Babies: 3 - 6 Months
hpatalano
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Need Advice about Paying A Terrible Nanny
hpatalano
member
Hi Ladies,
I am having a mommy/moral question about whether or not to pay a terrible nanny her final check. Here is the situation:
A hired a nanny who was a family friend's bible study leader. We did a thorough background check including calling all reference and a federal and state criminal check. She started watching my son at 10 weeks. During that time she continuously told me I needed more breast milk to feed him. She said he was "Starving" so I started supplements, upped my water in take and pumped an additional 2 hours a day. She was also telling me the frozen breast milk I had poured 3 oz in only had 1 and 1/2 ounces and it must have been being lost in the freezing and defrosting. So I started saving 4 oz and pumping longer.
Then one day when the baby was around 18 weeks I handed him to her and he just gave me a look. Maybe it's mother's intuition or maybe it was a fluke but I decided to put up a nanny camera. What I found broke my heart. While I got ready in the morning she held him and bounced him around saying "We are going to have so much fun today. Tummy time, a walk outside, singing songs, etc". The second you see me leave she straps him in a swing and he cries for three hours straight while she puts her feet up, watches tv, eats our food and goes through our cabinets. When his cries get really loud, she feeds him an hour after I left, and feeds him again an hour later. She texts me lies through out the day "trying to hold off feeding for three hours like you want" and "He did good, only 3 oz today". 15 minutes before my husband gets home she lays out toys and a blanket all over the floor making it look like she played with him.
The kicker though, she actually rolls him out onto our porch and leaves him there while she comes in and goes through our cabinets again for about 5 - 7 minutes. Our three month old son, by himself, on a porch.
It has been a month since we fired her. My son's head finally rounded for not being strapped into a rocker, he went from the 90th percentile in weight to the 50th and he is happy and healthy with a new wonderful nanny.
The issue is her final check. I understand that as an employer, regardless of her work I should pay her but as a mother, it infuritates me to pay someone who neglected and abused my child and lied to me. Me and my husband took time off work to search for a replacement, I did terrible things to my body trying to make more milk and I had to pay for another background check for a new nanny...
I have the money, it's not about the money. It's about rewarding someone who violated me and my child. I'm also still dealing with a lot of guilt about those 8 weeks I left my beautiful first child with a terrible person.
Do I pay her? My parents suggested offering a one time 50% payment for showing up but not meeting her end of the deal. Thoughts?
I am having a mommy/moral question about whether or not to pay a terrible nanny her final check. Here is the situation:
A hired a nanny who was a family friend's bible study leader. We did a thorough background check including calling all reference and a federal and state criminal check. She started watching my son at 10 weeks. During that time she continuously told me I needed more breast milk to feed him. She said he was "Starving" so I started supplements, upped my water in take and pumped an additional 2 hours a day. She was also telling me the frozen breast milk I had poured 3 oz in only had 1 and 1/2 ounces and it must have been being lost in the freezing and defrosting. So I started saving 4 oz and pumping longer.
Then one day when the baby was around 18 weeks I handed him to her and he just gave me a look. Maybe it's mother's intuition or maybe it was a fluke but I decided to put up a nanny camera. What I found broke my heart. While I got ready in the morning she held him and bounced him around saying "We are going to have so much fun today. Tummy time, a walk outside, singing songs, etc". The second you see me leave she straps him in a swing and he cries for three hours straight while she puts her feet up, watches tv, eats our food and goes through our cabinets. When his cries get really loud, she feeds him an hour after I left, and feeds him again an hour later. She texts me lies through out the day "trying to hold off feeding for three hours like you want" and "He did good, only 3 oz today". 15 minutes before my husband gets home she lays out toys and a blanket all over the floor making it look like she played with him.
The kicker though, she actually rolls him out onto our porch and leaves him there while she comes in and goes through our cabinets again for about 5 - 7 minutes. Our three month old son, by himself, on a porch.
It has been a month since we fired her. My son's head finally rounded for not being strapped into a rocker, he went from the 90th percentile in weight to the 50th and he is happy and healthy with a new wonderful nanny.
The issue is her final check. I understand that as an employer, regardless of her work I should pay her but as a mother, it infuritates me to pay someone who neglected and abused my child and lied to me. Me and my husband took time off work to search for a replacement, I did terrible things to my body trying to make more milk and I had to pay for another background check for a new nanny...
I have the money, it's not about the money. It's about rewarding someone who violated me and my child. I'm also still dealing with a lot of guilt about those 8 weeks I left my beautiful first child with a terrible person.
Do I pay her? My parents suggested offering a one time 50% payment for showing up but not meeting her end of the deal. Thoughts?
Married 4/24/2009
TTC 1/01/2013 BFP 7/1/2013
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need Advice about Paying A Terrible Nanny
Appreciate the feedback!
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
It only took one day of us watching her to know we had to go. She left for the day as normal (my husband relieved her in the evening and he didn't think he could let her go with out losing it). When I got home we reviewed the video and compared what she text me and what she wrote in her daily report and put all the information together in an email titled "Services No Longer Needed".
She responded back to the email saying she was only lying to me because she wanted to "please me" about his food intake and that she could see him sitting outside from inside so it was OK she left him outside. GRRRRR.
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"
TTC #2 01/01/15 BFP 4/24/15
Healthy Baby Boy Delivered in March 2014
"Courage is not absence from fear but rather and understanding; that what you desire is greater than what you fear"