I'm tired of being told I'm fat...I'm pregnant for christs sake!

slezpass · September 2014

So I have a pretty opinonated mother who
My entire life has harped on me about my weight...before I found out I was pregant I lost about 65lbs and was down to 175lbs...but since I became pregnant I haven't had the energy or motivation to go to the gym much...I'm 15weeks and at the dr yesterday I weighed in at around 197lbs...I'm 5'8" so I can carry my weight and most people can't even tell I'm pregnant yet...I'm just really tired of the daily comments about how I'm eating too much and how I'm gaining weight too fast...on Sunday I let my stomach out to show my sister and my mom tells me "that's not a baby yet, it's something else"...so I said just what is it then? She refused to give me an answer yet began harping on me about what I eat/don't eat and my lack of exercising...then today she is all over me about what I weighed at the dr yesterday and how I have a very long way to go in my pregnancy and I'm putting on too much weight way too fast....its getting to the point I refuse to eat around her or let her know I'm eating...I promised myself I would never get back to my 240+ weight and I know what to do to be healthy...but why the F*$#@ does my mom think she needs to harp on me daily about my weight? It would be different if she was skinny and exercised but she doesn't...I already am mad at myself for gaining weight but its enevitable - I'm PREGNANT!!! is anyone else going through anything like this??

Angeldcf · September 2014

I'm sorry.

As long as your doc is monitoring your weight and you're within those parameters, try to ignore others. I know that's easier said than done.

HerHighness · September 2014

Your mother is insecure. Its her problem not yours. As long as your dr is okay wuth your weight gain then its fine. Some people just naturally gain more than others while pregnant.

crystalw88 · September 2014

Sorry your mother is treating you that way. I hope she changes her attitude soon and instead chooses to support and encourage you. Maybe you could tell her something like, Mom- your constant remarks about my weight really hurt me, I'd appreciate if you weren't negative about it, maybe we could take walks together, this would encourage me instead of put me down...

lizjennings81 · September 2014

Agree that if your doctor is fine with your gain, then all is well.

With your mom, I'd make it clear one last time that this is not up for discussion. You can tell her how it makes you feel and end with, "Next time you bring it up, I'm walking away." And then follow through. Let her know through your actions it's unacceptable.

chickyclg · September 2014

I am sorry that you are going through this hun.

lizzybean · September 2014

Ick. Your Mom sounds awful. I would limit my time around her if I were you. Im sorry

kefttsc · September 2014

I'm so sorry she is being so insensitive. I agree with PP that if your doctor says your weight is fine, then the rest does not matter. You can let her know what your doctor says and if she continues, walk away. You don't have to put up with it just because she's your mom.

AngieAn · September 2014

That is so horrible. It's even worse cause this is the one person who is suppose to love you unconditionally. We are such harsh critics of our own selves that we really don't need people saying anything. My dad was anorexic. He was 5'10 and weighed 87lbs when his died at 47 of heart failure. I never want to feel that way, or ever make my children feel like there is something wrong with how they look. I'm 5'2 and I started at 147 and I'm at 160 already. You know what, i don't fu#@ing care. Even if you get back up to 240+ with this pregnancy you make sure you tell yourself you are beautiful and that you are growing something beautiful inside you. After the baby is born you will do what you have to do. But for now, You Are Pregnant! Not Fat!!!

kimmykaye · September 2014

I'm sorry you are dealing with this, especially from your own mother. I'm with other PPs, if the doc is happy with your gain, then no worries. And with letting her know how hurtful her remarks are and telling her "next time she brings it up, you're leaving." Just because she's your mother doesn't mean she's allowed to verbally abuse you. Stand up for yourself, stay strong, and best of luck to you.

LadybugMomma18 · September 2014

I'm so sorry you are dealing with such insensitivity. I can totally relate as I have had to deal with this from my Grandmother my entire life. She actually said to me when I told her I was pregnant: "too bad you couldn't lose some weight first". Seriously?!!? I congratulate you on getting healthy and losing weight. Now is the time to be celebrated as you grow a beautiful baby. Screw your Mom and any other A-holes who say different. Sorry to say that about your Mother, but she is WAY out of line.

Cookie0875 · September 2014

I'm so sorry! She's really being incredibly insensitive and bitchy about the whole thing. I agree with PPs...nothing more to add really, just so sorry you're dealing with this right now. Hugs >:D<

erobbins09 · September 2014

That sucks so bad! Argh people are so annoying and hurtful something! And the bummer of family doing if is that you carry it with you in a way you would never put up with it if they were anyone else. Luckily my mom has always been supportive and loving, but I have totes gone through daddy/men issues because my dad commented on my weight often... Telling me how much harder life is on "unattractive girls." He's much much better now but that took some serious fights, struggle, and my own personal self respect to not allow him to talk to me like that. Even when I knew he wasn't trying to be mean, but "concerned" or even "helpful" it is still not appropriate. He was captain of his HS football team and modeled in HS and college, always Mr. Big Shot and has since gained weight himself. Chances are your mom is reflecting on her own issues.

The eyes of the world would never have called me "fat" or "unattractive" and I bet the same is true for you, so having a parent make you feel that way is unforgivable and I'm sorry. Good luck and remember it's so much more about their problems than yours.

Paleomama · September 2014

I'm sorry. That is horrible. I say f them and eat what you want

daciadanae · September 2014

aw :-( that sucks and is horribly mean. My mail carrier put a copy of Fitness Magazine in my mailbox. I don't subscribe to that. I didn't know how to take it...

dreemkin84 · September 2014

My mom is the same way. I said I looked like a whale the other day and my mom agreed!! The nerve. Then she tried to back peddle and say "well you are pregnant". Thanks Mom. Try not to let it get to you too much.

jennjilljo · September 2014

I had to put off answering this so I wouldn't insulting in anyway. This is something my mom would do. Thank goodness she doesn't live close enough to see me daily. Last pregnancy she let me know every time something got fatter (face, thighs, arms, ankles, feet) and the first thing she said to me when she saw me was "Oh my God, Jenna. Look at those stretch marks. Wow!" The first thing she said this pregnancy was "let's hope you don't get as big as you did last time, geez".

Some people just suck and want to bring you down or don't realize exactly what they're saying. Go with the doctor even if your a-hole mom (ok, my mom did it but I'm still annoyed by it) says that you're doctor is irresponsible and should have their license revoked for letting you get so big. I don't think that 174 at 5'8 is bad at all and I certainly don't see anything wrong with gaining weight right now.

mommie2bof6 · September 2014

I'm glad my mother is supportive. Sorry youre dealing with that bs. My SOs fam however is like that. I don't understand it they used to nag at me for being skinner then them. Most of his fam is heavier set. Hes even getting a beer belly. Lol but his bro looked at me yest said so how far along are you I said 15wks. He said so its just fat then.WTF. he's the one that's fat but I didn't say a thing and his wife is prob same as I am now. I'm soo sick of rude inconsiderate pep. I wore I shirt yesterday that said I'm not fat I'm pregnant whats ur excuse. Lol.

slezpass · September 2014

Thank you for all your very kind words and take on this issue...it is really hard to be treated this way by my mother and I think because she is miserable she displaces it onto me...you all have made me feel better about this but you also validated that my mom is a total asshole (my close friends all say and say they cant believe the way my mom speaks to me and treats me)...i guess because I'm 36 i thought this would all end at some point...it seems the older my mom gets the more controlling and rude she is becoming...I do just walk away from her when she starts in on me and I try not to let her opinions bother me but some days I just want to hit her for her behavior...I worked hard to go from 240+ down to 175 and even at my current 197 now I don't look fat...once again TY TY TY so much for making me feel better about this and myself...as I type this I just ate some pancakes, in your face mom!! LoL

acpruchnik · September 2014

I'm not this time (yet) but the last 4 months with DS I was on strict bed rest and gained A LOT of weight. I ended up gaining 95lbs by the time he was born and the majority of it was the last 4 months. My MIL was the one that liked to tell me on Facebook how fat I was getting (thanks for humiliating me publicly, asshole!) and this time she keeps asking how much weight I've gained but I ignore the question. It makes me nervous about gaining weight this time cos I remember how much it hurt me and how hard it was in general because I had worked SO hard to lose all of the weight I had, but my MS has been keeping my gain really low and I'm worried I won't gain enough. I have the advantage that she lives 2200 miles away, though, and the rest of DH's family will yell at her if she gets mean with me this time.

I'm sorry your mom is being so rude about your weight gain and I hope she backs off or it just stops getting to you cos no one should have to deal with that. Is there maybe someone that you could have say something to her about it that won't throw you under the bus in the process? I'm a big fan of letting someone else be the bad guy if it's something that's gonna really stress me out and they don't mind doing it. You don't need any added stress on top of the general stress caused by growing a person!

crabigator · September 2014

Adults, especially parents, bring so many of their own issues into play here. You would like to think they get less caustic as we all get older, but I don't think that happens often, and you can't control that. All you can do is use your growing experience of life and people to get a better perspective on why your mom's saying these ugly things.

Here's a comment I got from my 3-year-old, aka someone who's not old enough yet to have her own issues: "Mommy, you eat more food, because the baby needs food! To grow!"

So simple, so true for all of us. Just keep in mind what's important and what is just other people's BS, projected onto you.

KiaE3620 · September 2014

Yes boo its the same exact thing with me. I had to eat frequently to keep the nausea away, and my mom and bf kept saying I was eating too much. You're big to only be ___ weeks. What how much did you weigh at the doc? I am 16 weeks today and I have only gained 5lbs so far and my bf says the doc is lying and my mom says she is surprised. I Learned to ignore my mom. I told bf my doc said she wants me to gain 25lbs and he freaked. I was 195 but 5'7 and most people can't tell I weigh that much. I'm still working on ignoring bf.

ashleyrcleary · September 2014

I have lost ten lbs since becoming pregnant and I started showing this month and all my friends keep telling me to slow down and watch what I eat and I weigh 180 and my dr said I can only gain 10 more lbs so my advice listen to your body because sometimes even the drs aren't always right and do you're best because being a mom that's all you can do is you're best!

starbeth51 · September 2014

I'm so sorry you're all getting these remarks- as PP's said I truly believe it's just miserable people projecting their insecurities onto others. Just put them in their place and set boundaries on what is acceptable.

This was my unfortunate experience, A particularly nasty co-worker at the summer camp I worked at came up to me and said "I bet you're having a girl. Girls leech the prettiness from their mothers and you've been looking rough." That time I just looked at her incredulously and walked away.

A few days later the company bought us food. As I ate 2 pieces of pizza she came up to me to tell me, in front of everyone, I needed to watch what I ate or I'd get "even bigger".

I told her while I appreciated her "concern" and "kind words" (sarcasm) my doctor was happy with my progression as I'm supposed to get "even bigger" so she should keep her comments to herself. I also added if she was either throwing up or nauseous 90% of the day she'd look pretty "rough" too. She didn't speak to me the remainder of camp- lol.

PeaceofKia · September 2014

My mom is the same way, after having my daughter I never got back down to my weight of 150 (except once, but it only lasted for like the summer). She always finds an opportunity to mention my weight and how I'm not as small as I used it, DH hates it. I've learned to just ignore it, I know it's because she personally has weight issues with herself as well. Don't let it get to you, just continue to remind her that you're carrying a precious load and all of their wellbeing depends on you and the doctor isn't concerned so you don't need her to be either.

ETA: This is why I'm glad we moved 3 hours away, so she doesn't have to know what she doesn't see, lol. I started at 181 pregnancy and at my appt Thursday I was at 201. Doc wasn't concerned (it's twins for pete's sake!) but my mom would flip.

shaniaann · September 2014

I'm 16 weeks & have gained 10 pounds. Why ? Because when I'm hungry I eat. If I was in your shoes , if just tell my mom. The emotional stress isn't good for the baby & when your hungry 99% of the time the baby is too. She's not helping matters. Tell her when she goes on a strict diet & gym routine that's when you'll start to care.

ambernicole06 · September 2014

I am so sorry you are dealing withy this! My MIL is doing similar thing like always telling me that " I'm not eating for two" and that I need more fruits and veggies (I'm a meat eater lol) but offering lots of hugs your way! Don't let her make you feel bad about yourself!

Paleomama · September 2014

People are really way too obsessed about weight. As a women we are supposed to have these perfect bodies. Well f*** that we are all awesome the way we are and people need to mind their own business and get over it. I am sorry to all of you that have not been supported but know you are beautiful and f*** who says otherwise.

rentj1 · September 2014

I say your mom is being insensitive to you I've have and still struggling with weight issues. I would say 22 lbs is a lot to gain 15 weeks for me, but if your dr hasn't said anything then don't worry about I would try to do things that you enjoy to make yourself feel better and stay away from your mom for a great while

delaneykai · September 2014

Don't worry, hun, it's her own issues, not yours. Weight gain in pregnancy is normal and healthy. As long as your OB isn't concerned, you shouldn't be either. I've only gained 2.5 pounds so far this pregnancy, which is completely different from my first pregnancy. Even with that little bit of gain, I've gotten comments from my own mom about my weight. It used to bother me, too, but now I know that I'm doing the best I can to be healthy for myself and for Peanut, so others can take their negative opinions and shove it.

CGOODPAS · September 2014

Ugh seriously I feel your pain. I lost almost fifty pounds before finding out I was pregnant and I was/am still overweight plus all the extra hormones just make me extra sensitive about my growing belly. And I hate, hate, HATE the way people will just stare at my belly and ask when I'm due then look surprised that I still have a way to go. I am almost 18 weeks and haven't had the motivation to work out as often or as much as I had been. And I have put on about 18 pounds so far which I know is already a lot but between food aversions and being so tired all the time I have been letting myself eat what it is I want within reason. It just so happens carb filled foods are the bulk of what doesn't make me sick and I cannot stand to smell any type of meat cooking. All the weight seems to be going to the boob and belly region so I just feel fat and self conscious but I am determined to enjoy this as much as I can. (It's hard some days) I rub my belly a lot and if I have a really bad day I will spend a little time in the room we are setting up as a nursery. We only have a crib we bought on a ridiculously good sale but it helps put everything in perspective plus I had a sonogram so I have a picture if our little Bean.

It can be hard and it is crazy how foreign my own body can feel but think of the love you have for your baby. I hope that helps. Don't beat yourself
up and just listen to your doctor not the opinions of others

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