Gender disappointment

aylaroman15 · September 2014

I know many family members and friends who cannot even conceive or carry a baby. I know they would give their life for a baby, girl or boy. Thank the lord that your baby girl is healthy. Be grateful because this life isn't guaranteed! so suck it up, you are having a beautiful baby girl who will love you unconditionally. She'll likely want to grow up to be just like mommy and want to play dress up in your clothes and makeup. i'm being nice while writing this post because in reality it disgusts me. hope she doesn't grow up feeling that you never really wanted her.

aylaroman15 · September 2014

and @mbedroya i am so sorry for your loss. I read your blog in its entirety and was in tears. you have a beautiful family and your faith in the lord is moving.

mbedroya · September 2014

Thank you, @aylaroman15‌, @Sahara6971, @kyliedanielle and @MrsMuq‌.

kimmycup · September 2014

@mbedroya I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful little angel you have looking over you.

Sahara6971 · September 2014

OP, just curious, how does your husband feel about all of this? Is he disappointed as well? I sure hope not

kimmycup · September 2014

And OP, get some help. You need it.

allrightmeow · September 2014

MrsMuq said:

@somerandomchick - my mother and her sisters were told repeatedly growing up they were less than their brother because they were girls. My grandmother (mom's mother) told me and my sisters we were worth less than our male cousins all.the.time.

I hated her up until the day she died, and am still very bitter about it today. My mother's been in therapy for 25+ years because of shit her parents said and did to her.

OP, get some professional, medical help, now. Please. Or give that little girl up for adoption to someone who will love her, vagina and all.

That makes me sad. Your granny sounded like an asshole.

nurserachel22 · September 2014

@erikaloveschrisg I would just
Delete this posting and go talk to someone professional!if you ARE still feeling this way, this message board is not going to help your situation. Good luck

crunchymamaof2 · September 2014

OP, imagine your daughter stumbling upon this one day. Imagine how terrible you'll make her feel. And you're upset because others pointed your extreme reaction out to you? Priorities.

waldothewiener1 · September 2014

This post is more disgusting than the one in Parenting about the guy who jerked off into his coworker's coffee several times.

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

waldothewiener1 said:
This post is more disgusting than the one in Parenting about the guy who jerked off into his coworker's coffee several times.

What the very real fuck?!

waldothewiener1 · September 2014

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12434145/ack-what-a-nasty-co-worker-to-have-trigger-warning#latest

I wouldn't advise reading it though, it ruined my life a little bit

waldothewiener1 · September 2014

14whitney said:

waldothewiener1 said:
https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12434145/ack-what-a-nasty-co-worker-to-have-trigger-warning#latest

I wouldn't advise reading it though, it ruined my life a little bit
DONT READ IT BEFORE BED.

Lol, you too huh?

Skrittens · September 2014

I am over the moon I am having a child. I can't understand the level of disappointment, OP. Please seek help and if you truly feel this way, maybe give up the child. Yes, I admit I had a preference as to sex, and we are having what we wanted - a boy. I don't know why I wanted a boy -just something inside of me kind of expected it. I have no real increase in happiness because it is a boy - and a part of me is sad we are not having a girl.

normandyn7 · September 2014

OP I don't know if you are still reading this but I'll just give my .02.

I was in your position when I was pregnant with my son. I always wanted a little boy first. But when I got pregnant I wanted a girl so bad. ALL my friends had girls and I wanted one so they could all be BFF's and dress her in cute things. At our 12 week ultrasound our tech said he was sure it was a girl. I was over the moon. Then at our 18 week scan we found out "she" was actually a "he." I was disappointed. I had been thinking my whole pregnancy I was having a girl and I was sad that it was a boy.

I did the same thing and came here and posted about it and I got chewed out. But one girl said something that sticks with me to this day. She said, "You had have your pregnancy to fall in love with the idea of having a girl. Now you have another half to fall in love with having a boy." It really stuck with me. When my son was born I couldn't even imagine having a girl. I feel guilty for feeling sad that he was a boy but I am so happy now that I have my little boy.

Next time I get pregnant I am debating not finding out the sex until he/she is born just in case those old feelings pop up again. I would love a little girl next but I know if I have another boy I will love him just as much.

I agree with was PP have said though. It seems like your feelings go a bit beyond just disappointment. I never got so upset and cried. I just had a pang of disappointment. If it is consuming you then I suggest seeking counsel before your baby is born.

normandyn7 · September 2014

Oh an another story for you:

My BIL knocked up this girl and they agreed that if the baby was a girl they would give her up for adoption because neither of them want to raise a girl. Luckily for them they just found out the baby is a boy.

I was appalled but it made me realize that even though it never crossed my mind to give my son up for adoption because he was boy that I was almost just as bad as they were. I wanted a girl so bad that that was all I thought about. It consumed me. I couldn't believe I put so much emphasis on my kid's genitals than his well being. When he was born I realized I didn't care if he was a boy or girl.

I now know there are so many other things to be concerned about than what is between my kid's legs. Like my BIL and this girl raising a baby who they would have given up if she had a vagina. Sad.

Duggan11 · September 2014

Seek counseling.

Try to find the good in having a baby girl. (There is a lot!)

Please for the love of all things do not ever treat her the way you have posted now. That's another life that is looking to you to be the example. Don't let that example be disappointment. Set her up for something better than that

Champs28 · September 2014

Take a stroll on over to IF or 3T boards and then try to defend your stupid ass comments OP

AF9211 · September 2014

@waldothewiener1 I'm a lurker from F15 so I hope this doesn't come off creepy, but your little babes might be the cutest ever! I can't stop smiling at your siggy!

waldothewiener1 · September 2014

@AF9211 not creepy at all!!! I really appreicate that!

my4pups · September 2014

This too shall pass.....

I went through the same thing when I had my daughter 2 years ago. I already had a son and I LOVED having a little boy. Also, my mother and I never had a great relationship so I really did NOT want to do the mother/daughter thing.

I felt guilty that I wasn't getting "what I wanted" on top of feeling like an AWFUL mother for having these feelings. My daughter was a handful and a half when she was born too. Terrible sleeper, terrible eater and I just felt like she sucked the energy out of me completely.

When she started being more interactive and her personality started coming out more, thats when I started to feel a connection with her that was missing. Now she is almost 2 and she is SO HELLA COOL!!! I still look back on those days and feel just terrible for not feeling connected to her like I did right when my DS was born. You're not a bad mom. You're human. We don't always get what we want but that doesn't mean its a bad thing. Give it time. I guarantee you will someday wonder what you ever would do without your daughter!

nurserachel22 · September 2014

Uh, well. Well whatever floats your boat. Either way she needs professional help.

my4pups · September 2014

Why does she need professional help?? Did I miss something other than the original post? (I did not read through all the other replies)

Unknown · September 2014

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[Deleted User] · September 2014

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my4pups · September 2014

No I don't think she's a monster because she let her feelings out about being disappointed. I guess you are all perfect parents. I actually think it was pretty ballsy of her to admit that and come out and say it. If you don't know or understand what it's like to not have that initial connection to your child, then don't judge. It's a very real thing and It's a terrible terrible feeling and please consider yourself lucky that you haven't had to experience it.

Unknown · September 2014

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my4pups · September 2014

You're a very immature one though.

Unknown · September 2014

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janda426 · September 2014

my4pups said:
You're a very immature one though.

How is she immature? Because I and everyone else here agrees with her besides you. Just because you had the same shitty feelings doesn't make it ok. Just because you acknowledge they were shitty doesn't make them not shitty. We don't do sugar coating here. Don't fucking have sex when there is a 50% chance you will end up with the sex you don't want. She's already had 2 kids, what the hell did she expect when she kept betting on that 50/50 shot?

my4pups · September 2014

Definitely something to be proud about. It'll get you far in life.

janda426 · September 2014

my4pups said:
Definitely something to be proud about. It'll get you far in life.

Because your observation of someone on here is something they should carry in their daily life. Oh. Okay

waldothewiener1 · September 2014

It's despicable, how shes feeling about an innocent child simply because of her anatomy, and how she will likely be treating her child for the rest of her life for something she can't control. Frankly I'm concerned you don't see a problem with this.

my4pups · September 2014

Yes, being more open minded and less judgemental is not a bad lesson to walk away with.

janda426 · September 2014

my4pups said:
Yes, being more open minded and less judgemental is not a bad lesson to walk away with.

There is absolutely no need to be open minded about what this OP is saying. She called her child an "it." It kind of grosses me out that you're defending her and makes me wonder if you've really gotten over your own issues since you claim to have felt the same way as the OP.

my4pups · September 2014

So I guess postpartum depression is not real and those are just terrible people too right?

janda426 · September 2014

my4pups said:
So I guess postpartum depression is not real and those are just terrible people too right?

WTF does PPD have to do with anything?! No. No one said anything about that. What the actual fuck? Holy putting words in my mouth.

my4pups · September 2014

Explain why PPD is legit, to all extremes. But having similar feelings while baby is in the womb is monstrous?

janda426 · September 2014

my4pups said:
Explain why PPD is legit, to all extremes. But having similar feelings while baby is in the womb is monstrous?

You're seriously so far off base this isn't even the same conversation.

And FTR, people are telling her to fucking get help BECAUSE these feelings she's having are so fucked up. But according to you that's immature.

my4pups · September 2014

I read quite a few posts that just ripped this poor girl apart. THAT is a very immature way of approaching this. It's just ugly and I'm sure wasn't very helpful to OP. If I've learned one thing from the bump though, it's all about ganging up on someone.

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