Need Advice about Paying A Terrible Nanny

hpatalano

Hi Ladies,

I am having a mommy/moral question about whether or not to pay a terrible nanny her final check. Here is the situation:

A hired a nanny who was a family friend's bible study leader. We did a thorough background check including calling all reference and a federal and state criminal check. She started watching my son at 10 weeks. During that time she continuously told me I needed more breast milk to feed him. She said he was "Starving" so I started supplements, upped my water in take and pumped an additional 2 hours a day. She was also telling me the frozen breast milk I had poured 3 oz in only had 1 and 1/2 ounces and it must have been being lost in the freezing and defrosting. So I started saving 4 oz and pumping longer.

Then one day when the baby was around 18 weeks I handed him to her and he just gave me a look. Maybe it's mother's intuition or maybe it was a fluke but I decided to put up a nanny camera. What I found broke my heart. While I got ready in the morning she held him and bounced him around saying "We are going to have so much fun today. Tummy time, a walk outside, singing songs, etc". The second you see me leave she straps him in a swing and he cries for three hours straight while she puts her feet up, watches tv, eats our food and goes through our cabinets. When his cries get really loud, she feeds him an hour after I left, and feeds him again an hour later. She texts me lies through out the day "trying to hold off feeding for three hours like you want" and "He did good, only 3 oz today". 15 minutes before my husband gets home she lays out toys and a blanket all over the floor making it look like she played with him.

The kicker though, she actually rolls him out onto our porch and leaves him there while she comes in and goes through our cabinets again for about 5 - 7 minutes. Our three month old son, by himself, on a porch.

It has been a month since we fired her. My son's head finally rounded for not being strapped into a rocker, he went from the 90th percentile in weight to the 50th and he is happy and healthy with a new wonderful nanny.

The issue is her final check. I understand that as an employer, regardless of her work I should pay her but as a mother, it infuritates me to pay someone who neglected and abused my child and lied to me. Me and my husband took time off work to search for a replacement, I did terrible things to my body trying to make more milk and I had to pay for another background check for a new nanny...

I have the money, it's not about the money. It's about rewarding someone who violated me and my child. I'm also still dealing with a lot of guilt about those 8 weeks I left my beautiful first child with a terrible person.

Do I pay her? My parents suggested offering a one time 50% payment for showing up but not meeting her end of the deal. Thoughts?

MommyAtty

Wow! That's awful. First, did you have a contract? If so, that's what you should follow. But if not, I would deduct your losses from her check and see if there's anything left. Time off work, second background check, etc. I don't do this area of law, so this certainly isn't legal advice, just mommy advice. But I would have a hard time giving her another penny too!

hpatalano

Thank you both for your feedback! I didn't have a contract with her. The terms of her contract were verbal. She is asking for her final check for one week of $450.00. I did however tell her ahead of time and in an email that we had a nanny cam so the two party notification laws are covered. That being said I'm fairly certain in CA that I have to pay her legally. It's just so frustrating to actually do it! I like the idea of subtracting my expenses.

Appreciate the feedback!

kmdendy

I can't imagine!  

waldothewiener1

Ugh I'm having a hot flash after reading this I'm so mad that someone could do that! I'm glad you put a nanny cam up! It would sicken me to pay her but PPs are probably right, maybe you should just pay her to get her out of your life.

hpatalano

Ugh. I think you are right. I have the money. It just makes me sooooooo angry! Thanks for the advice.

gutsysneakers

I am so pissed off reading your story. What a horrible person! I'm sorry you and your family had to go through that - I'd have a hard time paying her too. If you have to legally, its probably better to do so and not go through small claims court later down the road. Out of curiosity, how did you fire her? Did you tell her that you saw what she was doing in your home?

hpatalano

During the interview process we said we had cameras through out the house to make sure she agreed and was comfortable with us recording her. We had intended to get a nanny cam but didn't when she started. We did have the typical baby monitors. I think over time after several small lies and ventures through our personal items without us saying anything she realized we didn't actually have a camera.

It only took one day of us watching her to know we had to go. She left for the day as normal (my husband relieved her in the evening and he didn't think he could let her go with out losing it). When I got home we reviewed the video and compared what she text me and what she wrote in her daily report and put all the information together in an email titled "Services No Longer Needed".

She responded back to the email saying she was only lying to me because she wanted to "please me" about his food intake and that she could see him sitting outside from inside so it was OK she left him outside. GRRRRR.

missyrissy

As a daycare provider, this type of behavior should be called to dcfs and is completely wrong!!! I remember watching a judge judy on this and yes, more than likely you will have to pay, but I would call dcfs.

hpatalano

Thank you for the suggestion! I actually thought about it and then wondered if it was enough to be considered abuse.

hpatalano

Thanks for the advice! I know that legally I'm required to pay her. I am a VP of Operations at a large company with a degree in HR. I know the laws.  I guess I was just struggling with how unfair it is! Thanks again for the advice

hpatalano

I guess the question wasn't a legal one. I understand the law. The question was more about the moral struggle I was having paying someone who took such poor care of my child. I guess there are two issues, legal and moral. That being said I really appreciate everyone's empathy and feedback. It is nice knowing that other people would struggle with the same issue and it's clear I need to pay her.

Mimaloo

Does this "nanny" even have the nerve to ask you for her pay? I certainly wouldn't offer it to her. Maybe wait and see if she just disappears. 

Maybe I have questionable morals but I was pissed for you just reading your story. 

*sparky*

I would just pay her so I could be done with her but I understand why you are so angry about doing so. That is horrible. I am glad you found a better caregiver for your LO.

missyrissy

Leaving a baby on the porch while unsupervised is neglect.... It certainly would be considered for a call to dcfs. Now, what they do with the complaint is up to them. More than likely they will investigate and make a decision. My husband worked for them for 7 years and it was the hardest job ever. He was bound by law Nd. Lot of times, things go through cracks. But it is investigatable.

hpatalano

So I sent her an email explaining the loss of income I experienced and reminded her she did not fulfill her end of the verbal agreement to care for my son and asked her what she thought was fair. We settled on paying her 50% in writing. Compromise. Even though I'm still incredibly furious.

misscarter87

Im glad u decided to put up nanny cam yes a mothers intuition i wouldnt pay her anything that is horrible