Seriously, OP, if your marriage is on such shakey ground then you need to work on protecting yourself. I can't imagine just rolling over and saying "oh well, I guess it's all yours now". I'm not trying to be nasty, marriages can have trouble. There is no shame in that. It happens, but don't allow yourself to be walked all over because that is how you were raised. Geez.
Edited because I really do know the difference between your and you're, I swear
Seriously, OP, if you're marriage is on such shakey ground then you need to work on protecting yourself. I can't imagine just rolling over and saying "oh well, I guess it's all yours now". I'm not trying to be nasty, marriages can have trouble. There is no shame in that. It happens, but don't allow yourself to be walked all over because that is how you were raised. Geez.
It wasn't about protecting myself...it was planning ahead. The house may be his (he bought it before we married) but it is our home. We live in a province that means if we divorce I get half the house (he keeps the house and pays me out for half)...the price of our house divided by 2 would not only buy me another house but a couple years income so I wouldn't need to work. On top of that the province we live in requires him to pay me monthly amounts to keep my current standard of living going...on top of child support. Just because his money is his and my money is mine doesn't mean I don't largely benefit from his income. But, at the end of the day the pay cheque he brings home is in his name and is in fact the money he earned. Just as the money I bring in comes in my name, as I earned it. I don't really care how you all view money in your homes...this is how it's done here.
I certainly have not rolled over...we made big changes together...I off loaded a lot of my roles around here to him in regards to child care. I no longer bring in an income so we've both adapted to that. We've also clearly laid out everyones expectations with all roles around the house, parenting etc. Stuff that more or less got muddled when we had a child, when I was on maternity leave for a year, when I opened my business 9 months ago and we just didn't have the time or energy to keep it in the focus while keeping on top of everything else. We've clarified a lot and have moved ahead to solidify our relationship. As I noted...we've still got lots to work on and we do that through twice weekly therapy sessions and daily conversations.
That's assuming he is a nice guy and would give you half the money in the house, child support, and alimony. DH comes from a single parent home and his dad didn't pay child support for quite some time. There were nights where MIL didn't eat but always made sure DH had all his meals. Not saying you would be in that sort of situation, but I'm sure MIL never thought she would either.
So, do all of your husbands work from home? And do they all wear a suit while working from home?
My engineer husband goes in to an office every day and wears a dress shirt and slacks. He hasn't worn a suit since he interviewed for the job.
Ummm yeah. My husband has TWO engineering degrees, a law degree, runs a fancy multi-million dollar company and STILL doesn't wear suits...and when he works from home? He wears boxers on his calls.
That's assuming he is a nice guy and would give you half the money in the house, child support, and alimony. DH comes from a single parent home and his dad didn't pay child support for quite some time. There were nights where MIL didn't eat but always made sure DH had all his meals. Not saying you would be in that sort of situation, but I'm sure MIL never thought she would either.
Nope...he's not the evil, controlling, idiot you've all made him out to be. If we divorced we'd be living near each other on good terms. He is not be capable of ditching his kid like that. Besides...you can't skip out on child support and alimony in his career. It's all done through direct withdrawal through your company if you try to. Typically the sleezebags that do that to their wives and children have shitty jobs that can't be tracked and they go off the radar. He's too high profile to disappear. I've no worries, especially since we are not about to get separated. We've got a huge support network that has gotten us back on stable ground and we are both invested here in our marriage. You internet ladies don't see that, don't care to try to see that...and luckily what you all say/think/believe has zero impact on our lives. I'm just sticking around because I have the habit of liking the last word. Though, not sure this thread is worth waiting around for the last word if it goes on much longer.
But those of you that feel you know us better than we do, or our friends, family and therapist do feel free to send along your complete mailing address. We can pay you all and check in here twice weekly instead of paying the therapist.
We don't see it that because the way you live with a controlling man. You might live in a different country but things aren't all that different. A good man worth anything would never ever make his wife feel like the money and house are not hers. A good man who isn't a total douche would also never make his wife move out of the house. And while we are at it a good man would never make his breastfeeding wife suddenly wean so in a divorce. So you see it is very obvious to us you are not married to a good person. Expecting him to be one in a divorce is naive and not very smart. He sounds like the kind of guy who would get a good lawyer and screw you over fast. Because a good man would never have done the things he already has.
We don't see it that because the way you live with a controlling man. You might live in a different country but things aren't all that different. A good man worth anything would never ever make his wife feel like the money and house are not hers. A good man who isn't a total douche would also never make his wife move out of the house. And while we are at it a good man would never make his breastfeeding wife suddenly wean so in a divorce. So you see it is very obvious to us you are not married to a good person. Expecting him to be one in a divorce is naive and not very smart. He sounds like the kind of guy who would get a good lawyer and screw you over fast. Because a good man would never have done the things he already has.
So much this. He also has the funds for this awesome lawyer while you won't, according to you.
Yep...I married a shitty man...the same one who pays a fortune to sit in therapy and discuss his shortfalls and works on strategies to fix them to improve our marriage. Can't get any crappier than that.
Some men that make a ton of money like supposedly your DH does can afford the great battle of a divorce to protect their money. Those are the ones you have to worry about. FIL had a great job, he is also an engineer….lol
DH is an engineer. He showed up to his interview in a suit and the owners told him it made them uncomfortable and made him take off his jacket and tie This whole post has my head spinning. I caught up WAY late.
Yep...I married a shitty man...the same one who pays a fortune to sit in therapy and discuss his shortfalls and works on strategies to fix them to improve our marriage. Can't get any crappier than that.
Yawn.
LOL,that if a man goes to therapy he is obviously a good man. Nope a good man lives his life like a good person (not kicking his wife out of HIS house) a man that wants to look good to others goes to therapy. I must know does he wear a suit in therapy. And seriously have to know what kind of super special engineering he does that he has to wear a suit but no one else's husband on this board does. Oh and I also must know if if your husband makes so much money and is such a stand up guy why in the world did you need a home daycare?
I'm loling at the thought of H kicking me out of *our* house if we divorce. He has said he would live in his truck before he makes his kids leave their home.
yep mine has said the same because they are truly good guys.
Does Canada have 911? And if your husband works at home why would you call 911 in labor. I mean such a stand up guy would surely take you to the hospital. You can't even keep them straight.
Geez, I went to the wrong therapist. I guess I should've asked for the Express Lane Therapy. "Hurry up and fix our marriage, doc, I've got super important suit-requiring engineering stuff to do. Busy busy busy!" Was the 24 hour dry cleaning/marriage counselor overbooked?
I don't have any desire to own a 3600 sq ft house.
I mean, if I can afford paying someone to clean it then I wouldn't say no. Sounds like that isn't the case here. All that miracle therapy sounds expensive!
I think carving something in your own driveway is cute and fine (though I probably wouldn't in case we were to move) but in the public sidewalk, no I wouldn't. It's not your sidewalk.
That being said, it's all ready done and there are plenty of worse things in the world.
OP carved her name in the new curb outside her driveway. She got called on it, staring with the lies and just kept digging. Her post history doesn't match anything she posted here. He husband sounds super controlling. He has his money and his house and she is lucky to live there.
Hand! My DH is an engineer for one of the 2 largest carbonated beverage companies in the world. When he's not traveling (doesn't wear a suit) he's working from home & just as many of the PP have said he wears a t-shirt & boxers to his executive office in our home!
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Hand! My DH is an engineer for one of the 2 largest carbonated beverage companies in the world. When he's not traveling (doesn't wear a suit) he's working from home & just as many of the PP have said he wears a t-shirt & boxers to his executive office in our home!
Please tell me it's coca cola and you get unlimited free diet coke??? I would die and go to heaven
Yes, I've seen the mexican coke at Costco! Target also has Pepsi w/ real sugar but it's not called throwback pepsi anymore. Maybe this is a confession but I'm more of a Pepsi gal…
Oh, and my husband isn't an engineer. No 6 car garage for us. We are failures.
Well, my DH is an engineer and we don't have a 6 car garage. Clearly, he is doing it wrong.
He also wears polos and jeans 97% of the time so he shouldn't be taken seriously as an engineer.
Yes, I've seen the mexican coke at Costco! Target also has Pepsi w/ real sugar but it's not called throwback pepsi anymore. Maybe this is a confession but I'm more of a Pepsi gal…
Oh, and my husband isn't an engineer. No 6 car garage for us. We are failures.
QueSyrahnotkateanymore No free Coke for us, diet or real. When we lived in England he would receive what would equal to about a $7 voucher (to be used at any store that accepts coupons) with his paycheck stubs but we get nada here!
Our Costco's have sold Mexico Coke for years. That maybe because we are in TX, so not too far from Mexico.
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Yes, I've seen the mexican coke at Costco! Target also has Pepsi w/ real sugar but it's not called throwback pepsi anymore. Maybe this is a confession but I'm more of a Pepsi gal…
Oh, and my husband isn't an engineer. No 6 car garage for us. We are failures.
Well, my DH is an engineer and we don't have a 6 car garage. Clearly, he is doing it wrong.
He also wears polos and jeans 97% of the time so he shouldn't be taken seriously as an engineer.
It wasn't a 6 car garage but a 6 car driveway, just a little different.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
Yes, I've seen the mexican coke at Costco! Target also has Pepsi w/ real sugar but it's not called throwback pepsi anymore. Maybe this is a confession but I'm more of a Pepsi gal…
Oh, and my husband isn't an engineer. No 6 car garage for us. We are failures.
Well, my DH is an engineer and we don't have a 6 car garage. Clearly, he is doing it wrong.
He also wears polos and jeans 97% of the time so he shouldn't be taken seriously as an engineer.
It wasn't a 6 car garage but a 6 car driveway, just a little different.
Yeah, we don't have that either. High density living for the win!
I must say that the fixation on the H wearing a suit at his home office is a weird detail to pick on. Certainly it is not unheard of. For example, a friend of mine whose company went under while she was on maternity leave used to get fully suited up daily: hair, makeup, suit -- just to job search from her own home office. Some folks are just like that. Hey, if Rob Ford can do it, it can't be that hard.....
But....I think the OP is living in some kind of delusion. I suspect (based on her comments in this thread and reading some of her older posts) that when babe came along, she hopped off the wife train and settled permanently into Mommyville. What struck me the most in reading her comments was that in therapy her husband "sit(s) in therapy and discuss his shortfalls and works on strategies to fix them to improve our marriage." If this is truly what occurred during their week of magic counseling, I can pretty much guarantee no progress was made whatsoever. Trouble lays in wait.
The other thing that grabbed me was her assertion that "in her province" she is guaranteed half the house and that her husband must pay support. Yikes. When the time comes, she's likely to get an unpleasant surprise at exactly how difficult (and expensive) it will be to divide property, establish support and then collect. Not all guys are douches, and certainly some marriages can be dissolved without layers of nastiness, but it's not like walking into your local Tim Hortons and ordering a double-double. "I'll have half the house and $4000 a month in support and, why yes, I will make that a meal. Shared custody, thanks".
But mostly, thanks OP. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a thread so much.
promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
Re: Feeling Guilty!!
My engineer husband goes in to an office every day and wears a dress shirt and slacks. He hasn't worn a suit since he interviewed for the job.
Hand. My dad too.
Seriously, OP, if your marriage is on such shakey ground then you need to work on protecting yourself. I can't imagine just rolling over and saying "oh well, I guess it's all yours now". I'm not trying to be nasty, marriages can have trouble. There is no shame in that. It happens, but don't allow yourself to be walked all over because that is how you were raised. Geez.
Edited because I really do know the difference between your and you're, I swear
C 7.16.2008 | L 11.12.2010 | A 3.18.2013
It wasn't about protecting myself...it was planning ahead. The house may be his (he bought it before we married) but it is our home. We live in a province that means if we divorce I get half the house (he keeps the house and pays me out for half)...the price of our house divided by 2 would not only buy me another house but a couple years income so I wouldn't need to work. On top of that the province we live in requires him to pay me monthly amounts to keep my current standard of living going...on top of child support. Just because his money is his and my money is mine doesn't mean I don't largely benefit from his income. But, at the end of the day the pay cheque he brings home is in his name and is in fact the money he earned. Just as the money I bring in comes in my name, as I earned it. I don't really care how you all view money in your homes...this is how it's done here.
I certainly have not rolled over...we made big changes together...I off loaded a lot of my roles around here to him in regards to child care. I no longer bring in an income so we've both adapted to that. We've also clearly laid out everyones expectations with all roles around the house, parenting etc. Stuff that more or less got muddled when we had a child, when I was on maternity leave for a year, when I opened my business 9 months ago and we just didn't have the time or energy to keep it in the focus while keeping on top of everything else. We've clarified a lot and have moved ahead to solidify our relationship. As I noted...we've still got lots to work on and we do that through twice weekly therapy sessions and daily conversations.
DD #2 - 03.13
Nope...he's not the evil, controlling, idiot you've all made him out to be. If we divorced we'd be living near each other on good terms. He is not be capable of ditching his kid like that. Besides...you can't skip out on child support and alimony in his career. It's all done through direct withdrawal through your company if you try to. Typically the sleezebags that do that to their wives and children have shitty jobs that can't be tracked and they go off the radar. He's too high profile to disappear. I've no worries, especially since we are not about to get separated. We've got a huge support network that has gotten us back on stable ground and we are both invested here in our marriage. You internet ladies don't see that, don't care to try to see that...and luckily what you all say/think/believe has zero impact on our lives. I'm just sticking around because I have the habit of liking the last word. Though, not sure this thread is worth waiting around for the last word if it goes on much longer.
But those of you that feel you know us better than we do, or our friends, family and therapist do feel free to send along your complete mailing address. We can pay you all and check in here twice weekly instead of paying the therapist.
C 7.16.2008 | L 11.12.2010 | A 3.18.2013
Yep...I married a shitty man...the same one who pays a fortune to sit in therapy and discuss his shortfalls and works on strategies to fix them to improve our marriage. Can't get any crappier than that.
Yawn.
LOL,that if a man goes to therapy he is obviously a good man. Nope a good man lives his life like a good person (not kicking his wife out of HIS house) a man that wants to look good to others goes to therapy. I must know does he wear a suit in therapy. And seriously have to know what kind of super special engineering he does that he has to wear a suit but no one else's husband on this board does. Oh and I also must know if if your husband makes so much money and is such a stand up guy why in the world did you need a home daycare?
yep mine has said the same because they are truly good guys.
That being said, it's all ready done and there are plenty of worse things in the world.
Please tell me it's coca cola and you get unlimited free diet coke??? I would die and go to heaven
He also wears polos and jeans 97% of the time so he shouldn't be taken seriously as an engineer.
DD #2 - 03.13
C 7.16.2008 | L 11.12.2010 | A 3.18.2013
DD #2 - 03.13
This thread is too much!
I must say that the fixation on the H wearing a suit at his home office is a weird detail to pick on. Certainly it is not unheard of. For example, a friend of mine whose company went under while she was on maternity leave used to get fully suited up daily: hair, makeup, suit -- just to job search from her own home office. Some folks are just like that. Hey, if Rob Ford can do it, it can't be that hard.....
But....I think the OP is living in some kind of delusion. I suspect (based on her comments in this thread and reading some of her older posts) that when babe came along, she hopped off the wife train and settled permanently into Mommyville. What struck me the most in reading her comments was that in therapy her husband "sit(s) in therapy and discuss his shortfalls and works on strategies to fix them to improve our marriage." If this is truly what occurred during their week of magic counseling, I can pretty much guarantee no progress was made whatsoever. Trouble lays in wait.
The other thing that grabbed me was her assertion that "in her province" she is guaranteed half the house and that her husband must pay support. Yikes. When the time comes, she's likely to get an unpleasant surprise at exactly how difficult (and expensive) it will be to divide property, establish support and then collect. Not all guys are douches, and certainly some marriages can be dissolved without layers of nastiness, but it's not like walking into your local Tim Hortons and ordering a double-double. "I'll have half the house and $4000 a month in support and, why yes, I will make that a meal. Shared custody, thanks".
But mostly, thanks OP. It's been a long time since I've enjoyed a thread so much.
Damn! My pic of Rob Ford did not come through. That was the main focus of my post.