SAHMs help!

Pearlvirus · September 2014

Help me figure out if I am crabby from no sleep or if I am just not meant to be a SAHM. If this is your second LO, did you love staying home immediately or did it take a while? I'm just feeling really bored and lonely. I miss being "productive" and talking to adults. She doesn't nap for more then 30 mins and still wakes up a ton at night, so I don't get much of a break. I wanted to love this so badly and MH doesn't want "other people raising our kids". But even when she's not being fussy I still find playing kind of boring. Babies just don't do much.

RedDawnsRevenge · September 2014

I wasn't a SAHM for DD1. It's a love hate relationship being a SAHM. Now with both girls I'm alone here, 24/7. I've been staying busy by organizing my house, and getting rid of s*** while DH is away. I have since cleaned the front of our house which I've been begging DH to do for 2 years. As the temps head back down into the 90's we will work on getting the garden and back yard as presentable as possible. I put DD2 in a stroller/walker/mega seat and move her from room to room/ outside with me. When my new carrier comes in we will go back to baby wearing. We talk (she babbles at me) as I work, or at her sister. I never get a break so I can relate.

What activities do you do?

edoliesmom · September 2014

I don't have any advice, only sympathy. I feel the same way about being productive. I just keep telling myself it'll be better in 2-3 months when the weather is cooler, she's bigger, and we can go on walks and things like that.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

I don't really do anything. She doesnt really tolerate most containment devices for more then a couple of minutes. Even the ergo only works if she is about to fall asleep. She is basically fussing any time she doesn't have my full attention.

LaurStar25 · September 2014

I thought I wasn't cut out for it either and I had very bad PPD. It has just been in the past few weeks that I have really started to like my days at home. I think you just have to find something/anything to look forward to. I have just gotten back into reading again and I find myself really savoring those moments when I can read (even though I usually fall asleep shortly after starting).

Bluebird2318 · September 2014

It is kind of boring, in all honesty, because you're right. They need your attention so often and they don't really do much. Can't fault them for it, obviously; they're just babies! But it doesn't make it any less boring.

I'll sometimes put something on Netflix for background noise while I'm playing with DS. It's above his eye level so he's not getting any screen time and it allows me to glance up in between making silly faces and catch some more grown-up based entertainment for myself. Reading is another good option if you have a baby who just loves to be held.

Make mom friends, or if you already have mom friends invite them over. Chances are they're in the same boat as you and you can take care of your babies together while still having some adult company.

Luckily I actually enjoy cleaning and organizing, so that part of it isn't so bad for me.

Multitasking is your new best friend!

penguinjenny · September 2014

I'm a FTM so I can only tell you what helped me. I tried to find a mommy group so I can get out of the house and adult conversations. I used meetup.com

Once I started running errands with LO it helped make time move quicker and gave me more confidence.

Edited to add: I did not and still don't feel like I'm SAHM material.

As for your DH, he's not the one who has to stay home all day with an infant. He has no idea how hard it is so just because he doesn't want "strangers" to watch your LO does not mean that's the best thing for you or your baby. An unhappy mom is a worst care taker than a qualified child care worker. If you are truly unhappy try to talk to your DH.

I was very unhappy so now I'm looking for part time work. Maybe part time child care would be more acceptable to your DH. If that works out and he sees how beneficial it's been for you and LO you can go back to full time work if you'd like. Either way you need to be happy.

Care6582 · September 2014

I make plans every day. We go with friends to the splash park, pond, pool days, playground, library, zoo etc. I usually pack a lunch for myself, so we have a fun day with friends and family and spend very little. I am fortunate though that I have my SIL and 2 good friends who are also stay at home moms. It definitely helps to have people to hang out with.

BuggasMom · September 2014

Being a SAHM is work! Not only because you are in charge of a human being from sun up to sun down with No breaks. But it's isolating, mentally and physically as a SAHM of 2 now I can tell you that in order to be a happy mom, wife, and self you need to learn to find balance. My advise ..

1. Get out! EVERYDAY Take LO to the park , Aquarium, zoo, visit friends and family or just take A walk around the block Invite friends. Or join a mommy group. Plan your weeks full of activities and mommy dates just like you would if you were working so it forces you to get up and out.

2: Date night once a week with your SO is crucial! Get dolled up. Go somewhere nice. Or don't

Just stay connected and make time for just you two .

3. Also plan "me time" once a week have DH or a family member take baby for a couple hours while you go to the gym, go shopping or just sit in the car with a latte

it will make a huge difference.

I love being a SAHM my kids are my life! But it takes balance. Without it anyone would go crazy

Best wishes.

joyfullyfound · September 2014

I didn't love it to begin with either... DD was impossible to get to sleep, we didn't have a great social network of other moms/kids, and the transition from feeling useful and challenged at my job was difficult. It took awhile for us to find our groove, but we definitely did! Once she got a little older, naps got longer and so did awake times. We got involved in various activities and play groups and our days became more full. Once she got mobile, I had more freedom to keep up with chores and prepare nice meals, so I felt more accomplished at caring for our home. Most importantly, I made friends with a few other sahms and that was SO important for me - a connection with other adults in the same position as you can be so valuable.

Two and a half years in, now with 2 kids, I feel like I've got this stay at home mom thing down, and it's definitely for me. I love really love it. I really, really do. But, truthfully, I still feel really discouraged some days. It's hard, thankless, repetitive, exhausting, and a brutal mixture of boring and overwhelming. But even on those days I know that I'd enjoy the alternative (being away from them all day) much less.

That being said, I know that many women find after trying to stay home that it just isn't for them... and that's ok too! Everyone's different and there's no shame in finding that you need to go back to work to be happy. I'd give it a year though, to be sure... you're LO is still so young and she'll get a lot more fun to spend time with really soon

mbethmcgill · September 2014

I wasn't home with my first but started being a SAHM when DD2 was born and now I have 3. I have days that I struggle with those same things. I do think it gets better as they age a bit. I agree with finding other Moms to spend time with. I also try to have something to do most days. We run errands, go to the park, zoo, museum etc.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

Thank you all for the suggestions / support. I am trying to do most of those things. We are signed up for Music Together and Infant/Parent Montessori classes each once per week starting end of the month. But she hates the car and we live far from everthing, so gearing up to go places takes a lot of energy. Plus I'm pretty introverted so getting to know new people is work. I'm hopeful she will start to sleep more soon and some of these things will feel easier to tackle.

babym6705 · September 2014

Thanks for posting this. I'm going through the same thing right now.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

@LalaMama81 It's not boring because I don't do things. It's boring because I'm doing boring things all day. Like soothing, diaper changing and nursing over and over again. I would LOVE to read and do hobbies but there very few times in the day when she doesn't need something for more then a couple of minutes. I have no idea how I would care for a toddler, ect. in addition right now. I keep saying I want more children but the reality of what it would be like terrifies me. Mobility sounds challenging but is it actually any more intellectually stimulating?

CalinAZ · September 2014

Also a FTM, but I'll second what others said about moms groups. I joined a workout group (Stroller Strides), which meets 3 times a week and is great. I get to spend time with others, plus get in exercise, which makes me feel better. I also do a story time at the library and swim lessons, so I have some "activity" every day.

The other thing that has really helped is keeping a notebook where I write down my plan for each day. I put on chores I need to do, errands I need to run, etc. I feel much more validated being able to cross out the tasks as I accomplish them, and it's made me less overwhelmed.

I also sometimes just go to a coffee shop to get a drink and hold LO. I'll read to him the book I'm reading if he lets me

.

I'm still not 100% I love being a SAHM, and I think I'll be very glad to go back in a year. Though, considering how much there is to do, I cannot imagine staying on top of things if I was trying to work too.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

I'm just feeling stuck in a hamster wheel. Eiher I am too high anxiety or my LO is a tough baby (both?) but we never seem to do well hanging around places. She has to be up and on the move or she isn't happy.

ccollins06 · September 2014

I'm also a ftm/SAHM. I'm sorry you are having a tough time right now. Not sure exactly how old your LO is and I'm mobile, but I can identify with the sleeping thing. LO ones naps averaged 20 minutes for the past month, just until this past weekend. All of a sudden he is taking several hour long naps a day and it is glorious!! He still wakes up several times a night but we bedshare so I don't lose much sleep over it, he'll just nurse back to sleep. Anyways, my point is things change so quickly as they grow in this first year, so just remember these are just phases and stages. I'm still waiting for LO to be able to entertain himself more than 7-10 min. In his various activity stations, so I feel you there too.

I also wanted to second a pp about finding a moms group, possibly through meetup.com. I just started a 60 day trial with a group in my area and we've been on 3 outings in two weeks. LO wasn't really able to enjoy the playground or parks, but it was nice for me just to get out and be social and enjoy the gorgeous weather we've been having. I don't consider myself terribly social and an introvert, but it's amazing how the outings improve my mood.

I hope you start to enjoy your time with LO more as he/she grows and changes, but if you feel you'd be happier working outside the home I agree you should bring it up with your SO. A happy momma is the most important thing to your LO:)

pbandjmom · September 2014

Being in our house can be boring, even though I'm not only a SAHM bit also run my own business. However, when the house gets boring, we go out and just walk around somewhere. She loves to see the people and new things, and wearing her in a sling has been a LIFESAVER!

Dixon813 · September 2014

I can't offer any help because I just went back to work but I can't tell you how many people asked "oh wasn't it great being home with your baby? I bet it's hard to be back?" When really it wasn't hard because I missed being productive and doing something (selfish, maybe). But my hat's off to you ladies who are sahm!

momofmanyinthemitten · September 2014

I had a horribly cranky/needy first child. I hated life for about 6 mos. Once she was about 5.5 mos, she started napping better and wasn't as cranky. It was actually easier on me when I had my second. I didn't have as much time to devote to him/worry about every little thing that he did or didn't do. I think all of the one on one time with DD1 was too stimulating for her. My third has been my easiest. She gets lots of attention from her siblings and enjoys the entertainment they provide. The only thing I don't like about having 3 is the fact that I can never anticipate being able to get anything done. It's also hard to grocery shop, but not impossible.

mandacann · September 2014

Being a SAHM isn't for everyone. I know my baby is only 5 months but I love it. I don't miss work at all. I sort of like the mundane repetitive mom/house stuff though. I think I would feel very overwhelmed if I worked.

I agree with others, finding a mom group and just getting out of the house helps so much but if that still doesn't make you feel better maybe it is time to go back to work.

SAHMs help!

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