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Tell people you don't want them in the delivery room :( HELP!

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Re: Tell people you don't want them in the delivery room :( HELP!

  • CubanPinkyCubanPinky member
    currently going thru the same thing with my bf and his family. they are a tight knit family and he is the youngest/only boy/only one with no kids. his mom, dad, brother, and 3 sisters are literally fighting to who will be in the er while i get a csection or how they all can compile in the recovery room afterwards. my face to all this 0_o but i literally had to go to my hubby and let him know how this is my 3rd csection child, recovery is a bitch, and afterwards i will be so irritable and out of it..im not goin to feel like being social. he relayed the msg and granted there were some hurt feelings..but id rather have ppl butt hurt than for me to be all angry n pissed n uncomfortable mins after i gave birth
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  • xobarbiiexo3xobarbiiexo3 member

    Sex is an intimate thing and so is having a baby. Birth is about you, your husband, and your little one. If your husband is not going to be in the delivery room then I only see that time as an even more important time for you to bond with your LO. Birth is a tiring thing, who wants to entertain a whole crowd of people during and/or after....I certainly don't!  People get so wrapped up in a new little life that they forget to take other peoples feelings into account.  I would just have your LO by yourself or with whomever you feel comfortable experiencing the birth with you and just wait until afterwards to announce that you are taking visitors.  Write a birth plan to give to your nurse, they will make sure you are comfortable and that you don't have and stragglers sneaking into the delivery room! :) Congrats and good luck!!

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  • minirellaminirella member

    I'm just lurking, I will be in the 3rd trimester in a month but had some extra time to myself and decided to check out this board.

    You sound very much like me. With my first, my step-MIL assumed she would be in the delivery room and made a few comments about how she'd be in there with me and I just kind of shut that idea down by telling her that I didn't want anyone in there. I have a great relationship with both sets of in-laws and I try to be more than accommodating but not with this. She didn't mention it again.

    If your husband is anything like mine (our daughter was the first blood grandchild for his mom and dad), mine called his parents on the way to the hospital. It would've caused some MAJOR butt hurt if he wouldn't have told them I was in labor. He told them he would call them when she was born and when it was okay for them to come up and visit. Luckily for me, I delivered 11 minutes after visiting hours closed so they were not allowed to come up that night. They were disappointed but understood.

    It really wouldn't have mattered whether my husband was there or not. He literally just sat on the couch and tried to surf the net (we were in a construction section because they were full and the WIFI was iffy) so he basically stayed for an hour after I got there, left, came back around lunch to check-in, left, and came back in the evening. It wasn't like he could do anything for me anyway. I delivered at night, he was there for that, left to go get me dinner after they took the baby to the nursery, then followed me over to post-partum and then left for the night. He was in and out of the post-partum unit during my stay there as well. Didn't bother me one bit. I'm pretty sure it will be the same this go-round.

    I had a bunch of visitor issues but that is another story.

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  • lizzey1991lizzey1991 member
    this is a tough situation! Honestly is the best quality let them know how you feel and that it is your body. I would also mention that you want your husband to see him before they do! so if hes at work they have to wait until he gets there. (i can only assume you want your husband to meet your son first) My sister wants to be in the room and i Have a similar situation, my husband can leave his newer job to be there, but they must find a replacement first which they said can take a couple hours, so if my little guy come fast (which i hope) he could miss it to. I simply told my sister that we want my husband to meet him first. she was fine with it.
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  • kellyfo14kellyfo14 member
    Lurking, This situation with the IL's is just so far beyond. There is literally no one in my life that would be presumptuous enough to assume they would be present at such a time. I think you handled it as best you could.
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  • emslade982emslade982 member
    Definitely look into hiring a doula or having a good friend there for you for the delivery. It's hard to go it alone. Your husband should tell his parents that the hospital has strict rules limiting who is In The delivery room ( the nurses and staff will back you up on the big day. Trust me!)
    Married 9/17/11 BFP 10/5/13 DS Oliver Stephen born 6/11/14 via C-section 8 lbs 9 oz BFP 8/14/15
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  • minirellaminirella member
    lissbright said:
    so i went to stop by my mother in laws to pick up some stuff and she kept telling me to call her so she can be in the delivery room. i politely said "i just want tom there, and if he can't be there, then i'm just going by myself i really don't want anyone in there with me." she kept insisting she be called, she HAS to be there for the delivery. i told her there was no need for her to go to the hospital and sit there for hours doing nothing staring at a wall in a waiting room, i will notify people when a good time to come is. she wasn't getting it and i wasn't going to stress myself out arguing with her. so i just dropped it-she can say what she wants but i'll just end up doing what i want anyway lol...so my game plan is to go through labor, relax, bond with my newborn son, take a shower, eat, and when i'm ready for visitors i'll text people :). 
    as for my husband possibly not being there...i don't mean to sound rude, but as a lady about to give birth to her first child, don't you think i looked for every little loop hole in the company policies and even the state laws? there's no exceptions period. i've accepted it and i'm the one possibly going at this alone, so why can't other people accept it and why is it an issue? the real issue is people being pushy and thinking they have a right to barge in on my birth experience LOL
    I would suggest you look into being a private patient at the hospital. If your MIL shows up asking for you, they should tell her that they have no record of you and thus she would basically have to barge into every L&D room to find you....and the nurses will stop that for privacy reasons.
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