Baby shower issue ( i know not another) Update

Re: Baby shower issue ( i know not another) Update

• golfingdarwinfish member

  September 2014

  I'm sorry there have been so many issues. Are you venting or looking for advice on timing and location?

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  5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
  TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
  
  

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• laxin31 member

  September 2014

  golfingdarwinfish said:

  I'm sorry there have been so many issues. Are you venting or looking for advice on timing and location?

  Yes.  It was both.  I don't know what to do cause the way things were with my oldest sister worked better, but its me its different.  Plus its just general frustration of if you talked to me prior and was a person who was really organized things would be better off.  

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• SusieBW member

  September 2014

  The whole "first time babies are late" thing really just isn't true.  Some babies are late and some are early, and some arrive right on their due date - what number baby it is for you really doesn't matter.  Due dates are just estimates to begin with.
  
  Sorry you're having so many issues.
  

  
  
  
  

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• MrsSarahRenee member

  September 2014

  I don't see a question or what you want advice on but ...
  
  Sorry you are frustrated. Sounds like family drama - yuck.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• MrMrsandBaby member

  September 2014

  I had a hard time following that, to be honest.  Sounds like your sister was trying to plan a surprise shower for you but the dates she picked (which are not that far away) won't work and you aren't comfortable traveling an hour and a half three weeks before your EDD (don't blame you).
  
  If having it at your house is an option and your sister doesn't flake then I think that is a good option.  I would tell her though that you only have certain dates and if those don't work than thanks, but you don't need a shower before baby is born.  There isn't a LOT of time to plan one at this point but there is also no rule saying it has to be before the baby is born.
  
  But, from what I read, it sounds like your sister is just a little flaky on this?  Maybe just tell her thanks but no thanks. 
  
  FWIW, I don't think October is too late for a shower if you have a due date at the end of the month.  It isn't "ideal" for some people but it isn't the worst thing ever either.
  

  

  

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• laxin31 member

  September 2014

  Nicb13 said:

  I would talk to the person who wants to throw you the shower and tell HER your concerns. If you are due 10/23, then 10/4 is a reasonable amount of time prior to your due date to have a shower. Up to you if you want to accept the offer or not.

  I had something else I was planning on attending that day.  

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• MuffinMom14 member

  September 2014

  laxin31 said:

  So I got a phone call from my sister today (granted I thought it was about something else that I really didn't want to talk to her about) but she informed me that she was throwing a surprise baby shower for me. I already knew due to some other things that happened the other week while DH was on travel for work.  

  
  

  Her plan was to have it on the 4th of Oct ( I am due on the 23rd) but it was changed to the 21st of Sept.  Great I didn't like that day because we would have just gotten home from a vacation and I would not be up for doing much that sunday.  She was going to have the shower at my other sisters house.  All my family live an hour and half away from me if not more.  So we would have traveled to DC ( I live in southern Maryland) for the shower.  

  
  

  So she tells me the the 21st won't work now and the 4th is a little questionable too.  Now I was out running some errands when this conversation was going on.  I told her its ok if it doesn't happen (long story short version was I was very upset that I was not getting one especially since this is my first kid and we lived to close to family for once) I had gotten to a point that I really was ok that there was no shower going to happen.  Well now she is upset because I wouldn't have gotten one and DH had also mentioned something of how upset I was a few weeks about the situation.  Now the 4th really doesn't work for me cause I was invited to another baby shower that weekend.  Also my husband doesn't want me driving long distance come Oct cause we are in baby time month.  I know most first time babies come late but he would like it to be that he drives if its not local.  Not only that he has some travel coming up for work and we don't know when that is just yet cause they have yet to release the dates...annoying.  

  
  

  I guess both my husband and I feel by the time its Oct it is way to close for us to be having a shower since I could go into the hospital at any time (again i know most first time moms go late) She did suggest that she would have it at my house.  My sister is also very concerned about everything because of my mother and how she will react if I don't get a baby shower.  So now i have to worry about my mom too.  

  
  

  She was not very organized in the first place for this whole thing and really didn't think about DH's family in this matter ( granted they are all in Oregon but be nice to invite those ladies even if they can't come) So part of me wants to say its ok don't worry about a shower and part of me says we will work on something so we can make the rest of the family happy even though I am ready to just go out and buy things now.  

  
  

  I hope i made some sort of sense in what I just wrote.  

  I second everything everyone else said, but your own shower would trump someone else's, I would say, especially since you are running out of time.
  
  Also, it sounds like your mother needs to throw you this shower, then.
  
  You're running out of time here. Even if you DO have it October 4th (which, I personally wouldn't, but I thought having mine at 33 weeks was late--that's just my personal preference though, and everyone else assured me it wasn't late), invitations should be going out maybe next week or so.
  

  

  
  
  

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• ariel06 member

  September 2014

  Would you be more comfortable having one after baby is here?

  

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• golfingdarwinfish member

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  laxin31 said:

  
  

  Nicb13 said:

  
  

  I would talk to the person who wants to throw you the shower and tell HER your concerns. If you are due 10/23, then 10/4 is a reasonable amount of time prior to your due date to have a shower. Up to you if you want to accept the offer or not.

  
  

  I had something else I was planning on attending that day.  
  
  If you want other people to prioritize your shower then you should probably do the same
  

  Loss Blog (finally updated)
  

  
  

   

  
  

   

  

  5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
  TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
  
  

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• laxin31 member

  September 2014

  MrMrsandBaby said:

  I had a hard time following that, to be honest.  Sounds like your sister was trying to plan a surprise shower for you but the dates she picked (which are not that far away) won't work and you aren't comfortable traveling an hour and a half three weeks before your EDD (don't blame you).
  
  If having it at your house is an option and your sister doesn't flake then I think that is a good option.  I would tell her though that you only have certain dates and if those don't work than thanks, but you don't need a shower before baby is born.  There isn't a LOT of time to plan one at this point but there is also no rule saying it has to be before the baby is born.
  
  But, from what I read, it sounds like your sister is just a little flaky on this?  Maybe just tell her thanks but no thanks. 
  
  FWIW, I don't think October is too late for a shower if you have a due date at the end of the month.  It isn't "ideal" for some people but it isn't the worst thing ever either.
  

  It is hard to follow even for myself but its just one big mess.  I can't even keep it straight in my head because of how my sister is as a person, what my husbands comments were to her about how my life has been where i live (which is a whole added issue) and now how my mother is reacting to everything.  

  
  

  No date works for almost anyone in my family.  I don't want my mom to miss football games ( I know lame excuse but its something my parents enjoy doing in their retirement and I wouldn't want to miss a game) my aunts are self absorbed and have no time for anyone unless its something they want to do, than there is my husbands schedule and my other sisters schedule. All it is a huge MESS. Plus my husband is being a bit over protected and concerned but it is his first kid and he wants things to be ok.  This is where it comes down to at the end of the day I don't want one if people can't make it special.  

  
  

  Originally the 4th didn't work and now the 21st isn't going to work.  This is why I enjoy living away from my family is I don't have to deal with all their BS.  Don't get me wrong I love my family but to be this close during something that is suppose to be exciting is truing into a disaster.  

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• Saragoeswest member

  September 2014

  Ask your sister to plan a sip and see. Decide on a date now so that it doesn't get lost in the holiday season.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• golfingdarwinfish member

  September 2014

  Oh FFS - someone is willing to throw you a party for the sole purpose of you being showered with presents - that's pretty damn special in and of itself.
  
  OP, you're not going to be able to please all of the people all of the time. Do whatever works best for you and your hostess. If you want a shower, make it a priority, and work with your host to select a date. Obviously the date isn't going to be perfect for everyone, but as long as it works for the key people, book it.
  
  And if you don't want one if people "can't make it special", well, I won't go there.

  Loss Blog (finally updated)
  

  
  

   

  
  

   

  

  5 cycles of "TTC" - 3 intentional, 2 not so intentional.  5 BFPs.  My rainbow arrived 10/15/14.
  TFMC 08.02.13 at 19+ weeks. Everyday I grieve for my little Olive.
  
  

  Report15 Reply
• MrMrsandBaby member

  September 2014

  golfingdarwinfish said:

  Oh FFS - someone is willing to throw you a party for the sole purpose of you being showered with presents - that's pretty damn special in and of itself. OP, you're not going to be able to please all of the people all of the time. Do whatever works best for you and your hostess. If you want a shower, make it a priority, and work with your host to select a date. Obviously the date isn't going to be perfect for everyone, but as long as it works for the key people, book it. And if you don't want one if people "can't make it special", well, I won't go there.

  This...It sounds more and more like you want a shower, someone offered to throw it but no dates worked perfectly for everyone who you think should be there so you decided it wasn't worth it?
  
  If it is turning into this big issue, then just drop it.  Have people over after the baby is born.  If your mom is worried or upset or whatever, well, she has had 7 months to plan one herself.
  

  

  

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• staryb member

  September 2014

  If the 21st and the 4th don't work what about the Saturday the 20th or Sunday the 5th? OR the weekend in between, the $27th-28th? 

  
  

  If none of those dates work than either have after the baby is born like PPs said or don't have it at all but it would be a shame not to have it when you want it and you have someone who wants to host. I you do have it before the baby is born you need to get invites out asap or else many invitees really wont come.

  
  

  Also you said your mom will be disappointed if you don't get a shower but that you don't want her to miss a football game. If your mom isn't willing to miss one of many football games this season than she has no right to be upset. In any case, good luck working this all out, it sounds like a headache! 

  
  

  
  

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• suprsuz member

  September 2014

  Hey I'm in southern Maryland too.

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• laxin31 member

  September 2014

  suprsuz said:

  Hey I'm in southern Maryland too.

  I am down in the pax river area.
  

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• suprsuz member

  September 2014

  Im in calvert county.

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• applebottomgenes member

  September 2014

  I couldn't really understand the post but it sounds like you have a response ready for all the suggestions people are making (of why it still won't work). If you're just not into it because you are afraid it won't be perfect you're just denying yourself a great celebration with friends and family.

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• crystal8503 member

  September 2014

  You realize planning a sip and see type party one week after your due date really isn't practical, don't you?  You can go up to 2 weeks late.  You could end up with a cesarean and won't want to see anyone that soon.  Personally, I think you're crazy for thinking 10/27 is going to work out, but best of luck to you.

  

  
  

  BFP #1 - 12/12/11 - Missed M/C 1/9/12

  BFP #2 - 4/5/2012 - Son Born 12/12/12

  BFP #3 - 2/2/2014 - EDD 10/16/2014

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