant once. I went from weighing 118lbs to 122lbs after getting married. People are just very thoughtless and nosy sometimes. She later said, "I don't know, it was just the way you were standing." After thinking about it, I think she was hoping to celebrate good news with me. Bad all around, but she was trying to have a nice moment?

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